


Lady Denham’s Scheme

by Panstick



Category: AUSTEN Jane - Works, Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Arranged Marriage, F/M, Happy Ending, Regency
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 103,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panstick/pseuds/Panstick
Summary: This story starts the morning after the fire. A lot of things have not happened yet and maybe they never will. Georgiana has not been kidnapped. Charlotte has not yet met Lady Susan. Sidney has not encountered his old love.Babington is engaged to Esther, though.Some of the familiar events will happen but not in the same order or way as in the original storyline. In other words, the timeline will be horribly incorrect.Most importantly, Sidney and Charlotte are definitely not in love.I hope, you will be able to keep up.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 3882
Kudos: 922





	1. What matters most is how well you walk through the fire

_**Monday, May 31 1819** _

Sidney, Arthur and Diana watched Tom drop to his knees in despair next to the devastating remains of the terrace. The beautiful white façade was now scattered rubbles covered in black sot. “We will rebuild. It will better than before. The insurance will cover...” Sidney tried encouragingly and patted his brother on the back.

“There is no insurance. The cost was too high and I took a gamble.” Tom interrupted staring motionless into the empty air.

“WHAT! How can even you be so irresponsible?” Sidney wanted to walk away from the mess that was his brother, but of course he couldn’t. He would never be able to turn his back on him, no matter how hopelessly he behaved.

Arthur took a step forward to calm the tempers. “You can have my money, Tom. I’ve hardly used any of my inheritance.”

“Mine too.” Chirped Diana with an uncharacteristic determination. “Us Parkers will stick together and conquer this.”

“We can’t. It’s over.” Tom was still staring blankly in front of him, pale like never before. Even his hair that was always ruffled energetically lay flat on his head.

“How much, Tom?” Sidney’s jaw was clenched to a point where it was painful.

“£80.000.” It came quietly.

Arthur suddenly manned up and pulled Tom up standing. “We must get him away from here. Let’s go get cleaned up, eat some breakfast and discuss our options.” Sidney merely nodded and the two brothers dragged the third one home, followed by their sister.

Mary and Charlotte met them in the door. The latter was still in her ballgown from the night before but it would never be a dress again. It was ruined by sot, burns and torn here and there. Sidney noticed how tired his brother’s young guest looked. She had worked tirelessly all night organizing the water chain and for a moment he felt an ounce of respect for her.

As soon as Mary and Charlotte saw Tom, they both relaxed. “Thank God, Tom. Charlotte and I were just about to go searching for you. I’ll have baths drawn for all of you.” Mary wiped away a tear.

Sidney waved his hand in the direction of the hotel. “I could go to the hotel and bathe and change.”

“NO! No one is leaving. I’ll sent someone to fetch you a fresh set of clothes. Now, march!” Mary sent him a motherly look. She had not been part of putting out the fire but had waited with her breath held all night waiting for them all to return safely, there was no way she was letting them out of her sight anytime soon. Sidney just nodded and did what he was told.

Not many ideas emerged as they all sat for breakfast. Sidney sat next to Charlotte. Not even they were lashing out at each other. He noticed her hair curled more when it was wet. She smelled of lavender soap. Somehow her scent gave him comfort. He leaned in and whispered. “You made a good account of yourself last night, Miss Heywood.”

She turned and looked surprised at him. “Because until now you have dismissed me as young and frivolous?” For once there was no provocation in her voice as she retorted.

He gave her a small smile. “All I’m saying is that you did good. There was no hidden insult intended.”

Her eyes fell to her hands breaking a breakfast roll to crumbles. “Forgive me. I’m tired and a bit edgy. Thank you, Mr. Parker. You did quite well yourself.”

“Because until now you have dismissed me as uncaring and selfish?” He returned the smile she lifted her head to give him.

“Is it possible, that we got each other wrong?” She mused out loud, looking him square in the eye.

Before he could answer, Tom interrupted. “I guess I need to go see Lady Denham and tell her about the events and the... ehm... yes... Sidney, would you mind terribly going with me? And perhaps you, Miss Heywood. She likes you.”

Charlotte nodded, visibly surprised at the last statement.

The three of them walked in silence to Sanditon House. Sidney noticed that the more his brother looked like a sentenced man on his way to the scaffold, the more Charlotte straighten her small body like a mother lion ready to defend her cubs.

Tom disappeared behind a tree to throw up when they neared the big house. Charlotte handed him a handkerchief before Sidney could say or do anything and took his arm as they went to the front door.

Rumors of the fire had already reached Lady Denham who greeted them in the big drawing room. Sidney could swear the big red snake on the floor hissed at them. The old lady was fuming and doing a bad job hiding it.

“What is your plan, Mr. Parker? And please spare me for any idiotic fairytale ideas.” She whipped the words at Tom, who stood pale and fidgeted with his hat.

It had to be said that Tom for once did not wrap his account in air-castles and explanations. It was accurate, honest and brutal. Lady Denham’s lips were pressed to a thin angry line when he finished. “I have had it with you, Mr. Tom Parker. How could you squander _my money_ so carelessly? I will have you thrown into debtor’s prison and have your sweet wife and children in the poorhouse. I will take everything you own.”

Charlotte took a step forward. “Lady Denham, if I may. Punishing Mr. Parker will not get you your money back. Surely there must be some other solution?” Her hands were balled into two small fists.

“Miss Heywood, how interesting that you should choose to defend this niddicock with more hair than wit. If I were you, I would hurry back home before you are tainted by your relations to this idiot of a man. Maybe this can show you that one is better off _not_ marrying for love but sensibility.” She sat down in her chair and watched them all closely.

Sidney tapped his cane once in the floor marking enough was enough. “Miss Heywood is right. No matter how irresponsibly my brother has acted, throwing him and his family into the streets will solve nothing. I stand before you and offer whatever of my services, your Ladyship would find acceptable in a possible solution.” His heart was beating. This would probably mean a lifetime sentence in Sanditon for him if she accepted.

Lady Denham rose from her chair again and walked to one of the big windows facing the park. Her three guests stood with bated breaths. Tom stared at his feet, his hat had lost its shape from his fidgeting. Charlotte watched Lady Denham and wondered if she should break the silence but she could not think of anything to say. Sidney braced himself for whatever punishment he was sure would come that included him.

After a length of time Lady Denham turned. Coldly, she looked at Tom. “You are not to have any say or show yourself here ever again. Leave at once, I am done with you. Your fate depends on your brother and Miss Heywood.”

Tom raised his head, waiting for her to continue.

“I said, get out! Right now, Mr. Parker, before I change my mind.”

Confused he shot Sidney a look and put on his hat that he had crumbled so much out of shape he looked like a scarecrow. At the door he turned again only to be met by another angry “Get out!” from Lady Denham.

Sidney frowned. He understood why he was still there but what could Charlotte possibly have to offer?

Lady Denham called for something “fortifying” and sat down. Sidney and Charlotte were still standing and she made no notion of offering them a seat. Sidney shot Charlotte a sideways glance and stepped closer to her. They may not be friends, but she was innocent in all this and he suddenly felt very protective of her.

A footman entered carrying a small tray with three glasses and a bottle of cognac. Odd for the time of day, Charlotte thought. Sidney gulped and took it as a bad omen for what she was about to demand. He was right.

The old woman’s eyes flickered back and forth between the two young people in front of her. “I will not pull my investment if the two of you wed.”

Instinctively Sidney and Charlotte took a step away from each other. “Excuse me?” Sidney growled.

“I _said_ I will not throw your imbecile brother in prison if you and Miss Heywood get married.”


	2. The lesser evil may not always be the best option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for receiving this story so well. I couldn't sleep, so there...
> 
> Stay safe ❤

_**Monday, May 31 1819** _

Both Sidney and Charlotte stood dumbfounded. While she had dipped her eyes to towards the floor tile in front of her, he looked at Lady Denham with outrage and indignation. Lady Denham leaned back in her chair with a satisfied curl on her lips. She nodded discretely at the glasses and bottle. Rolling his eyes, he poured them all a drink. Charlotte declined but he downed his drink and left Lady Denham to fetch her glass herself from the small table.

“Lady Denham, ask what you will of me but Miss Heywood plays no part in the future of Sanditon. Why would you drag her into this? It is below you and quite honestly seems like a cruel joke.” He spoke through gritted teeth, fighting not to let his anger get the better of him.

“I disagree, Mr. Parker. Miss Heywood is pivotal in making Sanditon a success. Do not think I haven’t noticed how she can rein the ideas of your brother, even though she has only been here a month. Besides, you need a wife! Fighting, carousing and... yes, you know, is hardly a respectable way to conduct business. You will do better for Sanditon with a pretty wife on your arm not to stray away from your duties, _Mr. Sidney. Parker_.” She clipped his name.

Sidney took a deep breath and a step forward. “It will not happen. We will find another way. Can you give me a month to come up with the sum?”

Lady Denham leaned forward in her chair and squinted her eyes at him. “A week, Mr. Parker. Or I will take action.”

“I’ll do it! I will marry Mr. Parker.” Charlotte’s words surprised herself as much as the company.

“Miss Heywood, please.” Sidney started.

“She is right, Mr. Parker. Where will you find £80.000 in a week? It is a massive sum.” Charlotte lifted her chin in that defiant way that normally made his blood boil with anger.

“You don’t know what you are agreeing to, Miss Heywood.” His dark eyes begged her to keep quiet. He turned to Lady Denham. “Could Miss Heywood and I have a moment alone please?”

Lady Denham smirked. “By all means, Mr. Parker. You can use the library. Maybe I should send a chaperone with you, you are almost engaged after all.” She chuckled at her own wit or pun or what it was. Neither Sidney or Charlotte found it amusing.

“You have a point, Lady Denham. We will take a turn in the park instead. It will be more proper. Not that _any_ of this proper in any way.” He turned and was about to offer Charlotte his arm but thought better of it and led the way with a nod instead.

They walked in awkward silence for a while. Out of the corner of his eye he could see how she held her head high like she was determined to fight him on this and marry him. God, that woman was stubborn!

He stopped. “Miss Heywood, you do not know what you are agreeing to here. A marriage is for life, it is not something we can reverse. I accept that my fate is weaved together with my brother’s. I’m bound to him by blood. You are not. Why are you even considering this? It’s not like you hold any affection for me.” The last part was uncalled for and he regretted the words immediately.

“A man cannot step in the same river twice.” She said in a low almost sad voice, avoiding his gaze.

“Because he’s not the same man and it is not the same river. It’s Heraclitus.” He continued with involuntary admiration in his voice.

“You know of Heraclitus? Of course, you do.” She finally faced him. “I am not as naïve, as you take me for, Mr. Parker. Before I came here, I could be content if not happy with the prospects of my life. Marry a local boy and be a farmer’s wife. None of the candidates have so far aspired any love in me. Married to you, I would be part of something bigger. Set my mark on the world to use your own words. We may not like each other very much, Mr. Parker, but you are not dull. Even the tongue lashings between you and I have been more substantial and rewarding than any conversation I could have with a potential suitor back home. It’s sad but there it is. I would rather help you help Tom and safe Mary and the children than go back home to a predictable life with a man who thinks Heraclitus is a quirky name for a dog. I have two questions for you, Mr. Parker. Could you respect me? Would you settle with taking on this challenge with only me by your side?” There was no doubt or hesitation to be found in her voice or in her eyes.

Charlotte’s heart was beating calmly despite the feelings running through her. She meant her words and watched various emotions wash over his face.

“I cannot ask this of you, Miss Heywood. Please reconsider. This is not your problem to fix.” He pleaded and took her hand to emphasize his words.

“You didn’t ask. Lady Denham did.” For the first time they chuckled, bitterly, but it still removed some of the tension.

“I have two conditions.” He still held her hand and squeezed it gently. It saddened him that a loveless forced marriage to him may be the lesser of two evils. Society truly didn’t leave young women with many options. “You can bail out until the moment we stand in church and give our wows.” He paused.

“That was only one. What is the other?” She bit her lip nervously.

“You tell me how you want this marriage to work. We do not have to live together. I will have to spend a great deal of time in Sanditon but other than that I can stay in London.” He took her other hand.

She released both of her hands from his and started walking. “My knowledge of marriage comes from my parents, Mr. Parker. They are very happy. From what I hear so were the late Mr. and Mrs. Parker. I would like us to live as if we were happily married too.” She sent him a shy look, hoping that he understood her meaning.

He nodded quietly and confirmed. “We live in the same house and when I have business to attend to and need to be away for a longer period, we travel together. Anything else?”

“I don’t want to marry a stranger. Would it be acceptable to you that we meet every morning for a walk?” She bit her lip again and he was mildly distracted and could only nod.

She didn’t continue but he could tell there was more. “Feel free to speak your mind, Miss Heywood. I sense you have more to say.”

The color of her cheeks indicated the topic she was hesitant to bring up was of a delicate matter. This whole thing was so surreal that she felt like she was floating outside of her body looking down on them. Yet, the matter burning on her lips was so practical, so _physical_ she could not bring herself to voice it.

“I will not do anything you don’t want me to do, Miss Heywood. It is normal to have separate bedrooms.” Sidney could not believe he was having this conversation with a woman he had only known for a month.

She turned her back at him. “I want a family. Maybe not right away but.” She looked at him over her shoulder to see if understood her meaning. “My parents sleep in the same... I’m not used to sleeping alone...” Her shoulders had crept up to her ears and she dropped her arms in frustration.

“I understand.” He turned her around and looked her softly in the eyes. “Keep telling me what you want, Miss Heywood. I owe you at least that. I need to ask you one last time, are you sure about this?”

“Yes.” She smiled palely.

“Thank you, Miss Heywood. I still feel it is too much to ask of you.” He looked towards the house, Lady Denham was watching them from one of the windows. “We better go back, she is waiting for us.”

He offered her his arm, oddly calm about the situation. Having Charlotte to protect gave him a sense of purpose. He should be more upset about the whole thing but the light pressure of her hand made him feel for a second that everything would work out fine.

After a few steps she stopped him and he was surprised to find that his heart skipped a beat in fear that she had changed her mind.

“Lady Denham...” Charlotte whispered. “I don’t really trust her. Shouldn’t we have some kind of contract made out to make sure she doesn’t hold an axe over Tom’s head – or ours for that matter. Nothing prevents her from making us marry as a cruel joke and still pull her investment.”

“Good point, Miss Heywood. I’ll have Babington look into it.” He watched the young woman walking besides him with more admiration than he had ever felt for anyone before.

Lady Denham could hardly contain her excitement when Sidney returned with Charlotte on his arm. “We will satisfy your whims, Lady Denham. But I do have some demands and they are non-negotiable.” He gave her a stern look and listed them. She agreed eagerly with eyes shining from thrill.

“And you said you would only marry for love, Miss Heywood.” The old lady chuckled too triumphantly and Sidney was about to break the deal.

“I _am_ marrying for love, Lady Denham. First of all, I love the Parker family who have treated me as one of their own and I love Sanditon. Secondly, there’s hardly any financial gain in this for me. There is for you, no doubt. But not me.” Charlotte spoke calmly and patiently.

Lady Denham snorted. “You speak your mind very freely, Miss Heywood. What I meant was that you do not love Mr. Sidney Parker.”

Charlotte could feel Sidney was about to burst with anger and she gave his arm she was still holding a light squeeze to calm him. “Your ladyship is correct, I don’t. But I intend to. A good marriage is based on both respect and love. It is a partnership. I do respect Mr. Parker very much and this _definitely_ is a partnership. I’m sure love will come eventually.”

Sidney knew Charlotte well enough to register from experience that her patience was running thin and decided it was time to leave. “We better go tell my brother and his family the happy news about our betrothal and I have to plan a visit to Willingden. Good day, Lady Denham.” There was an obvious sarcasm behind his words. He bowed and started leading Charlotte towards the door.

“Not so fast, Mr. Parker.” Lady Denham’s voice cut through the air.

Sidney sighed and looked over his shoulder.

“I expect you and Miss Heywood to report here once a week on your progress with your brother’s mess and the relationship of you two.” She smiled like a Cheshire cat.

“Of course.” He gave her a half smile and continued through the door.

Outside they walked away in silence. Charlotte’s hand was still neatly tucked under his arm and it felt equally odd to let it stay and remove it. Absentmindedly he placed his other hand on top of it and made the decision for her.

“I cannot believe we are doing this.” He mumbled.

“Neither can I.” She straightened her small frame in a failed attempt to match his height and did her best to keep up with his long strides without running.


	3. Please take it all away from me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your sweet comments. I'm sorry I haven't had the time to respond to them yet. I have read and cherished every one.  
> ❤❤❤
> 
> Short chapter. We're still on the same day.

_**Monday, May 31 1819** _

As the first houses in Sanditon came into sight Charlotte and Sidney let go of each other without a word. Their engagement was after all neither public nor expected and they were not chaperoned.

They found Mary pacing in the hall waiting for them, she was writhing her hands nervously and it was obvious she had been crying. She hugged them both.

“Something is wrong. Tom hasn’t said a word since he returned two hours ago. What happened, Sidney?” She looked at her brother-in-law, searching for an explanation.

Sidney ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know where to start. We better go check on him and Miss Heywood and I will inform you of Lady Denham’s... scheme. I cannot think of another word for it to be honest.”

Tom was sitting apathetically by the fireplace in his favorite armchair. “It’s all lost.” He didn’t look up, just stared into the flames.

“It’s not all lost, Tom. But things are going to change. You need help and Lady Denham has commanded that Miss Heywood and I are the ones to give it to you.” Sidney poured a drink for Tom and gave it to him. His brother accepted it but just sat with the glass in his hand. Eventually, Mary removed it from him as he was about to spill its content on the rug.

Sidney poured another and offered Charlotte. She took it. Then one to Mary who declined with a concerned frown. After he had helped himself, he emptied the glass and started explaining.

“Lady Denham has agreed not to pull her investment, Tom. And she will not put you in debtor’s prison either.” He looked at Charlotte, not sure how to proceed. There was no reaction from Tom.

Mary clasped her hands together. “That’s wonderful. Did you hear, Tom?” No answer.

Taking a deep breath Sidney carried on. “There was a condition.” Charlotte took a sip and he could see how the liquid burned down her throat. He stood beside her. “Miss Heywood and I have to marry and take over the responsibilities of Sanditon.”

There was a loud gasp from Mary and a low mutter from Tom. “Please, take it all away from me.”

“And we have accepted those terms. I leave for Willingden tomorrow to talk to Charlotte’s father. The first bann will be read this Sunday.”

There was a deafening silence. Sidney gulped another drink. “Miss Heywood is an innocent bystander in all this but has sacrificed her future to help you out, Tom. That calls for your unconditional and infinite respect and gratitude. You will be reined from this day forward. It is close to impossible to fix the mess you have made as it is, I will not allow you to dig the hole deeper.” His voice had a sharp edge to it as he looked sternly at his brother.

“Just take it. I’m done.” Tom’s face didn’t show any emotion other than defeat.

Mary stood, not knowing what to say or do. Her husband, the man who could dream the impossible, was only a shadow of himself. Charlotte, sweet darling Charlotte, kept her gaze on Mary, waiting for her reaction. She looked oddly fearless and determined, just what had made Mary love and admire her instantly when they had first met.

Sidney was staring at Charlotte too. It was impossible to guess what went on in his head but Mary had never seen him looking so softly at anyone – besides the children.

“Charlotte, dear. I cannot let you do this for us. I appreciate your enormous gesture and I will be forever grateful for it. What made you accept such a ludicrous proposal?” Mary walked to Charlotte and took both her hands in hers.

Sidney watched as Charlotte squared her shoulders like she had done when she faced Lady Denham but this time her voice was soft and tender. “You needed me. I cannot stand on the sideline and watch people I care for suffer.” She cast a short look at Tom. “No matter the circumstances. It is true I have always hoped to marry for love, but I am 21 years of age and love hasn’t found me yet. It’s not like I have the luxury of not marrying at all. This at least has some purpose other than relieving my parents of a mouth to feed. If you want to feel sorry for someone it should be Mr. Sidney. He could have chosen his own path in life.” Her voice was low and sad and her words hit Sidney like a blow to solar plexus. She had said something similar to him earlier but he had not really understood the meaning fully.

“I understand. Thank you, Charlotte. Words will never express how grateful I am.” A few tears had already found their way down Mary’s cheeks and she hugged her young friend. As she gently released her embrace again, she sent a warning look at Sidney. He understood and nodded.

Mary got a grip of herself. “Now, we must celebrate. Two of my favorite people are getting married and that is very special to me. Would you join us for dinner, Sidney? The children will be excited to hear that Charlotte will be their aunt.” She smiled bravely, trying to ignore that her husband was still sitting staring into the abyss.

Sidney bowed in acceptance. “If you’ll excuse me. I have some letters to attend to. Mary... Miss Heywood.” He headed for the door.

“One more thing. Mr. Parker and Miss Heywood, I think it would be fitting if you addressed each other with your Christian names now.”

Sidney smiled curtly. “Of course. I’ll see you later. Charlotte.” She blushed and he found that he both like the taste of her name on his lips and watching her cheeks tinge to a beautiful pink.

Tom didn’t touch his food at dinner. He just sat motionless at the end of the table. Mary was worried and chirped nervously, trying to make Sidney and Charlotte feel comfortable. The tension in the dining room grew until Charlotte gently grabbed Mary’s hand to stop her anxious flow of small talk. “Maybe we should call for Dr. Fuchs, Mary. Tom is not himself and I think he needs more than Mrs. Patterson’s ham to recover.”

Sidney stood. “Charlotte is right. I’ll send for him straight away.” It was still a funny feeling to say her name and he had yet to experience her say his.

A man was sent and half an hour later Dr. Fuchs arrived and ordered Tom to his bed chamber. He did a thorough examination and returned downstairs an hour later where Mary, Charlotte and Sidney had assembled in the living room.

“Herr Parker is in shock. He needs plenty of rest and a little exercise. A daily walk on the beach will do him good. He must not be stressed or agitated. Can someone take over his business for him until he is well?” Dr. Fuchs looked over the rim of his round spectacles and his eyes landed on Sidney.

Charlotte could feel him tense and lose his footing ever so slightly and instinctively reached for his hand to support him. He grasped it and held on to her for dear life. “Yes. I will see to Tom’s affairs until he is fully recovered.” She could feel the weight landing heavily on his shoulders and returned his tight grip to signal he was not alone. Dr. Fuchs didn’t notice, obviously not, but Mary did and images of Sidney and Charlotte arguing passionately flashed before her eyes and she smiled genuinely for the first time that day. Something was definitely there.

Somewhat relieved that Tom would recover eventually, there wasn’t much more to say or do and Sidney took his leave. Charlotte walked him outside, eager to get a bit of fresh air to push away the strained atmosphere from the evening.

“Goodnight, Charlotte. Do you think that we could take our walk very early tomorrow? I would like to talk to you before I go to your father.” He gave her stiff smile.

“Of course. I shall be ready to go with you before breakfast. Will that do?” She watched him carefully. Until this evening she had not considered how much he took upon himself to help the people around him. Often heavy tasks he had not asked for. And now this. He looked tired and she wanted to stroke his cheek like you would an upset child.

“That will do nicely.” He hesitated. She lifted an eyebrow to encourage him to continue. “Should we have a chaperone?” He blushed a little.

She giggled at his sudden discomfort. “I think we will be fine for a short walk tomorrow. Our engagement is not publicly known yet. No one will think anything of it.”

“Good point. Goodnight, Charlotte.” He gave her a lopsided smile.

“Goodnight, Sidney.”

And there it was. His name spoken softly by the woman he had accepted to marry against his will and yet it made his heart beat a little faster. “It has been a long day.” He mumbled to himself as he crossed the street to the hotel.

He was met by Babington in the bar. “Sidney, my friend. I’ve been waiting for you. I have heard some crazy rumors. Lady Denham claims that you and Miss Heywood are engaged to be married.” He laughed at the unlikeliness of it. “She can be dicked in the nob but this takes the prize.”

Sidney grabbed the bottle and helped himself to a drink. “It’s true. Did the old bat tell you that it’s because of her absurd scheme?”

Babington’s laughter stopped abruptly. “Please say that again, Parker.”

After a second drink Sidney told him about Lady Denham’s demands, Tom’s shock and how Charlotte had jumped into the fire to safe his family... in fact, he spoke in lengths of Charlotte and how brave she had stood up for herself, for him and his family. How calmly and quickly she had assessed the situation and made the impossible decision.

Babington watched him closely. “My impression of Miss Heywood is that she is fearless and ready to defend those who cannot do so themselves. I have seen her take on you and Lady Denham without the blink of an eye. Esther speaks very warmly of her and we both know how rare that is.” He chuckled at the memory of Lady Denham’s luncheon.

“Yes.” Sidney agreed more to himself than his friend. “She is quite something.”


	4. Hello, Mr. Heywood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for clicking on another chapter. I love all your discussions about the story and how the characters will work - except when you guess right - which may or may not have happened yet. I shouldn't plot spoil anything, should I?
> 
> Your comments. All your beautiful, sweet, warm comments. THANK YOU ❤❤❤ I tried to answer them all yesterday but I failed and chose to write instead, this story wants to get out. Know, that I have read them all. Some of them made me laugh out loud, and they all made me extremely happy.
> 
> I felt the need to establish a timeline. Charlotte arrives at the end of April. She has been in Sanditon for a month. In the beginning the days are long so I have added the dates.
> 
> Take care,  
> Panstick

**_Tuesday, June 1 1819_ **

The simple brown dress and spencer made Sidney chuckle to himself. Charlotte was so unpretentious and unimpressed by him. A stark contrast to the mothers who had pushed their dolled-up daughters in his direction, some of them more bluntly than Lady Denham’s shameless attempt to match Edward with Georgiana at the luncheon. 

He considered offering her his arm but decided against it. They were after all unchaperoned and she was still very much Charlotte. “Goodmorning, Charlotte.” A sudden need to guard himself made his smile stiff and short. 

“Goodmorning, Mr. Parker.” She looked shyly at him. 

Why it disappointed him she addressed him so formally, he couldn’t explain. He started walking in his usual brisk pace and didn’t notice that she was falling behind. 

“Mr. Parker! Sorry, Sidney! There is not much point in these walks if conversation is not possible. I’m not inclined to start running after you in the middle of the street.” She said it laughingly but her temper was flaring underneath. 

He stopped. “Forgive me. I’m not used to setting my pace after others.” 

“No, you aren’t, are you?” Her voice was teasing and she arched an eyebrow. 

When she had caught up with him, he walked so closely to her that his shoulders sometimes bumped gently against hers and her skirt brushed against his legs. 

“I want to thank you again for doing this for my family, Charlotte.” He shot her a sideways glance. 

She kept her eyes on the road in front of them. “Has anyone thanked you, Sidney?” Her voice was low and sounded a little sad. 

“Gratitude is not a signature trait in the Parker clan.” He gave a short laugh. He kept forgetting that neither of them was doing this for him. 

“It should be.” She mumbled. 

They walked in silence for a while. It was a fine morning and boded well for a pleasant ride to Willingden. He had to admit he was nervous about the task ahead. 

As if she could read his mind she started. “I thought perhaps I should tell you a little about my family. To prepare you. I’ve written a letter for my father.” She took it out of her dress pocket and handed it to him. “My father and I are very close. It will not do to try and deceive him by telling him we are wildly in love. He will know better. Be honest.” She met his eyes. “But not too honest, pray. I am old enough to decide for myself but it would mean the world to me to have my father’s blessing.” 

Sidney cleared his throat. “Tell me more about him. I take it your knowledge of Greek philosophers comes from him?” 

She nodded. “Papa is the wisest man I know. He is very modern in some ways, raising his daughters and sons the same way. He will appreciate that you are a well-read gentleman and a family man. Knowledge and responsibility are two important values for him. He will however not be impressed that your brother brought on this mess by being careless and wasteful. You have to be honest about what happened, but better not go too much into detail. As for me... Of course, he would have preferred you... loved me... but respect and honor go a long way. If you can convince him that you hold me in high esteem, he will probably accept.” She blushed. This was an extraordinary odd conversation. 

There was a pause. He felt he had to say something. “I do think very highly of you, Charlotte.” 

“I have grown on you then?” She teased. “You didn’t at first. Quite the opposite.” 

He chuckled. “I think it would serve us best if we could rewrite our history. _Especially_ our conversation at the ball. What a rude brute I was.” 

“To be fair, you were not entirely in the wrong. I’m too opinionated, too headstrong, too trusting in my perception of others. And I probably trust too much in my ability to make a difference and safe the world.” 

“You are not too anything. Don’t doubt yourself, Charlotte. You more than proved yourself yesterday and you most definitely saved a large part of _my_ world.” 

He could feel her blushing but didn’t dare to look at her. 

“My mother...” She began as if the last part of the conversation hadn’t taken place. “Be polite and maybe try smiling a bit. You are good with children. Once she sees you with my younger siblings, you will have her heart and an ally.” 

“I will take all the help I can get.” He laughed. 

They had reached the top of the cliff road and stood for a moment and admired the view. 

“One last thing, Charlotte.” He turned towards her. “Where do you want to have the wedding?” 

She wiped away a few tears and he handed her his handkerchief. 

“Here in Sanditon. I don’t think I can do this in front of all my family and everyone I know back home. London will look like something untoward has happened between us. But here... maybe we can even use it as leverage against Lady Denham. You did after all demand that we chose the church. I’m sure she would love to be present.” She laughed bitterly while new tears dropped from her eyes. 

Out of instinct. Because of course, it was only instinct, he wiped the tears away and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I have to ask you again, Charlotte. Are you sure you want to go through with this? You can still back out and I will not think the lesser of you.” 

She could still feel his lips on her skin. “I am sure. I’m just not pretending it is easier than it is.” 

“Sanditon it is then. We should head back. Breakfast will be served soon and I should get going. Perhaps I can be back tonight.” He didn’t move though. Just held her in a light embrace. 

The distant sound of carriage finally made him gently break away. She told him more about her childhood as they walked back to Trafalgar House and by the time, they reached the front door they had _almost_ forgotten that she had cried and he had kissed her. 

After a breakfast marked by the absence of Tom, Sidney went to the hotel to pick up his bags. To his surprise Charlotte was waiting for him when he came back outside. 

“I forgot to ask you, if you prefer to tell Georgiana about our engagement yourself or if I should do it today. Given your relationship, I find it best that she doesn’t find out from rumors.” She bit her lip which was very distracting. He wondered what it would feel like to kiss them. 

“Sidney? Do you want to tell Georgiana yourself?” 

“What? Yes, Georgiana. No, please do tell her, if you don’t mind. Besides, I’m sure her voice will carry all the way to Willingden.” He laughed heartedly and Charlotte joined in. If Crowe and Babington had heard the strange sound coming from their friend, they would have watched out for flying pigs. 

If it hadn’t been for the butterflies basking nervously in his stomach Sidney would have enjoyed his ride to Willingden. The road was perfect, the sun not too hot and his black stallion clearly enjoyed to set its own pace. 

He had to ask for directions when he neared Willingden, everyone he encountered met him with kindness and spoke of the Heywoods with respect if not affection. It was odd to see the place that had formed his future wife to be and he felt a bit like an intruder. 

A group of children with a stunning resemblance to Charlotte told him he must be getting close. He dismounted his horse and called out to them. “Is this the Heywood farm?” 

“Who’s asking?” A young man with an unruly head of curls and a big grin appeared from the barn. 

“I’m Sidney Parker. I know your sister.” Sidney took of his hat and smiled back. 

“Am I to guess which sister or are you going to help me out a little?” The grin widened. 

Sidney laughed. “Charlotte.” 

The grin collapsed. “Parkers... has something happened to her?” 

“No, no. Charlotte is just fine.” Unless, you count marrying someone you don’t love a problem, he continued in his head. “I’m here to talk to Mr. Heywood. Is he home?” 

“Yes. This way. John, take the gentleman’s horse and see to that he gets food and water.” He reached out his hand. “I’m Will, Mr. Parker.” 

Sidney shook his hand. “Please, call me Sidney.” He could feel Will size him up and guessed the young man had a fair grasp of why he was there. 

Will led him inside, an old Tudor house, that somehow reminded him of Charlotte. However, little he still knew her. Honest, unpretentious, warm. Homely. “Through there, Sidney. It’s my father’s study. Good luck.” He patted him on the back and went back outside. 

Left to himself, Sidney took the last steps, his legs a bit wobbly, and knocked on the door. 

“Come.” The voice was deep, rumbling and very authoritarian. Sidney entered and there was Charlotte’s father, sitting behind his desk in a study filled to the brim with books. A quick scan revealed a hunger for all kinds of topics with a majority of philosophy and economics. No wonder, she was so well-read and sharp. The man behind the voice was surprisingly small. He looked up from his ledgers. If he was surprised to see a stranger in his home, he didn’t show it. 

“Mr. Heywood. I’m Sidney Parker. I’m Tom Parker’s brother.” Sidney bowed. 

“I trust my daughter is in good health?” Mr. Heywood’s brown eyes pierced him. 

“Yes. At least she was when I said goodbye to her this morning.” Sidney smiled, a little stiffly from nerves. 

“I see. Well, Mr. Parker, if your errand isn’t my daughter’s health, then why are you here?” He put down his quill and leaned back in his chair. 

Sidney scratched the back of his head and decided to just plunge in. “To cut to the chase I’m here to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.” 

Mr. Heywood leaned forward, staring Sidney down. “Are you sure? Because Charlotte has only been in Sanditon a little over a month, hardly enough time to fall in love with someone.” There was an edge to his voice. 

Sidney swallowed a lump. “You are right, sir. And nothing untoward has happened either. May I sit, please? It’s a rather long story.” 

“Forgive me. Please. Drink?” Heywood rose from his chair and pulled out a bottle and two odd glasses from behind some books. “Please don’t tell Mrs. Heywood.” He gave the young man a lopsided smile and poured two solid drinks. Turning an armchair to face Sidney, he sat down and handed him one of the tumblers. “Now, Mr. Parker, you better start with the beginning.” 

Sidney took a big fortifying sip. “You have met my brother. Tom Parker. He and a local patron, Lady Denham, have worked ambitiously to develop Sanditon into a seaside town with the London ton as the main target group. She is the investor and my brother the visionary. Too visionary, too ambitious and not enough structure and realism. There was a fire and he had no insurance. Lady Denham threatened to pull her investment and throw my brother into debtor’s prison, unless I was willing to take over... Well, everything.” He gulped the rest of the drink. “With Charlotte as my wife. I’m afraid I cannot give you a sensible explanation why Lady Denham insisted on dragging your daughter into this. I tried to talk her out of it but Charlotte insisted that she would do it. Be my wife that is.” He turned the glass slowly in his hands waiting for Charlotte’s father to throw him out or fetch his rifle. 

There was completely silent in the study. Even the fire had stopped crackling. 

“She gave me this letter for you.” Sidney reached into his inner pocket and pulled out Charlotte’s letter. His hand trembled as he handed it over. “I don’t know what it says.” 

The elderly man held the letter but showed no inclination to read it. He just sighed. “Are you telling me that Charlotte has agreed to marry you to save your brother from debtor’s prison? And am I to understand that the marriage is solely the whims of an old rich woman?” 

Sidney nodded. “Something like that.” 

“I should never have allowed her to go. I warned her against this, you know.” He mumbled something inaudible in an angry tone. “Well, regrets will get us nowhere. Neither will trying to change Charlotte’s mind. And she is old enough to decide for herself.” 

Without thinking Sidney laughed. “No, trust me I have tried. Your blessing, however unconventional the circumstances are, is very important to her.” 

Mr. Heywood sighed deeply, grabbed the bottle and refilled their glasses. “Tell me about you and my daughter.” 

“I can honestly tell you, Sir, that I have never met anyone like her. We have known each other for roughly thirty days and have had about as many quarrels. I have never been challenged so hard as I have been by her. She is kind, intelligent, witty, beautiful and the most annoying, opinionated, stubborn woman I have ever come across. I have seen her take on arrogant brutes, including myself and the before-mentioned Lady Denham with her chin lifted in defiance. She walks straight into people’s hearts and I don’t think you could find a citizen in Sanditon who doesn’t know who she is, and each and anyone of them would fight for her if she ever needed it.” 

They were interrupted by a gong and Mr. Heywood stoved the bottle and glasses away behind the books. 

“Mr. Parker, I need to know you better to give you my blessing. Stay the night, maybe two. See where Charlotte comes from, what she’s made of. And if that doesn’t scare you, we can talk about it. You can sleep in her room. I cannot honestly say that I am happy about the situation.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Sidney rose from his chair. “Damn fine cognac.” 

“Yes, it’s the one luxury I allow myself.” Mr. Heywood led him to the dining room by the elbow. 

It was noisy, chaotic and yet expertly choreographed. Charlotte was right. By the end of dinner her mother was Sidney’s ally and praised him for his take on children, his skilled storytelling about Antigua and his polite manners. He wondered though if she would still be on his side in the morning when Mr. Heywood had had a chance to let her in on the circumstances of his proposal. 

After dinner Mr. Heywood read to his children. Sidney smiled when he recognized the exerts of Heraclitus. The youngest two children sat on his lap in their nightwear and leaned drowsily against his broad chest. When Mr. Heywood finished reading, they had fallen asleep. Sidney whispered to Mrs. Heywood to lead the way and carried the two sleeping children upstairs. Gently she took the youngest from his arm and placed him in a cod. Sidney tucked in his slightly older sister. 

“Thank you, Mr. Parker. You have a great way with children.” She whispered as they tiptoed downstairs again. 

“Sidney, please. My brother has four children.” He smiled softly. 

“Hannah. I’m afraid they will all expect you to play with them tomorrow. And I think Mr. Heywood expects for you to play with him now. He thinks I don’t know about his little stash.” She winked at him and went to tell the rest of the Heywood children it was time for bed. 

Mr. Heywood was indeed waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs and they returned to the study where the cognac and glasses were dug out again. 

They talked about Charlotte’s motivation for accepting the rather indecent proposal from Lady Denham. Mr. Heywood once again expressed how unimpressed he was of Tom Parker and Lady Denham and the entire situation. Sidney received every verbal blow with as much dignity as he could muster. 

When Mr. Heywood had finished venting his anger, he shared some stories about his daughter that made Sidney laugh hard and long. 

It was getting late; the bottle was empty and the two gentlemen sat slumped in their chairs. Mr. Heywood leaned forward and patted Sidney’s hand. “What is it you are not telling me, son?” 

No one had called Sidney ‘son’ since his father passed away and he turned quiet and a bit emotional. “What do you mean, sir?” 

“There is something on your mind. Out with it.” 

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the piercing brown eyes of Charlotte’s father, maybe it was because he had missed being called ‘son’, but he blurted out the truth. “What I’m not saying is that I’m being selfish. Selfish because I’m grateful, I’m not in this mess alone. And it shames me to feel that way. I feel I could have done more to say no to this scheme. Charlotte deserves better than to marry a man she doesn’t love. Tom’s my brother, I have no choice - but she does. I should hope that she changes her mind but honestly I don’t think I can do this alone.” He hid his face in his hands. Drunk, embarrassed and exasperated. 

To his surprise Mr. Heywood started laughing. A warm, deep laughter that came rumbling from deep down his body. “Ah, you really don’t know my daughter then. It’s most likely why she has agreed to marry you. Love or no love. She would tirelessly and stubbornly try to rub any stillborn animal to life before accepting defeat. And she rarely had to. You’re a stillborn lamb, Sidney. Or maybe a kitten. Or a duckling.” Mr. Heywood was slapping his thighs from laughter. 

Hannah Heywood found them sleeping in the chairs next morning and made the coffee extra strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not continue to post daily. It's just these first chapters are fairly finished in my head and quick to write.


	5. Get a hold of yourself, young lady!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the Twitter discussion. I cannot think of a bigger compliment. 
> 
> As for the events you all know and love from the show and ask for, you will just have to be patient. They will appear if and when they serve a purpose completely deconstructed from the original timeline. I will say one thing though, the cove scene is a very high priority. 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy anyway.

_**Monday, June 1 1819**_

Charlotte watched Sidney ride away on his big stallion. An impressive beast with a shining black coat. Horse and owner looked very much alike, she thought. Tall, dark and intimidating. To be honest she feared her father would not receive Sidney well, he would probably come across too worldly and too unapproachable for her father’s taste, which is why she had written the letter to soften the blow. There was not much more she could do now. 

With her mind set on doing something while he was away, she strode purposely back to Trafalgar House and into Tom’s study. The desk and table that she before yesterday had regarded as the workspace of a creative visionary, now bore witness of mismanagement and carelessness. She cleared a long table by the window and started to sort the documents scattered around the big room. It didn’t take long before she realized two things. It was worse than expected and she needed help. 

She found Mary in the school room. Biting her lip nervously, she started. “Mary, do you think you could leave the children to the nanny today? I want to do something and thought I would sort Tom’s papers. I help my father out at home. But it is a massive task. Would it be too much of me to ask for your help?” 

Mary stood in an instant and took her hands. “Of course not, dear. I should have offered you my help. Tell me what you need me to do?” 

“I will, but we need more hands. I will be right back.” 

Charlotte left the house and walked in the direction of Mrs. Griffiths’ house. She didn’t get very far before a familiar voice cried out for her. Uncharacteristically impatient she rolled her eyes and turned around. “Mr. Stringer. Well met.” 

“Miss Heywood. Is it true what I hear?” He looked at her with something resembling anger and disappointment. 

“I wouldn’t know, Mr. Stringer. What did you hear?” She clipped the words a little and felt bad for reacting in such an unkind and dismissive manner. 

“That you are engaged to Mr. Parker. Please tell me it isn’t true.” His voice had turned soft and pleading. 

“I’m afraid I cannot do that. We are. Now please excuse me, Mr. Stringer, I’m running late for an appointment.” She turned to leave. 

“He doesn’t deserve you. Are you really going to marry for money and not love, Miss Heywood? I did not take you for such a woman.” He sounded angry again and whipped the words at her. 

Hurt by his innuendos, she faced him. “I cannot be both, Mr. Stringer. Either I am an opportunist marrying for money in which Mr. Parker, according to your dislike of his character, deserves me. Or you take me for a person who marries for noble reasons which must reflect on him for his choice of bride as well. Which is it? Because you cannot have both!” Her eyes were flashing dangerously. 

“Forgive me. It’s just, rumor has it that Lady Denham forced you to...” He began, stuttering the words. 

“All Lady Denham has done was to point out a compatibility we did not see ourselves.” She did not want to lie to him and hoped this bended truth would suffice. “If you really consider yourself my friend, I hope that you will fend off rumors spread behind my back. This is very new to me as it is and I do not claim myself to be experienced when it comes to love. Mr. Parker is a hard man to get to know, I have experienced that first-hand. It doesn’t make him a bad man, only that he is reserved and private. Given the speed rumors have spread and the misconception of our engagement I do not blame him.” She was breathing hard. 

“Of course, Miss Heywood. You can count on me as your ally. I’m sorry for my outburst. Gooday.” He tipped his hat and walked away. 

Sighing deeply, she continued. Still upset she knocked on the door to Mrs. Griffiths’ house and was shown into the small parlor. The lady herself came in. “Miss Lambe is in her bed and refuses to leave her room.” Her eyes flickered curiously. “Is it true what I hear?” 

Before she could say anything more, Charlotte interrupted her. “Yes, Mr. Parker and I are engaged to be married. I’ve come to inform Georgiana first hand and ask for her help in the matter. May I go to her room?” 

“Yes. Yes, of course, Miss Heywood. Congratulations. Miss Lambe will be so happy for you.” Mrs. Griffiths kept chirping after Charlotte had left the room. “We’ll see how happy she’ll be.” She mumbled as she walked up the stairs. 

A few determined knocks on Georgiana’s door were answered with a sulky “Go away.” Charlotte opened the door anyway. “No, Georgiana. I’m not going away.” 

Georgiana sat up in her bed, her eyes swollen and red from crying. Normally, it would have made Charlotte overflow with compassion and understanding. Now, her friend came across selfish and spoiled. The encounter with Stringer was still very much present and anger bubbled in her throat. 

“I’ve come to inform you that I’m engaged to Mr. Parker. It’s a rather long story why, and for now I really don’t need your resentment or insulting comments. I need you to be my friend.” Charlotte dumped herself on the edge of the bed. She was exhausted. The past 48 hours had been emotionally and physically straining and they were not over the hill yet. The swift shift in the relationship between her and Sidney had been a welcome surprise and for a second she found herself missing him and wishing he was there. 

Various emotions passed Georgiana’s face ending with an unbecoming sour expression. “No no no no, you cannot just inform me that you’re engaged to my unfeeling guardian and think that you can leave it at that. What are you thinking, Charlotte? You cannot trust him. He will break your heart like he has broken mine.” 

“Mr. Parker and I are not marrying for love but to save Tom from debtor’s prison and Mary and the children from the poorhouse. It was Lady Denham’s demand that we marry or else she would pull her investment. But please keep that information to yourself. He cares about you, as he cares for his family and that counts for a lot in my book. As for me, I would have to marry eventually. Love or not. Here I can at least do something good. Despite all your struggles, Georgiana, you have options I don’t. You have the privilege of a fortune that is _yours_ and maybe you should ask yourself where Otis’ true affection lies? Why he is in such a hurry to marry you?” Her temper flared as she spoke. “Right now, Georgiana, I need you to get up, get dressed and help me out, because I really need you to act as my closest friend. And as your friend... you need to hear that you have been wallowing in your self-pity long enough!” Before she could help it, tears of exasperation flowed down her cheeks. 

Stunned, Georgiana wrapped her arms around her and rocked her gently. “I’m sorry. I hate him but I will try to respect your decision.” 

Charlotte wiped her tears away with the palms of her hands. “We might as well get it all out in the open. I hope that you can understand I can no longer help you with your correspondence with Otis.” 

Georgiana clinched her lips tightly together. “I do. I don’t like it but I do. I’ll be ready in a few minutes.” 

It was a calm Georgiana and exhausted Charlotte that returned to Trafalgar House. Mary greeted them, looking somewhat surprised to see Georgiana but didn’t comment. Without much further ado, Charlotte led them into the study and pointed at the long table by the window. 

“I need your help to sort all the documents. We make one pile with anything regarding banks and insurance. Another one with invoices and suppliers. A third with anything about the buildings, drawings and whatnot. One for the workers, you know paychecks. And we will probably need one for miscellaneous. When we have roughly sorted everything, we need to refine the sorting. Match invoices with receipts and payment slips.” The thought of doing something practical gave Charlotte a small energy boost and took her mind off the impossible quest she had agreed to. 

Mary called for some tea and refreshments and they dived in. At first Mary and Georgiana fumbled a bit and asked Charlotte for almost every document but soon they got the hang of it and worked concentrated and efficiently. 

By dinner time they stood admiring their work, and for a moment ignored the height of the different piles. Mary was ashamed of her husband. It was obvious that he had chosen to close his eyes to realities for a long time and she feared that invoices lacking a receipt would be the majority. 

Charlotte rubbed her temples; the lack of sleep was manifesting as a splitting headache. “Good work. Thank you. We’re tired and the next task demands a fresh mind. Let’s continue tomorrow. Will you help us again, Georgiana?” 

Georgiana, who could not remember when she had last felt a sense of purpose, nodded eagerly. She decided to use this experience to talk to Sidney about her investments and ask to have an active part in them. 

The three of them had dinner, an unusual experience for all of them. Mary had taken a tray to Tom and had been awfully quiet when she came back down. He still didn’t speak, just stared. Despite of all, each of them enjoyed the meal and the opportunity to talk girl-talk freely. Georgiana even made them laugh with – admitted not very kind – but accurate accounts of the Beaufort sisters. Even sweet Mary found them silly and empty-headed. 

A letter was delivered to Charlotte as the three women were on their way to walk Georgiana home after dinner. 

_Dear Charlotte,_

_Your father has asked me to stay for a few days to get to know me. I will respect his wish in the hope to get his blessing. You can expect my return on Wednesday. I’ll leave after breakfast._

_Sidney_

Well, at least her father hadn’t kicked him out. Maybe, her husband-to-be was capable of making a good first impression if he wanted to? Maybe, it was just her he didn’t like? Those were however not the questions keeping sleep away from her. She had always been so sure that she could fix anything, it was only a matter of willpower and hard work and she was not afraid of either. The sorted documents had haunted her after dinner and she had roughly gone through them before going to bed. One thing was rebuilding the burned down terrace, another thing was that they needed to attract an audience to Sanditon fast or this loveless marriage would be to no avail. She missed her family terribly and the thought of not returning home to live again, ever, suddenly came tumbling down on her and she cried herself to sleep.


	6. Now, let’s focus at the task at hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤
> 
> That is all ;-)

_**Tuesday, June 2 1819**_

Both Sidney and Charlotte woke up with a terrible headache inflicted by completely different causes and from there their day moved in very different directions. 

Mrs. Heywood tried to sound stern and scolding when she woke her husband and intended son-in-law up. Where Mr. Heywood just chuckled and kissed her lovingly on the cheek, Sidney rose instantly and apologized profoundly for his ruffled appearance and breach of social conduct. She just smiled and sent him to Charlotte’s room that had been readied for him the night before to freshen up. Washed and changed to a clean shirt Sidney headed downstairs for what turned out to be a hearty breakfast and pleasant chaos of children chatting and Mr. Heywood assigning the chores of the day. 

“What can I do to help?” Sidney was eager to serve and hoped it would get him the blessing for Charlotte. It was the least he could do for her, he thought to himself. 

A crooked smile lit up Mrs. Heywood’s face and Mr. Heywood chuckled silently. He knew that smile, Mr. Parker was in trouble. “I have to bake pies today. Peter and Michael are going to the lake to catch dinner. If you would join them and take baby Adam and Jane with you, you would do me a great favor.” There was a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, Sidney would have spotted, had he been seated closer to her. 

Before Sidney could answer, more siblings pleaded if they could go as well? He cleared his throat. “It will be my pleasure.” 

Mrs. Heywood watched from the kitchen window as the tall elegant man, heavily loaded with Jane on his shoulders grasping on to his hair, Adam on his left arm, a blanket stuffed under his right armpit and Amelia holding on to his barely free hand, walked down the dirt path towards the lake. Peter, Michael, Beatrice and Anne danced around him, no doubt talking his ears off. 

“If Charlotte doesn’t fall in love with him, I will.” Mrs. Heywood mused out loud to herself and she almost felt bad for setting the young man up like this. 

“And that is why we never travel more than five miles away from home, Mrs. Heywood.” Her husband laughed and kissed her earnestly. 

Sidney’s head was spinning with the endless stream of random information and questions dropping rapidly from Charlotte’s younger siblings. “This is the tree where Charlotte fell down and broke her wrist.” “Do you like dogs, Mr. Parker?” “Charlotte is the best shot in the family.” “This is the place were the best wild strawberries grow in Willingden.” “How many siblings do you have, Mr. Parker?” “I like apple pie.” He did his best to listen carefully to all of them and answer them back and could not remember the last time he had laughed so much. 

Baby Adam and Jane had fallen asleep on the blanket he had spread out in the shade of a big tree, and looking at them he understood why Charlotte had been so clear about her wish to have children. It surprised him that he shared her wish. 

With the two youngest sleeping, Anne and Beatrice insisted on teaching him how to make flower crowns. Six-year-old Anne had stood, cupping his cheeks with her small hands and explained, looking him insistently in the eyes. “Charlotte will not like to wear a veil for her wedding. You must make her a flower crown, ok?” He did not have the heart to refuse and willingly accepted to do his best accommodate his bride with the most beautiful flower crown of his ability. His long fingers fumbled with the task of braiding the delicate flowers, but eventually he got the hang of it and produced a crown that met the critical standards of his two teachers. 

Wearing his crown of sweet-smelling flowers, placed solemnly on his dark hair by Anne and Beatrice, he stood by the bank of the lake with a fishing rod. If Babington and Crowe could see him now, he would never hear the end of it and he laughed to himself. He hoped to impress Peter and Michael with his fishing skills, because he needed all the allies, he could round up to speak his case for Mr. and Mrs. Heywood. 

A few hours later they could walk back to the house with an impressive catch. “Mom will be very happy with us, Sidney.” Peter was beaming with pride. Sidney had insisted they dropped the formal Mr. Parker and he did indeed have some tricks that impressed the two young men. 

“I think so too. We did very good.” Sidney agreed. “And I have never looked so beautiful.” He was still wearing the crown and laughed batting his eyelashes at Anne and Beatrice who giggled delightfully. 

Adam was still sleeping, nestled in the crook of Sidney’s one arm. Jane was happily chatting away on the other playing softly with the petals of his crown and his hair. 

His arms were sore and heavy when he was finally relieved of his adorable cargo but the soft and wide smile on Charlotte’s mother’s face was worth it. 

The liveliness and friendly banter between the Heywoods continued through dinner and Sidney found himself accepted enough as one of their own to take and give his share of the teasing. After dinner he once again sat with Adam and Jane on his lap and listened to Mr. Heywood’s reading poems in a calm and soothing voice. 

That night, he went to Charlotte’s room feeling that he had done his best. Standing in the simply decorated chamber, he took his time to take it in. He was tall enough to almost touch the ceiling with his head. There was a narrow bed, a small simple vanity, a desk – now adorned with a tired-looking flower crown, a chair and of course a bookshelf with what he guessed were her favorite books. The quilt on the bed was made of rags in blue colors. 

Meeting her family, listening to stories about her and seeing her room and her home, he could understand why she so fearlessly had stood up to Lady Denham and himself. No wonder she had been so unimpressed by him and he felt ashamed for the harsh words he had thrown at her. Nothing in her upbringing overlapped with the superficial skills of the young ladies of the London ton. 

After undressing and washing he crept under the covers. The pillow smelled of her and it surprised him that he recognized her scent. His entire being was buzzing and he was ready to return to Sanditon and face disaster tailing after his brother. He drifted into a peaceful sleep for the first time in months. 

Charlotte woke up early after a restless night and decided to grab the day by its horns. She packed a small bag and headed to the beach and the bathing machines for a short dip before breakfast. 

Feeling a little better she joined Mary and the children in the dining room. “How’s Tom this morning?” She inquired quietly. 

Mary sighed. “Not much of a difference, but Dr. Fuchs did say it would take time. I hope I can convince him to take a walk with me and the children later.” 

“I’m sure he will be his good old self again soon.” Charlotte took Mary’s hand, hoping she sounded more convincing than she felt. 

“To be honest, I’m not sure I want the old Tom back. But I would like the man I married to return.” Mary whispered. 

Georgiana arrived and the subject of Tom was dropped for an attack strategy on the work waiting for them in the study. Except for a quick lunch and Mary taking an apathic Tom for a short walk, the three of them worked diligently until it was almost time for dinner. 

Papers were sorted and a shockingly number of unpaid invoices lay in a glooming pile. Mary and Georgiana were sitting by the fire trying to take in the findings of their work. It was much much worse than anyone had known. Charlotte was sitting by the desk adding numbers together in a makeshift ledger, trying to create an overview of the financial chaos. This is how Arthur and Diana found them. 

“I’m sorry. I completely forgot that you were coming for dinner.” Mary apologized as she hugged them both. “We’ve been completely caught up by sorting Tom’s mess all day.” 

Charlotte didn’t look up, she was calculating and her eyes widened mortified as she put the quill down and leaned back in the chair. “There are unpaid invoices for nearly £2000 and he hasn’t paid the workers in three weeks.” She whispered the words as if it would reduce the sum. 

“Oh, my god. That fool!” Mary gasped exasperatedly. “How could he?” 

“I guess Sidney will have to go straight to London tomorrow to pay these. I don’t even know if we have access to this kind of money.” Charlotte felt oddly sad of the thought of Sidney returning only to leave again. 

Arthur straightened his plump body and squared his shoulders. “He doesn’t and we do! I will go to London and take care of it. I can spare £2000. It’s about time I do something too.” 

“I will go with you!” Diana chirped nervously, fidgeting with her skirt. Her eyes flicked around the room. 

“No.” Arthur sounded oddly confident. “Your stomach gets upset on long rides. Stay here. I’m sure Mary can use an extra pair of hands. I shall be fine on my own and bring plenty of cake and port to ease my stomach on the road.” 

Diana mumbled something inaudible and sat down, looking around the room. Her eyes stopped at Charlotte still bend over the books, writing more notes. She moved to sit next to Mary and whispered something that made the other woman light up in a bright smile and nod excitedly. 

After dinner, where Diana and Arthur had acted much less agitated and talking much less of illnesses and cures than usual, they all gathered in the study again. Charlotte went through the different invoices with Arthur, wrote down a list on where to go and collected it all in a leather folder for him. They sat for a while talking comfortably before Arthur, Diana and Georgiana took their leave. A short while later Mary stood to retire. 

“Don’t stay up to late, dear. You need your sleep too. Goodnight.” Mary gave Charlotte a motherly look and squeezed her shoulder gently. 

Charlotte smiled and nodded obligingly. But as soon Mary had gone, her head was back in her papers. It was well past 2 before she accepted that she was too tired to think straight and she blew out the candles and stumbled exhausted upstairs. Lying under her covers she tossed and turned, haunted by numbers that added up on the very wrong side of zero.


	7. How can you hide from what never goes away?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reunion. Yes... 
> 
> There will probably a ton of typos that Tom have left scattered around and I definitely should have proofread before posting. But this way you can have it today instead of... who knows. It's my birthday Saturday and I will be busy not having guests over to celebrate 😅
> 
> I hope, you'll enjoy the chapter even if you have to step on some incorrect prepositions or bad grammar.

_**Wednesday, June 2 1819** _

It was barely dawn when Charlotte woke up, unrested with a stiff neck and mind after sitting too long over the books. She had gone over the numbers over and over again in her sleep, while being chased by the red snake on Lady Denham’s floor. Though she had been too busy to give Sidney much thought, he was now all she could think of. Did her father think highly enough of him to give his blessing? Would he find her even more naïve and unexperienced after having visited small Willingden and seen her home? Would he be impressed with the work she had done here? She hated to admit it but his opinion mattered. A lot.

Sighing, she got dressed and sneaked downstairs. The study looked completely different. Tidy to a point where it looked bare. 5.30... There was not much she could do and he wouldn’t be back before... she wondered if he would leave after breakfast or lunch or maybe not until after dinner? She slumped into a chair and rubbed her temples. The wise thing would be to go back to bed and try to sleep for a few more hours.

She suddenly felt so very homesick and decided to go over the documents for Arthur one more time to push her sadness away, and she triple-checked the instructions and directions. Then it dawned on her; she had been so preoccupied on the gaps in the finances that she had not thought of what it would take keep the development afloat. Armed with a new purpose she strode to the desk and opened her “ledgers”. When breakfast was announced she had done rough estimates on what was needed in revenue this season, costs and necessary investments. It was a cruel amount. They needed to come up with some ideas fast.

Arthur and Diana joined them for breakfast after which Charlotte went through everything again with Arthur he needed to know. He was a lot smarter than she originally had suspected and put on a serious demeanor that she found quite becoming on him. The man clearly understood his own finances and his businesses than she would have guessed. They were more extended and he was already connected to some of the places he had to go.

He was back to his old merry self when he climbed into the carriage and waved goodbye.

Mr. Heywood called Sidney to his study after breakfast. The Heywood clan were early risers which suited Sidney just fine, he was getting eager to return. Sitting in each their chair, silence enveloped them and Sidney could feel his nerves starting to rattle.

“Sidney, you are a fine young man and I can see why my daughter has faith in you...” He started and paused long enough for Sidney’s heart to drop.

“But I haven’t convinced you enough to give us your blessing.” Sidney said in low voice.

“No... but she has.” Mr. Heywood finished with a lopsided smile. He pulled out Charlotte’s letter from his inner pocket, newly sealed. “I’m asking you to keep this between us... and listen to an old man.” He handed the letter to Sidney. “When you fall in love with my daughter – and she with you...”

“If!” Sidney corrected him, not very convincingly.

“Yes, yes. _**If**_ you fall in love.” Mr. Heywood corrected demonstratively and almost rolled his eyes. “Feelings can be hard to accept and you are marrying on a different premise than love. Going from a convenient partnership to a loving relationship is hard. Who will realize it first? Who will say something first? I’m breaking my daughter’s confidence by giving you her letter. If you are wondering if she’s secretly in love with you already, I’ll have to disappoint you, she is not! But one day you will need to understand her better. You see, Charlotte takes after her mother. Stubborn, outspoken, determined, fearless and amazing beyond words but to be honest also very quick to jump and stick to assumptions. She will not understand matters of the heart the same way you do. Am I correct in assuming you have been severely burned once?” Mr. Heywood looked at him over the rim of his glasses. Sidney nodded. “Charlotte is like an open book but you cannot be open with things you do not understand. When that day happens, where you cannot read her, you open that letter. Not before.”

Sidney was at a complete loss on what to say. Before his brain had formed a coherent sentence, Mr. Heywood rose and held out his hand. Sidney got up and shook it. “Take good care of my daughter, Mr. Parker. She is one of the finest persons you will ever meet. Good luck, son.”

“Thank you, sir.” Sidney’s voice was mushy and his legs a little wobbly.

“And tell my little girl that her mother and I will be at the wedding to give her away. We want to show our support and approval of the marriage.”

“She will be very happy to hear that.” _This_ at least he knew about her.

“Now, I’m guessing you’re eager to get back. Mrs. Heywood’s hoping that you will bring some things for Charlotte?”

“Of course.” Sidney followed him into the kitchen.

Less than an hour later he was on his way. It had taken a good deal of time to say goodbye to everyone and Mrs. Heywood had insisted to pack him some lunch for the road. He frequently patted the place where her letter was to make sure it was safely tucked away. His curiosity to read it was itching but his promise to Mr. Heywood weighed higher.

The weather was perfect, the roads were fine and he only needed one break by a small creek to water his horse and eat his lunch and he made it to Sanditon in excellent time. He handed the reins to the groom a little past 2 and went directly to Trafalgar House carrying his saddle bags with letters from everyone, a few books from her father and one of Mrs. Heywood’s famous apple pies carefully wrapped. He felt invigorated, energetic and exceedingly proud of his accomplishment.

Mary had just taken Tom upstairs after their walk and greeted him happily before showing him into the study. Charlotte was sitting on the floor with a few papers spread around her and didn't notice them enter. She looked fragile and strong at the same time and he couldn’t wait for her to look up and ask him about his trip. As he waited for her to be impressed his eyes scanned the room. It looked unnaturally tidy and pristine.

“What on earth happened here?” He burst out in surprise.

Charlotte looked up and smiled widely as if she was happy to see him. Without asking about him, she instantly stood and started to eagerly explain what they had done, that Arthur was on his way to London and was about to show him her gloomy calculations when he stopped her in her tracks.

“You sent Arthur to London? What were you thinking, Charlotte? This is not playing house with your pin money. We’re talking big sums here. People’s livelihood. Negotiations of complex contracts. What do you know of these things? Nothing! Where have you been trained to handle a business? Nowhere!”

Had Charlotte not been so exhausted and so deeply hurt and disappointed by his rash judgement, she would probably have stood her ground and forced him to go through her work with her before he criticized her. But she was. The strain of the last days finally caught up with her, accelerated by his anger and she brushed past him and ran outside, determined not to let him see the tears that were already flowing down her cheeks. The knots in her stomach made it hard to breathe and she feared she would faint before she had gotten away. The thought of him watching her collapse was unbearable.

Sidney regretted his outburst the minute she was out the door. He had dismissed her without giving it any second thought. The tidying and sorting of Tom’s mess alone deserved his respect. Sweet, kind, caring, _mother_ ly Mary. The rock in his life after his parents passed away. The woman, whom he had never heard raise her voice, poked him in the chest and yelled at him. He had never seen her this angry before, and he had watched her handle a wide range of Tom’s stupidity.

“Sidney. **Archibald**. Parker!!” The mention of his much-hated middle name made him freeze at once and crumble. “How dare you come back here, fed on Mrs. Heywood’s apple pie, and talk to Charlotte in that manner? Do you have any idea what she has accomplished here while you were away? She has worked night and day sorting Tom’s papers and taken action. She has done more than _any_ of us have done in years. And now you have the audacity to strut in here and mock her efforts without a blink of an eye or even letting her show you what she has done. If you had not arrogantly attacked her, you would have seen how she has estimated necessary investments and revenues. I’m just a silly woman too but I tell you, she understands business and numbers better than anyone I’ve met. Including you! Not only that. You should be proud that she got Georgiana out of bed and do something meaningful other than pining for Mr. Molineux. You should have seen Arthur proudly leave this morning with tasks so immaculately described that even Henry would have been able to do them. Even Diana has been inspired to look beyond her own sniffling nose tip.” She interrupted her scolding and looked coldly at him. “Oh my God, Sidney. You expected her to have been sitting idly with her hands in her lap, didn’t you? She out-accomplished you and instead of recognizing it, you lashed out. You better fix this, Sidney. Get down on your knees and apologize to her like you have never apologized to anyone before. Make her feel that you are worthy of her sacrifice for all of us. Because she is a pure gem and if you don’t, I would rather go to the poorhouse than see her marry you!”

Mary’s words were like blows to his stomach. She was right and he knew it. His mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air as he tried to come up with the right thing to say. Mary lost her last ounce of patience.

“Not to me, pray. GO!” She pointed at the door and he finally moved.

Standing outside he looked to both sides in search of her. For a small person she sure moved quickly. Mr. Stringer gave her away by approaching and blocking the street to his left and he decided to go in that direction.

“What did you do to her, Parker?” Stringer was fuming with anger, puffing up his body to look bigger. Sidney was a few inches taller and strived to tower over the other man, using his gentry for extra leverage though he knew very well that he was the lesser man of the two.

“You better move, _Mr._ Stringer. This is a matter between me and _my_ fiancée.” Sidney felt possessive. He may not love Charlotte but she was definitely not Stringer's to have. He hissed the words, trying to keep calm. They were after all being watched by every single person Sanditon.

Mr. Stringer deflated and stepped aside. As Sidney strode past him, he delivered a final blow. “You shouldn’t let her do this. She deserves better than to marry a man she doesn’t love and who clearly is insensible of feeling!”

That stroked him hard. “Is that what you think of me? How much easier my life would be if I were.” He snorted bitterly and resumed his search for Charlotte.

She was nowhere to be seen on the cliff road and he continued down on the beach. It was a fine day with a clear blue sky and bright sun but the sea breeze was chilly and he saw only a few others. He didn’t know her well enough to know her favorite spots but he guessed she would not have gone to the most crowded part of the beach.

He was right. He found her sitting in the sand with her legs crossed under her. The small sobbing sounds stopped the second she saw him and she turned her head away. She was shivering. No wonder, she had left in such a hurry she had forgotten to bring her spencer. His experience in handling unhappy women was at a bare minimum and he wasn’t sure what to do or say but a cold gust from the sea kicked his instincts to live and he wiggled out of his jacket and put it gently around her. Then he dropped his body next to her.

The jacket was infused with his scent. Tobacco, musk, cologne, a bit of horse – and the unique scent she in their short acquaintance had come to know as his alone. It was both calming and soothing and so utterly infuriating she wanted to toss the jacket away, had she not been so cold. He handed her a handkerchief but she declined by defiantly wiping her tears away with the back of her hands. But then she needed to blow her nose as well and simply held out her hand, palm side up, looking away from him. His lips curled into the smallest smile and he placed the handkerchief in her hand and gave it a light squeeze.

Sitting with his arms resting on his bend legs, Sidney flipped through possible openings. To be honest he didn’t hold a lot of experience in the apology department either. As usual she beat him to it.

“You are never going to like me or even respect me, are you?” Her voice was painfully matter-a-factly.

Luckily, words came out of his mouth on their own accord. “I can see why that is the impression I have given you and I’m deeply sorry.” He kicked his heels deeper into the sand. “I’ve spent two days with your family. No matter how big or small, everyone in your family has a place, a function. Confident that the person next to him or her will catch them if they should fall. Apart from Tom kicking my sorry a... me on a boat to Antigua to save me from myself, I have never had a safety net like that. I’ve grown to rely solely on myself. If pushed, to take minimum responsibility for others. It shames me to say that I have never thought of my younger brother as someone who had a backbone or even a sensible voice. You are right to call me an outlier. I do hide my true self from others. I’m not even sure I know who I am myself.” He paused and stared at a spot in the sand between his legs. “I’m a great deal less than perfect, Charlotte, but somehow, I have managed to hide the ugly truth from the world and myself until you came. You see right through me and it scares me because I don’t know what is in there. It provoked me that you after a few days could give such an accurate account of me and my siblings when I couldn’t do so myself.”

His heart was beating faster now and he dropped his head in defeat. “Mr. Stringer is right. I have no right dragging you into this mess. You can go home and continue your life. I’ll talk to Lady Denham tomorrow and work something out.”

There was the shortest sad laugh from her. “I cannot do that.”

“Why not? Your family...” He began.

“I cannot go back on a promise. It is not who I am. I don’t have much to offer, but my word is as solid as gold, Sidney. I didn’t expect this to be easy. I didn’t expect _us_ to be easy. I do expect your respect and trust though.” She spoke with such earnest honesty it almost made him cry.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I trust very few people.” For the first time he looked at her and she couldn’t help but meet his eyes. “But I trust _you_ , Charlotte.”

“Well then.” She said softly, not sure how else to respond to his words.

“Well then.” He smiled shyly. He got up and held out his hand to help her up. “We better head back. Mary was less than impressed with me and I need your help to get back in her good book.”

Her sweet laughter brought more joy to him than he cared to admit. She gave him back his jacket and shuddered when the cool air hit her bare arms but both knew that it would be inappropriate for her to return in it. Instead, he offered her his arm and put his hand over hers as if to warm her through the gesture.

They walked back in silence but as they neared the town her steps turned hesitant.

“Is something wrong, Charlotte?” He pressed his hand firmer against hers.

“It’s just. I’m afraid I made quite a spectacle of myself, running upset down the street.” She smiled palely.

“If it is any consolation, so did I. I literally had to fight Mr. Stringer to get past him. Besides, it’s not the first time we have been caught arguing in the street, is it?” They both laughed and for a moment looked happily engaged. He straightened his body. “Miss Heywood, you and I will walk down the street. Our heads held high, looking like a doting engaged couple as if nothing has happened. And if I cannot make you smile, you can smile at the thought of the presents your family sent with me.”

She gasped. “My family. I completely forgot. How did...”

“I’ll tell you when we get back.” His smile gave away that it went very well indeed.

Mary was standing outside Trafalgar House waiting for them to return. She sent Sidney a sharp look but otherwise seemed fairly pleased that they had made up. To show his remorse, Sidney asked Charlotte what she wanted to do first. Hear about Willingden or go through her work with him. She chose the latter because she wanted to end the day with something nice for a change.

Patiently but with less excitement than when he arrived, she talked him through the process. She had listed the invoices Arthur was handling and had a full copy of her notes to him. Then she went through the rest of the papers and showed him her estimates of what they had to achieve. Sidney paled when he saw the numbers but had to admit that they looked very plausible. Last thing was a leather folder with a note tucked under the string, _For Sidney to take care of_. She opened it. “These are contracts that I’m concerned about. Short payment deadlines, bad terms. I hoped you would go through and perhaps renegotiate? And then...” She pulled out a piece of paper. “The men haven’t been paid in three weeks. I think we need to sort that out first thing in the morning. I think that is all.”

He had to admit it was darn impressive work. Mary was right, she had both out-accomplished and out-skilled him. He wished that he had not jumped the gun but let her finish. The hesitant, self-doubting look in her big brown eyes told him she definitely didn’t trust him not lose his temper again. She sighed deeply and slumped exhaustedly into an armchair. His heart ached. She had dark circles under her eyes, her curls bounced less and her normally golden skin looked pale and translucent.

“Whatever have we done to her?” He whispered to himself. She pressed her thumbs against her temples and he wanted to take her onto his lap and run his fingers through her hair. Let her rest against his chest. He opted for the second-best thing and fetched his saddle bag and took a seat in the chair next to her.

“Before we dive into this, I just want to repeat how incredibly sorry I am for treating you so disrespectful. What a brute I was. You have done an amazing job and I cannot find a single thing I could have done better. In fact, quite the opposite. Please forgive me for being so offensive and hurtful.” He took her hand in his and stroked his thumb gently over the back of her hand.

Mary had been watching discretely from the hallway, first to step in if Sidney lost his temper again, then to step in if something untoward was going to happen. The handholding was close to improper but she decided to give them some privacy. They weren’t in love after all. She smiled knowingly and closed the door ajar.

Charlotte’s eyes filled with tears as he handed her the letters and the books. He had not taken a closer look at them but they were on architecture and economics. She laughed when the mouthwatering apple pie emerged. “Ah, Henry is going to love this. It’s a shame Arthur is not here for dinner!”

For the next hours until dinner was served, he told of his time with her family. Starting with the blessing from her father, that made her shed a few happy tears. Especially, when he revealed they would come for the wedding. He spared no detail, except that he could make a flower crown and the letter, he carried in his inner pocket like a talisman.

With Arthur away, Diana came to dine with them. And if Sidney and Charlotte hadn’t been so preoccupied talking and making plans for Sanditon, they would nervously have watched Diana and Mary talk secretively together.

As Mrs. Heywood’s apple pie quickly disappeared Sidney made an announcement.

“I have to go to London soon to sort out the contracts and attend to my own businesses. The first bann will be read on Sunday and I will stay for that. I’ll leave first thing Monday morning.” He looked at Charlotte. “Perhaps you should join me. Take care of your wedding trousseau or something?”

Charlotte smiled. “I would have liked that. But we can hardly travel alone and Mary could need an extra pair of hands.”

“I’ll go!” Diana cried out and looked so utterly surprised over herself that her brother started laughing.

“And I will do just fine on my own. You should go, Charlotte.” Mary smiled convincingly and patted Charlotte on the hand.

“That’s settled then.” Sidney concluded.

He walked his sister home, wondering what was changed about her. She chatted in her usual nervous fidgeting way but still, something was new. “You hate traveling, Diana. Is there a suitor I haven’t heard of?” He probed teasingly.

She poked his arm. “Don’t mock me. I left something at Bedford Place I want go get. And I like Charlotte and want to get to know her better.” That was at least not a lie and she hoped he wouldn’t interrogate further.

He didn’t. Instead, he offered her his arm and they walked the rest of the way in companionable silence.


	8. Not you, the other Mr. Parker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our dear couple is invited for tea.
> 
> A short chapter, starring our very own Lady D 🙃

_**Thursday, 3 June 1819**_

The flames devoured the two letters in seconds. Lady Denham brushed her hands against each other as if she was brushing off dirt. “Good riddance.” She said out loud as she sipped her tea. The burned letters were from Edward and Clara, both pleading her to forgive them and blaming the other for the scheme they had pulled off. “Vultures. Greedy vultures.” She hissed out loud and looked with disgust at the red snake on the floor. It had never been an ornament she found decorative or suiting for a receiving room but she liked the intimidation it evoked in her guests. Like a terrifying pet. 

With Edward and Clara fencing for themselves God knows where and Esther engaged to a Lord, Lady Denham had found herself lonely, bored and in need of a project. Especially now, where Esther spent the summer at Babington’s estate to familiarize herself with the household. Babington was either in London or in Sanditon so everything was done very proper, but still Lady Denham found it very unorthodox. Of course, the real motivation had been for Esther to lick her wounds and distance herself to the resilient gossip after Edward had humiliated her thoroughly at the last ball. No, Esther was lucky indeed that Lord Babington’s arms had been spread out, ready to catch her when she fell. Lady Denham and Esther had grown quite close and she had been invited to come and stay with her, but Lady Denham didn’t care for traveling. Or being away from home. 

Tom Parker had unknowingly delivered the perfect amusement on a silver platter. Financial ruin adorned with the delightfully opinionated but romantically naïve Miss Heywood and the infamous bachelor Mr. Sidney Parker, both ready to defend the fool and clean up his mess. She had been correct in her assumption that Sidney would not let the sweet Mrs. Mary Parker drag her life in the poorhouse. And she had been immensely pleased that the kind Miss Heywood could not help but jump in and help out. It had surprised her how quickly the two of them had accepted to marry to save that imbecile excuse of a man. 

The arranged marriage had been proposed in jest to test Sidney’s loyalty to his brother. She had not expected Charlotte to accept at all. And even when she did, someone would surely have put an end to the madness sooner or later. But no one called her bluff, not even Mr. Heywood. 

Lady Denham was very aware that Sidney taking over the financial responsibility of her investment would be better than to pull them out, and she would have agreed to just about anything he would have suggested, including letting Charlotte go. **After** she had had her fun for a few days. But now, wheels were in motion and the first bann would already be read on Sunday. 

If she were to praise herself – and Lady Denham was not afraid of doing just that – she had noticed a connection between the two at the luncheon. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference, Lady Denham knew that from personal experience, and Mr. Parker and Miss Heywood were definitely not indifferent towards each other. There was a certain heat between them and in Lady Denham’s opinion passionate quarrelling was as good as passionate... well, yes, it was only a matter of time before the marriage would prove her point with the pitter-patter of tiny feet. She was an excellent matchmaker after all, setting up Esther and Lord Babington, Edward and... maybe not him, but now Miss Heywood and Mr. Sidney Parker too. 

Despite her noble intentions of releasing Mr. Parker and Miss Heywood of the obligation to marry (that she to be honest quickly had forgotten) she had not been able to resist to make her servants spread the rumor of their engagement all over town, and intel confirmed that it had worked very well. There is nothing amusing about a scheme no one knows about. It all progressed splendidly. Mr. Parker had already been in Willingden and gotten the blessing from Mr. Heywood – the boy really was more romantic than one should think. 

She may have instigated the engagement but they had certainly carried on the torch themselves. Yes, there was no doubt that she had seen and done right by the two of them. Forgotten were her improper demand of marriage; she had in the span of less than an hour convinced herself that she had seen something they hadn’t and merely helped out a young couple with a little nudging push. 

At that moment she became less focused on the success of Sanditon and her investment and more on the sprouting young love. Resolutely she scribbled a note and called for a servant. 

Sidney and Charlotte were in the study going over the contract to keep Lady Denham in check when the note from said woman arrived. It was addressed to Charlotte. 

_Dear Miss Heywood and Mr. Parker,_

_Please join me for tea today at 11._

_Sincerely, Lady Denham_

Charlotte let out a deep sigh and handed the letter to Sidney. “Lady Denham requests our company today.” 

Sidney looked at the clock. It was 10.15. “She runs a tight schedule.” He growled annoyed but got up and offered Charlotte his arm. “We better go, my dear!” He said it in jest but she blushed at the mock endearment and he found that ‘dear’ tasted strangely good. 

Spencer, hat and cane retrieved, and they were on their way. She took his arm, the light pressure of her hand felt comfortably familiar. “So, Charlotte. What do you want to discuss on our walk today?” He tilted his head slightly to look at her. 

She pondered. “You have met my parents, my family. Would you mind telling me about yours?” She could feel him tense and hear his teeth grit and was about to apologize for ripping up old wounds when he spoke. 

“I haven’t talked about my parents in years... I was 14 when my mother passed away, she had been sick for a long time. My father followed the year after – of a broken heart I gather. He gave up without my mother. Diana developed an anxiety of anyone of us getting sick. Since I was at school and Tom a newlywed, she piled it all on Arthur. Had it not been for Mary, I don’t think any of us would have made it. She took us all in.” He chuckled. “If she had been 10 years younger, I would have fought Tom for her. I think she’s one of the people who knows me the best and the only one I’ve ever confided in. Crowe is one of my oldest friends, but you’ve met him – he's Crowe. Babington and Mary however, I trust with my life. You are in a very exclusive company, Charlotte.” He sent her sideways smile. Before she could respond to that heartfelt declaration, he continued. “I loved my father, of course, but we were never close. Tom and he were. But my mother. She was my whole world. You would have liked her. Everyone did. She lit up every room she entered and made every person, no matter their social status, feel comfortable and welcome. She was beautiful, caring and the wisest and most well-read person I’ve ever known. She could set the world straight like no one else. If she couldn’t solve it, no one could. Her imagination would bring us to every country in the world inside our library.” He grew quiet and they walked in silence. 

When Sanditon House appeared in front of them he stopped and looked at her. “I think my mother would have approved of you.” He said it very soberly as if he was checking the last item off a list. Again, she was left speechless, he continued walking before she could respond. 

Once inside, Lady Denham immediately attacked them, very satisfied to have seen them arrive arm in arm, deep in conversation. “Miss Heywood, are you warming up to Mr. Parker’s obvious charms?” Her eyes glistened as she spoke and she clasped her hands in excitement. 

“If your ladyship could list the charms you are thinking of, I would be more than happy to answer.” Charlotte gave her a sweet smile and Sidney coughed to hide a laughter. 

Lady Denham ignored her witty retort, instead, she bombarded them with questions. “Tell me, how are the wedding preparations going? Will the first bann be read this Sunday? And where? Please tell me that you have chosen Sanditon. Have you? Will your parents be here, Miss Heywood?” 

Sidney’s deep baryton gently interrupted Lady Denham’s rant. “The first bann will be read this Sunday here in Sanditon. Mary is in full charge of the wedding preparations – the wedding breakfast will be held at Trafalgar House. To our great joy, Mr. and Mrs. Heywood will be attending our wedding.” 

He smiled crookedly. “Depending on today, you will receive an invitation as well, Lady Denham.” 

A gasp revealed that Lady Denham had not considered it an option that she would not be invited. Sidney pulled out a small leather folder. “Unless you have more questions regarding the wedding, Lady Denham, let us talk business. Lord Babington has drafted the formal papers for our.... arrangement.” 

He handed her the documents. She quickly scanned them, seemingly not very interested. Without asking any questions, she went to her desk, dipped her quill and signed both copies. Charlotte frowned; this was almost as careless business management as Tom’s. 

“Sit, sit.” She pointed them in the direction of the settee, so narrow they were forced to sit flush against each other. Cups and saucers were handed to them so eagerly that she spilled on the floor. 

“Tell me more about the wedding preparations. I’m very pleased to hear you will marry here in Sanditon where you met and fell in love.” She sipped her tea smiling enthusiastically like a small child that has been given a new toy or a puppy. 

Charlotte coughed nervously. Was the old lady so deluded that she had forgotten how the engagement had come to be? She felt increasingly uncomfortable. 

Sidney did his best to lead her back on the road she had paved for them. “It only felt natural to choose the town we are marrying _to save_.” His voice was clipped and chilled. 

Lady Denham ignored the hint and continued. “What about the wedding dress and trousseau?” 

The normally confident, headstrong Charlotte sunk into her seat, and the more she reclined, the more Sidney straightened his upper body. His voice was calm and patient. “Miss Heywood and I are travelling to London first thing Monday morning. While I attend my _other_ businesses, Miss Heywood will see the modiste. I have already sent note to the best and she has an appointment Tuesday.” 

He had not told Charlotte about this and she looked at him with surprise, he leaned lightly against her to signal that they would take this later. 

“You can hardly travel to London unchaperoned, I will...” Lady Denham began. 

“My sister is travelling with us, of course. It is very kind of you to think of such matters.” Sidney felt oddly in control. 

Lady Denham snorted unsatisfied, but lit up quickly. “Your veil. Will your mother have one for you? I have a tiara, it did very well at my wedding. I will lend it to you.” 

This was a question, Charlotte had to answer herself. “I would prefer not to wear a veil; it is not used where I come from. I think a bonnet will do nicely. As for the tiara, I would not feel comfortable wearing something that extravagant. Esther should be the only bride this summer to be granted such an honor.” 

It was hard even for Lady Denham to deny that and she grunted in consent. Sidney smiled knowingly to himself. 

After twenty more minutes of awkward conversation about the wedding Sidney put down his cup and saucer and gallantly took care of Charlotte’s as well. “I’m afraid we have taken too much of your time, Lady Denham. Thank you for tea.” 

He rose and bowed. Charlotte followed with a polite curtsy and they said their goodbyes. Outside Sidney took a deep breath and offered Charlotte his arm. Once her hand had slid into its natural place, they both started laughing unaware that a pair of eyes was watching them closely.


	9. This is for the first time asking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter to keep us afloat. 
> 
> Thank you for clicking on another chapter. I did not expect the last line to inspire to such conspiracy thinking. It was just Lady Denham. I can assure you that I have given much thought if I could use your attention to this particular detail to something interesting, but nothing came up. Sorry 😄
> 
> It's Sunday in Sanditon. Time for church and reading of the first bann.

_**Sunday, June 6 1819**_

Charlotte’s head was spinning. She and Sidney had spent the past two days going over everything that needed to be handled in London but that wasn’t the reason for the myriad of thoughts rumbling and tumbling in her mind. Today was the reading of the first bann and everything suddenly became very real. So far, the arranged marriage between her and Sidney had manifested itself as concrete tasks and one very awkward tea at Sanditon House. Apart from their walks and talks, the romantic part – or lack thereof had not caused much ponder. Nor had the opinion of others. Today would be different. The future Mr. and Mrs. Parker would be on display in church in front of the whole of Sanditon. 

On top of that, Diana and Mary had been busy creating a list for the wedding trousseau, especially what was to be commisioned from a modiste and Charlotte had blushed when she saw the various items. The cost alone was enough to make her uncomfortable, and then there was the intimate garments. An embarrassing reminder of the eventual consummation of a business marriage. 

She would have been more than satisfied with getting married in her good dress, perhaps a new ribbon for her hair and bonnet. But Sidney had gently insisted that she stocked a well-equipped trousseau. He had even taken the list from Mary and added a few things and upscaled the numbers of the rest. 

“I have had an account made for you. This may be an arranged marriage but I’ll be damned if you are going to miss out on a fitting wedding trousseau. That at least, I can give you!” That had ended the discussion yesterday. 

Sidney and Charlotte were excellent partners. Working splendidly together. Talking amiably on their walks. They made each other laugh and Sidney’s jaws were aching from the unfamiliar reaction. Friendship and partnership were forming beautifully and Charlotte took relief in the fact that they already had that. She was however still very nervous about the relationship-part. 

Those thoughts still noised as she was walking with her arm linked with her fiancées on the way to church. He was making polite conversation that she didn’t respond to. After having asked the same question thrice he stopped and gently turned her towards him. 

“I can hear you thinking. What is it, Charlotte?” His brown eyes looked softly into hers. 

“It’s nothing. I’m being silly.” She tried to evade but failed. 

“Tell me anyway.” He smiled politely at a couple of churchgoers passing them with curious stares. 

“It’s just that the first bann is being read today and it makes it very real. Like I said, it’s silly.” She breathed the words blushing profoundly. 

“It’s not silly. I’m nervous too... We are not married yet. Do you want to back out?” He had placed her arm under his again and resumed walking to avoid more stares and gossip. 

“No. I’m not even sure I wouldn’t have been nervous if this had been... you know. Do you want to break off the engagement?” She tilted her head to look at him. 

“No, I don’t.” He answered truthfully. Though they did not love each other, he hadn’t felt lonely or out of place since they agreed to Lady Denham’s ultimatum. She was more capable than he had given her credit for. Her mind was more than equal to any man or woman he had met. She was beautiful enough to make him proud to walk next to her. They functioned well together. Most importantly, he could be himself because his heart was not in any danger. He had not felt this relaxed in more than a decade. 

None of them were oblivious to the buzzing of gossip as they entered the church and found their seats next to the other Parkers, Tom was still bedridden. Sidney was used to being the topic of talks behind his back, Charlotte wasn’t. She could feel the eyes of Sanditon drilling into her back and shifted nervously in her seat until Sidney wrapped his little finger around hers to show his support. It was discrete and efficient and she instantly calmed down and focused on the heat softly radiating from him through the fabric of her gloves. 

“They will soon grow tired of it.” He whispered with a small smile. 

After a long and tedious sermon with a flower analogy that was lost on most of the congregation, Reverend Haskins read the first bann. 

“I publish the banns of marriage between Miss Charlotte Juliette Heywood of the Parish of Willingden and Mr. Sidney Archibald Parker of this Parish. If any of you know cause or just impediment why these persons should not be joined together in Holy Matrimony, ye are to declare it. This is for the first time of asking.” 

Charlotte took a sharp intake of breath and Sidney enveloped his big hand around hers. There was some quiet muttering that quickly silenced. 

No one at church missed how the mysterious and infamous Sidney Parker rose and tucked his fiancées hand safely under his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. He looked proud and happy. She looked shy and sweet. The gossip resumed but this time wondering if this was a marriage of love after all? 

“You make a handsome couple!” Lady Denham exclaimed loudly outside and clapped in her hands. “Miss Heywood will make a beautiful bride, will she not?” She didn’t wait for a reply but looked at Charlotte. “And you, Miss Heywood. Would you have been so eager to accept, had it not been the handsome Mr. Parker, but say Dr. Fuchs?” She winked suggestively at Charlotte who had turned a crimson red, more of anger than embarrassment. 

Sidney knew by now that Charlotte’s eyes sparkled for two reasons. Excitement and anger. He was especially familiar with the latter, and right now Charlotte was positively fuming. Before her temper boiled over and erupted, he leaned closer to Lady Denham and spoke in a low controlled voice. “This is not the way to get an invitation to our wedding, Lady Denham. You will address my fiancée with the respect she deserves.” 

Lady Denham was not one to get embarrassed and definitely not over her own actions. Instead of taking in the warning from Sidney, she took it as a proof of love and swatted his arm. “Uh, hoity-toity. I _knew_ you were a romantic, Mr. Parker.” 

He rolled his eyes and bowed. “We bid you goodbye, Lady Denham.” 

Out of earshot he burst out. “That insufferable woman! How dare she...” He turned to look at Charlotte who had let go of his arm to hold herself laughing. “What are _you_ laughing at, Miss Heywood!” 

His offended tone of voice only made her laugh even harder. “I’m sorry. It’s just that...” She paused to hiccup. “I’ve only seen you this angry with me and it feels kind of relieving that I’m not the only one who inspires such anger in you. And then all the absurdity of this...” 

“Oh, you are not alone, Charlotte. Again, you choose the finest company. You, Lady Denham and Tom!” He scolded but the corners of his mouth were beginning to curl. 

Charlotte was in complete hysterics now and he found it harder and harder to keep a straight face. He continued. “And here I thought my biggest competitor was Mr. Stringer.” 

The comment hit a little close to home and her laughter faded away. With a forced twinkle in her eye, she laughed slightly measured. “Fear not of Mr. Stringer, he is not the prize I’m after, Dr. Fuchs however... I do not understand why Lady Denham dismissed him so quickly.” 

Still laughing, though more controlled, they silently agreed to leave it there. Her hand was back in its place in the crook of his arm and they walked back to town, both wondering why Sidney had felt the need to bring up Mr. James Stringer. 

Mary was readying Tom for their daily walk when they returned. Sidney noticed how tired she looked and how hard it was for her to keep up a happy face around her husband who didn’t even seem to recognize her. 

“Mary, I feel like walking a little longer today before the long carriage ride tomorrow. Would you mind if I accompany Tom on his walk? Perhaps you would assist Charlotte in packing since it’s her first time in London?” He sent Charlotte a look, hoping she understood his meaning and didn’t take offence of his words. This was exactly the kind of remarks that used to get him into trouble. 

She did. “If it is not too inconvenient, Mary, I could use some guidance. Do you expect us to go out while in London, Sidney?” She continued his white lie. 

“Better pack for any occasion. You never know what my businesses will demand of us.” With that and a grateful smile he led Tom outside. 

Mary followed Charlotte upstairs to her room. “Sidney has so many concerns and yet he always manages to come to Tom’s aid when he’s in need. And me, like now. He can be abrupt and inattentive, as he was to you when he returned from Willingden, but he has a good heart. I hope you can see that now, Charlotte?” 

Charlotte let out a small gasp in surprise to be confronted so directly. “I do. If I hadn’t, I would never have agreed to this. He has been very kind and supportive in all this, protective even. I respect him very much.” She was blushing, feeling something about someone was very different than putting it into words and saying them out loud. 

“I cannot thank you enough for doing this for us, Charlotte. I’m sure Sidney will do all in his power to make you happy.” She took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, then cleared her throat. “Now, let’s get you packed. I understand you need my help.” She winked at Charlotte. 

“I do. Desperately.” Charlotte laughed. 

Dinner was quiet. Tom had once again chosen to have a tray brought to his room and Mary kept him company. Diana didn’t offer much conversation and it was all over and done with fairly quickly. 

“I will see you both tomorrow morning, early.” Charlotte waved at them as they left. Sidney had offered to walk Diana home and Charlotte watched him from her bedroom window when he returned. He looked up shortly before he entered the hotel and gave her a small wave and a smile.


	10. This is how I work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments and your guessing and your requests for details.  
> To that I have three emojis ❤🤐🤐  
> 😉
> 
> London, baby. Sidney is still not in love...

_**Monday, June 7 1819**_

Pillows, blankets and a big basket filled to the brim with ointments and tinctures took up the space next to Sidney’s seat in the carriage. Diana was already inside fidgeting nervously with the different bottles as she checked if she had all she needed. Sidney was about to come with a cheeky remark but a warning look from Charlotte and Mary swiftly killed that notion. Instead, he took Charlotte’s hand and helped her ascend before giving Mary a brief hug. 

Two raps of his cane and they were off. 

It was a hot day and as soon as they were inland moving away from the cooling sea breezes it was almost unbearable. Diana fanned herself ferociously. Charlotte had long discarded her bonnet and leaned her head out of the window and enjoyed the wind on her face. 

“Charlotte, you must get your head in at once!” Diana chirped anxiously. “You could get road dust in your eyes or catch a cold.” 

Patiently, Charlotte leaned back in her seat and smiled softly at Diana. “You are right, Diana. Thank you.” 

Sidney who had been brooding since departure met her eyes and gave her a grateful nod. Her understanding of others was incredible and he admired that, not exactly a quality anyone would accuse him of possessing. The pleased and proud look on Diana’s face told how much it meant to her not to be dismissed for being silly. 

The carriage rocked steadily on and Diana was lulled to sleep with her head propped on some of the pillows. Sidney’s long legs made it impossible for him to avoid bumping or brushing his knees against Charlotte’s. Suddenly their legs got entwined as she leaned forward to wiggle off her spencer. His tall frame and her position gave him the perfect vision of her cleavage. He forced his eyes to focus on the dull landscape outside and shifted slightly in his seat. 

“Ouch!” Charlotte was still struggling with the spencer in the narrow space and a button had been caught in her hair. 

“Here, let me.” He leaned forward to get a better look at the obstinate button and hair. Her sweet scent hit him with a force he was not prepared for. Clearing his throat, he gently untangled the lock of hair and tucked it behind her ear without thinking, brushing her cheek with the back of his finger. Her big eyes widened in surprise and she was close enough to... The carriage hit a hole in the road and she fell forward and their lips touched for the briefest moment before they bumped their foreheads against each other. He had wrapped his arms around her per reflex to catch her and now sat with her held flush against him, his one knee trapped between her thighs and her panting breath tickling his skin. 

Carefully, he peeled himself off her and leaned back. The way she looked at him was almost enough to undo him. A deep confused furrow in her forehead, flushing cheeks, parted lips and her chest heaving in the most alluring way. Their eyes were locked. He knew he should look away but he couldn’t. 

“Thank you.” She whispered under her breath. He moaned. Oh, god, now she bit her lips. Sidney was desperate to get out of the carriage. Luckily, there was another bump and Diana woke up with a start and unleashed an endless stream of words about poor roads and how they upset her gall bladder. Neither of them listened. Charlotte pulled out a book and stared at it as if she was willing the words to read themselves. After ten minutes she had still not turned a page. Sidney clenched his jaw and watched the odd tree or field pass by. The air was thick with tension. 

Finally, they stopped to change horses and take lunch. Sidney almost jumped out of the carriage before it had come to a complete halt. He stretched shortly before turning to help Charlotte descend. She stepped down as he reached out to help her and he ended up gripping firmly around her waist, and her grasping his upper arms. Had it not been for Diana, he would probably have stood there still. 

The inn was full as they entered. He instinctively placed his hand over Charlotte’s on his arm, as a few men at a table ogled her. She had left her spencer in the carriage, and while he knew the sensation of her hand without cloves, his fingers’ access to her bare wrist was something else. His own desire made his anger rise in him as he fought the urge to knock the men out cold for looking at her this way. Some of the anger was pointed at himself because he recognized that look! Lust. Desire. He could still feel the softness of her lips, the warmth of her breath and the rapid drumming of her heart. If it had been proper to leave Diana and Charlotte alone, he would have sprinted to the nearest lake or river to cool down. Hell, even the through with water for the horses would suffice. 

Charlotte could feel something happening with Sidney but didn’t understand why, nor did she find the inn the time or place to inquire. She wished they could take a walk and talk. Things were easier when they were alone. The heat radiating from his body made it hard for her to breathe and he was absentmindedly stroking her knuckles and wrist and left a burning sensation. It must be the heat, she thought. Something cold to drink and a bit to eat and her dizziness would be gone. Maybe they could stretch their legs a bit before the carriage was ready to continue. 

There was plenty of time to take a small stroll. Sidney was very efficient in ordering for him and his two ladies. It was consumed efficiently too. He wanted Charlotte out of there, sooner rather than later, and made them rush through lunch. 

Outside a small creek caught their eye and they decided to walk there. Diana put up her umbrella to shade from the sun. Charlotte tilted her face towards the sun and stood for a while with her eyes closed and enjoyed being outside. Sidney walked briskly ahead with his hands clasped behind his back. 

A squirrel darted past them and ran up a tree, making Charlotte laugh. Diana started giggling too from the jump scare. Sidney had no choice but to join them. It was too contagious and soon they laughed harder than the situation called for. As they walked back, he missed her hand on his arm and gently placed it there, giving her an apologetic smile, she returned softly. 

By the time they arrived at Bedford Place, Sidney had almost forgotten how it felt to hold Charlotte’s small and soft body. A light dinner was served and Diana excused herself shortly after, leaving the two of them alone. 

“Come on, let me show you the house.” He led her from room to room and shared memories from his childhood and stories about the ancestors whose portraits were hanging on the walls in the long hallway. Final room was the library and he relished in her small gasp of excitement. She brushed her fingertips lightly over the backs of the books as she took in the room. He leaned against the door frame and watched her. “It was my mother who collected most of the books. She was an avid reader and very modern in her choice of literature, I think.” 

“It’s the most beautiful room I have ever seen.” Charlotte whispered with big eyes. Her favorite room at home was her father’s study with books piled up everywhere. This room must be at least four times as a big. 

He chuckled. “Wait till you see the library at Babington’s estate. Two stories high and the size of a ballroom.” 

“Yes, but this is yours. Your family’s.” She said earnestly. 

“Listen, I have to go. I have some business to attend to at the club.” He kicked the floor lightly. 

“The club?” 

“Yes. It’s how I work. Networking. I need to know what’s been going on in London. The club is the best place to pick up gossip and find out if there is a social event, we should attend while we are here.” He smiled softly. 

“Men gossip?” The surprised wonder in her voice made him laugh. 

“Yes, worse than women. We just do it in smoke-filled rooms over a glass of brandy.” He wanted to take her hand. “Will you be alright on your own here? Benson can help you if you need anything.” 

“I’ll be fine. Can I use the library and the study, please?” She bit her lip and sent him a shy glance. 

Now, he took her hand. “Charlotte. You will be my wife in a few weeks. This will be your house too; it is your house now. I’ll see you tomorrow at breakfast.” He placed a soft kiss on the back of her hand and left. 

The rooms at the club were indeed smoke-filled and buzzing with the latest gossip. Sidney was shown to the table where Babington and Crowe were already nursing two solid drinks. Well, nursing was putting it strongly. Crowe had knocked back his before Sidney had taken his seat. 

“Parker! Friend. Good to see you! How did Lady D react to the contract?” Babington inquired with his signature bright smile. 

Sidney chuckled. “She didn’t react at all. She just signed the bloody thing.” 

“Really? I should have pressed harder then.” Babington laughed. 

“Don’t mind me, I’m just your oldest friend left out of the conversation.” Crowe growled and helped himself to three more fingers of brandy. 

“I’ve done some business on behalf of Tom with Lady Denham. That’s all.” He sent Babington a look not to reveal the nature behind the deal. 

Crowe instantly lost interest. “Ah, that Lady D... and Tom... I hoped for something saucy.” 

The three friends drank, smoked, reminisced and caught up with some of the other gentlemen. By midnight, Sidney had an invitation to a dinner party the next evening for him and Charlotte. 

“It’s no use to ask Babington. He is saving himself for _marital_ bliss but surely you can be persuaded to finish the evening at Mrs. Harries’, Parker? I hear she has some new girls.” He winked suggestively. 

“No, thank you. I’m in the same boat as Babers here.” Sidney admitted hesitantly. 

Crowe’s drunken eyes worked to focus on his friend, trying to understand what he had just said. “Are my ears deceiving me or are you telling me, Parker.... that _**you**_ , the infamous and notorious bachelor is getting married?” 

Sidney merely nodded. 

Crowe shook his head in disbelief. “You weren’t last time we met, were you? To whom?” He looked at Babington for help. “Parker is pulling my leg, isn’t he?” The man shook his head. Then Crowe’s face lit up. “Is it Miss Lambe? The way she stood up to that old witch at the luncheon – you could tell she’d be a lively handful in bed.” 

Sidney’s countenance darkened. "Easy, Crowe. It’s not my _ward_ and don’t even think about her in that way.” He growled. 

"No need to take that tone. I was only asking." Crowe raised his hands in mock surrender. ‘But if a fellow might ask without getting his head bit off, who is it then? Someone I’ve met?” 

“Miss Heywood.” Sidney answered, already regretting the conversation. 

“Little Miss Heywood.” Crowe cried out approvingly. “She’s got a bit of spunk about her.” 

“Careful now, Crowe. This is my future wife you are talking about.” Sidney bared his teeth like a predator ready to attack. 

“Relax, Sidney. I respect and admire Miss Heywood. In fact, she’s the only woman who could have dragged me to the altar. I’m just surprised. A few weeks ago, you didn’t think very highly about her. That’s all.” Crowe spoke in an unusual earnest voice. 

“You could say that we were brought together by sudden circumstances and I was forced to alter my feelings about her.” He explained truthfully. 

Crowe had sobered up a bit by the change of conversation and was not that easily fooled. He leaned in over the table. “Did something untoward happen? Did she see you strut butt-naked out of the water?” 

“NO! Nothing like that. I meant, we were brought together to solve a task and I got to know her, admire her and... I couldn’t see myself going through life without her by my side.” 

“Hmmmm.” Crowe grunted, not entirely convinced. “Well, good for you, my friend. As surprised that I am, the two of you seem very well suited. Both passionately eager to argue. It bodes well for the activities in the be...” 

“CROWE!” Sidney snapped and slammed his fist in the table. 

Babington brought the evening to an end. “I better be off. Can I give you a lift, Parker? Crowe, I trust you are safe to be released into the wild on your own?” 

The latter nodded grinning. Sidney rose. “Yes, thank you, Babington.” 

Inside the carriage Babington examined his friend in the dimmed dusty light. “How are you feeling about this marriage, Parker? It’s not like you have been pining for a wife. Not since, Eliza...” 

Sidney ran his hand through his hair to buy time. “I feel oddly calm and clarified. Crowe in his drunken delirium is right. Charlotte is capable, intelligent, witty and...” 

“Beautiful and unlike the tiresome women of the London ton?” Babington suggested, thinking of Esther and the way she had swept his feet away just by being herself. 

“That too. Yes.” Sidney whispered and looked out the window of the carriage. 

A flickering light through the crack of the door to his study suggested that Charlotte was still up. Was she waiting for him? He pushed the door a little more open to peek inside. She was up but clearly not for his sake. Books lay open and papers were scattered around her on the desk. She was deeply buried in some work. 

“Hey.” He greeted softly. 

She looked up, a furrow washed over her forehead before she lit up in a bright smile. “Is it that late or are you home early?” 

“It’s that late. What are you doing up?” He pulled a chair close to her and sat down. 

“I’m trying to understand building processes. We need to find a solution for the burned down terrace. And my knowledge is limited to what my father has taught me about managing an estate.” 

Sidney grinned. That would most likely exceed his own, or Tom’s for that matter. 

“How did your evening go? Any useful gossip?” She stifled a yawn and smiled. 

“Yes. You and I are attending a dinner party tomorrow evening.” He stretched his long body, not entirely sober. 

She paled instantly. “A dinner party? I don’t have a suiting... I’m not...” She stopped herself and dropped her hands in her lap. 

“The modiste will sort you out with a fitting dress tomorrow. Don’t worry about that. You will be there as my fiancée. It is up to me to do the business. You just have to be yourself. But perhaps try not to pick _every_ fight. One should not underestimate the stupidity of the London ton and one’s patience can run thin very quickly.” He teased. 

“So, my job is to cling to your arm like a doting fiancée and not come across too headstrong and opinionated?” She tilted her head slightly and batted her eyelashes. 

He laughed. “I like the sound of doting. Just be yourself, Charlotte, and try not to yell at some idiot.” 

She looked a little more reassured. He got up and offered her his arm. “Come, we better get a good night’s sleep.” 

The touch of her hand grounded him instantly and he let out a sigh of relief. Outside her room, he slowly let go of her hand. Bold from alcohol and the banter in the study he leaned down and kissed her softly on the cheek. His lips lingered on her skin as he whispered. “Goodnight, Charlotte.” 

The kiss and the deep dark timbre of his voice spread through her body like wildfire and she stumbled into her room without answering.


	11. The most overwhelming wedding trousseau

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sidney has read your comments and while he admits he is indeed beginning to find Charlotte very attractive and starting to like her very much, he is very much NOT in love. Please, get your ducks in a row. His words, not mine.  
> Now, with that misunderstanding cleared away, it is time for the next chapter. Charlotte meets the ton, well, some of them anyway. 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy. It's a bit long and I considered breaking it into two chapters but I think you'll be fine. 
> 
> ❤❤❤  
> P

_**Tuesday, June 8 1819** _

Charlotte sat alone at the breakfast table starring at the two lists for her wedding trousseau. The one with linen, table cloths, handkerchiefs etc. looked so much more innocent than the one for the modiste – of course this one also had Sidney’s energetic handwriting and generous alterations on it. She had lain awake half the night thinking about his kiss and the way his voice suddenly seemed to affect her and had finally come to the conclusion that he had meant nothing more than a brotherly kiss like he gave Diana.

Sighing she took a bite and went over the list one more time though she knew it by heart. Blushing that Sidney had read and added to the more intimate garments. How did he know his way around a woman’s undergarments?

_~~6~~ **10** pairs of gloves _

_~~2~~ **4** pairs of long gloves _

_~~1~~ **3** silk dresses _

_~~1~~ **3** evening dresses _

_3 house dresses_

_3 wraps_

_**~~1~~** 2 pelisses _

_~~6~~ **10** pairs of stockings. **Silk too**_

_~~6~~ **10** Petticoats _

_Stays – **let Madame Palmyre guide you**_

_Short corsets – **Madame Palmyre should be famous for her selection**_

_~~3~~ **5** nightgowns – **Madame Palmyre**_

_~~6~~ **10** undervests _

_~~6~~ **10** shifts _

_~~6~~ **10** chemises _

_~~1~~ **2** robe **s – one warm, one...not**_

**_Hats_ **

**_A dress for Babington’s wedding + gloves_ **

**_Slippers to match the gowns_ **

**_2 pairs of walking boots_ **

**_Spencers to match_ **

**_2 riding habits – one practical, one for events_ **

Diana interrupted her musings. "I still cannot believe that Arthur would leave for Sanditon before we arrived.” She wringed her hands.

“He probably missed the fresh sea air.” Charlotte suggested not very convincingly to cheer her up though she felt a little out of sorts herself.

It worked though. “Yes, the air. You must be right. How my poor Arthur must have suffered in the London air.”

“Would you like to come with me to the modiste?” The question was asked more out desperation than the need to listen to Diana for a full day.

“I’m sorry I have an important appointment today. You will be fine, Charlotte.” Diana patted her softly on the hand.

Charlotte didn’t press further, thinking that Diana probably had a doctor’s appointment. Folding the lists carefully, she continued to eat her breakfast. Sidney was still absent. The two women didn’t talk much.

Charlotte could not get her mind off the lists next to her plate mocking her. “Diana, this list... It is too much.” She whispered embarrassed.

“Let me see.” Diana was handed the two lists. “I’ll take care of this one. I need to get flannel sheets for Arthur anyway. And more handkerchiefs. Do you want them monogrammed?” She didn’t wait for Charlotte to answer and put the linen list in her dress pocket. Then let her eyes flickered over the problematic list. “No, this looks very fine. You will have fun, Charlotte. I’ve got to go.” With that, Diana was gone.

Not able to eat another bite Charlotte went for her room to prepare for her morning at Madame Palmyre. She felt very alone all of a sudden. Was Sidney avoiding her and why?

Sidney was in fact avoiding her. Instead of facing her in the dining room he had ordered a tray to his study and was ploughing through his correspondence when a soft knock interrupted him. “Come.” He ordered brusquely without looking up from his letters.

“I’m sorry. I’m disturbing you.” Charlotte turned around again to leave.

“No, please. Come in. I thought it was Benson.” Sidney put down his quill and leaned back in his chair. She looked small and insecure. He had overstepped last night, kissing her. It hadn’t been his intention; he had just not been able to resist and his judgement had been clouded from drinking with Babington and Crowe. He wondered if he should apologize.

She stood in the middle of the room in the white muslin dress she had worn at the ball in Sanditon. Her hair was put up in a simple hairdo. He watched in silence as she squared her shoulders and handed him the paper, she was holding in her hand – from as far away as possible.

“I want to discuss the list for the modiste. Sidney, it is too much. And it’s not normal for the groom to...”

He interrupted her before she could finish. “Charlotte, we can both agree that there is nothing normal about this marriage. The short engagement has not given your mother time enough to prepare for a wedding trousseau. If this list is anything, it is too little. Should I go over it again?” His voice turned teasing as he spoke.

“God, no.” She snatched back the list, not yet ready to find the situation amusing.

Chuckling, he got up. “Charlotte, in case you are wondering. It’s the first time I’ve commissioned a full wardrobe for a young lady but I have a fair grasp of what a woman of your status will need from the bills I pay for Georgiana’s shopping and the complaints from the married gentlemen at the club. And I got a little help from Esther. I assure you there is nothing extravagant about this list and I am fully aware of what it entails and I’ve also got a fair concept of the cost, if that’s what’s worrying you? I would have thought that this was something you would enjoy?”

“Because I’m a young woman or because you find me frivolous?” She finally smiled.

“I admit I thought it was any woman’s dream to go dress shopping.” He confessed with a crooked smile.

She sighed. “Not this woman, I’m afraid.”

“In that case, feel free to add to the list, but no subtractions! Madame Palmyre’s reputed to be both the best and very kind. Esther likes her and I cannot think of higher praise than that. You’ll be fine, Charlotte. I’ll ask Benson to have the carriage brought out to you.” He gave her hand a light squeeze as he passed her.

Charlotte entered Madame Palmyre’s boutique feeling very nervous and out of place. It was huge and filled with fabrics, dresses, ribbons and looked positively like a fairytale with all its bright colors. A pretty young woman greeted her. “Miss Heywood?”

“Yes.” Charlotte lifted her chin and tried not to look terrified.

“It is your first visit with Madame Palmyre, correct?” The young woman smiled kindly.

Charlotte nodded and clutched her purse.

“My name is Miss Parkins and I will take care of you today. First, we need to get you undressed and measured. I promise you my hands are warm.” She laughed softly. “When we have that out of the way, Madame Palmyre will see you and we will have you sorted out in no time. Mr. Parker has already provided us with a list and a very generous budget. He also sent note this morning ordering us to not listen to your frugality.”

Charlotte relaxed a little and followed Miss Parkins into a private changing room. Miss Parkins made easy conversation and Charlotte felt better and better about the experience. “We have some beautiful dresses for a woman with your figure and golden colors. Madame Palmyre will enjoy dressing you.”

Blushing, Charlotte whispered. “I always thought that I was too curvy and unfashionable.” It was strange to talk about herself with a stranger in such manner.

“No, you look positively like a goddess. Just you wait until Madame is done with you.” Miss Parkins had all the measures she needed and handed Charlotte an exclusive robe. “This way.”

She led Charlotte into a new room. “Look around and I will bring you some refreshments. Madame will be with you shortly.”

Overwhelmed, Charlotte let out a big sigh.

“My sentiments exactly.” Charlotte’s head turned towards the voice. In the opposite corner sat a woman, also dressed in a brocade robe, who was regarding her with amusement. She was older than Charlotte, perhaps in her early forties, with smooth dark hair and fine eyes full of laughter and intelligence. Charlotte had never seen a woman this striking before.

"I am sorry. I thought I was alone.”

"That’s quite all right. Dress fittings can be a tedious affair.” The woman rose and walked to Charlotte. “I’m Susan and who might you be?”

“Charlotte Heywood.” Charlotte answered and blushed a little.

“Forgive me for saying so, Charlotte, but you seem somewhat befuddled.” Susan smiled kindly and motioned for them to sit down.

“It’s my first visit at a modiste and I have this long list for a wedding trousseau, and it is quite overwhelming. I don’t even know where to start.” Charlotte began, speaking too fast.

“Well, then you have come to the best place in England. Madame Palmyre is a gem. A wedding trousseau, that sounds very romantic. Who is the lucky man?” Susan tilted her head slightly.

It was all the encouragement Charlotte needed to tell Susan about the fire, Tom, Lady Denham’s ultimatum and of course Mr. Sidney Parker. “Forgive me. I’m inclined to talk too much when I’m nervous.”

“There is nothing to forgive. It’s refreshing to meet someone as open and forward as you. Let me be your friend today.”

With that Madam Palmyre glided into the room. An impressive woman with beautiful curves and an unruly head of silver-grey curls and brown eyes. She lit up when she saw Charlotte. “Finally, a woman with real curves.”

“I apologize for failing in that department.” Susan laughed merrily.

They started with the dress Charlotte needed for the dinner party and moved on to ball gowns from there. She stood on a small podium with Miss Parkins and Madame Palmyre bustling around her with needles and measuring tape and Susan as an eager commentator. Madame took a step back and admired her work.

“You look like pure gold, Miss Heywood. I brought this dress home from Paris but you are the first who can wear it. A blond woman would look completely washed out. But you with your golden complexion. Magnifique.” She blew a chef’s kiss.

Charlotte had never tried on anything so light or exquisite. “When would I even wear a dress like this?” She whispered.

“Put your trust in me, dear.” Susan smiled. “I can think of several occasions.” She turned to Madam. “She’ll take it – even if I have to buy it for her myself!”

After three full hours of trying on dresses, testing fabrics against her complexion and looking at designs, Charlotte had completed her wedding trousseau and made a new friend. Never had she been pampered so much or touched such exquisite fabrics, some had made her blush to deep pink and she almost fainted from embarrassment when Madame Palmyre showed her some delicate nightgowns and the robe not meant to be warm. She could hardly wear something this revealing in front of Sidney, who didn’t see her that way. Had it not been for Susan’s persuasive skills, Charlotte would have insisted on something virtuous and flannel.

Susan hugged her goodbye. “I would like to meet you again and continue our conversation. Take care, dear Charlotte.”

“Thank you, I will write down my address.” Charlotte was about to look into her purse.

“No need, I know where to find you.” Susan waved and walked towards an impressive carriage drawn by four white horses.

Charlotte climbed into her more humble carriage and sat straight up on the way back and stroked the many boxes with new clothes. To think this was only a small part of her purchases. The rest would be delivered.

Charlotte was a bit disappointed when she returned to Bedford Place and neither Sidney nor Diana was there. Benson had a servant bring her shopping to her room and she called for some tea and sat in the study with her nose in a book on construction when Sidney returned home, beat after a long day of negotiations and business meetings – both on his own and Sanditon’s behalf.

He watched her for a moment before he coughed gently to announce his presence. She looked so peaceful as she sat there with her legs pulled up under her, her head propped on her hand deeply concentrating on her book. Her beautiful wide smile when she saw him made his heart skip a beat.

“How was your day? I feel awful for being spoiled while you had to work.” Her voice was soft.

“You enjoyed yourself, I take it?” He poured a drink and dropped himself exhausted in a chair.

“I’m ashamed to say it, but yes. Very much. Madame Palmyre and Miss Parkins were very kind. And one of their customers took pity on me and stayed with me until I was finished.” Charlotte laughed at the thought.

Her excitement made his lips curl into a boyish grin. “Maybe we should invite her for dinner next time we are in London. Who is she?”

Charlotte chuckled. “I only know her first name is Susan. There was something secretive about her.”

He shook his head laughing. His short acquaintance with Charlotte was long enough to know that she could make friends with anyone. He had been the only exception to prove the rule.

“What?” She sounded offended.

“Nothing, just that only you can be on first name basis with someone eligible enough to be a customer at Madame Palmyre. I mean, I had to have Babington’s help me get an appointment for you with such short notice.”

She looked nervously at the big clock. “I appreciate you did. Speaking of dresses, I better go get ready.”

As she walked out the study, he called out to her. “Charlotte, what color is your dress?”

“Pale pink.” An adorable blush spread on her cheeks.

Layers upon layers of pale pink organza floated around her slim figure as she twirled lightly in front of the looking glass. She could hardly recognize her own reflection. The lights caught the exquisite embroidered golden details generously scattered all over the skirt and bodice. The maid had managed to tame her curls in a soft chignon with pink ribbons weaved into her curls and adorned with small silk flowers from Madame. Tendrils of soft curls framed her face and followed the curves of her neck and collarbone.

Her heart was beating a rapid tattoo as she walked down the stairs and even more when Sidney appeared from the library. She didn’t know much about men but something in his gaze told her that he approved of her.

He opened his jacket to show her his waistcoat. Ebony-white brocade with a gold and dark-pink pattern. He had wanted to show that he belonged with her – it had been important to Eliza to a point where she wanted to control the nuance. “Does my waistcoat not suit your dress? Will I not do?” He asked her suddenly feeling very shy. The ethereal being descending the stairs had taken him completely by surprise. Charlotte Heywood of Willingden was pretty. Charlotte Heywood of London, soon to be Mrs. Parker, was more beautiful than his mother’s rose garden in full bloom.

Her cheeks were burning and a few tears were pooling in the corner of her eyes. The waistcoat matching her dress was so considerate and gallant that she didn’t know what to say. “Your waistcoat and you will do very well, Mr. Parker.” She managed to whisper as she took the last step and stood right in front of him.

He took the wrap folded over her arm and draped it carefully over her shoulders from behind – and he took his time to drink in her scent, her heaving bosom and revel in the way her skin reacted to his light touches.

Taking a deep breath, he collected himself and offered her his arm. “Ready, Miss Heywood?”

“Ready, Mr. Parker.” Her hand slipped into its spot on his arm.

He chose to sit next to her in the carriage, not sure he would be able to pull his eyes off her, if he sat across. The lulling of the carriage made their upper arms brush lightly against each other during the ride and he felt small sparks of electricity every time. Despite desperate attempts he could not come up with something brilliant or witty to say, she was too close and smelled so sweet.

“Will Lord Babington be at the dinner?” She asked him softly.

“Who?” His mind was fogged by her nearness and scent to think straight.

“Lord Babington, your friend, will he be at the dinner party?” She repeated. He could almost hear her frowning.

“Him! No, no, he won’t. You will have to settle with me tonight.” He tried to engage her in their usual banter.

“Well, I could hardly ask for a more eloquent or attentive companion.” She retorted instantly with a small confused smile. He took it, it was better than nothing.

When he didn’t return her quip, his attempt to lighten the tension died a swift death. The trip took forever. Were they even in London anymore? A quick glance out the window confirmed that they were indeed. He started tapping his foot to vent some nervous energy.

“Are you not well, Sidney? You seem a little off tonight?” Her voice sounded genuinely concerned and she took his hand.

“Yes. Yes. I’m just not very fond of these things.” He half-lied.

“Oh, I thought this would be your natural habitat?” She asked a little surprised.

“No, I don’t really belong anywhere. I’m an outlier, remember?” He tried to put a smile in his voice. It worked. She laughed that tinkling laughter that made his blood sing.

Sir Humphrey’s London house was grand in every way. An endless row of carriages was dropping off guests out front and both Sidney and Charlotte feared the event would be bigger than expected. Sidney jumped carefully over a pile of horse manure as he descended and turned towards Charlotte with his arms stretched out.

“I’ll lift you over.” He placed his hands gently on her waist and lifted her safely onto manure-free ground – and a little further. Her hands were on his shoulders and he put her down slowly, holding on for a little too long. “There, dry-shoed and perfect.” He smiled with a dry mouth.

“Thank you.” She felt a little dizzy and slid her hand into its place to keep her balance.

Inside, he stroked the back of her hand as they waited to greet the hosts. She was nervously leaning against him and he leaned down. “You look very beautiful tonight, Charlotte. And you are more than equal to any lady in this room.”

Anger and attraction had flirted from the very beginning when it came to Charlotte Heywood, Sidney could admit that to himself. Also, that anger had been replaced with admiration and attraction had escalated to desire. At dinners like this where the main objective was talking business, gentlemen would sometimes outnumber the ladies. This evening was one of those. The experience at the inn should have prepared him for tonight but it didn’t, and he was hit full-force with jealousy as every unattached man turned their eyes at Charlotte. Quite a few married men too. He knew some of them, not just from the gentlemen’s club but Mrs. Harries’ too. Rakes and scoundrels the lot of them.

Announcement and introductions were made. Sidney answered as he should when he should but other than that he was busy estimating the threats in the room. Charlotte was talking to their hosts as only she could. He registered that they laughed and let somewhat unwillingly go of her arm when Lady Humphrey wanted to introduce her to some of her close friends. Of course, he would rather have preferred she had stayed next to him where he could protect her. Now, she was away from the safety of him, the predators on the savannah started circling around her and the small group of ladies she was talking to. He excused himself from Sir Humphrey and two other gentlemen he had forgotten the names of.

Quickly, he grabbed two glasses of wine from a tray and made his way towards his target. Three gentlemen were already battling for her attention and she did her best to divide her smiles and sweet conversation between them. He told himself that she was relieved to see him and he let out the breath he had been holding, when her hand softly nestled in the safety of his arm.

“Sidney, this is Viscount Capell. He spent some summers on his grandparent’s estate a short distance from Sanditon. He has visited the beach many times as a young boy.” Charlotte’s whole being was sparkling with excitement.

Sidney smiled stiffly, he noticed how the Viscount’s eyes often landed on Charlotte’s alluring cleavage. “Yes... Bromham Park?”

“The very one. Quaint little town, Sanditon, as I recall it. But Miss Heywood claims that it is the best place on Earth. Though she admits she hasn’t travelled much.” The Viscount smirked and once again his eyes followed the soft curves of Charlotte’s body.

Sidney was boiling with anger. Not only did the man ogle his fiancée, he also made fun of her. The irony that he had done the very same in a much less charming way was completely lost on him.

“When you don’t travel much, it is so much more important to choose wisely, is it not, Viscount?” Charlotte chuckled and the two other gentlemen in his entourage laughed heartedly and slapped the Viscount on the back. “Miss Heywood got you there, Thomas.”

The Viscount stared hungrily at Charlotte. “Yes... yes, she’s got me. _All_ of me.”

That was more than Sidney could take. “Excuse me gentlemen, I have someone I want to introduce _my fiancée_ to.” He quickly scanned the room to find someone he knew well enough to use as an escape. Only obvious option he could find within seconds was Mr. Dormer, Crowe’s uncle on his mother’s side. Where Crowe was the epitome of fun and games, Mr. Dormer was the very opposite. A dull God-fearing man who could speak for hours about the decay of the British youth. But he would have to do.

“Mr. Dormer. Very nice to meet you again. I trust both you and Mrs. Dormer are in excellent health?” Sidney bowed politely.

“Mr. Parker. Thank you, we are. People with faith in God are always in excellent health – if only in spirit.” Mr. Dormer dragged. Sidney wondered for a split-second if he had chosen the worse of two evils.

“This is Miss Charlotte Heywood. My fiancée.” Sidney proclaimed proudly and put his hand on top of hers.

Charlotte curtsied. “Mr. Dormer... I know that name from somewhere.” She paused and then her face lit up. “Is it Mr. Dormer as in the patron who secured the restoration of the altarpiece in Saint Pancras Old Church?”

Sidney could not remember ever having seen Crowe’s uncle smile. But now he lit up in a jaw-cracking smile brighter than fireworks. “It is indeed, Miss Heywood. Have you had the pleasure of seeing it?”

“Sadly, no. I read about in the newspaper yesterday and found it truly wonderful that a piece of church history is secured for generations to come. All because of one man.” The dimples in her cheeks were brought out by her soft smile. “I am honored to have met you, Mr. Dormer.” She curtsied again and pressed Sidney’s arm gently to signal it was time to close the conversation. A few more general pleasantries and they managed to extract themselves from a thrilled patron.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Sidney turned towards her. “That was impressive. How did you...? Where did you...? I have honestly never seen that man smile. Not even to his wife.”

Charlotte shrugged her shoulders as if it was no big accomplishment. “I was bored yesterday when you were at the club and Diana had gone to bed and read all the newspapers thoroughly before I decided to work on Sanditon. I tend to remember what I read – even the small insignificant things like the altarpiece in Saint Pancras.”

He stared at her with a big grin. “I don’t think I have ever been more impressed by anyone than I am by you right now.”

She swatted his arm. “Don’t mock me, Sidney. It’s unbecoming.”

His face turned serious. “I’m not mocking you. This is what these dinners are all about – knowing the right thing about something or someone at the right time. You did a stellar job, Charlotte. Now, we just have to survive dinner and get some people aboard the Sanditon project.”

Dinner was announced and they headed in rows towards the dining room. “Fuck.” Sidney muttered to himself when he saw the seating plan. He and Charlotte were not seated next to each other – not entirely unusual but as an engaged couple he had hoped to keep her by his side. Worse was that Viscount Capell was her table companion, because he was higher ranked than Sidney and ladies were outnumbered 8 to 12. Only silver lining was that he would be able to see Charlotte from his seat.

The Viscount was on his way to walk Charlotte to her seat but Sidney chose to ignore it and led her instead. He kissed her hand, bowed curtly and smugly to the Viscount and found his seat. Of course, he had to endure the way the Viscount helped her with her chair.

Dinner was pure agony for him. The company was boring. Of course, he had won the seat opposite Mr. Dormer. Capell was monopolizing Charlotte’s attention and she laughed at something he said, when it wasn’t the other way around. Sidney had to admit that she was great company. Intelligent and witty conversation mixed with her sparkling eyes and beautiful smiles. How could he have missed that in the beginning of their acquaintance?

He noticed how the Viscount kept toasting her and filling her glass, and then it happened. Her signature frown and flashing eyes indicated that Capell had overstepped his boundaries. Every fiber in him wanted to jump up and challenge the Neanderthal to a dual. But a quick glance from Charlotte told him, she had the situation under control and he chose to lean back and wait for her to destroy that ass of a man.

Viscount Capell had indeed overstepped. Not only had he tried to get Charlotte drunk by toasting often and keep her glass full. She quickly found out and either took tiny sips or simply let the wine slide back into the glass. When his hand found her thigh under the table she turned and hissed in a cold tone. “You seem to have misplaced your hand, Viscount. It was very careless of you but luckily easily rectified, don’t you agree?”

He laughed apologetically and Sidney could see him lift his hands in mock surrender. As punishment Charlotte engaged the opposite side of the table and when the Viscount was trapped in that, she turned to the gentleman on her other side. Sidney had to admit it was expertly handled. To the luck of the Viscount’s life span, Sidney had not noticed the hand astray.

After a rather long and tiresome dinner, Sidney had not succeeded in anything other than biting a hole in the inside of his cheek and perhaps being a little more drunk than was proper. It had been exceedingly dull to listen to Mr. Dormer and he had not been able to both brood over the Viscount and turn the conversation in the direction of Sanditon. The evening would have been better spent with Charlotte in the study at Bedford Place.

In the turmoil of chairs being pulled and guests being ushered to the music parlor for the entertainment, Sidney lost sight of Charlotte. For a second he feared that the rake had led her to a secluded alcove – she was after all not accustomed to the less flattering ways of the ton. He was getting close to desperate when her hand softly found its way into the crook of his arm.

“I lost sight of you.” She whispered with a smile. “The Viscount tried to imbibe me. It took all I had not to punch his face or yell at him – I would prefer though not to be the one to show him around when he comes for the regatta.” She chuckled.

“The regatta?” Sidney asked, not sure if she was drunk and rambling.

“Yes, the regatta we’re throwing the second Saturday in July.” She was downright laughing now.

“Charlotte, are you drunk? You are not making much sense.” He was looking for a place where they could talk in private.

“A little, blame the Viscount. I’m serious about the regatta though. Sidney, they don’t want to invest in a town they have never heard of or been to and asked if there were any events. A regatta was the best idea I could come up with on-the-fly that we would be able to plan and execute in the limited time. I have my end of the table renting a cottage to attend the regatta and the following ball we are also having. It so happens that we accidently stay clear of the annual summer festival in Bath the weekend before and the music and arts festival in Bristol the weekend after.” She was glowing from the wine, the heat in the room and her joy over her idea. She was stunning.

“How did you know about the other events?” Sidney asked, tilting his head closer to her. He was still trying to wrap his head around the regatta and the ball.

“The same newspaper, where I read about Mr. Dormer, of course.” She was laughing again. “They confirmed that nothing of import happened that weekend and were quite sure that the bored ton would be happy to have something to attend. Mr. Perry owns a newspaper. I got a good price on advertising for the regatta and he promised to write a small piece of this hidden gem in his gossip column. The best place to poke to their curiosity, he said. He was very helpful. We have an appointment with him tomorrow at 3.” She took a deep breath. “That is, if you think we can stay an extra day? There is so much to do before we return to Sanditon.”

“Admiral Heywood, I shall follow your orders.” Sidney saluted her.

The music was beautiful but neither of them paid much attention. Sidney had managed to get them seated on a small settee alone. Charlotte was busy thinking and he was busy watching her and wondering when it would be proper to leave.

Capell quietly circled the room and ended up next to them. “I’m sure you play the piano as beautifully as maestro, Miss Heywood.” He smirked.

“You couldn’t be more wrong, Viscount.” Charlotte smiled and placed her hand on top of Sidney’s. “My father found it more useful to teach his sons and daughters to shoot.”

“Oh!” The Viscount sounded both surprised and impressed.

Sidney turned his hand and laced his fingers with Charlotte to demonstrate she belonged to him. It was not very proper but neither was Capell – chasing openly after an engaged lady.

All good things - and all dull things come to an end eventually, as did the dinner party. Sidney and Charlotte said their goodbyes and promised to return to London soon.

The weather had changed and Charlotte shuttered and drew her wrap tighter around her. She was shaking by the time he had helped her inside the carriage and he took off his jacket and put around her – just like the day at the beach. This time though, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.

It had been an eventful day for Charlotte. All the impressions, the dress fitting, the wine, being alert and attentive and lulling in a carriage with her head resting against Sidney’s broad warm chest made her slowly drift to sleep. Sidney buried his nose in her hair and placed soft kisses from time to time. Lady Denham was right. Charlotte was pivotal to make Sanditon a success.

This time the carriage ride was over with a blink of an eye. “Charlotte. We are home.” He nuzzled her gently awake.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” She stifled a yawn and stretched herself against him.

“You’ve had a long day. Keep my jacket on. It’s even colder now and it’s started to rain.” He jumped out and helped her descend. It was in fact raining heavily and they ran inside holding hands.

Benson was an excellent butler and had of course called for the maid to help Charlotte to bed when he heard the carriage pull up. She was already waiting for Charlotte upstairs in the hallway when Sidney, still holding her hand, escorted her to her room. Clenching his jaw with disappointment over running such a smooth and efficient household, he squeezed her hand goodnight and trotted down the hallway to his rooms.


	12. A good handwritten letter is always in style

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before ya'll jump to any conclusions Sidney wants to stress that he swore an oath. Try not to read into it, ok?  
> IT IS JUST A SURPRISE.
> 
> Last day in London. 
> 
> Enjoy, stay safe, take care  
> ❤❤❤
> 
> P

_**Wednesday, June 9 1819** _

Sidney leapt down the stairs to the dining room, eager to see... what was for breakfast and the morning post. Charlotte was already there, looking very lovely in a blue dress. He wondered if it was a new one from Madame Palmyre.

“Goodmorning, Sidney.” Diana greeted demonstratively over the rim of her teacup.

Oh, his sister was there too. He hadn’t noticed for some reason. “Goodmorning, Diana.” He turned to Charlotte with a wide grin. “Goodmorning, Charlotte. I trust you slept well?”

Diana was normally as oblivious when it came to others as Tom, but the corners of her lips curled at her uncharacteristic wide-smiling brother.

“Goodmorning, Sidney. I slept very well. And you?” She blushed slightly. He nodded and poured some coffee. “Mr. Perry sent a note to confirm our appointment at 3 – if you can find the time?” Charlotte handed him the letter. “And then there is a letter from Susan...” She read out loud.

_Dear Charlotte,_

_What a treat it was to make your acquaintance yesterday. Like promised, I found a fitting event to air both your golden dress and the Sanditon Regatta. Mrs. Maudsley is a friend of mine and she was more than happy to invite you and your Mr. Parker to her famous - and to be honest infamous - rout. Invitations should be delivered shortly._

_I will do my best to attend both events._

_Yours truly, Susan_

Sidney looked puzzled. “How does she know about the regatta? You only came up with the idea last night.”

Charlotte smilingly shrugged her shoulders. “She must know someone who was there. Perhaps the Viscount?”

Sidney rolled his eyes at the mention of Capell and shrugged his shoulders; his thoughts were now occupied less on where Susan got her information and more on the event itself. Mrs. Maudsley’s rout had been the place to see and be seen for as long as Sidney could remember. He had never been but what he had heard from Babington, it was the hearth of all Sidney detested about London. Superficial, endless gossip and border lining depraved. The number of marriages with a special license or long continental educational trips for young ladies following the evening spoke a very clear language. How could he even consider taking someone as pure as Charlotte there? The so-called gentlemen of the ton would be able to smell her innocence from miles away and take special effort in conquering her. She would of course be _his_ wife at the time and thereby be protected by his name. Would it be enough?

Sidney felt less enthusiastic about the day and filled his plate in silence. Chewing on a bit of bacon he started on his pile of letters.

She noticed his sudden closed look and decided not to press further, wondering why he suddenly went from happy to brooding. It must have been something she had said or done.

“The bill from Madame Palmyre has come, Charlotte.” His voice was darkened by his concern about his future wife at Mrs. Maudsley’s ball but she didn’t know that.

“Oh, did I spend too much? I tried to keep taps as Madame pulled out dress after dress. I did order two more plain dresses. A ball gown is not very suited for the beach, is it?” She speed-talked nervously.

Sidney started laughing to her big surprise and confusion. “No, you did very well. It’s much less than I expected. I’ll take care of it this morning. I’m happy you ordered more day dresses.”

Her voice turned very small. “I thought perhaps I could send some of my old dresses home to be reused for my sisters.” She stared down on her plate. The difference between their position in society suddenly felt enormous. Until now, she had not fully realized how financially dependent she was going to be on him.

Both Sidney and Diana watched how humiliation washed over Charlotte’s face and Diana instantly chose to excuse herself, shooting her brother a stern look to fix this.

Sidney moved to the chair next to Charlotte and took her hand. “Forgive me. It was not my intention to make you feel as if you needed my permission to do something nice for your family. In my mind, what is mine is yours. But I have not thought of telling you. Once we are married, I will go over my own businesses with you if you like and give you an understanding of our financial situation and capability.”

The breakfast roll she absentmindedly had been picking was now a small pile of breadcrumbs on her plate. He scolded himself for having made her feel insecure about something he had forced her to do.

“I would like that very much.” She still stared at her plate.

He didn’t know what else to say and chose to leave her alone. Standing he pressed a small kiss on the top of her head without thinking. “I’ll be no more than a few hours. We’ll have time to go over the advertising for Mr. Perry when I return.”

Sitting in the carriage, he gave himself a good tongue lashing for not having seen this from her side. He had nonchalantly declined a dowry for Charlotte. The Heywoods had done more than enough for him and his family and if it could help her sisters to choose more freely, he would be more than happy to do without. Pin money he had always considered a disdaining way to value a woman’s worth and keep her in place. Charlotte was his partner, not someone to be weighed on a scale. His solicitor had already drawn out the papers to give her power of attorney to his accounts. Sidney Parker was not a man to do anything half-hearted. It was all or nothing and he definitely owed Charlotte _all_ he had.

A little put off by Sidney’s odd behavior this morning, Charlotte went to the study to do some more planning on the regatta. She smoothed the skirt of the new blue dress, she had been so proud to put on this morning, but now it made her feel spoiled and silly.

She shook the musings off and dove into work and slowly she was back to her normal determined self. At least until Sidney barged into the study a few hours later and unloaded a stack of packages and a big white box on a table.

“I thought about what you said. Miss Parkins found some fabrics she assured me would be both pretty and practical for your mother and sisters. And I stopped at my tailor to get some for the men in your family too...and this is for you...” He handed her the box before she had time to grasp what he had said and respond.

“Open it.” He stood, looking very eager and yet nervous, shifting his weight on his feet.

With trembling hands, she lifted up a stunning gown in fat champagne-colored silk with an overdress covered generously with embroidered and embellished flowers and butterflies.

“What is this?” She whispered.

“Your wedding dress.” He smiled shyly. “Before you say anything you have to know my hands were tied – I was bound to an oath to Anne and Beatrice to get you a wedding dress. They designed it.”

He took out a big envelope from his inner pocket and gave her. Inside was her sisters’ drawing of her in the dress and very thorough descriptions of how to make the dress.

“I sent it to Madame Palmyre from Willingden. Your mother and Alison helped with your measurements. Madame was very impressed with the design.” He chuckled. Charlotte had still not uttered a single word. “Though she suggested that we went for the silk instead of grass. I don’t know much about dress making but I think the overskirt can be removed so that you can change the look.” He scratched the back of his head.

Tears were flowing silently down Charlotte’s cheeks and his heart dropped. Fuck. “Oh, I stepped in it big this time, didn’t I? I just wanted to help you do something for your family. Our family. And as for the wedding dress. Maybe I got a little carried away with Anne and Beatrice...”

His rambling stopped when she ran to him and flung her arms around his neck, sobbing loudly. He held her tight. “Charlotte, I’m out of my depths here. Does this hug mean I did something good?”

She nodded against his neck. They slowly pulled apart, brushing their cheeks against each other. His lips grazed her tear-stained skin on their way to kiss her, when a discrete knock on the open door to the study made them jump apart. Charlotte wiped her tears away while Sidney snapped. “Yes, Benson!” His eyes shot daggers at the butler who calmly handed him an envelope.

“Will that be all, Sir?” Benson smirked. Sidney sighed and nodded. Benson had been right to interrupt them and he knew it.

Sidney clenched his jaw as he opened the envelope. It was from Mrs. Maudsley. The ornamented invitation was followed by a small note.

_Dear Miss Heywood and Mr. Parker,_

_I took the liberty to write out the invitation to Mr. and Mrs. Parker, as I understand you will be married by the time, I throw my little rout._

_Sincerely, Mrs. Maudsley_

Well, there was no backing out, now one of the most influential women and biggest gossiper had taken it upon her to show them the extra curtesy of a personal note. Charlotte Heywood would be the death of him. At least she was happy about the invitation. Personally, he would rather fight both the Russian giant twins than attend, but she was right, of course. Sanditon needed all the attention they could drum up. At least he wouldn’t have to rein Tom too. His brother was as subtle as a hippopotamus at social events.

When Charlotte put on a deep blue spencer in velvet Sidney had not seen before he was fairly sure that it was a new outfit and complimented her and was rewarded with a grateful smile and her hand where it belonged. The Charlotte, ready to take on the world, was fully back by the time, they reached Mr. Perry’s office.

It didn’t take long before Sidney realized that Mr. Perry not normally allowed this kind of blunt advertising in the gossip column but the man was clearly smitten by Charlotte and handled everything personally from the article to the adverts.

“What about the ball, Miss Heywood? We need it to stand out. You do not have the luxury of size or proximity to London.” Mr. Perry stated.

Charlotte was thinking... “But it is small and intimate. Can we not make that a selling point?” She chewed her lip.

“Tickets.” Sidney blurted out. “What if you have to buy a ticket? Limited number. The earnings go to charity?”

Mr. Perry nodded. “Perhaps not charity. The ton couldn’t care less.”

“Tickets are the right solution.” Charlotte agreed. “But what if a ticket triggered a lot in the pot instead of charity? To win a month in one of the cottages.” The two men could see her do some calculations. “If we set the price at ten shillings, it would signal an exclusivity, would it not, Mr. Perry? Or is that stretching it?” She bit her lip again. Sidney would really wish she would stop doing that.

“No, no. I think ten shillings would pique their curiosity. These are dangerously bored people.” He sighed and scratched the bald top of his head. Sidney could only agree to that.

Mr. Perry insisted on coming himself to cover the Regatta and after a little more talk of Sanditon and the London ton, Sidney and Charlotte said their goodbyes.

Charlotte was quiet on the ride back to Bedford Place. He watched her and waited for her to say what was on her mind, but nothing came.

“Is something bothering you, Charlotte?” He asked as they walked up the stairs.

“No. I was just thinking about how much has happened in a very short time. That is all.” She wiggled off her spencer and handed it to a footman.

“Are you having second thoughts?” He asked with a slight shiver in his voice.

“Sidney, I wish you would stop asking me that.” She sounded annoyed. “Do I strike you as someone who would jump ship on a whim? I made a promise. If you want to end this, you’ll have to say so yourself!”

For the first time since they left Mr. Perry’s office, she stared him square in the eye with her chin lifted in defiance as if to say, I dare you, Mr. Parker.

“I don’t.” It was all he could muster to say.

“There. Now, can we agree not to bring it up again?” Again, that defiant look in her eyes.

“Yes, Miss Heywood.” He gave her lopsided smile.

“Good. When do you have to be at the club tonight?” She brushed some invisible lint of her skirt, no longer meeting his eyes.

“I thought I would stay here. We could plan the regatta or you could beat me in chess?” He watched her with an amusement she definitely did not share.

“What makes you think I could beat you in chess – or that I even know how to play?” She sounded angry for some reason she couldn’t even explain herself.

“Your father told me you play, very well in fact. So far, you have surpassed me in everything, it is only fair to assume that goes for chess as well.” His voice was teasing which made her even more angry.

She swatted after him with her gloves. “Stop mocking me, Sidney.”

“I already told you. I’m not mocking you, Charlotte.” His eyes turned dark and when she swatted after him again in frustration, he caught her wrist and pulled her close. His face was very close to hers and he moved his eyes to her lips. His hand was burning hot around her wrist. He leaned down.

“Dinner is ready.” Diana chirped from the top of the stairs. Charlotte extracted herself from Sidney and greeted Diana merrily.

“Fuck!” Sidney growled frustratedly and followed the two ladies into the dining room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things.
> 
> There has been some discussions about the banns read in church. I had done some research. The banns are read the three Sundays leading to the wedding. https://janeaustenslondon.com/2014/05/07/banns-or-licence-ways-to-marry-in-georgian-england/
> 
> About the ticket. Normally it cost 28 shillings to attend the balls of a season. 5 for single events. I had no idea there was a tour pass... Please don't spend your energy on debating if the price is fair or not.
> 
> And a bonus thingy. Every 'Fuck' is a shout out to the wonderful Grasshopper01 https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grasshopper01/pseuds/Grasshopper01
> 
> Imagine this dress regency style and champagne colored https://moniquelhuillier.com/products/dusty-rose-high-low-gown


	13. There is nowhere like home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it this far. 
> 
> I've got big news for you! Sidney admits after this chapter that he can not run from the fact that he wanted to kiss Charlotte. Before you get too carried away and dance a victory dance because you think you were right, you should know that he blames it ENTIRELY on the heat of the moment. As promised in the comments on the previous chapter, Sidney gets three kisses in this chapter. Mwah 💋 Mwah 💋 Mwah 💋 😏
> 
> Two short days combined, but I find them important for the story. I hope you'll enjoy reading it just the same.

_**Thursday, June 10 1819**_

It took two men more than half an hour to load, fit and secure all the bags and trunks onto the carriage. Charlotte’s wedding trousseau was one thing but Diana added a big trunk to the pile too. When asked by Sidney what it was, she replied plainly. “Bits and bobs for poor Arthur’s health.” It was enough for her brother to instantly loose interest and she smiled triumphantly. Diana was not shrewd or mischievous by nature and she was easily dismissed as silly with all her illnesses and whims – she was very well aware of this and for once her color was trump and she was not ashamed to play them. 

The weather was dry but chilly which suited Sidney just fine because Charlotte kept her spencer on. It was a nice dull and uneventful journey. Diana dozed off pretty quickly and Sidney must have nodded off too because when they stopped for lunch and a change of horses, he woke up with a pillow propped under his head and an uncharming strip of saliva down his chin. 

Conversations were sparse as the three travelers enjoyed a nice hot stew and freshly baked scones. The inn was delightfully threat-free and Sidney could relax. While he and Diana struggled to shake off the nap, Charlotte was thinking. He could practically hear the cogs in her brain turning. 

Back in the carriage, Diana found a small box of chocolates from her big basket of remedies as they commenced the second half of the trip. It was enough to lift the spirits and start a pleasant banter. Sidney learned his sister could be very witty and entertaining when she wanted to. 

“Take another piece, Sidney. The chocolate smoothes out the gloomy frowns in your forehead. It is very becoming. How nice something this delicious can be so rejuvenating.” She winked at him with a big grin and he laughed so hard he almost spit out the sweet treat. 

When the box was emptied the discussion turned to Charlotte’s ideas for the regatta. Diana chipped in with tents along the riverbank for shade and refreshments. By the time Sanditon came into sight, they had an outline for a program for the regatta and the ball. 

Mary was waiting for them outside when they pulled up. Sidney jumped out immediately to greet her and feared that something was amiss. There was, but not with Tom or the children. She wanted to warn them that Lady Denham had invited herself to dinner. Before she got a chance to say that the lady had already arrived, they heard her cry out from inside. “Is it them? Have they finally arrived?” 

Sidney helped out Diana and Charlotte. “Go upstairs to freshen up if you need to, I’ll throw myself into the lion’s den and distract her.” He smirked. 

“Lady Denham, what a pleasant surprise.” He said sarcastically as he entered the drawing room with a wide grin on his face. Arthur gave him a relieved smile, his usual happy cherup face was pale and stiff. He had obviously been grilled slowly since her arrival. 

“Oh, poppycock, Mr. Parker. Where is your fiancée? Did you lose her to a finer suitor in London?” She moved her head from side to side in the failed attempt to look behind him as if she expected Charlotte to be hiding behind his tall frame. 

“No, I’m proud to say that I was able to extract Miss Heywood from the joys of London and the gallantry of the ton and bring her back to Sanditon safe and sound to your Ladyship. She and my sister have merely gone to wash off the worst road dust. You will have to take me as I am, since we were not prepared for company.” He pulled a chair next to hers. “Now, Lady Denham. How may I entertain you?” 

Lady Denham’s mouth opened and closed like a dying fish a few times in surprise. She had not been prepared for Sidney to roll out all of his considerable charm and she was swooning slightly. He took advantage of her silence and told her in detail about the dinner at the Humphreys, Charlotte’s idea about the regatta and the ball, the wedding trousseau and when he got to the wedding dress designed by two little girls, he had her hook, line and sinker. It was a soft kitten Sidney a short while later escorted chivalrously to the dinner table. 

After a dinner where Sidney and Charlotte joined forces to keep Lady Denham in check, they were all exhausted and relieved that the old woman chose to retire for Sanditon House immediately. Arthur and Diana walked back to their apartment, very pleased to be united again. Sidney stayed behind for a while to catch up properly with Mary. 

“How is he?” Sidney asked after he had treated Charlotte and Mary to a glass of sherry and himself to three fingers of brandy. He was in need of something fortifying after two stiff hours of Lady Denham probing him and Charlotte, watching their every glance or touch like a hawk. 

Mary sighed. “He’s better. Still quiet and keeps to our room. Arthur has been a darling, taking him for a long walk every day. I have to admit that I almost miss his frantic rambling, but at least he talks to Arthur now. The children miss their father but Arthur has played with them on the beach every day and dined with us every evening, telling them bedtime stories. I don’t think I could have coped without him. Who would have known?” 

Arthur as a helpful pillar was new to Sidney as well and he shot a glance at Charlotte. Somehow, her mere presence seemed to make everyone a better version of themselves. She just sipped her sherry unaware of his thoughts. 

He took Mary’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Tom will be fine again. Dr. Fuchs said it would take time and we just have to be patient. And right now, he’s helping because he’s not meddling.” 

Mary gave him a small smile. “You’re right, Sidney. Of course, you are. Enough of that. What can I do to help out with the regatta?” 

They talked for a while until Charlotte couldn’t hide her fatigue anymore and Mary ordered her to bed. Sidney took his leave, feeling a little sad that he was not able to walk Charlotte to her room anymore. 

Crossing the street to his hotel he looked back over his shoulder at her window, only to find her standing to wave him goodnight. Smiling, he waved her back and tapped his hat with his cane. 

_**Friday, June 11 1819**_

Still damp from his morning swim at the cove, Sidney sprinted as fast as a gentleman could do to Trafalgar House. He and Charlotte were going to work all day on the regatta in Tom’s study and he had been up early to get his own correspondence out of the way before heading for the refreshing sea. 

His disappointment, when Mary told him that Arthur had called on Charlotte early to take a walk with her, was palpable. He did not have time to sulk for long though as Henry, Jenny and Alicia came yelling his name. “Uncle Sidney, Uncle Sidney, Uncle Sidney!” Squatting he hugged and kissed each and every one of them and listened to their stories of the adventures with Uncle Arthur, who was almost as fun as Uncle Sidney, but not as good or scary to play tag with. 

Meanwhile, Charlotte and Arthur walked the cliff road. If Sidney had not been so eager to return to town, he might have spotted them on his way back. 

“May I call you Charlotte?” Arthur asked with his signature happy smile. 

“Most certainly, Arthur. We are to be brother and sister after all.” Charlotte returned his smile and hooked her arm around his. 

“And I could not be happier about it – even if I tried.” He hummed and then turned uncharacteristic serious. “I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your trust in me with the business in London. Please, let me know if I can do more.” 

“Thank you, Arthur. We were a little surprised though, when you were not there when we arrived.” She gave his arm a light squeeze. 

“It is easier to grow a backbone when one is not in company with the strongest backbone in the family or the one who keeps telling you that growing a backbone is bad for your indigestion.” He chuckled a little bitterly. “You see, Tom was allowed to choose first when it came to dreams and ambitions and became an architect of air castles and captain of hot air balloons. Diana and I were too young to even stand in line and with three silly siblings on tow, Sidney was forced to be the sensible brother. We left him no other choice.” 

Charlotte laughed bitterly to herself as she thought of his first tongue lashing on the balcony. 

“I’m not as stupid as I look or as frivolous as I seem. But I keep it to myself. I’m easily underestimated and that is a good platform to do business from. You’ll find when we get back that I managed to get a discount on most of the past-due invoices I paid. Sidney and Tom do not know this but I’ve managed to triple mine and Diana’s inheritance over the past five years.” He broke into one of his big grins at her small gasp. 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone? Not even Diana?” Charlotte looked puzzled. 

“I tried telling Tom at some point, but you know him. He talks more than he listens. Diana doesn’t really care about these things and I feared it would make her anxious. Sidney... well, Sidney and I are not close. I respect him immensely but I’m also a intimidated by him if I have to be honest.” 

They both started laughing. “I can see why.” Charlotte giggled. 

“Can you? You don’t seem put off by him at all.” Arthur examined her face. 

“Trust me, I do. I just prefer to fight over flight and I have the scars to show it. Including the ones from your brother.” Her voice was filled with laughter. 

“Well, I find you delightfully fearless, Charlotte.” His face lit up in excitement but quickly returned to the serious folds again. “I have some matters to discuss with you. Which is why, I stole you away from my brother for a walk. I have not seen Sidney laugh or even smile in more than a decade – except with Tom and Mary’s children... He likes you and he trusts you, Charlotte. Otherwise, he would never have let down his walls for you. I hope that you will have a happy marriage, because you both deserve it. Especially you, Charlotte.” He coughed to clear his throat, a little shy to bring up such intimate matters. Her eyes glistened with tears, moved by his words. He continued in a new direction. “I went over the papers and numbers for Sanditon after I returned. Your system was immaculate by the way, it was very easy to get an overview. I have a suggestion.” 

Charlotte was still trying to wrap her head around the unique experience of a serious and capable Arthur and his words on Sidney and didn’t pay full attention to his change of topic. He carried on unaffected by her silent musings. “I think it would be prudent to form a company. We need cashflow quickly. Diana and I can invest £5.000 each, if Sidney would agree to that you and he do the same, we will have £15.000 plus the revenue from this season. Tom, Sidney and Lady Denham will already have shares in the company with their current investments. One thing though, we have to make sure Lady Denham doesn’t get the majority of the shares. Even if I have to put my entire fortune at risk.” 

Her head was spinning. “Arthur, this makes brilliantly sense but you need to tell Sidney this!” 

“Mary told me how Sidney reacted to me going to London. It is obvious that he only sees me as a silly baby brother with a tummy ache.” He gave a short laugh. “But he listens to you, Charlotte.” 

Arthur was getting a bit short of breath climbing the cliff road and they turned around in silence. Charlotte was chewing her lip, thinking about how to approach Sidney with this. 

“Arthur, I will tell Sidney, you have come up with this and I will make him listen even if I have to tie him to a chair and gag him. This is your idea, and you should have full credit and Sidney has to learn to depend on others than himself.” Her voice was determined and stern. It did not stop him from laughing his usual laugh. 

“I hope it does not come to that but I would pay good money to see you do that.” 

Arthur was about to get what he wished for. Sidney came towards them with an annoyed expression. The deep furrow in his forehead and his angry pace did not bode well for a kind reception of Arthur’s debut as a sensible business-savvy brother. As soon as he was within earshot of them – actually well before but he adjusted the volume of his deep voice accordingly – he lashed out at Charlotte. “Where have you been? I thought we had agreed to meet this morning to discuss the regatta that _you_ brought upon us!” 

The flashing anger in her eyes immediately shot down his feeling of being justified to attack her this way and his eyes started to flicker insecurely back and forth between his fiancée and his brother. Arthur looked very little impressed and Sidney could not remember ever having seen his younger brother – his foolish _baby_ brother - square his shoulders and look him defiantly in the eyes. 

“Tell me, Sidney. What time did we agree upon to meet? What exact hour of the day?” Charlotte asked barely controlling her temper. 

They were standing right in front of each other now. Sidney put his hands on his hips and kicked in the dirt with his heel. She was right, they had just agreed to meet in the morning and it was not even 10. He didn’t know what to say. 

“I didn’t think so!” She barked at him and marched past him, still holding Arthur’s arm. 

“Fuck.” Sidney mumbled, angry with himself that his temper had bereft him of the calming pressure of Charlotte’s hand. He had no other option than to trot after them like an obstinate child. 

Inside the private surroundings of Tom’s study, she turned towards him and hissed. Still furious at his childish and erratic behavior. “Are you quite done, Sidney, or do you need a moment?” 

Sidney shot a desperate glare at Arthur who immediately excused himself to go look for some toast and tea. Alone with Charlotte, he reached out to take her hand but she took a step back. 

“Let me tell you something about your future wife, Sidney. I will not stand for being talked to or treated in such a manner, nor will I be a silent bystander when you are a brute towards others. Quite simply, I do not care what you think of yourself in terms of superiority, or how justified to yell at others you feel. I am sorry if that disappoints you, but there it is. Have I made myself clear?” 

Her cheeks were blushing in the most alluring way, her eyes were sparkling bright enough from fury to eclipse the sun and her chest was heaving very distractively. She was beautiful and tempting. Had it not been for her parted lips he could probably have controlled himself, but she did part them and had the audacity to lick them with the pink tip of her tongue too. With his blood boiling from an explosive mix of anger and desire, he strode to her and hooked his arm around her waist. 

“Sidney!” She gasped as he leaned down to press his lips against hers. 

“SIDNEY!” Arthur yelled from the doorway with his mouth full of toast. 

“FUCK!” Sidney growled and let go of her in an instant, causing her to lose her footing in a combination of his sudden release and dizziness from his dark glare. He looked out the window to hide the evidence. 

“Forgive me.” He said quietly, still standing with his back to a befuddled Charlotte and Arthur. “My behavior this morning was uncalled for.” His cheeks were flushing and he had absolutely no idea how to move on from there. 

A small hand touched his shoulder, light as a butterfly’s wings. “Sidney, why don’t you sit down and listen to what Arthur has to say. I’ll call for some coffee – or perhaps something stronger.” Her voice was softer than he deserved. 

The crisp rustle of skirts told him she left the room and his blood began to cool down to a normal state. Fit to turn around and sit down, he sent Arthur an apologetic half-smile. “Go on, Arthur!” He encouraged, eager not to repeat his mistake. 

Charlotte returned with a tray but when she heard the two brothers talk and Sidney receiving Arthur’s proposal with something close to being impressed, she stopped and waited in the hallway until their conversation came to an end. 

While the two brothers worked on the company structure, Charlotte elaborated on the outlined plans for the regatta and sent note to Georgiana for help. Mary joined them when she found it suitable to leave Tom to himself and the children to the nanny. 

Solid progress was made on both projects by dinner time where Diana arrived, looking a little disheveled and dusty. Arthur was immediately concerned. “Dear sister, you look strained. Have you overdone your walking today? Oh, I should have never have let you go alone!” 

“No, no, I’m fine. The roads are dry and I was overtaken by a carriage while walking. A glass of water and some smelling salt will have me sorted in no time.” She lied and sent Mary an implied look. 

Mary insisted that they ate in time for the children to join them and it was just the distraction they all needed after a tumultuous day. Sidney, Georgiana, Arthur and Diana left soon after. 

It had become a habit for him to look up at Charlotte’s window and wave goodnight and he felt a pang of disappointment when she was not there. Of course, it was too early for her to retire just yet he thought to himself, but nonetheless. 

Later he stood on the porch in front of the hotel smoking, leaning against one of the pillars. It was a nice evening, pleasantly cool and refreshing. He closed his eyes and let the smoke burn down his throat as he inhaled deeply. When he opened his eyes again there was a little movement in her window. She was there. Their eyes met and they did the ritual wave and then she disappeared behind a curtain again. He smiled and put out his cigarette, finally ready to go to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to TillySnape for bringing my attention to the wonderful line, that I have shamelessly stolen and slightly rewritten above: ”I was forever looking out windows to hide the evidence.” She got the line from the directors notes for the 1995 BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Picture Darcy staring... Read her fanfic if you love this Jane Austen masterpiece as well.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/TillySnape/pseuds/TillySnape


	14. This is for the second time asking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for church - and disclose what Diana has been up to in cahoots with Mary. 
> 
> Sidney is happy that focus is more on Charlotte and less on him in this chapter. He cannot wait for you to be as clever on her behalf as you have been on his. I've told him that he shouldn't be too cock-sure about it 😂
> 
> Thank you again for playing along with this story. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> ❤❤❤

_**Sunday, June 13 1819** _

The sun had just graced Sanditon with the dawn of new day when Charlotte found herself sitting on the windowsill in her bedroom. She had sat there for quite some time now trying to focus on the book in her lap, but to no avail. Her mind was elsewhere, or rather on someone. As if she had willed it by the force of her mind, the subject of her musings suddenly exited The Crown and her heart jumped.

Yesterday had been pleasant. They had worked hard on the plans for the regatta. Things had been normal. Things had been understandable. Sidney had been normal and understandable. She understood his signals again. Something had changed between them in London, he had been the most confusing and confounding man she had ever come across. The way he had pulled her close Friday morning replayed in her mind, over and over again. He had been so angry for no good reason and she had been scared. In the way she was scared, when her older brothers had chased her as a child, or when a carriage dropped when driving over a lump in the road too fast. Scared and thrilled at the same time. His eyes had been so dark from anger, yet he had leaned down as if he wanted to kiss her. She could still feel his big hand on her back, so blazing hot it had felt like he branded her.

He had been so... gentle in London. The kiss on her cheek... his lips had been so soft and warm and she had imagined what it would feel like if he kissed her on her lips. Would he even want to? Sidney kissed Diana and Mary on the cheek too.

Sometimes his anger flashed unpredictably. Even without him speaking a word. He would stare at her and then his expression would change and his eyes turn dark, almost black. But not yesterday. Maybe he had just been worried about Tom and taken it out on her. Yes, that must be it.

It was not that Charlotte was a stranger to love. She had read books, of course, about people falling in love. Her parents displayed their affection for one another quite openly. Her married friends had told her what it felt like. None of this she managed to transfer to her own feelings or her own situation. She was not blind to her physical attraction to him. Sidney was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. But love was a matter of the mind and the heart, not the body. But she was entirely sure how it manifested itself. Besides, she was not superficial enough to focus solely on looks and logically it could not be love. This was an arranged marriage after all and it was too soon. They could not move from bickering enemies to passionate lovers in the course of a few days. It was simply not possible.

If only she knew why his voice and his touches made her skin burn, her blood boil and her heart race. Could she be coming down with something? It had been a few straining weeks. And wedding jitters were normal. Yes, that must be it. Content to have deducted a logical explanation to all the irrational questions, she went to get dressed for church.

As Lady Denham watched Sidney and Charlotte walk arm in arm so deeply involved in conversation that they missed the polite greetings from other churchgoers, she praised herself for her matchmaking skills. She had long forgotten how the engagement came to be and how unreasonable and improper her ultimatum had been. No, she had blessed them with Cupid’s arrow and helped along what Charlotte had been to innocent and stubborn to see and Sidney had been too arrogant and rude to accept.

She had done them a great service.

They were no longer in doubt on how they regarded each other. Eager to relish in their gratitude over her expertise in the matters of the heart, she was about to approach them when Reverend Hankins greeted her with an excitement worse than Tom Parker’s. Annoyed and rolling her eyes, she followed the idiot clergyman into the church.

“I publish the banns of marriage between Miss Charlotte Juliette Heywood of the Parish of Willingden and Mr. Sidney Archibald Parker of this Parish. If any of you know cause or just impediment why these persons should not be joined together in Holy Matrimony, ye are to declare it. This is for the second time of asking.” Reverend Hankins dragged the bann from the pulpit.

Sidney was impressed how the reverend managed to make something so life-changing for him and Charlotte sound so utterly dull. He was not a particularly religious man. He had seen too much brutality in the world and experienced too much pain and hurt to accept the erratic will of a god. But he understood the importance of making his appearance in the small church. Not just now, but for the rest of the Sundays in his life. He glanced at Charlotte sitting next to him with the hymnal already open on the next hymn. He was more inclined to believe in her. _She_ worked in mysterious ways with absolutely no fathom of the doors she managed to open.

The sermon ended as boringly as it started. Hankins got lost several times in his own analogies and impatient sighs could be heard from the congregation – except from Mrs. Griffiths who hung at his every word.

As soon as they were dismissed, Sidney jumped up and reached out for Charlotte, eager to get away from Hankins and Lady Denham. He could feel her eyes target them like a hunter aiming at his prey. But sweet kind Charlotte was unaware of this and took her time to talk with Mary, Diana and Arthur. Sidney was tapping his cane impatiently in the floor and the acoustics of the church room amplified the sound and carried it louder than he had expected, earning him a motherly warning look from Mary.

Two rapid raps of another cane told him that it was now too late to make a run for it. Lady Denham blocked the exit with her web. Fuck. Charlotte looked at him in desperation and he tried to express in one exasperated glare that this was on her!

“Miss Heywood and Mr. Parker. It’s a fine day and you will have time to walk me back to Sanditon House will you not?” Lady Denham was informing, not asking.

Diana came to their rescue out of nowhere. “Sidney, please make haste. We have a picnic planned with the children, remember?” She hoped the mention of children would be enough to put Lady Denham off. It did, the old woman refrained from inviting herself.

Unsatisfied, she huffed. “Very well then, you can walk me to the end of the road.” She led the way out of the church and Charlotte and Sidney followed, resignedly shrugging their shoulders. Sidney offered Lady Denham his arm and she accepted it with a smirk.

They walked in awkward silence and her ladyship grew increasingly annoyed. This was not what she had hoped for. Irritated she pulled her arm away from Sidney. “I can walk perfectly fine on my own, Mr. Parker. You are young and in _love_ and should walk with your fiancée instead of an old woman.”

Sidney did what he was told without arguing. Charlotte chose the side away from Lady Denham, giving him the opportunity to support the old lady if she needed it. As they approached the fork road where their paths would separate, she whispered to him. “We can hardly let her walk the rest of the way alone.”

“I’m old, Miss Heywood, not deaf!” Lady Denham barked.

“Forgive me, Lady Denham. I meant no insult, only that a gentleman as Sidney should not allow a picnic to keep him from acting accordingly. We will only be a few minutes late and they will surely understand.” Charlotte argued softly.

“Alright. I will _let_ you walk me all the way.” The relief in her voice spoke volumes. “Pray, tell me, where will you live after the wedding?”

Charlotte dug her nails into Sidney’s arm. He tensed. They had been so busy with everything else that neither of them had thought about something as significant as a home to live in. When they didn’t answer immediately, she continued. “The hotel would hardly suffice. And I trust your brother’s house is already too crowded. Sanditon House is big and you could easily...”

“I’ve rented a cottage.” Sidney lied desperately before she convinced herself that they had to live with her.

In that moment Lady Denham tripped and twisted her ankle. Sidney caught her before she fell to the ground. It was clear that it hurt when she tried to walk and he scooped her up resolutely and carried her the rest of the way. It was enough to silence her.

When Lady Denham had been gently placed on the settee in the gloomy drawing room next to her pet snake, Sidney and Charlotte hurried to take their leave before she found her tongue again.

“Fuck. How can one overlook something as significant as a home to live in?” He grunted as they left. There was only a low giggle in response. “Out with it!” He urged, now with suppressed laughter. It was clear Charlotte had found the whole situation comic.

His order ignited a laughing fit. “I’m sorry. Yes, we should have thought of where to live, we’ll work something out. But you should have seen her face when you lifted her up. I’m surprised she asked me to marry you and didn’t go for your hand herself. She was absolutely smitten.” She had to stop to gather herself. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

“I’m happy you can laugh at my expense, Charlotte. She was not exactly light as a feather, nor did she help much.” He quipped, trying hard to keep a straight face.

“Poor Sidney. Maybe we should the engagement off, and you can fulfill your dreams with Lady Denham and I can hope to catch Dr. Fuchs’ eye.” She had to lean against a tree.

“Are you quite done now? We’re running late for Diana’s picnic.” His voice was curt and brute but his eyes were laughing with her.

She was gasping for air. “No. No. Go ahead, save yourself. Leave me here to die from laughter.” She moaned demonstratively and held the back of her hand theatrically against her forehead.

Swoosh! In one swift movement he picked her up in a bridal carry and whispered. “I’m not leaving you behind, Charlotte. Besides, if we don’t find a home quickly, we will be doomed to move in with Lady Denham.”

Her laughter silenced immediately and she put her arm around his neck and leaned her head against his shoulder. She had never felt so light or so protected before. Nor had her heart ever beaten so wildly. His cologne filled her nostrils and the scent that came from _him_ was deep with notes of seawater, tobacco and musk.

“I can walk now.” She mumbled dizzily, trying to will her body to stop turning into a puddle.

“A few minutes ago, you were laughing on your deathbed. I’m not taking any risks, woman!” He breathed. His arms were sore but he was not ready to not hold her in his arms.

“Charlotte! Sidney! What happened? Should we call for Dr. Fuchs?” Diana and Mary came rushing towards them with Arthur and the children in slow pursuit.

“Charlotte’s fine.” He said calmly. “Lady Denham tripped and I’m afraid Charlotte overburdened herself when we assisted her to Sanditon House.” He could feel her chuckle against the crook of his neck as she hid her face not to give him away.

Lifting her head, she found his eyes. Hers were still full of amusement. His were full of something else. “I promise, I can walk now. Perhaps I can hold your arm for support.” She smiled. He put her down and placed her hand on his arm.

Diana waved her fan ferociously at Charlotte’s flushing face. Mary was less concerned about Charlotte’s “health” and shot Sidney a pointed glance.

When Diana was as satisfied with Charlotte’s well-being as she could be, they headed in the direction of “the perfect picnic spot”.

Charlotte could feel Sidney change as they neared a house, hidden comfortably from the cliff road but still with a peek of the sea. It had a beautiful garden, a small orchard and the surrounding meadows that reminded her of Willingden. All the woodwork had a fresh coat of paint.

“Parker House.” Sidney whispered breathlessly.

Diana walked proudly to the front door newly painted in a rich Chinese red and unlocked it. Charlotte noticed that Mary, Arthur and the children remained outside as they entered, while Sidney was like a moth to a light entering completely mesmerized.

Standing inside the small hall Diana handed the keys to Sidney. “It’s my wedding gift for you two. It should be ready to move into with all basic necessities and you can still put your own mark on it. I think you should take a tour just the two of you. We will be outside setting up the picnic.”

He stood dumbfounded and Diana began to look nervous. “How did you even do all this?” His voice was quiet and mushy.

“I paid some of Stringer’s men to come after work and do the painting and fixing. Mary’s servants gave it good cleaning. I had some things brought from Bedford Place. Some things are from Tom and Mary. The mattress is new.” She blushed. As did Charlotte.

“But the costs.” Sidney still whispered.

“I have paid for the whole thing. It was only fair that I did something too.” Diana argued stubbornly, clearly not used to make her older brother speechless.

Charlotte jumped in. “Diana, it is wonderful. Thank you.”

Without a word Sidney took the few steps to his sister and wrapped his arms around her. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you, Diana. Thank you.”

“Yes, yes...” She chirped rather befuddled. “Go have a look around.” With that she fiddled outside to the others.

Sidney cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. Charlotte gently touched his shoulder. “Would you like to look around alone, Sidney? I would understand.”

“No. No... It’s just. I haven’t been in here since I went to Antigua. It’s where we grew up. Tom didn’t like it and built Trafalgar Place. Last time I passed by it was in a dreadful state. She must have begun the work practically on the day we got engaged.” He took her hand and laced his fingers with hers to ground himself. “Come.”

The living room was painted in a light Robin’s egg blue with matching drapes in darker shade framing the big windows. It was simply but beautifully decorated with a rather long settee, two chairs and some small side tables. All with fresh flowers on them. Sidney pointed at the settee in a rich yellow. “That’s from her room at Bedford Place.”

A soft green made the hall and the hallway look like a spring day. Again, there were vases with fresh flowers on every surface. Next room was the study. Charlotte gasped. It had floor to ceiling bookshelves on three of the walls. Two desks facing each other stood by the window. Two comfortable chairs were placed by the fireplace. The walls were a deep warm blue. Most of the shelves were empty but a few books stood here and there along with some small figurines. “Those were my mother’s.” Sidney gulped. “She must have packed them when we were in London.”

Charlotte slid her hand over one of the desks. “I’ve never had my own desk before. Would you rather have this study to yourself? We can probably move it to another room.” The words rushed from her. He had not had a say in sharing his space with her. Back home her father’s study was certainly _his_.

“No. We are partners, remember?” He smiled for the first time.

There were a few empty rooms, all painted in some shade of blue in the same color scale as the study and the living room, on one side of the hallway. On the other side, the dining room opened like a bright summer day with sunny yellow walls. A long table with 10 chairs around it dominated the room. Charlotte recognized the two large silver candelabras from Bedford Place. A few side tables stood with flowers on them.

They looked quickly into the kitchen with shiny new brass pots and pans, the linen room and two small rooms for servants. Both with a bed, dresser and vanity.

He squeezed her hand as they walked upstairs. Hanging in the middle of the middle of the widest wall hung a portrait of a couple Charlotte guessed must be his parents. His tight grasp of her hand confirmed it.

The first rooms were empty but newly painted in soft pastel colors. “This was Tom’s and my room.” Sidney said and pointed at the marks in the doorframe where Mrs. Parker had logged their height as they grew up. Stringer’s men had made a virtue of not removing this testament to the past.

Next was Charlotte’s dressing room, warmly lit by a big window and walls in a pale rose. It was fully furnished with a large closet, a dresser and a vanity with matching chair. Charlotte was speechless.

A second door led into the master bedroom dominated by a big four-poster bed placed in front of the window with a bright yellow cover on it matching the drapes. By the foot of the bed was a small settee with rose and yellow stripes. The walls looked like the sky in a light blue. She let go of his hand as if she suddenly realized that the marriage didn’t end with the wedding.

Sidney saw her cheeks blush. “I know we talked about sharing a room from the beginning but I can have a bed brought to one of the empty rooms if you are more comfortable with that, Charlotte.”

She chewed her lip and shook her head. “No.” There was more she wanted to say but the words got stuck in her throat.

“We will wait to... _be married_ until we are _both_ ready.” He lifted her chin with his knuckle to meet her eyes. He wanted her to see that she could trust him. Her eyes were sparkling with a mix of stubborn determination and fearless courage that he had learned was uniquely her, but with an uncharacteristic hint of insecurity. She nodded slowly against his finger.

He took her hand again and they continued through another door leading to his dressing room in a dusty blue a few shades darker than the bedroom, furnished much like hers but more masculine. It led to another room. Also, in blue with a giant bathtub in it. She blushed again.

Parker House was not as grand as Trafalgar House but it was bigger than anything Charlotte would have imagined – if she had remembered to imagine her future home with Sidney.

Three people waited for them with bated breath when they returned outside. Sidney hugged Diana again, mumbling something in her ear that made a few tears drop from her eyes. Charlotte followed, for once quite speechless.

“I cannot believe you managed to all this in such with so little time.” Sidney said impressed.

“I had help.” Diana looked gratefully at Mary.

“I did nothing. This is all you, Diana.” Mary hugged her sister-in-law. “By the way, we have found a cook, a maid and a servant for you. Unless you prefer to apply yourselves?”

Charlotte looked at Sidney with big eyes. Would they even need three people to help out? He could see what she was asking.

“I cannot ask you to cook and clean AND run Sanditon with me, Charlotte.” He assured her in a low voice. “We’re going to need help. It’s a good _start_.”

“If you think we can afford it. I’m not really a good cook.” She smiled palely, embarrassed to admit it to him.

Sidney recalled the delicious meals her mother had served him and looked surprised.

“I preferred to catch dinner. Alison was always better in the kitchen than me. But I promise we will never go hungry.” The spark in her eyes returned with the last remark. He grinned widely.

The picnic gave them rich opportunity to see the garden. Mary and Diana explained what they had planted and done. Charlotte’s fingers were eager to tend to the garden and the orchard.

Happy, overwhelmed, tired and more aware than ever of what they had agreed to, Sidney and Charlotte walked back to town with the rest of the Parkers. The keys to Parker House safely tucked away in Sidney’s inner pocket. He would move his things to the house next day and stay there until his _bride_ was ready to join him.

Charlotte ended the day the way she started it, sitting in the window sill and taking in the last rays of the sun. Sidney had left straight after dinner to take care of some correspondence and she wondered if he would come out to wave at her as it had become their habit.

Just as the setting sun set the sky on fire in a deep blood-orange palette, he stepped out on the porch and looked up at her. He waved shortly before padding on his chest where the keys to their new home were.

She waved back. They watched each other until it was too dark for her to see anything other than his outline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it made sense that while Charlotte does not completely understand her own emotions, she understands the comedy of love enough to banter with Sidney about Lady Denham and Dr. Fuchs.


	15. This is for the third time asking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed the #schemefic discussion on Twitter. Thank you, I'm truly honored ❤❤❤
> 
> To those of you fear that something will go horribly wrong during the third bann. You were all... 🤐  
> Sidney has been too busy to think more of your comments. Charlotte too, though she never pays much attention to what other thinks. 
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter. Oh, I nearly forgot. Eliza plays an important part in this chapter. 
> 
> Too-da-loo
> 
> P

_**Sunday, June 20 1819 and the days before**_

The past week had been insanely busy and Charlotte and Sidney had hardly had time to take their walks or get nervous about the wedding approaching fast. 

_Monday_

He moved into Parker House Monday morning and had taken his time to walk through the house and reminiscence his childhood and more than ever, his mother. It was very emotional and he was grateful to be given the time to do so. Diana had put so much love and attention in to all the details without robbing them of the opportunity to set their own mark on their new home. 

Every day he came across something that she had brought from London or that Mary had gifted them with that they thought the new Mr. and Mrs. Parker would appreciate. The figurines in the study. Charlotte’s desk from his mother’s parlor at Bedford Place. He even leafed carefully through the linen and found the table cloths that had been on the dining table when his parents entertained. His heart beat a little faster when he saw the bedding beautifully monogrammed with S & C. 

The Parker siblings rarely gave dinner parties in London and Diana had had the fine china carefully wrapped and sent to Parker House. He let his fingers slide gently over the gilded edges of the plates. The everyday china must be new. It was simple but pretty with little blue flowers on it. Not too whimsical and he was quite sure that Charlotte would approve of it. 

He and Charlotte met their new staff Monday afternoon at Parker House and took an instant like to them. Mary had done well. 

Mrs. Fitz was a sturdy woman in her late 40s, auburn curls, determined eyes and hands marked by decades of kneading bread and swinging pots. Sidney was a little intimidated by her and saw it as a good sign that she would rule the kitchen like a queen. She in return was audibly impressed and satisfied by the well-equipped kitchen. More points to Diana. Mrs. Fitz was widowed and would like to stay at her own house but come and work every day until dinner time. 

Emma, Charlotte’s maid – among other things, was a smiling pretty woman of 39, married to Phillip, Sidney’s servant – among other things, a tall strong mand with hands like shovels and a rumbling laughter. The couple had never been blessed with children. Emma had helped Mary out from time-to-time when Alicia and Jenny had been small and loved being part of a lively household and was not afraid to roll up her sleeves and do what was needed. As a bonus she was a skilled hairdresser and could do wonders with even the most obstinate curls. Phillip had been a footman at Bromham Park. A good job but he and his wife longed for a more intimate household where they could both work. Charlotte made a quick decision and decided they could have all three rooms meant for servants and decorate it as they saw fit and create themselves a small apartment. The grateful smile on their faces had made Sidney look at her with something best described as adoration. 

Charlotte had watched Sidney leave the hotel early Monday morning in his barouche. He had looked up and smiled surprised that she was there at the crack of dawn. A few hours later he had returned on foot with damp hair to take breakfast at Trafalgar House. Monday evening, she had sat in her usual place on the windowsill and looked over at the hotel across the street. The little ritual of the goodnight wave had given her comfort and now she found she missed it. 

Mrs. Fitz had insisted on packing him food for the entire day to show off her cooking skills, so he had not dined with them this evening. Lost in her thoughts she tried to concentrate on her book when a small peck of a pebble hitting the window made her look up and out. There he stood in the middle of the street smiling shyly at her. He waved before walking back to Parker House, looking back over his shoulder until he could no longer see her. 

He stood in the street every evening and waved goodnight to her. 

_Saturday_

While Charlotte had taken charge during the week of the regatta flanked by Georgiana, Mary and Diana – and Arthur’s eager contributions for the catering, Sidney had made the final touches on forming the company. He needed Lady Denham’s approval before he and Charlotte headed to London to attend Mrs. Maudsley’s rout, the papers needed to be officially stamped and recorded. 

Sanditon House was where he was headning this morning with a leather folder under his arm and seagulls basking nervously in his stomach. There was no way of telling how the old bat would take the design of forming a company. In his other hand he carried a small bouquet of flowers from the Parker House garden. If he could charm his way to her signature he was bloody well going to do so. 

Lady Denham’s first reaction was disappointment. “Where is your bride-to-be, Mr. Parker? Trouble in Paradise so soon?” 

“Busy planning the regatta and I was hoping to get your Ladyship’s assistance in a surprise for her. A wedding gift.” He could tell that he had her full attention now and decided to continue in that direction. “But first I need to hear how the foot is doing?” He bowed and handed her the bouquet. “From our garden. I picked them myself. I hope you will forgive me for my lack of bouquet skills.” 

She swatted him with her fan and giggled girlishly. “Oh, Mr. Parker. You are such a tease..... PETER!” A footman instantly entered the room. “Please see to that the flowers are put in a vase.” 

A wave of her hand ordered Sidney to take a seat. Tea was brought in and he gallantly served her and deliberately stalled disclosing what his surprise was. He could feel her sitting on needles to learn what he was up to. 

“Now, Mr. Parker. You were saying something about a wedding gift for Miss Heywood?” She rushed impatiently. 

“Yes.” He leaned back and crossed one leg over the other and took a slow sip before he started. “I’ve been thinking about how to secure your investment in Sanditon in a safe and responsible way and I suggest we form a company.” He blew on the hot drink. 

The disappointment returned. “A company! What does that have to do with Miss Heywood?” 

He gave her his widest and brightest smile. “As you – as well as I – know by now, Charlotte is opinionated, determined, intelligent, independent and to use your _own_ words, Lady Denham, pivotal to the success of Sanditon. I would like to acknowledge her contribution but I can only do so with your help and guidance.” He opened the leather folder and handed her some documents. “This shows all the investments, Tom, you and I have put into Sanditon over the years. I have converted them into shares. My other brother and sister are willing to put in a significant sum as you can see. So are Charlotte and I. I want half of everything I have invested to go to Charlotte as her own shares. The three of _us_ will have the majority. Tom will be part of it but without power to do any damage. What I need from you – apart from your approval to form a company – is your guidance. How do you think Charlotte would receive such a gift? Would it be too overwhelming for her? Will she think me an arrogant and disdaining husband?” 

It was on purpose he called Charlotte by her first name and underplayed his understanding of her. 

His strategy worked. Lady Denham didn’t focus on the idea of the company but on the bait, he had laid out using Charlotte. “On the contrary, Mr. Parker. As you recall it, Charlotte would not marry for money. She will appreciate that you treat her as an equal partner. In fact, if you hadn’t come up with this on your own, giving half of your shares to Charlotte would have been my condition to sign.” There was a clear contradiction in what she had said. But as always Lady Denham like an idea better when it came from herself, and Sidney felt quite triumphant. 

She rose from her seat and started to limp towards her desk. He jumped up immediately and gave her his arm. “No need to carry me today, Mr. Parker.” She winked at him. 

“I am always at your service should you need elevated transport, Lady Denham.” He chuckled with a boyish smile. 

“You are a charmer, aren’t you, Mr. Sidney. Parker?” She gave him a lopsided smile and dipped the quill. When the ink was dry, she handed the documents to him. “Now, go charm your bride.” 

He put the documents back in the folder and bowed with another charming smile. As he reached the door, she called out for him. “Mr. Parker?” 

“Yes.” He turned around. 

“It’s infinitely better to be loved than love.” She was leaning on her cane, looking him square in the eyes, watching his reacting. 

He gave her a short smile. “Charlotte doesn’t love me.” 

“Then _you_ must be the one doing the loving, Mr. Parker.” She said suggestively, drilling him with her eyes. 

Bowing again with a pale smile Sidney left. 

Sunday morning wiggled its way through dawn and boded for a beautiful and sunny day. A quiet Sidney joined them for breakfast before church. It was his last day as a bachelor. Tomorrow morning at this time he would be waiting for Charlotte at the altar. She didn’t speak much either. Mary had convinced Tom to go with them to church and not a word came crossed his lips. The only ones talking were Arthur and Diana who had come to walk with them. They had already eaten but Arthur managed to squeeze down a few slices of toasted bread. 

The atmosphere was solemn as they walked to church. Tom was visibly nervous and held on to his wife for dear life. She did her best to do the talking with people who stopped them to hear how he was doing. His only contribution to conversation was the odd nod. 

“Come.” Charlotte increased the speed to overtake Tom and Mary in the hope that she and Sidney could act as breakwaters for the blend of well-meaning and probing attention. Sidney put his hand on top of hers to signal he understood what she wanted to achieve. It worked and they all arrived relatively safe and sound. 

Lady Denham was in a brilliant mood when they greeted her outside the church. Not even the mute Tom Parker could ruin her good spirit. She winked secretively at Sidney and hooked on to his other arm as they walked inside and she took the seat next to him instead of her normal place, forcing Mary, Thomas, Arthur and Diana to the next pew. Georgiana, for once, was happy to sit with the Beaufort sister and the Gorgon. Sidney could feel Charlotte shaking silently with laughter over how smitten with him Lady Denham was and he coughed several times to tell her to stop, laughing himself. 

The sermon started. Reverend Hankins outdid himself today being boring and Sidney sat impatiently as always, his foot tapping restlessly on the floor. Charlotte put her hand on his thigh to stop him and left it there for the shortest moment after he had stopped. She knew how the muscles on his arms moved by now and the warm strength of his fingers around hers, his thigh took her by surprise. The heat from his skin burned through the fabric of his breeches, and the light grip was enough to give her a sense of the muscle underneath. He could have been carved out of marble. He could feel her gasp slightly and felt bereft when she finally peeled her hand of him. So, did she. Her hand kept burning long after and she missed when the hymns started. 

Sidney held his breath as Hankins chewed his way through the last bann. He half-expected someone to stand up and reveal the scam. Lady Denham sitting next to him had made him slightly paranoid as well. Did she have some kind of ulterior motives? 

“I publish the banns of marriage between Miss Charlotte Juliette Heywood of the Parish of Willingden and Mr. Sidney Archibald Parker of this Parish. If any of you know cause or just impediment why these persons should not be joined together in Holy Matrimony, ye are to declare it. This is for the third time of asking.” 

Nothing happened and Sidney could let go of his breath and place Charlotte’s hand where it belonged and leave the church for the last time as an unmarried man. Babington and Crowe where on their way from London. Esther from the estate. Charlotte had been forced to dine at Sanditon House. 

He ran through the list of things he needed to do before the wedding tomorrow. For some reason he wanted it all to be perfect for her. He may not be the man of her dreams but he would do everything in his power the make their wedding day special for her. 

It took forever to get away from the church. The forthcoming wedding had renewed its interest as talk of the town and everyone wanted a piece of the bride and groom to be. Mary, Diana and Arthur sent them both an apologetic look and hurried off with Tom who was looking pale and exasperated. Charlotte kindly and smilingly answered all the nosy questions and thanked for all the congratulations. Sidney did none of the sorts. He stood brooding by her side with his jaws clenched and his eyes dark and disinterested. Every fiber in him screamed desperately to get out of there but of course they couldn’t. They needed the backing of the town for the regatta for it to succeed and Charlotte did a stellar job. 

At long fucking last conversation died out and he could feel her deflate exhaustedly and he felt bad for having let her do all the lifting. 

“I need the sea after this. Do you have time to accompany me?” She tilted her head to look at him. Her cheeks were blushing from smiling and chatting politely for too long, her eyes had lost their sparkle. 

“Of course.” 

They walked in silence until they reached the beach. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. “Aaaah, that was better. I’ve always found chit chatter tedious but we need their support, don’t we?” 

He kicked the sand with his boot. “I’m sorry. I didn’t help much.” 

She laughed. “No, you didn’t but I know you hate it more than I do. Besides, you are handling Lady Denham. You are quite her Achille’s heel.” 

He joined her laughter. “No, I’m not. I can charm her, but I’m not her Achille’s heel. You are!” 

“Oh?” Charlotte turned serious. 

“She likes you. She is doing a miserable job showing it but she does.” He stated. 

There was not much more to add to that and they continued walking along the beach. Small waves were lapping onto the shore a few feet away from them, making a calm chuckling sound. 

“What do you know of love, Sidney? I only know what I’ve read. And of course, watching my parents.” She had let go of his arm as if the topic required physical distance. He wished she hadn’t. 

He cleared his throat. “To be honest, I’m not sure I know anything. I don’t know if anyone has told you but I was engaged a long time ago...” A few seagulls screeched over their heads, startling her a little and she grabbed his arm. He hurried to place his hand over hers, he needed her touch to get through this conversation. “I’ve never talked to anyone of this, really...” 

“Oh, you don’t have to.” She spoke quietly and gave his arm a light squeeze. 

“I think I have to. I don’t want you to think...” He turned his head towards the waves. “She was the reason I went to Antigua. We were young. I met her at a ball in London when I was 18. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I couldn’t believe my luck when she chose me over earls and lords. After a few months of courting, I proposed to her. I was completely under her spell and would do anything for her. I _did_ anything for her. Except being wealthy enough. Looking back, perhaps not wiser but definitely older.” He paused his narrative with a bitter chuckle. “I don’t think she never loved me back. She couldn’t have. Anyway...” He reached inside his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Carefully he took out a small note and handed to her. 

_I cannot marry you._

_Eliza_

Charlotte’s eyes filled with tears as she read the five words a few times. Innocent in numbers, harsh in their indifferent tone. No wonder he was unapproachable. Her heart broke for him. 

“She had met someone wealthy enough to match her ambitions. I never saw her again. We never had a proper parting. She never explained herself. I kept the note as reminder to never to give my heart away again.” He stopped. 

She let go of his arm to stand in front of him. “Then why did you agree to marry me?” It made no sense at all. 

“I trust you. This is not a marriage drummed up by love but I give you my heart anyway, by choice. Broken and bruised as it is. I’m not making any sense, am I?” Slowly he met her eyes. 

She smiled softly. “It makes sense to me. I wro...” She stopped herself. “What will you do if you ever met her again?” 

He laughed curtly. “I hope I will be civil, not yell at her. But we both know that is not my signature reaction.” He took her hand and placed it on his arm again. Her eyes saw right into his soul and he needed to be moving and feel her touch for this. “I have given it a lot of thought over the years. Most of all I hope the 18-year-old boy inside me will remember what she did to us and not be too excited to see her again. After she broke off the engagement, I spiraled into self-destruction, squandering my inheritance on gambling, drinking and...” He chose to leave out brothels. “I participated in illegal boxing matches. I needed to punch and be punched. And I did.” He swallowed a lump in his throat. “Had it not been for Babington and Crowe dragging my limbless body away from a fight where my opponent kept kicking me even though I was unconscious, I would not have been here today. Tom took the tour of shame to settle all my debts and then put me on a boat to Antigua.” He took a few sharp breaths. “The three of them saved my life. I arrived in Antigua a month later. drunk, broke, homesick and seasick. The only thing of value in my pocket was a letter from Tom to one of his old contacts, Benjamin Lambe. I stayed with him and Georgiana until he died and left me in charge of her and her fortune. Ten years older, and I had only learned to take care of myself. Barely. Now I had this young woman... another area where I could fail miserably.” 

He was getting emotionally exhausted. 

“Do you still love her?” 

He could feel her hand slowly sliding away from his arm and he grabbed it to keep it from escaping. 

“No. Sometimes I wonder if I was more obsessed with her than in love. I was always chasing after her. It was never about me or us, she was always the center of everything. She didn’t care much for my family and made it clear we would not have much to do with them.” He snorted as if he had just realized how cold and cruel, she had been to him. “You are not in love with me and you have shown me more love than she ever did. You make people grow, Charlotte.” For the first time in a while, he looked at her. 

“Me?” Her brows furrowed in confusion over his words. 

“Charlotte, have you not noticed the impact you have had on Diana, Arthur, Georgiana, Mary... not to mention me?” 

“No.” She returned his look with complete innocence and honesty. 

He laughed lovingly and tucked a stray curl that was whipping at her face behind her ear. “Give me the note, please.” 

She looked at her hand still holding the note from Eliza. She had forgotten she had it. 

“Of course.” It shouldn’t matter to her but it stung that he kept the last memory of his past love. 

His big hands crunched the little piece of paper into a small ball and then he threw it as far as he could into the sea. 

“There, you deserve I marry you tomorrow with no strings to the past.” He let her wipe a few tears away in peace. 

Taking her hand, he started walking back to town. “I should get you back.” 

Sidney had tea with Mary and Charlotte while he waited for Crowe and Babington to arrive with the coach from London. He could see Charlotte’s mind was going over what he had told her and he hoped that his act of honesty had not scared her or made her think badly of him. 

Little could he know that she was not thinking about his deroute. His words about her had carried a lot of weight. She could not see what kind of impact she could possibly have on people superior to her in age and status. People with a privileged upbringing and education. Who had seen the world. Who had been marked by _pain_ she had been spared of ever knowing. 

Not ten wild horses or the joined forces of a spoiled Lady Denham and a desperate Charlotte had been able to convince Georgiana, Diana and Mary to attend Lady Denham’s dinner in honor of the bride-to-be. Excuses of wedding breakfast preparations and ritual concoctions had flown side by side with Georgiana’s blunt “I would rather listen to Reverend Hankins’ sermons a full week than visit Lady Denham.” Thus, Charlotte found herself walking down the stairs in one of her new dresses to go to dinner alone. Esther would be there too but Charlotte found her as unpredictable as her aunt. 

Sidney waited for her as she came down the stairs. He had time to help her ascend Tom’s carriage before greeting his friends. She looked like a sunrise lighting up a field of flowers in the lemon-yellow silk gown adorned with small embroidered daisies scattered generously all over it mixed with white pearls that softly caught the light when she moved. 

“You look beautiful, Miss Heywood.” He could not recognize his own voice. She blushed when he kissed her hand and closed the door. “I will see you tomorrow at the church. Enjoy your evening, Charlotte.” He waved after the carriage as it rolled down the street. 

The unmistakable cries from Crowe and Babington arriving in great spirit made him turn around with a big smile. They quickly disposed of their bags at the hotel and the three of them walked to Parker House where Mrs. Fitz had a hearty dinner ready for them and a bottle of brandy was waiting. But only one. Sidney didn’t want to show up in church drunk and hungover. And he still had a long list of things to do in the morning before the wedding. 

When they arrived at the cottage Sidney was updated on the latest London gossip and Crowe’s newest conquests. Sidney heard himself ask a question that would never have left his mouth let alone have formed in his brain a month ago. “Have you never considered settling down with _one_ woman, Crowe?” 

His friend theatrically placed the back of his hand on Sidney’s forehead to mock taking his temperature. “One woman, Parker?” He gestured down his body. “There is too much delicious Crowe for one woman. You and Babington took the only two women off the market with enough spunk to tempt me for a lifetime.” His tone of voice gave away that he was perhaps more serious in his statement than he wanted to let them think. “Enough of me. How’s our groom holding up? Still ready to shackle up for scam tomorrow.” 

Sidney grabbed his jaw and growled. “Careful now, Crowe. I will not have you ever talk like this again. Understood?” 

Babington patted Sidney on the arm to make him release his grip. Crowe smiled satisfied and rubbed his sore jaw. “I thought so. For how long?” 

Babington jumped Sidney to it. “What for how long?” 

They had reached the cottage and Sidney managed to avoid answering the question. He decided against giving them a tour, besides they had all spent many a school holiday as young lads here. The intermezzo was soon forgotten and the three friends had an enjoyable evening though Crowe sulked some insults when Sidney practically threw them out after they had finished the bottle and it was well past 11. He walked them back to The Crown and cast a glance up at Charlotte’s window. It was dark. Had she already gotten back and gotten to bed? 

He snatched a quick drink with them before going back outside. His pulse raced when he saw a flickering light move around and then stand still. He waited, hoping to will her to the window. Still dressed in her yellow dress but with her hair hanging loose she flipped the curtain aside. The smile she gave him when she saw him in the street made his heart jump and his face lit up in a smile too. He waved and walked home slowly, still smiling. 

It meant more to Charlotte than she cared to admit to see him. Her entire being was buzzing as she crawled under the covers. To think that tomorrow night she would be lying next to Sidney in their bed in their home. A man she didn’t love but had come to care deeply for. A man she missed when he was not with her. 

The dinner at Lady Denham’s had gone as expected. The old woman had probed and pried. Esther had rolled her eyes and done her best to divert the conversation from the toe-crawling intimate topics to the weather, the dress, the harvest at Babington’s estate. Anything else than the wedding night and the plan of children. At some point it had been so absurd that Charlotte had found it amusing. 

“Pray, tell me, Miss Heywood. You and Mr. Parker spend a lot of time together alone. Have you gotten better _acquainted_?” She had winked suggestively. 

“It is true that Mr. Parker and I enjoy to take a daily walk on the beach, in public, to discuss the matters of Sanditon and of course the address some of the details about our wedding. This fish is delicious. Is it cod?” Charlotte had taken a sip of wine and hoped Lady Denham would leave it at that. 

She didn’t. 

“Your mother, Miss Heywood. Has she told you about what is expected of you on your wedding night?” Lady Denham had looked expectantly at Charlotte. 

“Aunt. Please. You can hardly expect Charlotte to reveal such matters to you!” Esther had managed to stop herself before slamming her hands into the table. 

“I know what is expected. Thank you.” More wine. 

“How are the _asses_ this year, Aunt? Still propagating satisfyingly?” Esther had interrupted, catching Charlotte’s eyes with a suppressed laugh. 

“Esther, really!” Lady Denham had scolded. 

“Oh, _asses_ is too much for a dinner topic?” Esther had teased with mock innocence. 

Lady Denham had muttered something into her wine. Charlotte had looked gratefully at Esther. 

In less than 12 hours she would be Mrs. Parker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing happened 😏😏😏
> 
> Now, iron your best dress. The wedding is next.


	16. With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will they kiss?
> 
> Enjoy ❤

_**Monday, June 21 1819**_

Charlotte woke up early feeling oddly calm and collected, considering it was her wedding day. She had not slept much but she felt rested. All her feelings and emotions were neatly sorted, folded and carefully tucked into the same beautiful box; she trusted Sidney with her body and soul and she would one day love him. Of that she was sure. It was only a matter of time and they had a lifetime together. Not once did she consider, that her ability to reach such conclusion must be based on her already falling for him. Her logic dictated that while she now accepted her body’s reactions were linked to him alone and were entwined with great affection, it must take longer to actually fall in love. It was an unnegotiable fact but she was definitely on the right path. Her first motivation to accept Lady Denham’s ultimatum had quickly faded away. She and Sidney would have a happy marriage in every way. The way they confided in each other. The way they worked together as a team. The way they found the other’s hand when support was needed. Alison would always be her confidante but Sidney was her best friend. 

Would he kiss her today? This was the only and last item she did not know how to categorize or fold. The question kept fluttering around her like butterflies on the meadow back home. She only knew she hoped he would. 

A soft knock on the door followed by a smiling Mary in her robe interrupted her musings. “Your bath is ready, Dear.” 

Sidney did not wake up calm and collected. He was a nervous wreck. He looked at his pocket watch. There was plenty of time for a quick swim in the sea to cool down his nerves before his bath. 

As he dove into the waves his mind was circling around one thing. So far, he had based every decision about the wedding on the ambition to make it a perfect memory for Charlotte. To do everything as if they were getting married for love and not to keep Tom out of prison. If he was allowed to say so himself, he had gone above and beyond and she deserved nothing less. The only thing he was struggling with was the kiss in church. Would she like him to kiss her? 

After a bath and a shave, Phillip helped him get dressed and they went into the garden. Sidney wanted fresh flowers in all the wases. Emma popped out to give her husband a quick goodbye kiss before she walked to Trafalgar House to help Charlotte get dressed and do her hair. 

While Phillip filled the vases, Sidney sat down on a bench and tried to make his fumbling fingers braid the flower crown he had promised Anne and Beatrice to make for Charlotte. He had practiced all week and it had gone splendidly but now nerves made his fingers uncoordinated and clumsy. After a few failed attempts where his frustration was about to erupt in an anger fit, he finally got the hang of it. He placed it gently in a box along with a ribbon in a grass green he had purchased with the help of Emma. 

With the crown out of the way he was in the middle of cutting flowers for the bouquet when the soft clops of hooves announced that reinforcement had arrived. Smiling he went to the front and greeted Mr. and Mrs. Heywood. 

“Thank you for agreeing to this. I realize you must have been up before the rooster to get here.” Sidney laughed sheepishly. 

“Yes, but that lazy bird has always been a late riser.” Mr. Heywood’s warm laughter rumbled at his own joke. 

After warm hugs that surprised and moved Sidney more than he cared to admit, a tour of the house and a quick cup of tea and some of Mrs. Fitz’s freshly baked scones, _Hannah_ Heywood put on an apron and went to work on the wedding bouquet while Phillip, Sidney and _Robert_ Heywood carried in a few trunks from the carriage. 

“We don’t have painted portraits, Sidney, but Alison is quite accomplished and did this watercolor painting of us. I had it framed. Will it do?” 

Sidney gulped. “It will do perfectly. Thank you. Please tell her she did good.” He handed the painting to Phillip. “You know what to do?” 

“Yes, Sir.” Phillip placed the painting carefully in the hallway. 

Sidney had kept in touch with the Heywoods since his visit. It had started with a letter thanking Mr. and Mrs. Heywood for their hospitality and kindness, enclosed was a letter to Anne and Beatrice telling them about the wedding dress and Madame Palmyre’s change to the silk. He had promptly received a letter with their approval. 

After Diana’s surprise he had written to them to ask if Charlotte perhaps had a few things from home they could bring for the wedding. Parker House was filled with memories from his side, he wanted Charlotte to have the same experience and discover small gems from her childhood home. 

He, Robert and Phillip emptied the trunks efficiently. There were a few table cloths with napkins. Figurines. A beautiful painting of a field with a dog herding sheep. Some large platters joined the Parker china. And books. One trunk was filled to the brim with books from Mr. Heywood’s study. 

Content the four of them stood and admired their work for a short while until it was time for Robert and Hannah to go to Charlotte. 

“If this is Sidney Parker not in love with our Charlotte, then we better brace ourselves for when he does.” Robert laughed to his wife as they drove towards town. 

Sidney changed into his wedding clothes following the strict instructions from Anne and Beatrice with some minor adjustments. They had argued that he should wear a crown made of blooming twigs. He settled for a few lavenders on his lapel. But other than that, he did as he was told. 

Tears flowed in abundance when Charlotte was united with her parents for the first time since her departure from Willingden. So much had happened and letters had not sufficed. 

She was already in her dress and Emma was trying to do her hair between kisses and tears. Hannah Heywood grabbed her daughter gently and made her sit down on a chair. 

“Dearest child, you need to sit still now. Here, this is from Sidney.” She gave Charlotte the box. 

Inside was the flower crown, the bouquet and a small note. 

_Dear Charlotte,_

_Today is the day. Anne and Beatrice did not just design your wedding dress. They also taught me how to make a flower crown for you. I had no choice but to obey their command, they drive a hard bargain._

_The flowers are from our garden. Your mother tied the bouquet for me. There is a limit to my skills._

_I will see you in short while._

_Yours, Sidney_

Charlotte laughed and cried at the same time as she read his note again. She could easily picture her young sisters bossing Sidney around and she could easily picture him sitting patiently trying not to crush the delicate flowers. 

“How did you get this?” Charlotte looked at her mother suspiciously. The sum of the math only added up in the most confusing way. 

“We stopped by Parker House on the way here. Your father and I – as well as most of your siblings have kept in touch with Sidney since his stay.” Hannah smiled and stroked her daughter’s tearstained cheeks. “I’ll leave you and Emma to it and go greet Mr. and Mrs. Parker properly.” 

Sidney picked up Babington and Crowe at the hotel. He looked up at Charlotte’s window in the vain hope to catch a glimpse of her. Nothing. He patted his pocket to feel the ring was still there. Crowe was surprisingly sober when he jumped up onto the barouche followed by Babington who was all jitters to see Esther again. For once Crowe appeared like the sensible and controlled of the three and he knew it. 

The church was already too crowded for Sidney’s taste. Lady Denham was pacing back and forth, tapping her cane into the dirt. Esther was rolling her eyes but lit up in a smile even she couldn’t control when she locked eyes with Babington and he jumped off and ran to her. 

Sidney left horse and barouche with a groomsman and bowed politely to Lady Denham who immediately scolded him for being late. A quick look on his pocket watch revealed that he was nothing of the sort, Charlotte would not be arriving until 9 and it was 8.20. Instead of arguing with his punishment for being Tom’s brother, he chose to apologize for his untimely behavior. 

“Do you have a ring, Mr. Parker?” She narrowed her eyes. 

“Yes. My mother’s ring.” Sidney patted his pocket again to emphasize his words. 

“Hmmm. I suppose it will have to do. And the house is ready?” She continued. 

“Yes, the house is ready.” The thought made his heart flutter. Emma had promised to change the bedding. 

“Without living parents, do you need any advice on the wedding night?” The question came bluntly without a hint of embarrassment. Crowe who had just taken a large sip from his flask spurted it out again laughing. Esther sighed exasperatedly and Sidney wished the ground would open up and swallow him. 

He cleared his throat. “No, thank you. I think I have it covered.” 

“Hmmmm, I’m sure you do.” She was about to throw another question at him when Crowe of all people took mercy on Sidney and steered her away from him. 

“Lady Denham. Babington tells me you are a firm believer in ass’s milk. Myself choose a good brandy. But say one was to change brandy for ass’s milk in a flask, how long would it keep?” He kept a straight face while Lady Denham began a long lecture on the wonders of drinking the milk daily. Esther was giggling into the chest of Babington. Sidney sought refuge inside with reverend Hankins, who, dull or not, at this moment was the lesser of two evils. 

The pews filled. Hannah Heywood arrived with Mary, Tom, Arthur and Diana. Georgiana came a few minutes later and gave him a light hug and a small peck on the cheek. “Prove me wrong.” She whispered with a smile telling him this was only _half_ said in jest. 

Babington and Crowe escorted Esther and Lady Denham into the church and made sure they were properly seated before taking their place next to Sidney. Babington was lost in Esther’s emerald eyes and not must of any support to his friend. Crowed slapped Sidney on the back, grinning. “You look ready, my friend. Nervous and weepy. Like a groom truly in _love_!” Sidney gave him an angry stare. 

Moments dragged. Reverend Hankins found his spot. The sound of clopping hooves reported the bride had arrived. More moments dragged. Sidney’s mouth was dry. He had his eyes locked on the double doors. Nothing happened and he started to sweat. Had she changed her mind? Maybe he should go check for himself. 

The organ bellowed the first note. Never had he been more relieved to hear the sound. 

The doors swung open and there she was. Holding her father’s arm. She lit up the church room like a summer day. The dress moved around her beautiful curves like tall grasses swaying in a breeze. The embroidered and embellished flowers continued naturally in the flower crown and the bouquet. Anne had been right when she had grabbed his cheeks with her chubby little hands. “My Charlotte is like a meadow. Beautiful, wild, free. You want to take off your shoes and run in it, or lie on your back and watch the clouds. Don’t ever make her hoity-toity.” 

His eyes were the first thing Charlotte noticed. Then his waistcoat. Champagne-colored like her dress with leaves to the flowers on her dress embroidered on it. She gave him a shy smile and held on to her father for support. It was all rather overwhelming. 

The doors closed behind her and her father led her towards him. 

A butterfly had strayed inside with her and he thought of his mother. He could feel tears pooling in his eyes. His heart was beating wildly. 

In that breath. In that heartbeat, Sidney finally admitted to himself that he loved her. 

If he had to pinpoint when he had started falling in love with her it would be somewhere between Lady Denham’s preposterous proposal and their first talk on the matter. The second she had agreed to marry him to save Tom and Mary he had found that he wanted her to. 

He vaguely registered that Mr. Heywood shook his hand. His breathing only started when her little finger discretely wrapped around his. 

Reverend Hankins began. 

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he wrought, in Cana of Galilee; and is commended of Saint Paul to be honourable among all men: and therefore is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men's carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have no understanding; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God; duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained.  
First, It was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy Name.  
Secondly, It was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ's body.  
Thirdly, It was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity. Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. Therefore if any man can shew any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace.” 

Both Sidney and Charlotte were in a haze as the reverend spoke. The world began and ended where their fingers were joined. 

“Sidney Archibald Parker, wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?” 

“I will.” His voice was loud and clear. Charlotte squared her shoulders. 

“Charlotte Juliette Heywood, wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?” 

She gave his finger a soft squeeze. “I will.” There was no tremor, no insecurity to be found in her voice. 

Sidney repeated after Hankins. “I, Sidney Archibald Parker take thee, Charlotte Juliette Parker, to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.” 

Charlotte recited loud and clear. “I, Charlotte Juliette Parker, take thee, Sidney Archibald Parker, to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.” 

The reverend handed Sidney the ring. 

“With this ring I thee wed, _with my body I thee worship_ , and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.” He had his eyes locked with hers as he made the pledge and placed the ring on her finger. 

Hankins continued the ceremony but Charlotte and Sidney were no longer paying attention until the moment where Sidney had to decide whether or not to kiss her. He took both her hands in his and closed the gap between them. 

“Charlotte?” He whispered. 

“Yes...” She breathed in reply. Her lips parted slightly and she moved her eyes to his lips. He bent down and grazed her lips ever so lightly before placing a soft kiss, nibbing her lower lip just a little before pulling away again. Her cheeks were blushing and he could see her pulse point drumming rapidly. The small whimper she let out when he removed his lips set his body on fire. 

Charlotte had never been kissed on the lips before. Since the goodnight kiss in London, she had wondered what his lips would feel like on hers. Not even her lively imagination had been able to do the experience justice. The feelings she had logged and boxed this morning were scattered around her again in the most confusing way. 

The wedding ended eventually. Sidney and Charlotte walked back the aisle as Mr. and Mrs. Parker. 

The fresh air and bright sun relieved the tension between them and both felt they could relax. Family, friends and citizens of Sanditon gathered around them in a claustrophobic crowd. Though Sidney most felt like scooping up Charlotte and flee, he found himself standing with a foolish grin on his face and his fingers locked with Charlotte’s. As long as she didn’t let go of him, he could handle other people in the dozens. She took his breath away as she laughed, sparkling like the stars, the sun and the sea all at once. 

Slowly, he managed to weave them through from the crowd and lift her up onto his barouche. They waved as they drove away. “Now, Mrs. Parker. Can I tempt you with a short drive on the beach before we go to the wedding breakfast?” 

She blushed most adorably at her new title. “Yes please, Mr. Parker.” 

The sea was calm and glittered in the sun. There was space and not too many people despite the good weather. They must all be at the church, Sidney thought dryly to himself. 

Charlotte let her fingers brush over the ring on her finger. “It was my mother’s. Tom didn’t want it and passed it on to me.” Sidney began, not sure if he should ask her if she liked it. 

“It’s beautiful.” She whispered. It was gold ring holding a small flower. Simple like a child would draw it with petals of moonstone encircling a small ruby. It wasn’t grand in any way but it felt like her, like them. Knowing how close he was to his mother made it special to her in every sense that mattered. 

“So are you.” He said shyly. “Anne and Beatrice did a great job, don’t you think?” He hurried to continue. 

“They did.” She laughed. “I’m surprised they didn’t make you dress up like Oberon. They love _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_ ” 

“If you can keep a secret. I was meant to have a crown too. Made of twigs with leaves. I admit I didn’t have the courage to pull it off. Anne and Beatrice graciously let me settle for the waistcoat instead, if we promised to wear our wedding clothes when we come to visit.” He was laughing too now, happy that he hadn’t managed to spoil the moment. 

“You are lucky, Mr. Parker. They don’t normally back down so easily.” Her tinkling laughter hit him like summer rain. 

“It must be my irresistible charm.” He stated and regretted it immediately. 

“It must be.” She smiled and winked at him. 

“Don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold.” The banter was intact. 

“Your secret is safe with me. Lady Denham however...” A few curls loosened from her chignon as she laughed. 

“Very funny, Mrs. Parker. Now, are you ready to meet our guests?” He turned to look at her. 

“Yes. Thank you for this.” She put her arm under his and scootched close to him. 

Lady Denham did her best to monopolize the newly-weds and Crowe sacrificed himself once again and rolled out his charm to keep her entertained. She was somewhat immune to begin with but he was no stranger to rejection nor had he any shame in turning up the power and he won. Thus, Crowe spent the day with a giggling – and increasingly imbibed – Lady Denham at his arm. Esther had never thought very highly of her fiancées friend but she softened to him like a snowball on a hot summer day at the sight of him sharing his flask with her aunt. Sidney made a mental note to buy Crowe good bottle of brandy. 

Tom lasted for a few hours before he quietly retired to the bedroom. He did congratulate Sidney and Charlotte in the most emotional way before he left, leaving his younger brother somewhat dumbfounded. 

A few hours later Mr. and Mrs. Heywood had to leave. Though Sidney was not very eager to let go of Charlotte, he wanted to give her time alone with her parents and stayed behind as she followed them outside. She had only taken a few steps when she looked back over her shoulder with a look he could only describe as coy. “Are you coming, Mr. Parker?” 

Happiness flushed through him. “Yes, Mrs. Parker.” He hurried to her side and she slid her hand in place. The small flower glistened in the sun. 

Saying goodbye to her parents was a mix of tears, laughter and banter. There was no doubt from what cloth Charlotte came. The two of them stood and waved until the Heywood carriage was completely out of sight. Tears were slowly meandering down her cheeks and he pulled her into the privacy of Tom’s study as they went inside. “Are you well, Charlotte? Do you need me to get you something?” A knuckle lifted her chin. 

“I’m well. Just a little sad to see my parents leave and perhaps a little homesick. I’ll be fine in a short while. You can go back to our guests if you like.” She hiccupped between the tears. 

“No, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Take your time.” He put his arms around her, careful not to crush the flower crown against his chest. 

His scent was overwhelming this close and she was happy he held her because her legs had suddenly turned to water. She tilted her head to tell him she was ready to back outside. He moved his hands to her cheeks to thumb away her tears. His eyes were so full of tenderness he swept her feet away. 

“Sidney?” She whispered, leaning against him. 

“Yes.” It wasn’t even a word. Just a hoarse whisper. 

She closed her eyes and he slowly claimed her lips. This time he allowed his tongue to trace the contours of her plump lower lip. The tip of her tongue met his tentatively as she tried to mime his movements. It was nothing like she had ever tried before. Her body was buzzing and she wished he would never break the kiss. He tasted like he smelled. His lips and tongue were so gentle and warm to the touch. Her hand was resting on his chest and she could feel his heart beat as fast as hers. Her body told her he was too far away without her understanding how he could come any closer. Except for... 

If he kissed her like this tonight, she would trust him all the way. 

Breathless they slowed down the kiss and pulled away. If he was to behave like a gentleman, he had to get them out of that room instantly. She was too soft and too bloody tempting. The evidence thereof pressed achingly against his breeches. 

“We should go back to our guests.” He mumbled hoarsely against her cheek. 

“Yes, we should.” She mumbled back without moving, his dark voice only made her crave his touch more. 

“Have they already left? Without saying goodbye?” Lady Denham’s voice cut through the hallway like a bolt of lightning. 

“I’m sure they are just seeing Mrs. Parker’s parents off.” Crowe answered with surprising patience. He glanced into the study and smiled knowingly as he saw the two rather disheveled newly-weds. “Let’s go out front and see if they are still there, shall we?” He asked his companion and signaled with his free arm that Charlotte and Sidney should get back into the garden fast as Hell. 

Charlotte and Sidney quickly smoothed their clothes and straightened their hair before returning to the party giggling. 

It was late evening before the last guests had left. People had milled in and out of Trafalgar House all day bringing wedding gifts or flowers. In her short time in Sanditon Charlotte had clearly made a mark. Some of the townsmen had sent Sidney a doubtful look which he could hardly blame them. 

When Lady Denham’s carriage came to take her and Esther home, the old lady was drunk and Crowe triumphantly proud. Esther was visibly impressed and amused. Babington gallantly offered to escort them to Sanditon House. A wink at Crowe told him not to wait up. 

“Phillip and I will come and collect the presents tomorrow.” Sidney sighed and scratched the back of his head. “It’s a good thing we have empty rooms. Are you ready to leave, Mrs. Parker?” His cheeks reddened. 

Charlotte nodded and hugged Mary. “Thank you so much for everything today. It was wonderful. Thank you.” 

They said their goodbyes to Diana, Arthur and Diana as well. Charlotte kissed Crowe on the cheek. “Thank you for taking care of Lady Denham.” 

He grunted something inaudibly in reply. 

The sun was slowly setting as they followed the cliff road to Parker House. She sat quite stiffly next to him, careful not to touch him. He had wondered if he should kiss her again when they came _home_ , now he decided against it. 

Phillip had heard them coming and was waiting outside for them to take care of the horses and barouche. Sidney helped Charlotte descend. They took a small turn in the garden; it was a beautiful evening and the setting sun made all the flowers glow in burning colors. She tilted her head and closed her eyes to take some deep breaths as was her habit. The skin on her bosom shimmered like gold and Sidney’s eyes were fixed on the small beauty mark near her collarbone. 

The front door was left open for them. Sidney scooped her up in a bridal carry and carried her inside. Everything in him wanted to run upstairs to the bedroom and ravish her but he had promised to give her time. Instead, he placed her gently on the floor. “Welcome home, wife.” 

“Thank you.” It was only a whisper followed by a yawn. 

He kissed her tenderly on the forehead. “Why don’t you go upstairs and get ready. I’ll be there shortly. We can go over the house tomorrow.” He tried to make his voice sound light and natural. 

After a small tour to make sure everything was to his satisfaction, he headed upstairs when he saw Emma come out from Charlotte’s dressing room. He kept his breeches on and donned a nightshirt. Not a normal garment for him but he could hardly turn up naked. 

He knocked before entering their bedroom and found her standing in the middle of the room in her nightgown. His heart bounced up in his throat. Did she want to...? 

“I didn’t know which side you preferred?” She smiled shyly at him. 

“The one you leave for me.” He answered cheekily with a crooked smile. 

“You’re witty, Mr. Parker.” She crawled under the covers in the side closest to her dressing room. 

He lifted the cover on his side of the bed when she stopped him. 

“Sidney, don’t be ridiculous. It’s hot. You don’t have to wear breaches to bed. Diana would scold me for causing you a heatstroke.” 

He chuckled sheepishly. “She will not be impressed either that you sleep with the window open. I could catch a cold or we could be robbed in our sleep.” 

“Witty again, husband? I like the fresh air when I sleep. And we are on the first floor of a very tall house.” She continued the banter. 

The breeches were quickly discarded with his back turned to her. The bed dipped when he entered and they lay on their backs without saying much. It was comforting, confusing and very disturbing in equal measure to be in this intimate situation together. He lifted his head to blow out the candle. 

“Sidney?” He could feel her roll over on her side to face him and he did the same. “Yes.” He could only see the contours of her. His fingers ached to trace the dips and hills of her curves. 

“The day has been quite overwhelming. Can I hold your hand?” Her voice was soft and honest. She was not about to seduce him. 

She could have _all_ of him. “Of course.” He found her hand and laced his fingers with her. 

“Sidney?” He smiled. It was like listening to Henry asking him about everything from the man on the moon to the color of air. 

“Yes, Charlotte.” His voice was chuckling. 

There was a pause before she whispered. “Do you think we will grow to love each other?” 

For a second he thought about telling her the truth but he didn’t want to make her feel she had to rush her feelings for him. Instead, he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles before he whispered back. 

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two MWAHs 💋💋 - it wasn't the plan so don't say I don't listen to what you want, because mostly I don't but this time I gave you a little snack 😂
> 
> The ring https://i.pinimg.com/564x/8e/f4/b2/8ef4b23edd03e7b8b47711f29e3a5234.jpg
> 
> The full ceremony. I left out the part where Mr. Heywood has to give away Charlotte. Too confusing. But this is what it would have been like http://www.eskimo.com/~lhowell/bcp1662/occasion/marriage.html


	17. Mr. and Mrs. Parker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your sweet comments. I'm truly happy. So are our dear newly-weds. Crowe can hardly fit in the room with your praise of him. Raise your hand if you're single - or married looking for fun. He doesn't judge. ⬅ His words, not mine.
> 
> A short but hopefully sweet chapter of their first day as Mr. and Mrs. Parker. 
> 
> ❤❤❤
> 
> P

_**Tuesday, June 22 1819**_

Her small hand was still enveloped in his big, when he woke up the next morning. She had sought after him in her sleep and lay almost close enough for him to wrap his arm around her. Her long eyelashes fluttered slightly, following the slow rhythm of her breathing. Love and affection washed over him like a hot bath. He could not remember when he had last slept so peacefully. Not even his usual nightmares had haunted him. 

_Every_ part of him was awake and aware of her and he gently let go of her hand and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before he crept out of the bed. He scribbled a small note and placed on his pillow along with a sprig of lavender. 

_Goodmorning Wife,_

_I’ve gone for a swim, will be back soon._

_Love, Husband_

He argued back and forth on whether to write ‘Love’ but chose to go with it. 

Charlotte woke up a little while after he had gone. She stretched lazily as she slowly came to, remembering only gradually where she was and that she was now married. A smile formed on her lips when she discovered the note and flower. She was someone’s wife; she was Mrs. Parker. Not one to squander a day off in bed she got up and was in the middle of getting dressed when Emma knocked softly on the door and entered to help her. 

Damp, refreshed and only clad in his shirt and breeches, Sidney returned to Parker House. The second he entered the small hall, a sound came from the first floor. Almost like a wounded animal. His blood froze to ice. Charlotte! He took the stairs two at the time and wrapped his arms around her. She was crying quietly. 

“What’s wrong, Charlotte? Are you hurt?” Adrenaline pumped. Did she regret marrying him? Was she upset because he had gone for a swim? 

“I’m fine.” She spoke into his broad chest. The heat from him felt different with only the thin fabric of his shirt between them. He smelled like seawater and sea breeze and his own musky dizzying scent. His heart was pounding and she felt bad for having startled him. “I didn’t notice the picture yesterday.” She tried to point at the watercolor painting by Alison, but she was locked in his embrace. 

It took a while for her words to travel through the fog of fear clouding his mind. “Oh, you’re...” 

“happy. Yes.” She mumbled against his beating heart, still trapped in his arms. 

Sidney stood there with his wife – unknowing of his love for her – in his arms and didn’t quite know how to go from his octopus grip around her to a natural composure. Before he had drummed up a strategy, she looped her arms around his waist and returned his embrace. “Thank you.” 

It was all he needed. Gently he pulled away and kissed her on the forehead. “You’re welcome. I’ll go get properly dressed. Look around, take your time.” 

“There’s more?” She tilted her head, her beautiful brows furrowed questioningly. 

He laughed proudly. “There is. I’ll meet you downstairs.” Taking a chance, he brushed his lips over hers in a light kiss. The pink tinge on her cheeks gave him too much satisfaction and he hummed as he went to his dressing room. 

With a tied cravat, neatly buttoned waistcoat and combed hair Sidney walked slowly downstairs. He could hear Charlotte’s happy cries whenever she discovered something from her parents on the small scavenger hunt. The painting in the living room, the small figurines and of course all the books. Not even Henry could have expressed more excitement or joy over a game. It was a very pleased Sidney who popped his head into the study to ask if she had time for breakfast. 

“What do you want to do today?” Sidney looked at Charlotte as they sat across from each other at the table. She had been unusually quiet after hunting for surprises. 

“I would like to stay here.” She blushed. “Get to know our house. Work in the study. There is still so much to do for the regatta. It’s a good thing we don’t need a honeymoon.” Her cheeks turned a deeper shade of red. 

It stung. She had said it in jest, but there was nothing he would want more than to whisk her away on a honeymoon and spent endless days exploring her body. Any remote island would do. He just gave her a half-smile. 

“What are your plans?” Her fingers were picking the roll into small pieces. 

His eyes pierced her. “I want to spend the day with you. If you are working here, I want to be here too.” His voice was firm. “If that would suit you?” 

God, he loved when she blushed. A shy nod welcomed his request. 

The shyness was gone by the time they went into the study. Phillip had placed the morning post on their desks. There was a rather large pile of letters on Charlotte’s desk plus a package. With her normal determination she sat down and he noticed how she divided the letters into categories before reading them. The first stack was requests from London people after cottages for the regatta. Her eyes were shining as she read them out loud. “Susan wants to rent one too.” After a quick check when the last letter had been read, she cheered. “I think we’re all out. That’s good isn’t it?” She looked so happy he was amazed he managed to remain in his seat instead of carrying her upstairs. He just smiled and nodded. Carefully, she wrote replies in her elegant and beautiful handwriting. 

Next pile was letters from her family. She alternately laughed and cried as she read the letters to him. Anne and Beatrice were very persistent that Sidney had promised they would visit in their wedding clothes. Alison hoped that her picture was not too shabby to hang in their home and that she could visit soon. Peter and Michael boasted about how many fish they had caught with Sidney’s tips. Her mother and father thanked for a lovely day at their wedding and invited them to come and stay whenever they had time for it and of course they were excited to know if she appreciated the small surprises. 

Sidney had a hard time concentrating on his own correspondence, his eyes kept drifting to his wife who was chuckling to herself as she responded her family. Sometimes she would catch him watching her and blush. 

“Are you not even the slightest curious about what is in the package?” He finally broke the silence. 

“I am. But I thought it best to get the other letters out of the way first. What if it is a book? I would not be able to think of anything else then.” She smiled bashfully. 

He leaned back in his chair, now staring openly at her. “Are you always this diligent, Mrs. Parker?” His voice was mischievous and teasing. 

She looked up from her letter with a wry smile. “I find it best to get work done instead of postponing. It’s how I was raised. I’m surprised that a successful businessman such as yourself, Mr. Parker, does not have a better discipline.” 

Smirking he leaned forward. “I normally am but then again I’m not normally a newly-wed.” He was downright flirting now; he couldn’t help himself. It was obvious she didn’t know what to do with this version of him. She was breathing faster. He played a dangerous game here. 

“Alright.” She put down her quill and looked him square in the eye. “Let’s open the package. I cannot have you lose business because I like to do things in a particular order.” She cut the string and then stopped arching a brow daringly. “Maybe you want to open it too?” His upper hand was gone, she was teasing him. 

“No, it was addressed to you. For all I know it could be from one of your many admirers from London.” The second he had said it, it dawned on him that it was not entirely unlikely. 

She sent him an annoyed look and continued to open it. Inside was a letter and a small wooden box with waves carved on the lid. She broke the seal of the letter and her eyes flickered as she read it. “It’s a wedding gift from Susan, wishing us a happy life and a prosperous Sanditon.” She handed him the letter to read for himself and carefully opened the box. A delicious gasp made him look up with dark eyes and quick panting. 

Inside was a wax sealing kit with two beautifully crafted bell-shaped seals; CP and SP, both monograms surrounded by waves. The lacquer wax buttons were in a luscious red, also with waves embellished in them. Everything had its own little compartment. 

There was a small brass sign attached inside the lid. 

_Charlotte & Sidney Parker _

_June 21 1819_

Her fingers slid gently over the items in the box and then she started to laugh. “Would you think me silly if I told you I’m utterly happy that I haven’t sealed my letters yet?” 

She looked so temptingly adorable he could hardly breathe. “No.” It was just a hoarse whisper. 

Unaffected by Sidney’s desperate state, Charlotte started to seal her letters, letting out small happy hums every time she stamped the beautiful seal into the hot glossy wax. He forced himself back to his correspondence and noticed how happy she looked when he took his new seal and used it for the first time. 

Emma knocked to say lunch was ready and they headed into the dining room. Charlotte looked at the two set plates on either end of the table. “I would prefer not to have to shout to you. Would you mind if we sit opposite each other on the sides?” 

He would rather she sat on his lap but opposite sides were definitely an improvement and he just nodded. Quickly she rearranged the plates and sat down. Emma entered with bread and cold meats. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” She put the food down. “Would you prefer me to set the table like this when you are not entertaining?” 

Charlotte smiled softly. “Yes, please. Do you need any help?” 

“No, no, Mrs. Parker.” Emma smiled and left the room with her skirts rustling as efficiently as she had entered. 

“I wonder if I will ever get used to be waited on like this.” Charlotte chuckled as she helped herself to some food. 

Sidney smiled. This was not even close the service level standard to a lady of her station. She chatted merrily and somehow managed to divert his thoughts from her soft lips and smooth skin to their normal banter. 

Full and relaxed he took out his pocket watch. “I’m walking into town to post the letters. Would you like to walk with me?” 

“Very much. It’s a fine fresh day. Some exercise will do good after sitting for so long.” Her smile was bright and instantly made his relaxed breathing race. 

Walking on the cliff road, Sidney turned to her. “So, Mrs. Parker. How do you think we’re doing as a married couple so far?” He had tried to sound teasing but never had he asked a more important question. 

There was a slight pause. 

Charlotte didn’t know what to say. The friendship between them continued as well as their conversations she cherished so much but then there were his lips on hers. The way he had touched her yesterday. His scent. The deep timbre of his voice. Their first day as a married couple was better than she had ever dreamed it would be and yet it felt unfulfilled. “I think we’re doing expertly, Mr. Parker.” She answered truthfully still feeling she lied. 

“So do I.” If she was happy, he was happy. They would get there in due time, he thought. 

He could feel her get lost in her own thoughts and wondered if he should ask what was troubling her. 

“Sidney?” She widened the space between them without letting go of his arm. 

“Yes?” He put his hand on top of hers to balance the distance. 

“Will you tell me...” She stopped. 

He waited for her to continue but she didn’t. “Charlotte, you can tell me anything and ask me anything.” 

She pushed the words out. “Will you tell me if I do something wrong?”. She had wanted to ask him to say when it was time for them to move on with their marriage. To say when it was time to _consummate_ the marriage but the words would not leave her lips. 

“Why do you think you will do something wrong?” He had the feeling there was more to her question. 

“Everything is new and confusing.” She tried desperately to evade his question. 

They had reached the top of the cliffs. He stopped and turned her around to face him, holding her gently on her upper arms. His thumbs rubbed her softly. 

“Charlotte, this is new to both of us. We will work it out together as we go along.” He hoped he was answering the question she really wanted to ask him. 

Her big brown eyes finally found his. Without thinking he drowned himself in them and dove into a kiss with more passion than he had intended – had he intended to kiss her. She opened willingly to his eager tongue and followed his lead in this dance of frantic nipping, sipping and licking. He could feel himself get carried away and broke the kiss as suddenly as he had started it. “Forgive me.” He was panting. 

She wanted to say there was nothing to forgive, but she was breathless and dizzy. Before her mind again was able to focus on anything other than his kiss, he had already placed her hand on his arm and started walking in a brisk pace. 

Had it not been for Mary and Tom out walking too, they would have remained in an awkward bubble of guessing and misinterpreting each other’s signals. Mary’s happy chatter was exactly what they needed. Even Tom pitched in with some kind words. 

Letters were posted. Tea was taken at Trafalgar House. Sidney and Charlotte walked back chatting and laughing, careful not to stray down the path of desire again. Dinner was pleasant and Charlotte threw Sidney into a laughing fit with her impersonation of Lady Denham. 

All in all, all was well when Charlotte changed into her nightgown wondering if Sidney’s body reacted the way hers did when they kissed or touched. Sidney, in his dressing room, was still determined to let her set the pace and sought the solitary relief of his right hand and a handkerchief before joining her in bed. 

She was sitting reclined against the headboard with a book when he came into the room. “Do you want me to put out the light?” 

“No, read for as long as you please.” He lay down next to her on his side. “It was my mother’s favorite book. She loved poems.” Without asking he wrapped his hand around hers resting on the mattress between them. 

Her melodic voice gifted him with the poems as she read out loud to him and lulled him to peace and then to sleep.


	18. A man with a vision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sidney feels you are finally on his side now. He keeps Charlotte's letter in his inner pocket, like a talisman or rabbit's foot, ready to read it whenever she starts to act funny. It hasn't happened yet but he's hanging in there.
> 
> Thank you for clicking on this chapter. For all your sweet comments here. For all the hilarious gifs and banter on Twitter. Sidney is not as amused as I am. Charlotte has finished the embroidered foot rest and Sidney has brought it to his room. He prefers to clean up with a handkerchief but the stool offers a nice support. 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter...
> 
> ❤ P

_**Friday, June 26 1819**_

The next days went by in something resembling marital bliss, except for the matrimonial act itself. Sidney loved his wife more each day. She was witty, intelligent, fierce, fearless, beautiful and soothing. He worked his way through his handkerchiefs to put a lid on his burning desire for her but it was well worth the price. They were happy and growing closer for each moment. 

Sanditon and the regatta were making great progress. Lady Denham was pleased with the financial improvement of her investment, though they were not yet out of the woods, and even more pleased with the stolen looks and touches between Sidney and Charlotte when they came by for tea. What a victory for her unmatched matchmaking skills. Her eyes kept wandering to Charlotte’s flat stomach as if she could will the baby, she was sure Sidney had already planted there, to reveal itself. 

Their intimacy grew. Lingering touches. Sweet kisses. Charlotte was now sure she wanted him, _all_ of him. She was also fairly sure that he wanted her too and she waited innocently for him to make the move. When he didn’t, she saw it as a sign that he knew they were not yet ready – he would know and she trusted his judgement and knowledge on the delicate matter. 

Nights in bed quickly became their favorite time of day, despite the growing desire in both to do more than hold hands. They would discuss the day, talk of everything and nothing and laugh like mischievous children. It always ended the same way with Charlotte reading to Sidney while he held her hand. 

Sometimes he would brush the tip of a finger over her wrist or dot small kisses on her knuckles. Her breathing would hitch and warmth would pool in the most peculiar places. Sidney was experienced enough to register the effect of his touch and fell asleep satisfied that the day where Charlotte would become befuddled must be close, meaning the day where they would take the last definitive step towards being husband and wife was within reach and goosebumps would prickle delightfully all over his body. 

After a few days where they had mostly kept to themselves, Charlotte and Sidney couldn’t postpone meeting with Stringer anymore. The regatta was approaching fast and Sanditon would soon be marinated in London ton. They had to find a solution for the fire site. The black shambles were not exactly a good attraction and despite Stringer and his men’s hard work it would still stand as a painful and hideous reminder at the regatta. 

Sidney and Charlotte walked to town to meet Stringer at Trafalgar House. Mary was very happy to see them. As was Tom but he retired quickly to his new favorite spot; a comfortable chair in the peace and quiet of the garden. 

Tea was served along with a quick update and Mary was very pleased with what she heard and saw. She had been a newly-wed when Eliza broke Sidney’s heart and spent many a night listening to the young man pouring out his heart – if he was sober enough to do so. Most often Babington and Crowe would drop off an unconscious and terribly bruised Sidney and she would watch over him and soothe his wounds with cold cloths. She had seen him when he and Eliza were still in love, but it had been nothing like this, he had still been guarded, careful to live up to his fiancée’s strict expectations. He was a completely changed man. Smiling, laughing, talking and openly admiring his wife. Mary was not particularly fond of Lady Denham but this scheme of hers was beginning to look like the best thing that could have happened to these two young people so very dear to her. 

Stringer was shown into the study and Mary left the three of them alone. “The men have been working late hours and will continue to do so but there is no way we are going to have everything removed in time for the regatta. You will still be able to see very clearly what has happened there.” He tried to ignore how very close Charlotte and Sidney were standing to each other. Though he had to admit that Sidney in charge had been an instant and significant improvement, he struggled with his jealousy and contempt that the woman he had set his eyes and heart on was married to a man he did not like. 

“We need help.” Charlotte’s voice was determined. “From someone who can dream big and ignore challenges. We need Tom.” She bit her lip and looked at Sidney and Stringer before she turned around to fetch him in the garden. Just before the door she stopped. “Sidney, you should go ask him for his help.” 

“But it was your ide, Charlotte.” Sidney put his hands on his hips as he had for habit when he was either thinking or arguing. 

“Yes, but I’m not the one whose approval he seeks.” She looked him square in the eye and he knew she was right. 

Sighing he went outside and pulled a chair close to Tom’s. “We need your help, Tom.” He poured them both a glass of sherry. 

“No. I’m no good to anyone. You and Charlotte will do just fine without me.” Tom’s gaze turned empty and Sidney could feel him shut down. 

“Tom, your vision for Sanditon ended badly with the fire as a testament of your malmanagement of the finances and your lack of structure and order. But Sanditon is prospering, not despite of you but because of you. Your biggest mistake was not the missing insurance or debts, but your insistence on doing everything yourself. There is a whole team of people backing you now. Charlotte, Mary, Diana, Arthur, me – even Georgiana. And we make a good team but there is one thing we cannot do. We cannot dream the impossible. The fire site needs to be gone in time for the regatta and it’s impossible. We need your wonderfully crooked mind to come up with a solution we can execute in time. Please, Tom.” Sidney leaned forward in his chair, locking his eyes with his brother’s. There was the smallest glimmer of light in them. He placed his hand on top of Tom’s. “Would you at least come and have a look at it?” 

Tom shrugged his shoulders and Sidney feared for a moment that he had failed. “It could never hurt to look, I guess. But nothing more!” 

Sidney reached out his hand and helped his brother up. Standing they hugged briefly and for the first time in years Sidney felt an ounce of respect for his older brother. 

“I cannot think in here.” Tom stated, when he and Sidney stood before Stringer’s plans in the study. “We need to go to the site.” 

Stringer led the way to the burned down terrace, while Charlotte and Sidney flanked Tom a few steps behind. Tom’s shoulders dropped as they neared the site. His failure. He stood for a moment with his head bent, not saying or doing anything. He just looked defeated and Sidney was about to go and lead him back, but Charlotte gently placed her hand on his arm to stop him. “Let him grieve.” 

After a few minutes Tom straightened his long body and framed his hands as if he was envisioning something. It felt like forever before he turned around and spoke. 

“If we cannot remove it, we have to cover it. Mr. Stringer, would it be possible to build a scaffolder, line it with sail and paint either the new building or some sort of mural on it?” Tom’s voice was lit with excitement. 

Stringer did some calculations in his head. “That would actually be possible to finish before time.” He turned to Sidney. “What would you prefer? A full-size drawing of the new building or a mural?” 

“What say you, Charlotte?” Sidney was blank. 

“I think the building. We need investors and they need to see the vision of the town, not a pretty painting.” She walked to an exhausted Tom and took his arm. “You were amazing, Tom. Thank you. Let’s get you home.” She turned to Stringer. “Thank you for your time today, Mr. Stringer. Let us know if you need anything.” 

Sidney and Stringer watched her as she and Tom slowly walked down the street. Sidney smiled at Stringer. “You heard my wife; we go with your drawing of the new terrace.” He shook hands with his foreman and half-jogged to catch up with Charlotte and Tom. 

That evening, Sidney and Charlotte were entertaining for the first time. What had started out with a casual meal in the company of Babington and Crowe had turned into a 5-course dinner party. Babington had wanted to bring Esther and Lady Denham had instantly invited herself. Mrs. Fitz had been thrilled, so had Emma. Both women had been busy for the past two days cooking and baking for this splendid event. Sidney had been so proud when he extended the invitation and had participated eagerly in planning the menu. Charlotte was less enthusiastic but his excitement made her smile. She had told Mrs. Fitz to make enough food for them to have the same in the kitchen and for her to bring home treats for her children. 

Dressed in the pale pink dress she had worn to Humphreys’ dinner in London and her hair expertly done in a soft hairdo by Emma, Charlotte headed into the dining room to help Phillip set the table. 

“What can I do?” Sidney popped his head in. 

Charlotte noticed his matching waistcoat and smiled. “Would you put your floral skills to good use and cut some flowers for the table?” She winked teasingly at him. 

“Not at all, it would be my pleasure. Any particular wishes?” Eliza would never have allowed him to charge of anything. She sometimes wiggled her way into his thoughts whenever Charlotte did something, she would never have done. Like letting him be himself. 

“Surprise me.” She smiled brightly while putting a napkin through one of his mother’s porcelain rings. 

Standing in their garden he took in the colors of the flowers and tried to decide which to pick but then he smiled and walked determinedly to the big lavender bush adorning a full length of the garden with its abundance of small purple sprigs. 

He returned with two large bouquets and placed them in the vases Phillip had readied. 

“They are lovely, Sidney.” Charlotte looked very pleased with the set table. 

“The scent of lavender reminds me of you.” He whispered hoarsely, relishing in her blushing cheeks and bosom. 

Lady Denham and her eye-rolling entourage hit them like one of Tom’s forbidden gales. Sidney ushered them into the small living room and poured the ladies a glass of sherry and the gentlemen a smooth whisky. 

Babington and Crowe instantly dove into childhood memories. “Do you remember when you missed my head and broke that window with a cricket ball?” Babington laughed and pointed. 

Crowe took a large slurp. “Yes. One should think it impossible to miss that big skull of yours, but alas. Old Mr. Parker was not impressed.” 

“No, he was not.” Sidney added dryly. “He had me mucking out the horses’ stalls for the rest of that summer. Come to think of it, I often ended up doing that after you had been visiting, Crowe. You did the crime, I did the punishment.” 

Crowe lifted his glass. “It worked for me.” 

“Tell me, Mrs. Parker. How many nurseries are there in this house?” Lady Denham was not pleased with a conversation she was not part of. Her eyes darted to Charlotte’s stomach. Charlotte did not notice but Sidney and, surprisingly enough, Crowe did. 

Charlotte didn’t have time to come up with a fitting answer before Crowe once again jumped to her aid. “Lady Denham, if you and I had been fortunate enough to be simultaneously fertile, do you think they would have had my loose moral and your sharp tongue?” 

Everyone else held their breaths awaiting Lady Denham’s response. She delivered promptly. A cackling laughter filled the room and there was unanimous sigh of relief. However, Sidney was sure he would bear the punishment for Crowe’s witty tongue in the near future. 

Before Crowe could get them into any more trouble, Phillip announced that dinner was ready. Sidney offered Lady Denham his arm and led the way followed by Babington and Esther. Crowe gallantly bowed to Charlotte and escorted her to the dining room. 

“Thank you, Mr. Crowe. You have been a true friend.” She smiled softly at him. 

“Promise me to keep it to yourself, I have a reputation to uphold. Besides, I actually like the old hag. It’s always a pleasure when people speak their mind so freely. She even makes me look like a reasonably decent guy,” He laughed while taking a generous sip of his flask. 

“You too?” She laughed. 

He gave her a confused look. 

“Sidney is very concerned about his reputation too. Unlike Babington, who would sacrifice reputation and vanity for Esther.” She gave his arm a gentle squeeze. 

Mrs. Fitz and Emma had excelled. The courses were mouthwatering delicious. Sidney enjoyed seeing Charlotte host and he envied Crowe every rusty laugh she extracted from him. Crowe managed to keep Lady Denham in place. When the party finally left in the carriage, the old lady was once again pleasantly drunk and giggling, hanging on to Crowe for stability. Charlotte and Sidney waved goodbye as they drove away. 

“Would you like to take a turn in the garden with me?” He tilted his head and gave her a crooked smile. 

“Very much. Thank you.” She looped her arm under his and leaned her tired head against his shoulder. 

The moon was full. They could hear the distant sound of the sea. She shivered slightly in the chill evening air and he wiggled off his jacket and wrapped it around her. 

“Since Lady Denham is going to be an active and invasive part of our lives, I think we have to convince Crowe to move in with us to keep her at bay. I see no other solution.” Her voice was deadpan but her eyes sparkled with amusement. 

The deep sound of his laughter that had been so rare in the beginning of their acquaintance surrounded them like a warm blanket. “I have a better idea. I’m not sure I would be comfortable with a rake like Crowe living under the same roof as you, Charlotte. But if we can convince Lady Denham to let him move in with her, we may never have to see either of them again. They will be too busy imbibing and playing cards.” 

Her tinkling laughter made him incredibly happy. To think that he, the brooding rude outlier could evoke such an ethereal sound. 

Laying on their sides in bed, he took her hand and kissed it. “Thank you, Charlotte.” 

She blushed. “What for?” 

“For marrying me. For making my life better.” Three other words stood in line, eager to jump from his lips, but he was determined to follow her pace. A few tiny tears pooling in the corner of her eye told him he had for once said the right thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have read The One, you may recognize the solution. I could not come up with a better idea and reused the one from there. 
> 
> You better put on your helmet and buckle up, bumps and turbulence ahead.


	19. To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sidney doesn't need Eliza to fuck things up. First bump.
> 
> Take care ❤

_**Monday, June 29 1819** _

When living with Charlotte, being around Charlotte all the bloody time, had only existed as a hypothetic out-in-the-future event, it had been so easy to for Sidney to imagine weeks even months before they would consummate their marriage. They had been married a week. ONE FUCKING WEEK. His handkerchiefs and patience were running thin.

In his mind. In his _vain_ plan, Charlotte would have been the one to fall in love with him first, become weird and befuddled. He would come riding as her knight in shining armor, read her letter and sweep her off her feet and they would live happily ever after. The first solid part of that happy life spent locked up in the bedroom. Never had he imagined that he would be the one with the problem.

Her letter burned in his pocket and he contemplated daily to strike a deal with the devil and break the seal. Break the trust her father had put in him to relieve his own pain, not hers. He could not do it. He was many unflattering things but he was loyal beyond reason and his love for Charlotte and her noisy warm family demanded of him to be his best self and respect the boundaries of the letter.

He could feel her eyes on him during the day and he knew that she saw right through his distant smiles and evasive behavior and that she wondered what had caused this change in him.

Next morning, he woke up with his arm and leg casually splayed over her small body and his face inches from her one nipple pushing against the thin fabric of her nightgown, responding gently to the small breezes brushing over it through the open window. He was completely paralyzed. Well, most of him anyway. One part was very much alive and ready to move. Ashamed of himself, he tumbled out of bed and into his dressing room where he quickly grabbed a handkerchief and took care of his treacherous member before sprinting to his cove to cool down.

That they managed to do progress on anything Sanditon related must come down to Charlotte’s effort because Sidney was in a constant haze. Everything she did turned him on. The way she held her quill or stamped the seal. The way she laughed or talked. The way she folded clothes or put down her fork. Her breathing was more seductive than any woman he had had at Mrs. Harries’. Even the way she went over the ledgers drove him mad. But the worst thing she could do was bite her lip. Every time her white teeth dug into the soft rosy flesh; he was ready to combust.

As a result, he did the only sensible and logical thing a grown gentleman could do. He avoided her.

He would be gone when she woke up. He would work at Trafalgar House if she worked in their study, and the other way around should she choose Trafalgar House. Under the pretense of being busy he would order a tray to the study or simple grab a quick meal at The Crown. He would wait until she had fallen asleep before joining her in bed. His hand and cock were aching from the bracing “exercise”.

_**Friday, July 2 1819** _

Charlotte was in constant battle between a broken heart and a boiling temper. Over the course of one night, Sidney had gone from loving and attentive to harsh and distant. He was almost back to his old self and she didn’t understand what had caused this change – other than it certainly must be something she had done because he treated everyone else normally.

This morning her temper won. He had not come to bed. Judging by the state of the study and the half-emptied bottle, he had gotten drunk and slept in a chair in there. Angry and hurt, she decided to corner him in the cove and confront him. They were leaving for London later that morning and she needed him by her side to survive the dinner at Susan’s and Mrs. Maudsley’s ball.

If Sidney had seen the way Charlotte strode purposedly in direction of the cove, stomping her foot angrily in the ground for every step, he would either have dropped to his knees and begged for her forgiveness or bolted to take cover. Her fury had been ignited by him before but this was in a whole new caliber.

A quick scan of the beach revealed where he had discarded his clothes in a drunken messy pile and she took her mark and waited for him with her arms crossed and her foot tapping in the sand. Her eyes were fixed on the water, trying to locate him. Suddenly a dark dot bobbed up and down in the waves and for a moment her anger was pushed away by an overwhelming concern of how far out he was swimming. As the dot grew bigger and turned into her husband’s head, her anger returned.

Unaware of his wife waiting to chasten him, Sidney ploughed through the water. His muscles burned satisfyingly and his body was too drained for energy to think about Charlotte’s lips and nipple. As soon as the water became too shallow to swim in, he stood and raked his hands through his hair to sweep off seawater.

The sight of Sidney emerging incredibly naked threw Charlotte completely off guard. She had been too focused on forcing an explanation out of him to consider that men swam in the nude. Now, he stood before her in all his naked splendor. He was beautiful. Like the Greek statues in one of her father’s books.

Charlotte had never seen a naked man before but growing up on a farm she had a very practical knowledge of how animals mated and knew the male genitals transformed before the act. These were the thoughts rushing through her mind as she followed droplets of seawater slowly meander down the planes of his body. The sight did strange things to her body and she found it hard to take her eyes off him. The water pooled in a line of hair on his abdomen that led down to his—of all the animal genitals she had seen he was more hung like a horse than say a pig.

“Charlotte!” His surprised voice snapped her out of her musings and the anger was back in an instant. She was determined not to let his nakedness distract her from her mission and she forced her eyes up to meet his. He was clearly amused which only fueled her fury.

“Anything impressive catch your eye?” For a naked man he was arrogantly cocky and he regretted his words immediately but the whole situation was hilarious to be honest. He could see her struggle to not let her eyes drift down to his – admittedly very cold penis. They were married. There was nothing on his body she shouldn’t already have seen, or touched.

“If being impressed with how badly you have behaved these past days count, then yes. What have I done? Why are you avoiding me? And don’t hand me some lie about you accidently needing to be somewhere else on a silver platter, because I will have your head on it if you do!”. An undeniable anger set the beat of her words marching against him in a controlled attack.

“I beg your pardon. I spoke in haste. Forgive me.” He tilted his head and looked sheepishly at her. “You ambushed me and took me by surprise.” His hands were on his hips.

It annoyed her how confident and admiringly calm he was in his naked state. “You left me no choice. Getting close to you these past days has been like playing cricket with wet soap.” It was getting increasingly hard for her to concentrate with him standing in front of her looking like a Greek god. Her mind kept straying back to how it would feel to let her hands slider over his hard muscles and warm skin.

His wry smile pushed her over the edge.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Sidney. Get dressed, you’ll surely catch a cold.” Desire brought thunder to her voice.

“Yes, yes. Good point.” He didn’t move. “Would you mind turning around, Charlotte?”

The irony of him being too embarrassed to _dress_ in front of her was not lost on either of them and for the first time in days they laughed together.

She waited for him behind a boulder and they walked back to the house together. Her hand was hanging down her side instead of being where it should be on his arm and he hated himself.

“What did I do to you?” She finally broke the silence. The anger had left her voice and he wished it would return because the sadness in its place was unbearable.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I'm worried about my business.” He was lying and hoped she bought it. He needed time to come up with a plan to tell her he loved her. He could hardly just spurt it out.

Her hand found its spot and he let out a sigh of relief. Too soon, because she was not done.

“What is troubling you? Maybe I can help? Or Arthur?” Her brown eyes looked at him with such tenderness his breathing hitched.

This is why one should never lie. It always leads to another lie. “One of my ships are late to port. It could just be because of bad weather; I hope it is.” He would rather not elaborate. Right now, it was almost a pure white lie, if she probed any further, it would turn black.

“Let’s hope for the best.” She merely said.

Charlotte let him be during breakfast.

In the carriage to London, she had taken the seat diagonally from him. He hoped it was because she wanted to give him room to stretch his legs but he suspected that she had not completely bought the story. It was unusual for them to go for such a long length of time without talking. He tried to cook up something witty to say, he really needed to hear her laugh, but his brain came back blank.

“A penny for your thoughts, Charlotte.” He spoke softly.

“Evitative.” She kept gazing out the window.

“What?” Had she figured out he had lied to her?

“It’s a palindrome. I like palindromes.” She smiled curtly and stiffly, still not looking at him.

“ _Redivider_ is another one.” Now, she met his eyes and she looked right through him. There was a mix of disappointment and hurt in her beautiful eyes.

They reached the inn before he could respond and she jumped elegantly out of the carriage without waiting for his help. She was already inside before he had picked up his nerve to follow her. Three rakes sitting at a round table just inside the door “complemented” her but a look from her silenced them immediately. Sidney had been on the receiving end of that look and now he knew for sure that she was mad at him.

She pushed the food around on her plate and only nipped of the lump of bread. None of them spoke. He went to buy two apples for them for the ride. When he returned to the table, she was gone. The three men were still at their table. That was something.

“Your missus went outside, Sir.” One of them slurred.

He bowed curtly and headed outside. She was standing at the end of the square in front of the inn, she looked small and lost. The driver yelled that they were ready to leave and she turned around and walked towards him. Her eyes drilled holes in him as she walked straight past him and ascended the carriage herself. With a beating heart he jumped up and deliberately sat next to her.

“You are upset with me. Why?” He reached for her hand.

She moved it. “I’m not upset with you. Why should I be?”

“You’re avoiding me.” He knew before the last syllable had left his lips that he had dug his own grave.

“I could lie to you, if you prefer.” She folded her hands in her lap. “You told me Sunday that all your ships had returned safe and sound. Clearly you do not want to share with me what is ailing you. I see no point in pushing you. Now, please be kind and leave me alone.”

She took off her bonnet and leaned tiredly against the wall and tried desperately not to start crying. It didn’t take long before she drifted off to an uneasy sleep.

At Bedford Place she walked straight to her dressing room. The one place she was certain he would not follow. She was somewhat surprised that he joined her for dinner.

The silence between them was tight. He put down his cutlery. “You’re right, I lied to you. I’m sorry, it was badly done.” He took a large sip of wine. “I have been living on my own for so long and your presence suddenly overwhelmed me. Not in a bad way. I lost my balance and I didn’t know how to regain it – and more than anything I didn’t want to hurt you because you have done nothing wrong. Quite the opposite. I have been trying to put together the right words. I don’t deserve it but do you trust me enough to give me time to find them?” He looked pleadingly at her. It was impossible to read what she was thinking.

“Do you regret marrying me?” Her chin was lifted in stark contrast to the insecurity in her voice.

He was sweating now. He had to tell her, no matter the consequences. “No! I don’t. These past weeks with you have been the best--”

Before he could finish, Benson knocked to announce Babington and Crowe.

“Great news, my friend. We have managed to collect some of the richest and stupidest investors in London at the club tonight.” Crowe boasted with his arms spread out, looking exceedingly proud.

Babington took over. “They are looking for investments by the coast. We have convinced them that Sanditon is the new thing.” His eyes flickered back and forth between Sidney and Charlotte and he realized they had interrupted something.

So did Crowe. He walked to Charlotte and bowed. “How rude of us to come barging in the middle of your dinner. Please forgive us. Would it be horribly inconvenient if we borrow your husband this evening?”

She gave a short laugh. “No, please do. He can tell stories like no other. He’ll have them convinced in no time. Enjoy your evening, gentlemen. Goodnight, Sidney.”

Babington and Crowe looked questioningly at him. 

“I’ll explain later.” Sidney tiredly rubbed his face.

After a successful meeting where three apartments in the terrace were sold to the asking price, Sidney leaned back in his chair with a dark sigh.

“Spill.” Crowe commanded as he ordered a new round of drinks. The room was heavy with smoke and it was getting quite late. The three of them slumped tiredly in their chairs.

“I love Charlotte.” Sidney downed the rest of his drink and pushed the glass away.

“That’s wonderful.” Babington’s face lit up in a wide smile.

Crowe watched Sidney carefully. “Babington is right. Why is that a problem?”

Sidney didn’t answer.

“You fucking idiot, she doesn’t know, does she?” Crowe rolled his eyes.

Babington was wide awake now. “What did you do, Parker?”

“Nothing. I have done nothing. We haven’t....” Sidney tucked two fingers under his cravat to loosen it. It was so bloody hot in the room. He told them everything that had passed between him and Charlotte since the wedding and the lie she had seen right through this morning.

Crowe stared him down as if he matched the investors in stupidity. “Here’s a crazy idea. Why don’t you just fucking tell her? We’ve seen you two together. If anyone other than Lady Denham looked at me the way Charlotte looks at you, I might consider dropping on one knee.”

“I hate to say it, but Crowe, for once, is right when it comes to matters of the heart.” Babington slapped his friend on the back.

Charlotte was sleeping dangerously close to the edge of her side of the bed with her back turned to him, when he crawled under the covers. He had done his best to wash off the worst of the smoke before fighting to undress himself and change into a nightshirt. Slowly he inched closer to her until the sweet lavender scent of her hair reached his nostrils and he could spread out his fingers on the mattress and brush her back with his little finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are just getting started. 
> 
> *Federico García Lorca


	20. Nothing brings on jealousy like laughter*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all thank you for your lovely comments, kudos and the discussions on Twitter. I cannot tell you how happy and proud it makes me. 
> 
> Thomas Capell is back in an improved version. Sidney is not comfortable about it. In fact, it could be said that he got a tad jealous. 
> 
> Uh, another thing. If you sit after this chapter and think, oh this bumpy ride was not so bad, think again. Next chapter is the mean rollercoaster with a malfunction at the top. Buckle up. 
> 
> Stay safe ❤❤❤ , 
> 
> P

_**Saturday, July 3 1819** _

His slow breathing against her neck was the first thing Charlotte noticed when she woke up. Then his arm around her with his hand firmly holding on to hers. The heat from his body radiated against her back and she had never felt more at home. Carefully she lifted his arm to slide out of the bed.

She stood for a while and watched him sleep. He looked younger like this. The brooding frown that seemed to have made a home for itself on his forehead was gone. His eyelashes were long and thick like a child’s, fluttering lightly in his sleep. His full lips were parted.

She tucked the covers tightly around him and gave him a light kiss on his tousled curls.

Benson pulled the drapes away from the windows and the bright sun hit Sidney’s pounding head like a hammer. He squinted his eyes and tried to focus on his butler.

“Goodmorning, Sir. I have a tray for you. Your appointment with the solicitors is in two hours.” Benson placed Sidney’s breakfast on the bed next to him.

“Where is Mrs. Parker, Benson?” Sidney rubbed his eyes.

“Mrs. Parker left an hour ago. There’s a note from her on the tray. She instructed me to let you sleep and bring up the tray at this hour.” Benson turned to leave. “Oh, and one more thing, Sir. She thought you might like to know that her dress this evening will be white with dark-blue embroidery on it.”

Sidney chuckled. Even when she was angry with him, she was considerate of his needs.

The news that she had left the house made him anxious and as soon as Benson had closed the door, he opened the note.

_Goodmorning Sidney,_

_I trust you slept well. It must have been late before you returned last night, and I decided to let you sleep. I’m taking tea with Susan this morning and will be back later – I understand you have a full schedule today._

_Our conversation last night was left unfinished. I will give you time and peace to figure things out in your own pace. I have but one request, please do not ever lie to me again. If you do not have the words, just say so, I will understand. Don’t push me away._

_Yours, Charlotte_

“I do not deserve you.” He whispered to the small piece of paper and brought it to his lips.

By the time he had eaten, washed and dressed, he had formed a plan in his head. With all the cottages let out and three apartments sold, a significant weight had been lifted from their shoulders at Mrs. Maudsley’s ball. Instead of sitting in a stuffed room playing cards and pitching for deaf ears, he could enjoy the evening with his wife. He would tell her he loved her tomorrow after one of the many dances he intended to have with her. She loved to dance, and it was the perfect romantic setting.

Charlotte sat in Susan’s impressive parlor in her even more impressive townhouse. The world had stopped making sense when the butler informed that “Lady Worchester will be with you shortly, Mrs. Parker.” She only knew her as a kind, intelligent woman named Susan.

Lady Worchester entered the room in a rustle of silk skirts and wide smiles. “Charlotte, dear. I’m delighted to see you again. Forgive me for any lacks in introductions. It is very rare I get to meet people just as me.” She laughed genuinely and Charlotte instantly felt better about herself.

Tea served, Susan examined Charlotte, smiling knowingly. “Tell me, dear, how are you doing?”

Words tripped over each other as Charlotte talked about Sidney’s trip to her parents. Sidney’s efforts in making her sisters’ wedding dress come true. Sidney’s sweet words and soft touches at their wedding. The way Sidney held her hand at night. As she neared present day her stream of words slowed down.

Susan moved to sit next to her. “It sounds to me as if you are in love with your husband.”

Charlotte sighed heavily. “So soon? I mean, I hoped I would eventually. That he would too. But it has only been 5 weeks. How is even possible?” Susan’s words made all the uncategorized emotions in Charlotte settle neatly into one compartment labelled with the small but confusing word ‘Love’.

A light chuckle followed Susan’s comforting hand on hers. “Charlotte, you cannot time love. It’s an affliction, like the measles. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”

The question was met by Charlotte’s big brown eyes glistening with tears. “I can do something? How can I possibly tell him I love him? I cannot even make him out.”

Susan leaned back, now laughing. “My dear, you don’t have to tell him. You can show him.”

Charlotte blushed. Whatever Susan could possibly mean by that, it sounded even worse than telling him. “How?” She could barely breathe the word.

“It’s simple. You put on one of the special nightgowns from Madame Palmyre.” Susan smiled over the rim of her cup, taking an elegant sip.

It sounded very simple. Too simple. Charlotte bit her lip. “And that is enough?”

“Trust me, dear. Mr. Parker may not be the wisest of men when it comes to love, but even he will be able to put two and two together with you receiving him in your bedroom dressed like that.”

The penny dropped. Charlotte understood what Susan was actually saying and she reddened all the way down to her curling toes. “Oh.”

On her way home in the carriage, Charlotte was still blushing. She had not brought any of the revealing nightdresses with her but she would put one on Monday evening when they were back at Parker House. The thought alone made her skin prickle like the time she had fallen asleep near an ant hill on the meadow behind her father’s estate and the small ants had wandered all over her.

To her relief Sidney had not yet returned, and she and her blushing cheeks could go unnoticed to her dressing room. The maid readied a bath for her and brought a small tray with some bread and cheese.

As she dried herself, she caught a glimpse of her naked body in the looking glass. Would he even like her body? Her breasts and hips were fuller than what was considered fashionable and elegant. She let her hand trail down her body. The memory of Sidney emerging naked from the waves stood vividly clear in her mind. How would his body feel against hers?

The distant sound of the front door and his deep voice talking inaudibly to Benson made her blush again and she wrapped the towel tightly around her. If he only knew what was going through her mind. The thought made her heart beat faster.

Sidney had hoped to see Charlotte before they left for Susan’s dinner. Her note had calmed him down but he needed to apologize properly to her nonetheless. The meetings had gone successfully. He had even managed to settle the paperwork with the three investors. The future for Sanditon looked brighter than ever.

He passed by Charlotte’s dressing room on his way to his. He could hear her move around in there and couldn’t resist leaning his forehead against the door. The urge to open it and enter was overpowering and had it not been for her maid coming from the servant's stairs he probably would have.

Dressed in a dark-blue waistcoat with a white embroidered pattern and matching tailcoat, Sidney stopped by Charlotte’s dressing room as the maid exited. “Is Mrs. Parker ready?”

“Yes, sir. Mrs. Parker is just putting on her jewelry.” The maid curtsied and disappeared down the hallway.

Sidney pushed the door open and knocked softly. “May I come in?”

The sound of his deep voice startled her and she turned around with blushing cheeks. He drank her in. She looked exquisite in the white dress with dark flowers scattering down the skirt from the bodice. Large bows accentuating her curves and breasts in the most beautiful and alluring way. The translucent fabric of the cap sleeves allowed his eyes to caress the golden skin on her shoulders.

For a moment he forgot why he had come. “You look very beautiful, Charlotte. I have something for you.” He handed her a small heart-shaped box. She gasped when she saw the content. “They belonged to my mother. Allow me.” He took the necklace with a small pearl and sapphire flower pendent on it. Slowly he led his fingers slide along her neckline as he placed the necklace and locked it. He could feel her pulse racing. “Perfect.” He breathed.

She switched the earrings. “I have never seen anything so exquisite before.” She swallowed, quite overwhelmed. The jewelry suite matched the dress perfectly. Standing she stood with her eyes cast shyly at the floor. “Thank you, Sidney.”

He took her hand and placed it on his chest. His heart was beating fast and he could tell she felt it. Her cheeks turned into a delightful pink color. “I am a good deal less than perfect, Charlotte. You have made me all too aware of that. But for whatever it is worth, I believe I am my best self, my truest self, when I am with you. I promise, I will always speak the truth and never push you away again. I’m sorrier than I can express that I caused a rift between us. It was never my intention. Please forgive me.”

He moved her hand from his chest to his lips and pressed a kiss her palm. He was just about to lean forward to kiss her on the lips when the unmistakable steps of Benson approached.

A disappointed sigh escaped him. “The carriage is here. Mrs. Parker?” Instead of offering her his arm, he laced his fingers with hers. She grabbed her wrap and gloves from a chair in passing.

In the carriage Charlotte let him in on Susan being Lady Worchester and her meeting with her this morning – leaving out the details of their conversation, of course. He had heard of Lady Worchester but never met her. The queen of London society. The Prince regent’s _special_ friend. Beautiful, brilliant, secretive and wealthy – even without her connection to his royal highness. He had heard plenty of rumors that were of such nature that they either had to be all true or all lies. He wondered what had made her throw her love at Charlotte. Not that he could blame her, but Charlotte was nothing like the beau Monde of London. Was Charlotte the amusement of the evening? He was ready to throttle the first the best man _or_ woman who dared make his wonderful wife feel insignificant or ridiculed.

Charlotte was indeed the center of attention. But not to be laughed at or gossiped viciously about. Susan introduction indicated she was the guest of honor. It was not the typical London crowd. These were all people whose merits came from talent and brilliant minds. Except for Viscount Capell. Of course, he had to be Lady Worchester’s godson by marriage and close to her. He seemed different this evening though. Less guarded than at the dinner party at Sir Humphrey’s. Sidney had not noticed then how handsome the viscount was with his tall muscular frame, dark curls, blue charismatic eyes, a beautiful bright smile and a dimple in his chin matching Charlotte’s. Now, he wondered if Charlotte considered him handsome.

Sidney had to admit it was a both interesting and intelligent party. Charlotte soon forgot about her shyness and engaged fearlessly in debates and conversations, gifting her companions with her wit and laughter. Sidney did not notice Susan watching him, but he sure as hell noticed Capell watch Charlotte with great admiration – and he didn’t like it.

Dinner was served and because of Charlotte’s friendship with Susan, Sidney was honored with being the hostess’ table companion and he escorted her gallantly to the table. Every fiber in him struggled to leave Charlotte to Capell’s arm and flashing smile.

“Charlotte is a dear friend of mine, Mr. Parker. I would not have let Thomas near her, if he wasn’t the perfect gentleman. He’s a flirt yes, but harmless and thinks very highly of your wife. As do I.” She had read his mind and he blushed slightly.

Susan did not waste her time. No sooner had they all been seated and had toasted before she leaned in. “Tell me, you did not marry for love?” She pulled a small piece of fish off her fork with her perfect white teeth.

Sidney cleared his throat. “No. It was an ultimatum from my brother’s main investor. It’s a long story.”

“Don’t worry. Charlotte filled me in. She is an incredible young woman, is she not?” She arched an aristocratic eyebrow.

“Yes. Yes, she is.” Sidney took some wine. It was getting hot in the big luxuriously decorated dining room.

“When do you plan to tell her, you love her?” Susan met his eyes. There was no hiding from her, she saw right through him.

He had no choice but to answer. It reminded him of being sent to Head Master’s office at boarding school, except he would take Mr. Barrow’s wrath over Lady Worchester’s inquisition any day. “Tomorrow. We are attending Mrs. Maudsley’s ball. As are you, your ladyship, I understand?” He hoped to change the subject. His cravat tightened around his neck like a noose.

“Susan, please. We are friends, are we not, Sidney?” It was not a question. “Now, Sidney. Tell me more about Sanditon. I’m in need of a con amore project, what can I do?”

Sidney had to acknowledge that Susan, as well as her guests, was excellent company. Once the matter of his declaration of love was out of the way, he could enjoy himself. Stolen and not so stolen glances at Charlotte revealed she was having an excellent time too. Capell made her laugh which stung because that was _his_ job.

However, he was immensely proud when he overheard her take on a philosopher seated opposite from her.

“Mrs. Parker, are you stating that our society is less civilized because women are not treated equally to men?” Mr. Scott leaned back and watched her with amusement in his eyes.

“Mr. Scott, you put words in my mouth.” Charlotte laughed. “Let us try an experiment. Explain to me the correlation between the wedding wows and say pin money.”

“I don’t understand.” He waved his hand to signal she should elaborate.

“With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow.” She recited in a solemn voice, evoking a loving glare from Capell. “It’s not really what happens, is it? In fact, quite the opposite. The bride, no matter how wealthy, has no power over her finances upon marriage. Not the best-selling point for matrimony if you are a woman with a fortune. Provided, of course, that the estate and fortune of your father were not passed on to a male relative.” Blushing with excitement she took a sip of her wine.

“Mrs. Parker has a valid point.” Lady Hamilton, sitting next to Mr. Scott, raised her glass to toast Charlotte. “This is why I never married.”

Capell tilted his head and turned in his chair to face Charlotte more directly. “I’m sure that a happily married gentleman like Mr. Parker is very generous with pin money.”

“Oh, I don’t get pin money.” Charlotte smiled. Sidney knew that look, she had set up a trap and waited for any of the men present to step into it.

Mr. Scott took the bait. “Then I fully understand your frustration, Mrs. Parker. It is very unusual for a husband of Mr. Parker’s status not to keep his wife with pin money.”

“I don’t have pin money, I have a letter of attorney. You see, Mr. Parker consider me his equal. His partner.”

Nineteen sets of eyes turned to look at Sidney, who saluted his brilliant wife, looking prouder than a farmer with a prize pig at a fair. “Mrs. Parker outsmarts me on a daily basis, as she just did you, Mr. Scott. I would be a fool not to acknowledge that. You and I should be the ones getting pin money.” The table laughed and he sent Charlotte an impressed crooked smile.

Conversation returned to the normal chatter between those sitting close. Capell moved closer to Charlotte. “Mrs. Parker, I’ve been meaning to say – our last encounter. I feel bad for the way I behaved. It was uncalled for, ungentlemanly and rude. I hope you can forgive me. There’s nothing I can say in my defense.” His normally teasing blue eyes had turned serious.

“All is forgotten. As I recall it, we settled the matter on the scene of the crime, did we not?” She smiled mischievously.

He laughed. “Yes, we did. Mrs. Prescott’s hour-long lecture on the best manure for roses was a fitting punishment.” He coughed to clear his throat. “Seriously though, I would hate for you to think badly of me.” Fiddling with the stem of his wineglass, he lowered his voice. “Would it be horrible if I regret not meeting you before Parker did?”

Her cheeks blushed becomingly. “Yes, it would. It would also be an ouroboros.”

“A snake eating its own tail. Why?” She never seized to amaze him. Capell had never been in love before, but this divine creature next to him enchanted him with her beauty and brains. Her tongue was sharp and her rhetorical skills witty and clever.

“Without Mr. Parker, I would never have been at Madame Palmyre shopping for my wedding trousseau and thus never have met Lady Worchester. You and I would not be here tonight.” She was becoming aware that they were sitting too close and speaking too lowly.

“Ah, you are wrong. We met at Sir Humphrey’s dinner first. Godmother Susan had nothing to do with that.” He leaned closer.

“Either way, Viscount. Our encounters start and stop with Mr. Parker.” Taking her water glass, she moved a little away from him.

“I hate that you are right, Mrs. Parker.” Capell leaned back in his chair and Charlotte engaged Lady Hamilton in the conversation.

As enjoyable as the courses and company were, Sidney desperately wanted to go home. Charlotte was being the perfect guest and divided her attention to the table as evenly as she could with that womanizer drooling over her. He had to admit they made a beautiful couple.

“I understand Lady Worchester is not your real godmother?” Charlotte tried to change the subject.

“No, only by marriage. Lord Worchester was my father’s best friend and my godfather. He married Susan when she was twenty and I was five. My mother died shortly after and Susan – though not a mother herself, or maybe because of it – took me under her wing. My father died of a broken heart a few years later and I went to stay with Susan and Worchester. After another few years it was only her and I. We are very close.” A few tears dropped from his eyes and caught the attention of some of the guests.

“Cough as if you are choking, and take a sip of water.” She whispered. “People a looking.” He did as instructed, and she slapped his back hard. “There, there, Viscount. Smaller bites next time.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Parker.” He cleared his throat and winked gratefully at her.

Susan was not much in favor of dividing men and women after the dinner and everyone went into the big drawing room where one of the guests, a talented pianist sat by the piano and played while another sang. It was spontaneous and delightful. Sidney was finally able to get close to Charlotte and placed his hand protectively and possibly possessively on the small of her back.

“What do you think of Susan?” She turned slightly towards him. The heat of his hand was very distracting.

“I like her.” He was being honest and sincere. “She has an incredible ability to make people talk.” His deep laughter vibrated through her body.

“Yes, I’m afraid I have perhaps shared too much with her.” Her eyes sparkled with suppressed laughter.

“How was the Viscount this evening?” Sidney tried to drop the question casually.

“Oh, he was excellent company. They all were. We got off at the wrong foot at our first meeting.” She chuckled. “Apparently, that is the effect I have on men when I first meet them.” She winked at him.

Jealousy spread through Sidney like wildfire. He did not want her to have any effect on any men.

She didn’t notice his clenching jaw and continued cheerfully. “The Viscount is actually quite the gentleman and very fond of Susan. She practically raised him, you know. I think he will be an asset to the regatta. He is participating in the race.” Words rushed from her lips as they always did when she was thrilled with something. And now she was thrilled because of Viscount Thomas Capell. He rubbed his thumb in circles on her back, propriety be damned.

Capell and Susan joined them. “I understand you will both be attending the ball tomorrow.” Capell gave a dazzling smile. Sidney hated him, it was hardly natural to smile that much.

“Yes, we are. Lady Worchester--” Charlotte began.

“Susan, dear.” Susan interrupted.

“Forgive me. Susan was kind enough to secure us an invitation.” Charlotte was all dimples and sparkling eyes.

“Will you do me the honor of the second set, Mrs. Parker?” Capell bowed gallantly.

Charlotte curtsied with glee. “I will. I love to dance.”

Sidney growled into his drink and dug his fingertips deeper into Charlotte’s soft back. As if she felt his discomfort, she stepped a few inches closer to him, her skirt brushed against his leg.

Sidney was quiet in the carriage home to Bedford Place. Charlotte didn’t offer much conversation either. It had been a long and emotional day. She sat with her hands in her lap, he reached over and covered them with his big hand. Now and then his fingertips brushed lightly against her thigh. Tomorrow at the same time, she would know...

Charlotte’s maid was ready to help her mistress as they ascended the stairs and Sidney placed a soft kiss on her cheek before he continued down the hall to his dressing room. For once he was first to get into bed, despite having to wait for his man servant to leave the room so he could do his nightly routine. Good thing he did, because the dimmed light in the room offered a clear outline of her beautiful body when she entered. Including the perky nipple that had gotten him into trouble.

“Do you want me to read to you?” The bed dipped lightly as she crawled under the covers. She looked softly at him.

He smiled. “No, you must be exhausted. We have a long day tomorrow; you should get some sleep.”

She found his hand. He leaned over and kissed the back of it. “Goodnight, Charlotte.”

“Goodnight, Sidney.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The earrings - imagine it as a pendant too https://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/antique-pair-edwardian-18ct-gold-1056054239
> 
> Inspiration for Charlotte's dress https://intl.needleandthread.com/collections/maxi-gown/products/bonnie-bow-gown-pink-encore
> 
> *Françoise Sagan


	21. Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first giant slope of the roller coaster.
> 
> Stay safe. I love you. Don't try this at home. Pet a pet. ❤
> 
> P
> 
> (*Running for cover*)

_**Sunday, July 4 1819**_

The sun had barely risen when Sidney woke up with Charlotte in his arms. He must have sought after her in his sleep because they lay on her side of the bed. Her calm breaths wiggled their way through the fabric of his nightshirt and brushed warmly against his skin. “I love you.” He breathed the words into her soft curls. 

Gently, he extracted his arm from under her head and tucked the covers around her. He brushed his lips lightly over her soft cheek before he crept quietly out of bed. Relieved, dressed and with a burning hot breakfast roll in his hand from the cook, he headed for the gymnasium belonging to the men’s club. He missed his cold swims but any kind of exercise would do to vent some of the nervous energy that jiggled inside his body. 

This day felt like a milestone. No, that didn’t cover it. He could only describe it as being reborn. Charlotte had made him realize what a half-life he had been wasted his life on living. With her, the world was in colors. The flowers had a scent. He could breathe. He loved. 

The burning feeling in his muscles after punching the boxing bag hard and long did him good. After a hearty breakfast of eggs and kidneys in the club, he strolled back through the park. It was not too hot of a day and he hoped for chilly weather later. He would not mind if Charlotte needed to snuggle against him in the carriage to keep warm. 

Sidney was not a frequent visitor of the park, he disliked the way the ton strolled or rode to see and be seen, scouting for a suitable spouse. It was too early for that kind of folly, thank god. He sat down on a bench and pulled out the letter from his inner pocket. Carefully, he broke the seal. Charlotte was an open book, but _he_ wasn’t. He needed guidance and he hoped that the letter would reveal what she expected of him. He could not bear to mess this up. His heart trembled as much as his fingers as he unfolded the letter and smoothed the paper gently against his thigh. 

_Dear Papa,_

_Mr. Sidney Parker and I are engaged and he has come to ask for your blessing._

_He will tell you things that will make you regret that you ever allowed me to set foot in Sanditon. I need you to put your concerns and cautiousness aside and hear him out._

_Please do not think badly of Mr. Tom Parker. Yes, he is a dreamer, a visionary, and he doesn’t always walk the Earth like the rest of us. He reminds me of the extract of Heraclitus: “When you dream, no one else can see what you see. You experience things in your own mind. This is not the way the waking world is. In the waking world, everyone experiences the same reality.” Tom has been dreaming alone for so long, that he got lost along the way. He needs help, not contempt._

_Please do not think badly of Mr. Sidney Parker. He can appear aloof and arrogant when you first meet him but if you wait patiently, his true self will show. You know that I am not patient and I admit that Sidney and I did not make the friendliest acquaintances in the beginning, but we are the dearest friends now. You once told me that if you want to see a man’s true character, observe him with children, because you cannot deceive the innocent heart of a child. Sidney’s nephews love him. I think you will find that our little rascals will too. He is playful, kind, intelligent, well-read, honest, respectful, protective and loyal towards those he loves. Are these not the qualities one hopes for in a husband?_

_Please do not think badly of me for marrying Sidney to help his family. You and I both know that though you’ve raised me and my siblings to have a free mind and believe that we can achieve anything, I must one day be practical and marry, love or not, or become a governess. I am running out of time to find the man who will sweep me off my feet. We both know, he doesn’t live in Willingden. I have had more substantial conversations quarrelling with Sidney than I have had talking of crops with one of the local suitors. Sidney challenges me intellectually the same way you do. He appreciates that I am a farmer’s daughter who reads books. He sees me for who I am._

_I hope you can find it in your heart to give us your blessing. I am of age to decide for myself, but you are the center of my world, Papa. I need you and Mama to support us both in this. Because I cannot think of a more healing place than our family. We are going to need it._

_Give Sidney a chance. You can be as closed and shy as him when you meet new people. Let him in, I think you will find him worthy of not only my high esteem but yours too._

_Even though we do not love each other like you and Mama – maybe we never will – there is love between us in the form of a growing friendship and partnership. Sidney has my heart by choice and I trust him to protect it. I trust him to take my hand and lead the way, I will follow him to the end of the world._

_Your loving daughter, Charlotte_

Sidney read the letter at least ten times. Her beautiful words traveled to his heart and made it swell with love and pride. He had smiled when he read the last lines the first time. He had said the same to her. His heart could not wait until Mrs. Maudsley’s ball, he had to tell her right now. With his hat in his hand and his cane over his shoulder, he ran back to Bedford Place. Only to find Babington and Crowe waiting for him. 

“Why are you here?” Sidney was out of breath. A sheen of sweat spreading over his forehead. 

Crowe handed him a drink. He declined. “You are going to need it. Sit down, Parker.” 

He sat. Babington leaned forward in his chair but Crowe remained standing. This could not be good. 

“Word has it that Mr. Campion died a year ago. No one here knew because he and..ehem... Mrs. Campion kept away from London.” Babington examined his friend as he reported the news. 

Crowe rolled his eyes. “What Babington is not saying is, that we do not trust that bit--” A harsh look from Sidney stopped him. “We do not trust Mrs. Campion – she nearly destroyed you.” 

Sidney scratched his stubbled jaw. “She did. But that was then. Besides, I’m married now and I love Charlotte.” The letter felt warm in his inner pocket. 

“Anyway, we thought you should know. She’s just come out of mourning and is expected to return to London for the first time in five years next week.” Crowe poured himself another generous drink. 

A sigh of relief testified that Sidney was not entirely unaffected by the news. “Charlotte and I return to Sanditon tomorrow, we will not meet her.” 

“Let’s hope not because she has not forgotten you. It is not widely known that you are married, Sidney. She thinks you are still unattached.” Crowe’s glass was empty again. 

Sidney shot Crowe a dark look. “You seem awfully well-informed, Crowe.” 

“The bed I warmed last night is an old acquaintance of Mrs. Campion.” Crowe’s tumbler was temporarily refilled. 

“I don’t see the problem.” Sidney put his hand over the pocket with Charlotte’s letter. 

“The problem is...” Crowe sat down and stared Sidney square in the eye. “that darling Eliza thinks you are wandering around at night waiting for her to return. That you still pine for her love.” 

Sidney’s head was pounding now. Why was something as simple and pure as his love for Charlotte always compromised? “It doesn’t really matter what she thinks.” 

“Maybe not to you. But you owe it to Charlotte to let everyone who matters in London be in no doubt of two things after tonight. One, that you are very much married. Two, that you very much love your wife. Eliza’s tales of your lovesick pining are not new. She entertained anyone who cared to listen before Mr. Campion got too old to want to stay in London.” Babington gave Sidney a fatherly look. “Like Crowe said, she can’t be trusted.” 

A soft knock on the door silenced the three. It was Charlotte. “I thought I heard voices. Would you like to stay for lunch?” Her eyes met Sidney’s and she smiled sweetly. 

Babington and Crowe accepted before Sidney could say they were just about to leave. 

Crowe was in fine form at the dining table and lunch dragged until Charlotte had to excuse herself to ready for the ball. It took forever before Sidney got rid of his friends, eventually he practically had to throw them out. 

“Alright, alright, Parker. We are leaving. I don’t suppose you have told Charlotte yet how you feel?” Crowe wiggled his brows suggestively. 

A dark look from Sidney confirmed his suspicion. “Well then, it’s not like you have a reason to be late for the ball then.” Crowe rasped laughing. 

Sidney’s fist flew intentionally past his jaw by an inch, hitting the wall behind him. “You don’t have to respect me, Crowe. You never have anyway. But I will not have you defile my wife like this.” 

Crowe’s face turned serious. “You know very well, that I respect Charlotte more than I respect anyone else. This is what you are up against, Sidney. Gossip and slander. The ton’s favorite weapons.” 

Sidney swallowed. Crowe _never_ used his first name. His friend was worried then. 

The news of Eliza did not change or challenge Sidney’s love for Charlotte but it travelled in his mind like an unwelcome stowaway passenger. 

Sidney was lost in thought when Charlotte came down the stairs. Her stomach twisted into a knot. Something told her it had to do with Crowe and Babington’s visit but she could not see what distressing news they could have carried. Gently she touched his arm and his face lit up in a beautiful smile. 

He kissed her cheek. “You look very beautiful, Charlotte. Bright like the sun.” 

Her shoulders lowered and he felt guilty for keeping something from her. “Before we leave.” He took her hands in his. “Babington and Crowe shared some news with me today. I cannot deny they affected me.” He paused and kissed her hands. “I want to tell you about it but not tonight, because you look so beautiful and I am so proud to attend my first ball with you as my wife. Will I keep my promise to you if I wait until tomorrow to share it with you?” 

His eyes. She found what she needed to know in his eyes. Slowly, she stood on her toes and kissed him. It was light as the wings of a butterfly but it almost brought him to his knees. “Yes. Thank you.” 

It took everything he had to follow her into the carriage and not carry her upstairs to make love to her. How he survived the drive sitting close to her with her thigh brushing against his and her hand on his arm, he had no idea. He put it down to years of practice in hiding his true emotions. 

The heat from the ballroom hit them like a wall. No one reacted when they were announced. And why should they? Mr. and Mrs. Parker were not titled nor of great influence, Sidney thought to himself. He was grateful that they didn’t have to work because it would have been energy wasted. The majority of the guests were already visibly influenced by alcohol. 

Babington and Crowe came to greet them. “Mrs. Parker, you are spellbinding tonight.” Charlotte relaxed a little and laughed. The four of them chatted for a while until the first set was announced. Sidney escorted Charlotte to the dance floor. He had great plans for the waltz where they would not mix with other couples but it was a delight to see her sparkle happily in her golden dress. Sadly, the dance was over in a flash and Capell was waiting with Babington and Crowe to claim his set with Charlotte. 

“Capell seems quite smitten with your wife, Parker.” Crowe nodded in the dancing couple’s direction. “I cannot say I blame him. The old lady chose wisely for you, my friend.” 

“Crowe, it’s a funny thing with you. You mingle insults, indecencies and flatter seamlessly.” Babington sighed. He could see Sidney chewing the inside of his chin, watching his wife laugh with the Viscount. 

“It’s a gift to be this enigmatic.” Crowe chuckled before turning serious again. “She may be dancing with possibly the handsomest man I have ever seen, but she’s looking at you, Parker.” 

Sidney gave a short half-bitter laugh. The dance dragged on forever. Charlotte lit up the dance floor in her golden dress and beautiful smile. He wondered what her reaction would be when he declared his love for her. His hand wandered to his inner pocket. He would carry her letter close to his heart until his dying day. 

The dance had barely finished before Sidney headed for the edge of the dance floor with two glasses of wine. A gleeful Charlotte drank gratefully while Capell bowed to thank for the dance and left the room, looking multiple times over his shoulder. Sidney handed the glasses to a footman and readied himself for the important moment. 

Her hand slid perfectly into his hand as he gently pulled her close. Her eyes found his as she placed her other hand on his shoulder. As the first note toned, the world disappeared. He was lost in her eyes and the sensation of her body in his arms. Her sweet scent swirled around him and he was again reminded of Anne’s description of Charlotte as a beautiful meadow. Whenever she was near it was like being outside, running happy like a child. He could feel himself grinning like a fool. His hand never left her body. When he twirled her in the dance, he would let it glide lightly around her waist as she turned around. 

The dance ended and they were at the corner of the dance floor. Slowly he pulled her away, keeping his arm around her slim waist. “Charlotte, I lo--” A glimpse of familiar blond hair caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. “Eliza!” He breathed. 

Mature, grownup, married Sidney would like to think he dragged Charlotte in the direction of his long-lost love to introduce her as his wife and strangle any design by Eliza at birth but as his rapid strides grew longer it was clear that besotted 18-year-old Sidney had taken control over his body and mind. Charlotte had to let go of his arm but with no other choice than try to catch up with him as dignified as she could, not to cause a scene. 

The smug look in Eliza’s ice-blue eyes and wry smile made him snap out of it and realize what a mistake he had made, but it was too late. He stopped a few steps away from her, the triumphant way she indiscreetly ogled him made his skin crawl. 

In one fatal moment Sidney’s mistake went from bad to catastrophic. Charlotte’s hand was on its way to its safe spot on his arm when Eliza sized her up in the most disdaining way. “Sidney, darling. I was hoping to meet you here.” She purred and batted her eyelashes flirtingly. 

Charlotte retracted her hand mid-motion and tried not to choke on her words. “I will go find Susan and let you two catch up.” She was gone before he could react. 

“Mrs. Campion. My condolences.” Sidney bowed stiffly, trying to eye Charlotte in the sea of people. 

“Sidney, you fool. Eliza.” She took a step forward to touch his arm or chest. Sidney didn’t care for it, he moved two steps back. 

“I just wanted to offer my condolences, Mrs. Campion. Now excuse me, I must go find my wife.” Sidney bowed again as he backed away. 

“You are married?” Eliza spat the words with disbelief. 

“Yes.” He smiled curtly. 

“You didn’t wait?” She was boiling with anger. 

It triggered something in him. “For what?” He gritted through his teeth. “You? Is that what you have been telling yourself? You didn’t even have the decency to offer me a proper parting.” The young boy inside him was forever silenced. 

“But you loved me so much.” Her face fell and she suddenly looked older than her years. 

“No. No, I did not. I thought I did but I was too young and too foolish to know what love is.” He said sadly. “I wish you every happiness, Mrs. Campion. Now, I really must go find my wife.” 

Charlotte was blinded by tears as she stumbled away from Sidney and Eliza. She needed space and air, instead she was trapped in a claustrophobic porridge of people pushing her hither and dither. The room started spinning and she feared she would faint if she didn’t get away fast. Panicking she gasped for air. 

A strong arm grabbed her and a tall body ploughed its way through the crowd, half-carrying her. She clung to her savior and slowly the crowd thinned until she was pulled into a room and took a deep breath as if she had been saved from drowning. 

The fog disappeared and she saw Susan coming towards her. “Charlotte, dear. What happened? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

“I have.” Charlotte stuttered. Breaking down in tears she told Susan about the humiliating encounter with Sidney’s ex-fiancée. Susan held her and rocked her gently back and forth until the tears stopped. “Leave Mr. Parker to me, Charlotte. Thomas will take you home.” 

Charlotte looked up, she had not even registered it was Capell who saved her from succumbing to the crowd. “Oh, you don’t have to. I can go by myself.” 

He led her out of a side entrance. “To be honest, I don’t like these events. Too crowded. Too superficial. I prefer the countryside.” 

“Thank you.” Tears started welling up again and he handed her his handkerchief. 

He half-lifted her into Susan’s elegant carriage. Her legs didn’t seem to function and she was exhausted. To keep a proper distance, he placed himself diagonally from her. 

“I have an estate so far up North no one from the London ton takes interest in it. If you ever need it, it is yours for as long as you like. No questions asked.” He tried to keep his hands still. She looked so heartbroken it felt inhuman to not wrap his arms around her and comfort her. “Alone, of course.” For the first time their eyes met. It was important to him she understood he was not offering her anything indecent. He had seen the whole incident. How Sidney had run to his old love, dragging Charlotte after him until she slowed him so much down, he chose to let go of her. He was already on his way to her rescue when she left her husband’s side. To be honest, he had been surprised to witness Sidney’s treatment of her. The few times he had been in company with them the idiot had seemed to be head over heels in love with her. 

“Thank you.” Her voice was so timid it broke his heart. 

At Bedford House, he handed her his card before he helped her descend. “The offer stands.” 

Benson opened the front door. “Good evening. Mrs. Parker was feeling unwell and Mr. Parker had some business to attend to. Will you see to that she is given a glass of port and helped to bed?” Capell bowed politely to Benson who bowed in return. “Certainly, Sir.” 

For Sidney Mrs. Maudsley’s ball turned into the nine circles of Hell. He could not find Charlotte anywhere. Suddenly, Crowe and Babington grabbed him by the lapels and pulled him into a secluded alcove and chastened him thoroughly. Crowe was no prize fighter but he could slap like the tail of a whale. Sidney’s cheek was burning. 

“Did we not warn you against her?” Babington thundered at him, angrier than Sidney had ever seen him. 

“Parker, I don’t think there are flowers enough in London to make up for your massive fuckup.” Crowe was hissing at him. “The witch didn’t even have to come to you. NOoooO, you trotted straight to her like a lovesick puppy. No, worse! You ran to her. YOU RAN!” Crowe looked like he was about to slap Sidney again. 

“Where is she? I cannot find her.” Sidney was on the verge of crying in front of his two friends. 

“Capell saved her. She was about to faint. Babington and I were trying to get to her.” Crowe leaned against the wall. 

Sidney paled. “Where did he take her?” 

“The parlor, three doors down.” Babington pointed. Sidney darted down the hallway. 

“You didn’t think to tell him Lady Worchester was in there too?” Crowe smirked. 

“He didn’t deserve it.” Babington snorted. 

Sidney barged into the room, half-expecting to see Capell doing unspeakable things to Charlotte. Instead, he found Susan sitting elegantly on a small settee brushing away an invisible piece of lint. “Where is she? Where did he take her?” 

“Sit down, Sidney.” Susan’s voice offered no opening to disobey, and he sat. “I thought you loved Charlotte. She has become a very dear friend of mine and I hate to see her hurt like this.” 

Sidney lowered his head in shame. He had no excuse. “Please, tell me where she is.” 

“Thomas escorted her home in my carriage. You can relax, he will be the perfect gentleman. Unlike you.” Her voice was eerily calm. Like before a storm. “Go home, Sidney. Think carefully how you want to explain yourself to her. A heart betrayed will always be broken. I know that from bitter experience. I thought you did too.” 

She could not have said anything worse to him. 

Nauseous, he staggered outside and into his carriage. The drive took an eternity, he could hardly breathe. 

Before the carriage had pulled up completely, he jumped out and ran up the stairs and knocked desperately. Benson calmly opened the door. 

“Mrs. Parker?” Sidney didn’t have enough words to form a full sentence. He could barely stand straight. 

“Mrs. Parker is sleeping, Sir. Hattie sat with her until she did. I have never seen anyone so pale. Not even Miss Parker.” Benson helped Sidney off his jacket. 

“I’ll be in my study. Will you fetch me if she wakes up?” Sidney looked pleadingly at his butler. 

“Certainly, Sir.” 

Three drinks in, Sidney stood by the fireplace resting his arm on the mantelpiece. He had replayed the episode over and over again in the vain hope to find some mitigating circumstances. There were none to be found. He had acted cruelly and unforgivingly. Tears fell in heavy drops on his shirtsleeve. 

“You came home?” A soft voice sounded from behind him. 

He whipped his body around. She looked so frail and small. Her eyes were red from crying. He let out a sound like a wounded animal of relief that she was safe and she was talking to him. 

“I’m guessing, Mrs. Campion is the news you wanted to share with me tomorrow?” It was a mere whisper. 

He nodded. 

She swallowed a lump. New tears formed in her big eyes. “Do you want to be with her?” She forced the volume of her voice up. 

“No.” He was crying. 

She sighed deeply. “I’m tired, Sidney. What is it you want from me?” 

He admired the strength she displayed. “What I want? I want to...” Words escaped him. 

Anger rose in her teary eyes. “What is it you want from me?” She was nearly shouting now. 

Something snapped inside him. “I want to touch you. I long to make you _mine_. Can’t you tell? I want you, Charlotte!” He yelled. His voice was deep and dangerous. “Forgive me, I’m not entirely sober.” 

She took a step forward and reached for the bow of her nightgown. “Are you sober enough to be gentle?” The whisper was back. 

“What?” Sidney breathed. He must have misheard her. She took another step. 

Loud knocks on the front door followed by strange voices made them both rush into the hallway. Benson came running towards them with a letter in his hand. “An express from Sanditon, Sir.” 

Sidney cracked the letter open and read it. “It’s Georgiana. She’s been kidnapped. They think she’s been taken to London.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Voltaire


	22. Heroes are made by the paths they choose, not the powers they are graced with*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or the one where Sidney wasn't in need of a handkerchief 🤧
> 
> Next slope...🎢  
> Thank you for all your comments on the last chapter. I am flappergasted. And thank you for clicking on this one. I wasn't sure if I or Sidney scared you away. 
> 
> Capell and Crowe have gone to see a man about a horse or a bottle of brandy, I'm not sure. They are both very pleased to have wiggled their way into your good graces. 
> 
> Sidney would really appreciate if you would all fucking please stay in the carriage while he saves Georgiana. He has more than his hands full trying to keep Charlotte safe. 
> 
> ❤ P

_**Monday, July 5 1819, just after midnight**_

“I’m coming with you!” Charlotte started running up the stairs to get dressed. 

“No, you’re not!” Sidney tried to straighten his cravat and put on his jacket at the same time and failed frustratedly at both. 

She whipped around on the step and found herself in eyelevel with him. “I’m going to look for Georgiana. With you or alone. Your move, Mr. Parker.” She arched her brow challengingly and lifted her chin in defiance. 

He sighed deeply. “Alright.” 

"Besides, I have Mr. Molyneux’s address.” She added while taking more steps. 

“You what!?” He did the math. “You helped Georgiana keep in touch with him? Despite my orders?” 

Calmly she turned around again, her eyes flashing. “I made a mistake. The difference is, I corrected mine when we got engaged. Can you say the same, Mr. Parker?” 

Her voice was cold and he shamefully bent his head. “Forgive me. I spoke out of turn.” 

“Yes, you did. Ten minutes.” She sprinted up the stairs. 

Honey Lane was not the worst place in London but it was a solid candidate. The streets and alleys were too narrow for the carriage to drive all the way and they had to get out and walk the rest of the way. “I don’t suppose I can convince you to stay in the carriage?” He sounded tired. 

“Absolutely not. I am as responsible for this as you are.” Charlotte strode purposely down the dark alley. 

“I’m not responsible.” Sidney started. 

“Of course, you are. If you had been honest with her, or me, she would not have had this romantic vision of him.” She looked as if she wanted to say more but decided against it. 

A man grabbed Charlotte’s arm. Before the shocked gasp had escaped her mouth, Sidney had knocked him out cold. “This is why I wanted to go alone.” He grunted. 

The address turned out to be a dead end. Otis only collected his letters here, that was all. But the last letters had been picked up by another man. Charlotte tried to probe him further. “I know nothing more of this Mr. Molyneux. If it’s a drink you’re after, you can come inside. This ain’t no pleasure garden.” 

Defeated they walked back. Sidney fought off a few drunk sailors, freshly washed up from the seven seas. He was quiet as they sat inside the carriage. He chewed on his thumb pad. Charlotte chewed on her lip, flipping through every piece of information, Georgiana or Otis had given her. 

“The Sons of Africa.” She cried out. 

“What?” Sidney looked up. 

“Mr. Molyneux is active in the movement _The Sons of Africa_. But I don’t know where it is.” Charlotte shrugged her shoulders apologetically. 

“But I do.” He yelled instructions to the driver. 

They were in luck. Otis was thundering about slavery to a motley crowd hanging at his every word. He paled at the sight of Sidney and Charlotte and reluctantly wrapped his speech up. 

Sidney grabbed him by the lapels as he walked of the makeshift stage and backed him against the wall. “Where is she? Where is Georgiana?” 

Otis’ mouth opened and closed. “Isn’t she in Sanditon?” 

“You know very well, she isn’t. She was kidnapped earlier today and taken to London. If anything happens to her, I will kill you.” Sidney’s face was so close to Otis’ their noses touched. 

“I swear I don’t know where she is. I have nothing to do with it.” He stuttered nervously but then straightened his back – as much as he could hanging against the wall, almost with his feet dangling. “This would not have happened if you had let her marry me. I’m not good enough for you because I’m black.” 

“ENOUGH! You do not have the right to blame me for this. Your skin color has got nothing to do with me refusing you. I had you checked as I would have any suitor, black or white. You are in debt to well over both ears to some of the most dangerous loan sharks in London. How could I possibly allow such an alliance to take place? Not only that, you have weaseled your way into her heart by spreading lies. Not only about me and my businesses, but consequently her father’s too. How dare you! You even dragged an innocent person into this scam courtship. A lying gambler in debt is what you are. Not exactly the qualities of a well-suited husband. Let’s try again. Where is she?” Sidney punched his fist into the wall next to Otis’ head. 

“I honestly don’t know.” Otis was whimpering now. 

Sidney pressed his forearm against Otis’ chest, moving it towards his throat. Charlotte had never seen anyone so angry before as Sidney in that moment. Whatever Georgiana thought of him, he cared more for her than she gave him credit for. 

She stepped closer and placed a hand on his arm. “Who did you tell about your courtship with her?” 

Otis gulped. “Mr. Beecroft may have given me a loan at the prospect of me marrying Georgiana.” 

Sidney let go of him at the mention of Mr. Beecroft. “You bloody idiot. You stroke a deal with the devil himself. I’m not done with you.” 

He took Charlotte’s hand and started walking towards the exit. “We need backup, I cannot go to Mr. Beecroft alone. It’s too dangerous.” 

The driver was instructed to go the club. Hopefully Babington and Crowe had headed there after the ball. Not that he was very eager to face either of them again so soon but he hoped that Charlotte’s presence would soften them and he needed their help. 

“I don’t believe Mr. Molyneux is a bad man.” Charlotte said quietly. 

“How can you say that, Charlotte? He a heavily indebted gambler.” Sidney sounded tired. 

She looked out the window. “You and I got married to save a good man who took a gamble.” 

Her words hit him like a blow. Not only was she right, Tom had gambled his way into a £80.000 debt. She also reminded him that she had not married him for love.” 

They arrived at the club. 

“You have to stay in the carriage, Charlotte. It’s men only.” He smiled for the first time. 

Babington and Crowe had indeed been very little impressed at seeing him enter the smoke-filled room but as soon as they learned what had happened, they stood by his side. Being not only a titled man but also a wealthy one, Babington’s footmen were of a special caliber and they always accompanied him in London. He and Crowe took his carriage while Sidney jumped back into his. 

Sidney sat across from Charlotte. His eyes searched her face. So much had happened this evening and what had been supposed to be the happiest night of his life had turned into a never-ending nightmare. “I really need you to stay in the carriage when we get there. Don’t even look outside the window. Mr. Beecroft’s... establishment is not a place for a young woman. Nothing must happen to you, Charlotte.” 

The pleading look in his eyes almost convinced her to stay put but it was not in her nature to shy away from anything and she had already made up her mind to see this through. She said nothing, silence was not a lie. 

The carriage pulled up in front of a large house, looking nicer than Charlotte had expected from Sidney’s request. Sidney, Crowe, Babington and his two footmen descended from the two carriages and stood for a while and formed a war strategy. 

As they forced their way into the building, Charlotte jumped out and followed them before the door was closed again. The sight that met her inside made her gasp and Sidney turned his head and hissed angrily. “I told you to wait.” 

She lifted her chin in that defiant stubborn way that had made his anger rise in the past, now it scared him to death. “I decided against it.” 

The parlor was dark and the odor pungent from a mix of alcohol, cigars and something animal Charlotte could not identify. 

A woman, wearing too much makeup, with her breast pushed up to her chin by a visible corsage greeted the three gentlemen with a sugary voice. “Gentlemen, nice to see you again.” She turned to Sidney. “Why, Mr Sidney! Ain’t seen you in a fair while. I’ve some new ladies who’ll be delighted to make your acquaintance.” 

Sidney could feel Charlotte’s eyes widen without looking at her. As if he wasn’t in enough trouble already. 

“You buy love, Sidney?” Her whisper was meant for him alone. 

The woman heard and laughed. “Love! That’s certainly one way to put it. Who is this enchanting young woman, Mr. Sidney? A new girl for me? Surely not someone you have made with child. I don’t take girls like that no more.” 

“Careful, _Mrs._ Harries. This is my wife.” Sidney was trembling with anger. 

“Oh. I’ve never had men bring their wives here but I suppose every man his fetiches. Or woman. Do you want a room fit for an orgy?” She smiled suggestively while eyeing Charlotte. 

Sidney took a step closer. Mrs. Harries’ eyes twitched nervously. “I believe you have a young woman held here against her will. I’ve come to get her.” His eyes flashed. 

“You have to be more specific, Mr. Sidney. It is not an entirely unusual way to start in this trade.” Her voice had regained some of its cockiness. 

“My ward, Georgiana Lambe.” His patience was running thin. 

Mrs. Harries found herself uncomfortably surrounded now by the five men and the annoyingly innocent-looking Mrs. Parker. “You just missed them. By half an hour. She’s on her way to Gretna Green to get married with her true love.” 

Sidney deflated and the men stepped back. 

Charlotte watched Mrs. Harries closely. “She’s lying. There’s something down that corridor.” 

Babington grabbed Mrs. Harries by the arm. “You better come with us, Mrs. Harries.” 

Sidney led the way, holding protectively on to Charlotte. “How did you know?” 

She laughed lightly. “I have 12 younger mischievous siblings, remember? You learn to read when someone is lying. Her eyes kept flicking in this direction.” 

At the end of the corridor was a door guarded by a man. Had he not been half-drunk and half-asleep, he would perhaps have done his job better. Sidney pushed him out of the way. “Run, if you don’t want to hang for kidnapping.” 

Behind the door was Mr. Beecroft’s office. The man himself sat behind a large desk. Ledgers and money boxes covering most of the table top. Sidney didn’t see Georgiana at first, she sat bound and gagged in an unlit corner of the room. A man he had never seen licked his lips as he let his watery eyes slide down Charlotte’s body. 

“Mr. Parker. Mr. Crowe. Lord Babington. What a surprise to see you. Do you need a loan?” Beecroft looked nervous. 

“I’m here for my ward, Mr. Beecroft. Where is she? I don’t think I need to remind you that the penalty for kidnapping is hanging.” Sidney let go of Charlotte to tower over the loan shark and his obesely fat guest. 

A muffled moan from the corner made everyone turn their eyes in that direction. 

In a split-second the fat man had pulled out a pistol and pointed it at them. Sidney instinctively reached for Charlotte to push her behind him only to grasp thin air. She had taken a few steps forward and placed herself directly in front of the muzzle of the pistol. 

Sidney’s blood froze to ice. If something happened to her it would kill him. Paralyzed he stood and tried to assess the situation. Crowe muttered behind him. “Fuck.” Babington whispered a few orders to his men. 

“Back away or I will shoot her.” The man’s meaty chin and throat wobbled as he spoke and he waved the pistol. 

“No, you won’t.” Charlotte spoke calmly, staring him down. “That is a single barrel flintlock pistol. While it’s true that you could shoot me, you would not have time to reload before you would be overpowered by the five gentlemen behind me. They would be in their right to kill you” 

“Mr. Howard. She has a point.” Beecroft was sweating. Babington’s men stood ready to jump him should he make a wrong move. 

“Mr. Howard.” Charlotte said his name as if it tasted like milk gone sour. “Maybe you can talk your way out of being hanged for kidnapping. But shooting an innocent young gentlewoman would surely put the noose around your neck.” 

Beecroft stood. “It’s over, Howard.” It was not the voice of a man repenting, but a man negotiating to save his own neck. 

Sidney’s heart was beating so fast he wasn’t sure it would make it through the night. She had never looked more petite, nor had he ever seen anyone so brave and strong. Tears prickled in the corners of his eyes. Time seemed to stand still while Mr. Howard considered his options. 

No one dared move. 

After what felt like an excruciating eternity, Mr. Howard finally lowered the pistol and placed it on the corner of the desk. In a flash Charlotte picked it up and hit Howard against the temple with the shaft. The man stumbled backwards and landed in the armchair that instantly caved under his heavy weight. 

Charlotte’s shoulders fell and she stood with the pistol in her hand hanging limbless down her side. Sidney gently removed the weapon from her, looking in the direction of Georgiana. Crowe patted him on the shoulder to signal he would take care of her. 

Freed from her robes and gag, Georgiana ran to Charlotte and hugged her. Tears flowed down her cheeks. 

Then she fainted. Sidney caught her before she hit the floor. 

“Let me take her.” Crowe scooped Georgiana up. “If we have to fight our way out of here, we’ll be better off with your hands free and my hands full.” 

Babington’s men tied up Beecroft and Howard and stayed behind to guard them and wait for the constable. 

“We’ll talk in the morning, my friend.” Babington hugged Sidney briefly while Crowe placed the unconscious Georgiana inside the carriage with Charlotte. 

“Thank you. Both.” Sidney was struggling to rein his emotions. 

“It’s never boring to be around you, Parker.” Crowe hugged him. “Babington, I believe you and I left a good bottle of brandy at the club. I could use a drink.” 

Babington and Sidney laughed shortly. “I’m afraid it’s too late for the club. But I have a bottle at home. And a warm bed for you.” 

Crowe wiggled his eyebrows seductively. “Oh, Babington. What will Esther say?” 

Babington and Crowe continued their banter, trying to shake off the experience they had just shared. Sidney wanted to go home. 

“Excuse me.” Sidney bowed and ascended the carriage. Charlotte sat with Georgiana who rested her head in her lap, and stroked her gently over her ruffled curls. 

He wanted to say something. Everything. 

She sensed it. “Not now, Sidney.” 

The carriage jolted on the cobbled streets to Bedford Place. Georgiana came slowly to and started sobbing. Charlotte kept stroking her and spoke soothingly to her. 

Sidney carried Georgiana inside and up the stairs where Hattie was waiting for them, looking a little bleary-eyed. Charlotte followed and as soon as he had placed Georgiana carefully on a bed in the readied guestroom, he left the room and closed the door softly behind him. 

Charlotte and Hattie helped Georgiana out of her clothes, wash her and get her into a clean nightgown. Georgiana fell asleep almost immediately after Charlotte had tucked the covers around her. Then she turned to Hattie. “I know you are tired Hattie but would you mind staying with her? Miss Lambe has been through quite an ordeal.” 

“Yes, Ma’am.” Hattie sat down in the chair next to the bed. 

Charlotte took a blanket laying on the settee and put it around the young girl. “Thank you, Hattie.” 

Sidney was pacing in the bedroom. The harried events of the past seven hours tumbled inside him and he had no idea how to process them. He had almost lost Charlotte. Despite the way he had treated her when he discovered Eliza was at the ball, she had still shielded him with her body. How was he even to begin asking her for forgiveness? She was perfection. He was a failure. 

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear her enter. It was the rustle of skirt as her legs collapsed under her that alerted him of her presence. 

“Charlotte!” He cried out in panic as he watched her drop to her knees. He knelt down next to her, not sure if she would let him hold her. 

“I’m fine, Sidney. Just exhausted.” She leaned her forehead against his shoulder and he slid his arms around her. “Hattie is sitting with Georgiana. Will you help with my dress?” She was too tired to be embarrassed to ask him. 

He lifted her up and carried her to the bed. Sitting on the edge, he unbuttoned her dress at the back and pulled the sleeves down one by one. She helped him wiggle it off her. He smiled. She was still in her nightgown underneath. 

Somehow, he managed to move them both fully onto the bed. Reclined against the headboard, he sat with her in his lap. His long legs forming a safe nest under her. Her head nuzzled against the crook of his neck. He held her tight, determined to never let go of her again. 

“Why did you put yourself in front of the pistol?” His low voice trembled. “I cannot lose you, Charlotte.” 

“You are my husband. My closest family.” She lifted her head as she whispered. Her beautiful eyes filled with tears and everything finally caught up with her. He rocked her quietly while she cried herself heartbreakingly to sleep. When her sobs slowly faded into heavy breaths disturbed by the occasional hiccup in her sleep, he allowed his tears to fall. Holding her close, he wept into her soft curls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And no, this was not it. More 🎢 on the way. We haven't gotten to the big slope yet. The locals call it "The drop of death". I don't know about that but it's steep. 
> 
> *Brodi Ashton   
> I'm beginning to feel I should have gone with quotes for all the chapters. Perhaps I will go back and change it. Yes, I am trying to distract you. Look a kitten! 🐈


	23. A proper parting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter to build up to the next slope. We are climbing to the top 🎢
> 
> If you need a little fluff to calm your nerves a bit, there are some very sweet moments in it. 
> 
> Stay safe, take care, buckle up, have a drink, pet Crowe or a puppy. It all helps. 
> 
> Have a nice weekend ❤
> 
> P

_**Daytime, Monday, July 5 1819**_

When Charlotte woke up, she was alone in the big bed with the covers tucked tightly around her. She remembered falling asleep in Sidney’s arms, feeling safe and loved as she let the angst of the evening flow from her in a stream of endless tears against the warm skin on his neck. He had just held her and absorbed her pain. 

The weather had shifted during the night and the day had dawned grey and cold. The clock in the hallway chimed 8 low strokes. He could not have slept for more than a few hours, she thought. 

Sidney had not slept at all. He had held Charlotte, guarding her against the nightmares that haunted her sleep. He had kissed her forehead when she had started crying again in her sleep. He had song her the lullaby his mother had song for him when he was a little boy, when she had fought Mr. Howard in her dream. He had repeated over and over again that he loved her when she called out his name, clinging to his shirt. When the monsters finally had left her dreams and crawled back under the bed, he had laid her down and put the covers over her. Her feet were cold and he had warmed them with his big hands. When her breathing had returned to the slow relaxed rhythm he recognized, he had tiptoed out of the room. 

Dressed simply and warmly in one of her old dresses, Charlotte peeped into Georgiana’s room. To her surprise Georgiana was already up and dressed. She stared out the window. 

“How are you, Georgiana?” Charlotte entered slowly. 

“Numb. I don’t ever want to see him again. The son of Africa selling his ‘true love’ to a white man as a slave to pay his gambling debt. Sidney must be laughing at the irony.” She laughed bitterly. 

“I don’t think you are being fair, Georgiana. I have never seen him so scared. He cares deeply for you.” Charlotte’s voice was soft and a little sad. 

Georgiana didn’t respond. Her shoulders dropped and she turned around. “I know. I just find it hard that Otis is suddenly the bad guy and Sidney the hero. My world is turned upside down.” Tears started flowing. “I was so scared, Charlotte.” It was a mere whisper charged with pain and hurt. 

Charlotte embraced her. “I know. You are safe now. Sidney will never let anything happen to you.” 

A teary chuckle sounded. “Neither will you, Charlotte. I saw what you did, remember? You are the bravest person I know.” 

“Or the stupidest. My father wasn’t always sure which one it was.” Charlotte laughed more than the situation called for, but it felt so liberating to just let go. 

The front door opened. “Is Mrs. Parker and Miss Lambe up yet?” Sidney’s deep voice made Charlotte’s heart skip a beat. 

“Yes, Sir.” She could hear Benson take his coat and things. 

A muffled conversation followed and then Sidney took the stairs in long strides. He knocked softly at the open door into Georgiana’s room. His eyes flickered to Charlotte. He looked tired, she thought. 

“Georgiana, someone is here to see you.” His voice was tender. 

“Who?” Georgiana turned her back dismissively at him, not yet ready to see him as a caring guard. 

“Mr. Molyneux. I thought you at least deserved a proper parting.” He looked at Charlotte again. 

“I don’t want to see him.” Georgiana crossed her arms and raised her shoulders angrily. 

“Georgiana.” Sidney stepped closer to her and gently touched her shoulder. “Trust me, you want to end this properly. In person. Otherwise, you will leave a crack open and unguarded for him in a distant naïve corner of your heart and risk hurting someone you love because you never got closure.” He didn’t dare to look at Charlotte now but he hoped she understood the meaning. 

Georgiana sighed deeply and turned around. He offered her his arm and they walked downstairs with Charlotte a few steps behind them, deep in thought over his words. 

Otis waited for them in the parlor, pacing nervously. Georgiana sent him a cold glare and held on to Sidney’s arm, but he gently removed her hand and kissed her on the cheek before joining Charlotte in the hallway, closing the door after him. 

There was an awkward silence at first, then Georgiana’s anger thundered loud and clear. It was over in a minute. Otis opened the door and walked straight past Sidney and Charlotte. At the front door he turned around and looked at Sidney. “Thank you, Mr. Parker. For everything.” 

Georgiana ran to Sidney and flung her arms around him, crying violently. He held her like she was an unhappy child. “I’m afraid a part of me will always love him but I could never trust him again.” She sobbed against his shoulder. 

Sidney sighed, completely out of his depths handling a young woman with a broken heart. “Georgiana, for what it’s worth I think he did love you in his own way. But sometimes loving someone is not the same as _loving_ them.” 

“How do you tell the difference?” She spoke with the smallest voice. 

“I’m no expert in love, but actions matter a great deal, I think.” He stroked her awkwardly on the back. 

“Thank you, Sidney. He told me you paid his debts. Why?” She finally let go of him and wiped her tears with the palms of her hands. 

Sidney looked at Charlotte. “If he is a good man who made a mistake, he got a chance of a clean slate. If he is not, I at least tried to make a difference. In either case, I hope it will help you close this chapter of your life and heal your broken heart.” 

Daylight was burning and they hurried to pack down their emotions and eat a late breakfast before getting on the road to Sanditon. Georgiana quickly fell asleep, stretching as much as possible on her seat, and Charlotte covered her with a blanket. It was cold like an autumn day and Charlotte shivered bravely in her summer spencer. Sidney took of his jacket and wrapped it around her, smiling at the familiar gesture. 

“You’ll be cold, Sidney.” She tried to argue, stifling a yawn. 

“No, I’m warm enough. You should get some sleep, Charlotte.” Taking a chance, he put his arm around her and pulled her close. 

She nuzzled contently against his chest, enjoying the warmth and scent of him. “So, should you.” 

“I’ll try.” He lied and rested his chin softly on top of her head. Her small frame molded perfectly against his. Every fiber in him was still on guard. Until they were back in Sanditon, he could not rest. He had to stay awake and protect her, no matter what. 

The drive, even the stop for lunch and change of horses, was pleasantly uneventful, and they arrived in Sanditon safe, sound and exhausted well after dinner time. 

Charlotte removed his jacket and immediately shook from the cold sensation of the chilly evening air. “I’ll take Georgiana home and stay with her for a little while. I will see you at home.” 

She could see in his eyes that he did not favor the idea of her walking. “Sidney, I’d like to walk. My legs are stiff after the long ride. It doesn’t look like rain.” 

“I just have to pop by the Crown and see if Mr. Stringer is there. I have the men’s pay. I can wait for you.” He hoped she would accept his offer. 

“No, go back. Check your post. I won’t be long.” Charlotte smiled softly and linked her arm under Georgiana’s. 

“Alright, but keep my jacket. I don’t want you to get cold.” He handed it to her, happy to see her accept it. 

Mrs. Griffiths broke down in tears when she saw Georgiana at the door and started an endless rambling of praying with Mr. Hankins for her safe return. It all got a bit much for Charlotte and she quickly excused herself. 

The grey light made the sea look gloomy. It had lost its glittering sparkle, she thought to herself as she stood for a while on the cliff road. It was cold and she was grateful for his jacket. 

_Most of all I hope the 18-year-old boy inside me will remember what she did to us and not be too excited to see her again._

Those had been his words when she had asked him what he would do if he ever met Eliza again. It had hurt her that he had walked so determinedly to her at the ball, she could not lie about that – not even to herself, but she had been equally determined not to let him face her alone after what the heartless woman had done to him. Already shaken from the accuracy of his own prediction, Eliza’s shameless remark had been the final blow. Charlotte had been strong enough to stand by his side during a civil and polite encounter, but not to see his lost love claim him as hers like that. Hurt had run through her like wildfire and her only thought at been to flee. 

Her practical and logical nature had made her go to his study when she had heard him return. There was simply more evidence of his affection than the opposite and she had decided not to let one, though painful, incident overshadow what she felt they had together. Provided that seeing Eliza had not reignited his love for her. 

Capell’s generous offer had given her pause for thought but not for long. She was Sidney’s wife and she loved him. Plain and simple. 

_Trust me, you want to end this properly. In person. Otherwise, you will leave a crack open and unguarded for him in a distant naïve corner of your heart and risk hurting someone you love because you never got closure._

She understood that he had meant the words for her. 

Sidney walked into the Crown. Fred Robertson sat a table with a few other of the men. They greeted him with a nod and pointed at an empty chair. He sat down and ordered a round for the table. His head was spinning from fatigue and he hoped that Stringer would be there soon, otherwise the pay would have to wait until the morning, but he wanted to be fair and punctual after everything they had been through with Tom of broken promises and empty intentions. 

When Stringer finally appeared in the door, Sidney went to him and handed him the envelopes. Stringer smiled curtly at him and put them in his pocket. “You’re drunk, Mr. Parker. Go home before people start talking.” He slapped him on the back and watched as Sidney stumbled down the street, shaking his head with indignation. He continued inside and sat himself on the chair Sidney had just vacated. His mind was on Charlotte and what had made her marry a man, clearly so indifferent to her reputation and needs. 

A warm feeling washed through Charlotte as Parker House came into sight. It was _home_ and she couldn’t wait for Sidney to be there too – or maybe he was already there. If he was, he would probably come to meet her. 

He wasn’t and he didn’t. 

Emma and Phillip hurried to bring hot water upstairs for her and explained that Mrs. Fitz had baked rolls this afternoon and cooked some ham since they didn’t know when they would arrive. Charlotte asked them to bring up a tray for her and Sidney along with some wine. When they had done that, they could retire to their small apartment. 

Quickly, Charlotte went to her dressing room and undressed. She folded her clothes neatly on a chair. She brushed her hair and washed herself thoroughly with the cloth, using the luxurious lavender soap. It felt wonderful to wash of the dust from the road. 

Her hands trembled as she found one of the nightgowns Susan had picked for her. It was still not crystal clear to her why Sidney would know what she meant from the garment alone. It was however when the gossamer light fabric floated slowly down her body. With blushing cheeks, she watched her reflection. The silk was so thinly woven it was translucent. The cherry blossoms meandered seductively around her full breasts and curvy hips. Her nipples and dark curls at the junction of her thighs were outlined by the embroidered flowers. She felt beautiful in her petite curvy body for the first time in her adult life and she hoped that he would approve of her too. 

The thought of his hands sliding down her body and touch her without thick clothes between them made her blood boil with anticipation. His soft lips on her skin and her lips. The hot wet sensation of his tongue. 

They needed to have a proper conversation about what had happened at the ball and with Georgiana. She needed to tell him how much she loved him. But first they needed to touch. Instinctively she had concluded, after having sorted her emotions and his reactions over and over again, that some of the assumptions and misunderstandings circled around the... consummation of their marriage. Or lack thereof. She had recognized the dark look in his last night when he had said he wanted to touch her. It was the same look he had had when she had thought him angry with her. Anger and desire looked the same. 

She carefully pulled out the pretty robe guessing that it was meant for moments like this. It was nothing like her warm robe but she was unsure if it covered too much for him to misunderstand what the nightdress said so clearly and she put it back. 

Nervous and determined at the same time she drank some of the wine and nibbled a few bites of the food. Feeling a bit cold she crawled under the covers. She would be able to hear him when he opened the front door and she would wait for him, standing in the middle of the room when he came in. 

Sleep overpowered her and she didn’t notice that he didn’t come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you recognize the nightgown? Another recycled item.


	24. Ebb and Tide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next slope will take a few chapters. 
> 
> Close your eyes and hold my hand. 
> 
> ❤ P
> 
> Oh, btw we found Sidney.

_**Tuesday, July 6 1819**_

Disappointment. Resignation. Concern. Frustration. Charlotte went through so many emotions when she woke up in a cold bedroom with an empty space next to her. The arrow of the wheel of emotions landed on anger. She donned her warm robe and went downstairs to the study, her hands balled into angry fits. 

The sight of the empty study punched the air out of her. If he was not here, where could he be? “Phillip, have you seen Mr. Parker?” Her voice was trembling now, hopefully he had been home but had gone for a swim. 

“No, Ma’am. His dressing room is untouched.” Phillip shrugged his shoulders apologetically. He sensed her growing concern. 

“Will you send Emma up? I need to get dressed fast.” Charlotte was already sprinting up the stairs. 

It was blowing outside. The sun had not been able to penetrate the grey clouds and it smelled like rain. Charlotte pulled the woolen shawl tighter around her. She hoped he had spent the night at Trafalgar House for some odd reason but she didn’t find it very likely, he would have sent word. 

It took forever to walk to town, she searched behind every bush and tree along the road and looked down on the beach from where the road meandered dangerously close to the treacherously steep slopes. It both worried her and calmed her that he was not lying hurt somewhere. 

She ran into Mr. Stringer just outside the Crown. “Have you seen Sidney, Mr. Stringer? He didn’t come home last night. Last time I saw him he was on his way to see you.” 

He was just about to say something scornful but the worried frown in her forehead made him think the better of it. “He was drunk, I told him to go home and I watched him leave.” Stringer shrugged his shoulders. 

“Mr. Parker wasn’t drunk.” Fred Robertson approached them. “He was dead sober when he came into the Crown. He treated me and the men to a round but barely touched his own drink. Eager to get home, he said.” 

Charlotte could feel the blood drop from her face. “Something’s wrong.” She choked on the words. 

“Get the men started, Fred, I’ll help Mrs. Parker look for her husband.” Stringer followed in pursuit of Charlotte who had started running towards the beach. 

“He’s not on the cliff road. I checked on my way here. But why would he have gone to the beach?” She was too scared to cry. 

“I’m sorry, if I had known he wasn’t himself I would have walked him home.” Stringer felt bad. “You can easily make the wrong turn where the road splits and end on the beach if you are not paying attention.” 

They ran along the beach. No Sidney. 

As they neared the cove Charlotte let out a strangled cry. There in the sand lay Sidney. Unconscious. Waves lapping against his body. The wet sand showed how close the tide had been to reach his head and drown him. 

She dropped on her knees next to him and quickly untied his cravat to check his pulse. It was there but it was faint. His normally warm soft skin was damp and ice-cold to the touch. Her hands worked expertly to remove his cravat and unbutton his waistcoat to give him air to breathe. “Don’t you dare die on me, you fool. Don’t you know I love you?” 

“I’ll carry him, run ahead and get help.” Stringer grabbed Sidney’s cold arm and pulled him over his shoulder as if he was a bag of plaster. His shirt soaked instantly. 

Charlotte ran. Her wet skirt clung to her legs and threatened to make her stumble any minute. Not caring about decorum, she hoisted it knee-high and increased her pace. She barged into Parker House, yelling orders out of breath. “Sidney’s injured. Mr. Stringer’s carrying him here. Please help him, Phillip.” “Emma! Towels and blankets. Bedroom. Now.” “Mrs. Fitz. Soup.” 

Phillip ran. Emma moved swiftly towards the linen room. Mrs. Fitz stoked the fire in the stove and put on a pot. 

Upstairs Charlotte pulled off her wet clothes and simply put on a linen nightgown and her thick robe to save time. She and Emma readied the bed, lining it with blankets and towels to prevent Sidney’s wet body from soaking the mattress. 

Turmoil by the front door indicated that Phillip and Stringer had finally arrived with Sidney and Charlotte ran out into the hallway. Sidney’s limbless body hung over Phillip’s broad shoulder, looking nothing more than a young boy. The man she knew as a pillar of strength looked fragile and small. 

Together Phillip and Stringer placed him carefully on the bed. Charlotte checked his pulse again and sighed relieved. It was still there. 

“Mr. Stringer, will you fetch Dr. Fuchs please?” She spoke as she began to undress Sidney. 

Stringer’s face fell. “I’m afraid Dr. Fuchs left for London yesterday.” 

Charlotte’s movements stilled for a second, then resumed efficiently. “We’ll have to do without him then. Thank you for your help, Mr. Stringer.” She met his eyes. 

He bowed and turned around to leave. “Would you mind if I call on you tomorrow to see how he’s faring? The men will like to know too. They respect Mr. Parker a great deal. We all do.” 

She smiled and nodded but quickly returned her attention to Sidney. “Phillip, we need to get him out of these wet clothes and warm him up.” 

Tears constantly threatened to drop but she forced them not to. He needed her strong, not breaking down crying. 

Phillip picked up the wet clothes and ruined boots. “Call, if you need me, Ma’am.” 

“Thank you, Phillip. Oh, one thing. Will you give message to Trafalgar House and ask Mrs. Parker to take over the planning of the regatta?” Her mind needed to focus on tasks, not how devastatingly lifeless the man she loved was. 

“Certainly, Ma’am.” He closed the door after him. 

Sidney’s naked body looked so very different than the version she had seen emerge from the waves only days ago. She rubbed him dry with towels, a little roughly to get his blood flow going, but gently when she reached his hair and face. Then she undressed and climbed on top of him to warm him up with her body heat. She was at loss about what else to do – this method she had read of in one of her father’s books on expeditions to the NorthPole. 

Her annoyingly small frame disappeared completely on top of his large and she did her best to sprawl out to cover as much of him as possible under the covers. Phillip or Emma would come from time to time to stoke up the fire and light candles, bring some of Mrs. Fitz’s broth and updates for the Parker siblings. 

His body lay cold and motionless under hers. He barely breathed and she checked his pulse regularly. After hours of trying to warm him up, she couldn’t help herself anymore and warm tears poured steadily down her cheeks. “Please, Sidney. Come back to me. I love you. You cannot die. We’ve only just begun.” She kissed his lips. “Fight, Sidney. Please fight. I don’t want to live without you.” 

Nothing happened. Seconds turned to minutes. Minutes into hours. Not even the light outside changed during the day, it remained grey and gloomy as if it symbolized the fight, Charlotte tried to win in the master bedroom of Parker House. 

She alternated between pleading and scolding him to survive. At some point she fell asleep, only to awaken an hour later terrified that he had passed while she was not watching. The smallest breath hitting her lips made her break down in tears again with relief. 

After what felt like an eternity his body slowly became warmer and his breathing stronger. He was still unconscious but the small improvement made her dare to raise her hopes. 

Around dinner time Mrs. Fitz ordered her in a motherly stern voice to come downstairs and eat a solid portion of stew while Phillip sat by Sidney. Emma was instructed to draw a bath. Not even Charlotte dared to argue against her cook and did as she was told. Speedily so, but she obeyed nonetheless. 

Refreshed and fortified Charlotte returned to the bedroom. Phillip had put a few logs on the fire and new candles in the candlesticks. 

“You call on us, day or night, if you need us.” Phillip bowed and went downstairs. 

Charlotte checked on Sidney. His skin felt almost normal to the touch but he was still not conscious. She lifted his head and dropped a few sips of Mrs. Fitz’s broth in his mouth but it just ran down his chin. She wrung a cloth with water and washed him gently. 

She tried sitting in a chair reading a book but it was too far away from him. She then shifted to her nightdress and scooted close to him in bed but she needed to feel his skin against hers to monitor his temperature and recovery. Undressing and climbing back to bed next to him naked however felt different than when she did it in the desperate attempt to warm him up. 

He smelled differently. Not like Sidney. It was as if the saltwater had washed away his earthy musky notes. Lying on her side, she nuzzled snuggly against him, placing her leg over his and her hand on his chest. His heart beat slowly like a muffled drum. But it beat. 

“When you have regained your strength, we will go to Willingden. I will show you all my favorite spots. We will feast on my mother’s apple pie and you can help me shoot dinner.” She continued to whisper future plans against the crook of his neck. 

The grey daylight turned to dark-grey moonlight. The wind still howled against the windows. Charlotte could hear the sea roaring distantly and shivered at the thought of Sidney lying a whole night, cold and alone, escaping the waves by only a few inches. 

“I miss the way you hold my hand. I miss your laughter. It is the most beautiful sound in the world. I miss our conversations. But most of all I miss the opportunity to tell you how much I love you. Please keep fighting, Sidney. I need you.” 

It was in the middle of the night when she finally allowed herself to fall asleep with her hand still resting on his chest, following the slow heaving of his breath.


	25. You don’t have to be present to create trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry - it's not exactly Valentines Day friendly. If you are high on chocolate and pink hearts, perhaps better wait until tomorrow.  
> On the bright side, it's a short chapter. 
> 
> This is the last-ish slope.
> 
> ❤❤❤
> 
> P

_**Wednesday, July 7 1819**_

Charlotte woke up with the feeling that something was horribly wrong. The smoldering embers was the only light in the otherwise dark room. It took her a few breaths to realize that it was not the way her body was entangled with Sidney’s or that he was stirring in his sleep but how hot and damp his naked body felt against hers. He was burning up. 

Quickly she donned her nightgown and yelled for Phillip. “I need cold water and cloths. He has a fever; we need to try and break it.” Her chin trembled and tears were pooling in her eyes. It had looked so promising only a few hours ago. “Help me move him and wash him, he’s soaked the sheets. He needs to be dry before we open the windows to cool him down.” 

They worked concentratedly, washing the feverish sweat of Sidney’s back and rubbing him dry before Phillip lifted him to Charlotte’s side of the bed. He held him upright while Charlotte pulled a nightshirt over his head. Letting the cool air in was not without risks. She removed the thick covers and just covered him with a clean sheet over his body. Feet and arms free. 

Phillip watched over Sidney while Charlotte obeyed Mrs. Fitz’s orders to eat breakfast and dress properly. Grateful that someone was looking after her, Charlotte had to admit she felt better with a full stomach. 

Sidney was tossing and turning in bed, his forehead drowning in sweat and his skin blazing hot. She dapped his skin gently with a cold cloth. His hands were rummaging, grasping the sheets and clenching the fabric. His head tossing from side to side. “Eliza, no!” 

The strangled words made Charlotte gasp with pain but she soldiered on and continued to cool him down by washing down his body. It wasn’t an easy task, he kept fighting her, pulling away, calling for Eliza. 

Desperate she cupped his burning hot cheeks and kissed his forehead, her tears rolling. “Sidney, you have a fever, I need to cool you down. We will find Eliza when you are well.” 

He calmed down instantly. 

Heartbroken she watched over him through the day and into the night. Whenever she was not talking or touching him, he got agitated and tossed and turned, calling for his first love. Early next morning it got to a point where she had to crawl under the covers with him to soothe him and calm him down. Crying she sang to him. She was out of words. 

He pulled her close. “I love you.” 

She lay there in his arms, while the fever slowly broke and he drifted into a calm and almost fever-free sleep. When the clock chimed 4 strokes in the afternoon, she gently untangled from him. He stirred a little but remained sleeping. She checked his temperature. 

“I will always love you. Goodbye, Sidney.” Charlotte kissed his lips one last time, trying not to break down crying loudly. She knew he felt some kind of love for her. She was just not the one he wanted to be with. 

If Phillip was confused that Charlotte was leaving the house and her bedridden husband, he didn’t show it. He received his instructions with a kind nod and went to sit by Sidney. 

Charlotte walked in a haze towards town. At her favorite spot on the cliff road, she dropped to her knees and finally let her tears do as they pleased. 

She really had no plan for where to go from here, only that she needed to ask Sidney’s siblings to take care of him while he recovered. 

A carriage approached her from behind. “Charlotte?” The sound of the familiar voice made Charlotte turn around. It was Susan. She heard questions being asked and she heard herself answer but then everything turned black. 

Sidney opened his eyes slowly, blinking to adjust to the light in the room. His entire body was aching and his mouth was dry. 

“Sidney? Good to see you, brother!” Tom patted his hand. “Here, take some water.” He helped Sidney lift his head and drink. 

“Charlotte, where is Charlotte?” Sidney tried to sit up but his body didn’t respond to his brain. 

Tom’s face fell slightly. “She’s resting. The poor girl is exhausted, she’s been watching over you day and night for two days. I volunteered to sit with you, she didn’t want to leave you alone.” 

Sidney struggled to sit up straight but failed again. He sensed something was amiss. “Where is she, Tom?” He choked on the words. 

“Lady Worchester arrived today. She is catching up with her and showing her around.” Tom was trying desperately to avoid the complete truth. 

“Tom!” Sidney’s voice was still weak but the impatient anger was undeniable. “What are you not telling me?” 

Tom took a deep breath. “What have you done, Sidney? She’s leaving Sanditon on Monday, after the regatta and the ball. She didn’t want you to know before you were stronger.” 

A tear rolled down Sidney’s cheek. “What are you saying Tom? Is Charlotte leaving me?” 

“Something about keeping a promise to you.” Tom took his brother’s hand in his. 

“I don’t understand.” Sidney covered his face with his left hand. “Please, ask her to come to me. Tell her that I love her.” 

“I know you do.” Tom squeezed his hand. 

“You do?” Sidney removed his hand from his face in surprised disbelief. 

Tom laughed bitterly. “It’s amazing what you notice when you sit still with your eyes open and your mouth shot. I have seen the way you look at her. The way you smiled when she walked up the aisle to you. I’m pretty convinced she loves you too. What I don’t understand is... what happened?” 

Sidney told him about Eliza at the ball, Mrs. Harries and everything else that had happened in random rambling order. 

This time it was Tom’s turn to hide his face in his hands. “Oh, Sidney, you fool. How could you forget what Eliza did to you?” 

Tom had seen Sidney drunk, unconscious, beaten to a pulp, heartbroken and angry with the world but he had never seen him cry. Well, not since their mother’s funeral. He did now. “Please, Tom. Make her come.” 

“I’ll do my best.” Tom stretched his long body and put on his hat. 

Capell lifted Charlotte into the carriage when she passed out and Susan held her as the carriage took them to the cottage she had rented for the regatta. Discretely, Capell carried Charlotte inside and placed her in one of the beds. Susan followed and sat down next to her, waving smelling salt gently under her nose. 

Confused Charlotte came to with a sneeze. When she discovered Susan by her side, she started crying. Accounts of the events from the past days rushed from her. “I’m sorry. I don’t normally faint or break down in tears all the time. What must you not think of me?” 

They were interrupted by Capell knocking softly on the door. “Mr. Tom Parker is here asking for Charlotte. Mr. Parker is awake.” 

“I’m not ready to see him.” Charlotte gasped. 

“Why don’t I entertain Mr. Parker, while you write Sidney a note? I’ll be back in a short while, dear.” Susan called for a footman to bring paper and a pen. 

Tom returned an hour and a half later, alone. “Charlotte will see you before she leaves. But not now. She gave me a letter to you.” 

Sidney ripped it open but his sight was too blurry to read it and he handed it to Tom. “Please.” 

Tom cleared his throat. 

_Dear Sidney,_

_I’m happy and relieved that you are finally awake. You scared me. I made a promise to you and I intend to keep it. I’m not strong enough to see you yet, but I hope you will grant me a proper parting before I leave._

_Know that I don’t think badly of you._

_Charlotte_

“It makes no sense.” Sidney whispered. “What promise?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be an explanation to why Sidney was on the beach in the first place.


	26. Love is not boastful or envious or arrogant or rude*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the last chapter. 
> 
> Short chapter, but at least no slopes. Sidney's recovering and we finally learn what the fuck he was doing on that damn beach.  
> It is not as dramatic as some of you have been suggesting.  
> Crowe and Babington have arrived, finding that nothing is as it should be. 
> 
> Young love 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
> 
> Take care, stay safe, hug someone, adopt a puppy. 
> 
> ❤ P

_**Friday, July 11 1819**_

Tom had stayed with Sidney all evening and all night. Mrs. Fitz had bossed the patient around, insisting that if he wanted to get out of bed he had to eat. Diligently he pushed down hot stew and bowl after bowl of her special fortifying broth. 

Sleep had not come easy to him and when it finally did, he had had nightmares, begging for Charlotte to come back to him. Tom had held his hand and song their mother’s lullaby. 

By morning the fever was completely gone and Sidney could stand. Wobbly, but he could hold his own weight. “I need to find her, Tom.” He held on to one of the posters on the bed. “Phillip!” The strain of yelling was enough to make him tumble. Tom managed to catch him and Phillip came just in time to help lift him back into bed. 

Tom was about to say something, when Mrs. Fitz came barging in, threateningly waving a wooden spoon. “Now, you listen to me, Mr. Parker! We know you miss your wife. We also know that you must have done something unforgivingly to make that lovely young woman leave. We have said nothing. We have followed her kind instructions and will continue to do so. If you want to win her back, you need your strength back. But you better start being a better patient, if you don’t want to be left here alone. Have I made myself clear?” She put her hands on her hips. 

“Yes, Ma’am.” Sidney sighed obediently and leaned back into the pillows. 

“Good. You are welcome to fire me for speaking the truth, but I would wait until I could stand up straight on my own if I were you.” She left as abruptly as she came and stomped back down the stairs to her domain. 

Tom caught Sidney’s eyes and for the shortest moment they shared a laugh. 

“What do I do, Tom?” Sidney was on the verge of crying again. 

“Why don’t you start by telling me how you ended up on the beach to begin with and we take it from there?” Tom pulled his chair closer to the bed and helped Sidney to a drink of water. 

“I was so bloody tired, I hadn’t slept all night. Charlotte was almost killed and I felt the least I could do was to watch over her and get her to Sanditon safe and sound. When we arrived, Charlotte wanted to escort Georgiana to Mrs. Griffiths and stretch her legs walking home. I went to the Crown to see Mr. Stringer. While I waited, I ordered a round for the table with some of the men. Half a glass of brandy and I felt dizzy and drunk, so I stopped. After I had given the men’s pay to Mr. Stringer, I felt it best to freshen up. I could barely see or walk straight. Charlotte and I needed to talk about everything that had happened, I needed to tell her how much I love her. I thought a quick swim would do me good but I must have passed out from fatigue instead.” Sidney scratched his stubbled chin. “I thought... that perhaps she had forgiven me for being such an idiot. She...” He stopped himself. _Are you sober enough to be gentle?_. Those words could not be shared. “I have no idea what happened from we parted until now, that would make her leave.” 

“Rest, Sidney. You’ll know when you get a chance to talk to her. Charlotte would not walk away in anger. She would have stood here now scolding you. There must be some kind of explanation.” Tom hoped it was true. With the current state of his own marriage, he was not exactly the right man to offer marital advice. 

Everyone who was someone from London arrived in Sanditon during the day. The hotel was filled to the brim with London ton, as were the apartments and cottages. Among these visitors were Crowe and Babington, unaware that their friend had fucked up again. 

Babington went straight to Sanditon House to be united with Esther who had arrived from his estate earlier that day. 

Crowe however had a more surprising stop to make. Mrs. Griffiths looked at him with mild shock and indignation but offered him to take a seat in the parlor while she fetched Georgiana. 

“Mr. Crowe?” Georgiana entered the room, too surprised to be her normal biting self. It would been more likely to have had an elephant calling on her than her guardian’s drunk friend. 

Mrs. Griffiths left them shortly to fetch some tea, though Crowe looked like he was in more need of strong coffee and a bath. 

“Miss Lambe. Forgive me for coming without notice. I just wanted to hear how you were holding up? Last time we met was not exactly under pleasant circumstances.” He gave her brotherly smile. “I have something for you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a flat parcel. “To be honest, I have no idea what one gives to a young woman one helped save from a kidnapping.” 

Georgiana laughed, still somewhat in shock over his visit, and opened the gift. It was a hip flask. She laughed lauder. He could not have given her anything more inappropriate and for that she loved it. 

Crowe looked proud. “There’s an inscription.” 

_To GL_

_If you are ever in need of a friend, take a sip and send note for me._

_FC_

They could hear Mrs. Griffiths come with the tea and Georgiana hurriedly put the flask in her pocket. To Georgiana’s great amusement, Crowe endured an hour of Mrs. Griffiths endless babbling on Mr. Hankins’ analogies and the dangers young ladies were bound to meet, should they wander off unchaperoned. He asked interested questions and by the time he bowed and took his leave, Mrs. Griffiths was convinced of his good virtues and Georgiana hiccupping from suppressing laughter. 

Crowe bumped into Capell as he took his dinner at the hotel. Babington was held up at Sanditon House and Crowe didn’t mind the company. After a half an hour of testing the waters, they each decided that the other was vivid and entertaining company. At some point however, conversation turned to the newlyweds and Capell confessed that Charlotte was staying with Lady Susan – when she was not busying herself with preparations for the regatta. Only Susan knew what had happened between Sidney and Charlotte. Capell informed that he had renewed his offer of his estate in the North and Charlotte had gratefully accepted it. Crowe’s imbibed brain tried to process the information but without any knowledge of what his friend had done this time to hurt his wife, it was difficult to offer much analysis. He knew Charlotte well enough to know that she was not the type to shy away from a challenge or bear grudges. Sidney would have to spill his guts in the morning, even if Crowe had to slap the truth out of him. 

Most of a bottle in, they both confessed a little too openly what a remarkable young woman Mrs. Parker was and that Sidney was damn fool for not appreciating her. 

This was how Babington found them. As soon as he understood how things were at Parker House, he left Crowe and Capell to their second bottle and hasted to see his friend. 

Tom was relieved to see him. Sidney was asleep and Babington offered to take the nightshift. Mostly to keep Sidney from going looking for Charlotte. 

For Charlotte the day started in tears. She had not slept much. At some point in the middle of the night, she had even dressed to return home. Tom had sent note to inform her of Sidney’s progress last night and she had felt so bad for leaving him like that. But she was determined to keep her promise, she does couldn’t be near him. 

Her ability to throw herself into work had done her good during the day. Now she sat in Susan’s cottage and pushed her food around on the plate. She and Susan had discussed her options and Susan had agreed to assist her but not without asking her again and again, very annoyingly in fact, if she was absolutely sure this was a path she wanted to walk. 

Susan watched her young friend chase a stray pea with her fork and decided it was time she paid Mr. Sidney Parker a visit. She could not be this wrong in matters of the heart. Something was very amiss, though the facts indeed looked gloomy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *St. Paul, First Letter to the Corinthians
> 
> The next chapter is looooong and will probably take a few days to write. Please be patient, I don't hand out ⭐⭐⭐ to people rushing me 😉  
> In fact, I am so defiant by nature that I could be tempted to take my time as punishment 😄


	27. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for joining me on this roller coaster. I am amazed how invested you have been in this story so far. Don't worry, this is not the last chapter. Unless you hate it, then you will see the fastest epilogue ever written!  
> I just want to say, that I hope my plan works. That you will not sit after this chapter and think, WTF?! Was that it?
> 
> Anyway, I enjoyed myself. Crowe is over the moon over his new status as a hero. Thomas Capell is ready to take on both Sidney and Crowe for the position as favorite Sanditon man. You have no idea how romantic he can be, he says. 
> 
> Before you think, I'm feeling a bit insecure or sorry for myself. Don't. I'm fine. My confidence is intact. I just really hope you will enjoy it - you deserve it. 
> 
> Mwah 💋
> 
> P

_**Saturday, July 12 1819** _

Babington managed to convince Sidney to take a bath before going to call on Charlotte. His scent was more farm animal than gentleman. Sidney had rolled his eyes but agreed. It had taken forever. Never before had it occurred to him what an endless operation it was to fill a bathtub and he had to bite his knuckles not to snap at Phillip.

He felt strong. He had to feel strong. It was the day of the regatta and there was no way in Hell he was going to let the victory go to either Capell or Stringer. It was childish, he knew, but physical strength had always been something he could rely on. Matters of Charlotte, however, was completely out of his control. If only he knew what he had done – normally his idiocy was clear even to the blind and deaf but this time he was in the dark. Tom was right, why wasn’t she there tapping her foot in the floor, waiting for him to wake up so that she could thoroughly chasten him? It was utterly uncharacteristic of her to just leave.

The walk to town took forever. Sidney was half-running but Babington rapped his shoulder with his cane and ordered him to pace himself like a gentleman. Huffing he had slowed down. His stomach was in a tight knot.

Susan was smiling enigmatically when she joined him in the parlor of the rented cottage. “Mr. Parker. What a delight to see you up and about. You just missed Charlotte.”

He was about to bow and leave.

“Sit down, Mr. Parker. I’m not quite done with you.”

What was it with these women? First Mrs. Fitz, now Susan. He might as well call on Georgiana, Mary, Diana, Esther and Lady Denham too before finding Charlotte and get it over with.

“I thought we had an agreement, you and I. That you would tell Charlotte that you love her. That you would correct things.” Susan tapped her finger demonstratively in the palm of her hand. “Was I wrong? Do you not love her?”

Sidney stood. “You were not wrong. If you know why she won’t talk to me please say so. I’m begging you. I don’t understand why she hates me enough to leave me.”

He looked so boyishly devastated that she almost took pity in him but it was not her information to give.

“Oh, Sidney. It is not my story to tell but I will tell you this much, she doesn’t hate you. She’s down by the river – at the starting point.” She nodded her permission for him to leave. “And Sidney! Take it easy on her. This has been very difficult for her. If you cannot work this out on your own, let me know.”

Charlotte was setting up the small table by starting point, sorting the papers and checking her list. She had placed her spencer, neatly folded over the back of the chair. The lack of sleep, the abundance of tears and her broken heart made it almost impossible to focus on the simple task.

“Well, what do you think?" It was Capell approaching her, smiling widely. "Do I look ready to you, Mrs. Parker?" He took off his jacket and placed it over her spencer and started rolling up his sleeves.

"I am no expert.” She was really not in the mood to talk or be in the company of anyone.

“Neither am I, regrettably. This is the first time I’ve picked up an oar in years." Capell went to one of the boats.

“I am sure it will all come back to you.” She said dismissively, carrying a couple of oars in her arms.

Capell held out his hand. “I don’t suppose you will hand me the oars?” If only he could take her away, she looked exhausted and he had very little knowledge of how to comfort her best. He just knew he wanted to.

Sidney saw Capell reach out for Charlotte’s hand and he started running. Had she already made an understanding with him? Was he the reason, she had left him? “Charlotte?!” His strangled cry startled her and she turned towards him with the oars still in her arms and knocked Capell into the water.

Surprised and overwhelmed by the sight of her husband she dropped the oars and started walking briskly towards him. His presence had caught her completely off guard. He looked handsomer than ever and her heart beat violently. He stretched his hand for hers but she avoided him by a few inches. If he had touched her, she would not be able to go through with it.

“Not here, not now. Meet me after the race on the beach. I can’t do this now. There is too much at stake for Sanditon. And please, help the Viscount out of the water.” The look in her eyes made him simply nod.

She managed to put a safe distance to him before the tears came.

He pulled up Capell from the river and contemplated if he should pick a fight or just let it be.

“I envy your marriage, Mr. Parker. You’ve found a woman who is not only beautiful but brilliant. I would do anything to have a wife like her. The ton should send their daughters to Willingden instead of hiring posh piano teachers. I have no idea what you did to put yourself in the doghouse but if you are treating her badly because you made a mistake in marrying her, let her go. Susan and I will protect her. As much as she will let us.” Capell stared at him.

“Marrying Charlotte is the _only_ right thing, I’ve done in my life, so please don’t prepare your proposal to her just yet.” Sidney returned his glare angrily.

“In that case I wish you the best of luck.” Capell slapped his shoulder and walked soaked back to town to change into dry clothes.

Sidney stayed at the starting point. Rowers and spectators soon filled the bank.

Mr. Stringer came by and shook his hand. “I’m happy to see you back on your feet, Mr. Parker. You gave Mrs. Parker quite the fright. I have never seen anyone move so fast or act so competently in an emergency.”

Sidney mumbled something in return.

The teams were getting prepared. Taking off their jackets, rolling up their sleeves. Tom and Arthur came and found him. “Are you sure about this, Sidney? Only 24 hours ago you could barely stand on your feet.” Tom looked pleadingly at him.

“Charlotte arranged this. I’m not letting her down in this too. I’m competing.” Sidney picked up the oars and headed to one of the boats. Tom and Arthur shrugged their shoulders and followed their brother.

Crowe and Babington were in an excellent mood. The first not entirely sober but what he lacked in sobriety he more than made up for in cocky confidence. Capell and his friends however didn’t need fake confidence, they looked strong and ready.

Sidney hated their guts.

To his great disappointment Diana had come to register the teams instead of Charlotte, and there was no sight of her when the race started. She must have gone directly to the finish line, he hoped more than thought so.

Five boats competed. Crowe quickly managed to steer his boat into the reeds in his attempt to block one of the other boats.

The crowd cheered for the rowers. Susan and Lady Denham stood next to each other on the bank displaying nothing but stoic calmness. “I never saw the fascination of sports but I must admit that rowing has its charms.” Lady Denham confessed in a suggestive tone of voice.

Susan who had been quite taken by the sweat-drenched shirts clinging to muscular arms and shoulders chuckled agreeingly. “You have a solid point, Lady Denham. Rowing is a fine sport. Perhaps we should suggest swimming for next year’s regatta?” She winked and headed for the small stage to give the trophy.

Capell and Stringer were worthy opponents but Sidney was on a mission and Tom did his best to follow his pace. It was close but the Parker boat won and Sidney jumped out, leaving Tom to accept the prize. Charlotte was nowhere to be found and he continued down to the beach. Jacket be damned.

Charlotte was beginning to regret seeing Sidney. Her heart hurt so badly and she wanted nothing more than to throw herself in his arms but she had to be strong for him. She would have preferred to stand but her legs were not to be trusted and she chose to sit even though it made her vulnerable. It seemed that her tears would never end and she hugged her knees to comfort herself.

Her small figure displayed so much sadness that Sidney had to fight himself not to run to her and wrap his arms around her. He sat down quietly next to her, not too close, though his entire being yelled to touch her. She palmed her tears away.

“I can offer you an annulment but I cannot offer you an estranged marriage where you seek another bed than mine.” She tried to sound strong and confident.

Sidney could hardly believe that she had said what she just said. “Charlotte, please tell me what this is all about. What makes you think I want an annulment? Is it the Viscount?” His heart had stopped beating.

“No! How could you even think that? I’m setting you free, Sidney. So that you can finally be with Eliza.” She took sharp breaths to keep from crying.

“I don’t want to be with Eliza. Charlotte, please tell me what I have done. I’m so sorry for what happened at the ball. I will never forgive myself for treating you that way. Is that why you think I want her. Is that why you hate me?” His heart was freezing over at the thought of her leaving him because of what he had done.

The dam broke and she started crying. She stood, he was too close and she needed to able to flee if she had to. This was harder than she had imagined.

“I don’t hate you, Sidney. I’m letting you go because I love you. So terribly much. I want to give you the chance to be with the woman you love. We have not...” She pointed her finger back and forth at them. “...done anything irrevocably. Susan will help us with the annulment.” She started walking away.

“I don’t love Eliza, Charlotte. I love...” Sidney started. He stood too now, desperate to take her into his arms.

“You called for her, Sidney. You said you loved her. When I found you here, I thought you were dead. Before I had had a chance to tell you how I truly feel. You were so cold. I had to use my body heat to warm you up slowly and safely.” Her cheeks reddened and he realized what she had just told him. His too, when he realized he had been lying naked in bed with her. “Then the fever came and I had to fight you to cool you down. I held you while you called for Eliza in your sleep. While you kept saying how much you love her. I made a promise to you that I would let you go. That broke the fever.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me? Why did you just leave?” His voice was strangled and tears started falling from his eyes.

It made her cry even more. Her intention was never to make him unhappy. “I’m sorry I was not there when you woke up. I didn’t mean to be cruel, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look into your eyes and let you touch me and then set you free. I would have been selfish because I love you so much. I wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye to you. You cannot love someone and be selfish. _Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth._ ” She was shaking now from crying.

He had absolutely no idea what to say or do, he wanted to hold her so badly. “Charlotte, please listen to me. I don’t remember calling for Eliza but I do remember being dragged under water, drowning. You brought me back with your voice and your touch. You saved me. I was telling _you_ that I love you, not her. It was never her.”

His words confused her. She had imagined he would be relieved and hopeful when he heard he could be free. “It doesn’t make sense.” It was a mere whisper.

He strode the few steps to her and took her hand and pressed it against his chest with both hands. “Lady Denham’s scheme is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you, Charlotte.” He repeated. “Only you. You make my heart beat. Feel it.” He watched her as she tried to make sense of things. “If you love me enough to be willing to set me free, do you then love me enough to give me a chance to prove my love for you too? I promise that if I fail, I will accept whatever fate for us you decide.” He pressed his lips against the palm of her hand. “Please.”

She nodded.

It was a start. Holding her hand, he led her back in silence to Parker House and into the study. He took out a small key from a drawer in his desk and closed her hand around it. “Wait here. Please, wait here.”

She could hear him run upstairs. He returned quickly holding a small black leather-bound book. “This is my journal. My mother kept one. I started when she died and I have filled one every year since. This is from this year. In that cabinet...” He pointed at a small beautiful piece of furniture behind his desk. “are all my journals. You are welcome to read each and every one of them. I’m not a poet but you will have access to all my inner thoughts and feelings ever since I was a young boy. Take as much time as you need. I will be in the garden.” He gave her a hopeful smile and kissed her softly on the cheek. “I’ll have a tray brought to you. You must be starving.” He placed the journal on his desk.

The black square looked as if it dared her to open it. She stared at it. It felt intrusive to even look at it.

Emma came in with a tray holding hot tea, some lemonade, bread, cheese and a piece of cake. “It is very good to see you again, Ma’am.” She smiled softly and curtsied.

“Thank you, Emma.” Charlotte finally took the journal and sat down in one of the chairs by the fire. She let her fingertips slide gently over the cover before opening it.

_S. Parker_

_1819_

Her heart beat wildly as she carefully turned to the page with the first entry.

_January 1, 1819_

_Another year but hardly a fresh start. It’s rudely early, I should never have let C talk me into the last two bottles._

Based on the context, she guessed ‘C’ must be Crowe.

_January 3, 1819_

_T has sent for me, which means he must be in trouble._

_Another nightmare. Not X._

_January 12, 1819_

_£1500 this time. Will I ever have repaid my debt to him?_

_Henry calls me ‘Siddy’. I wonder what kind of father I would have been?_

Most were short entries, but some were longer.

_March 28, 1819_

_I should have gone with C last night. Nightmare of X. She had fangs and a thousand hands grabbing my feet and pulling me down. A decade, and she still haunts my dreams. I can never put another woman through this. Forever an outlier._

_April 5, 1819_

_Nightmares are keeping me awake every night. It’s either X dragging me under, or slaves being flogged to death while I’m forced to watch, or X flogging me until my heart falls out and she eats it. I don’t even hate her anymore. But she will still not leave my mind. Until she does, it would be unfair to fall in love with another woman, innocent in what happened to me. I shall forever be alone._

_I envy T his marriage with M._

_April 7, 1819_

_Why does X hold this power over me? I shall never put myself under anyone’s power ever again._

Tears rolled slowly down Charlotte’s cheeks. It was painful reading. The rest of April was filled with short accounts of his businesses and going out with Babington and Crowe.

_May 2, 1819_

_Miss Charlotte Heywood._

Her heart skipped a beat. It was the day they had first met and he so rudely had asked if she was the new maid.

_May 5, 1819_

_T’s ball. Dreadful affair. B is in love. Again. Miss D of all people, he’s certainly not afraid of rejection._

_I had to mercifully ask Miss Heywood to dance with me. She stood there looking lost and small. Perhaps I was a bit harsh later, when I asked her what she thought of me. It was vain to think she would find me interesting. ‘Sensible brother’ indeed. If she only knew._

_May 8, 1819_

_T, £3000. Hopeless man. D and A have come up with new illnesses. I hate Sanditon._

_Miss Heywood tried to apologize to me. Perhaps she deserved better than to be scolded like that in the middle of the street. But she really is... I have no words._

_May 10, 1819_

_Miss Heywood has got to be the most annoying woman I have ever met. She’s opinionated, stubborn, naïve to a point where there should be laws against it and positively infuriating. Today at Lady D’s luncheon for G however, she spoke up for G. It was quite bold and intriguing._

_I’m not in her good book._

_‘Not for the world. I’ve endured two tongue lashings from you, and I won’t court a third. Save your unpleasantness for someone else. Or, better still, why not try to be civil?’_

_I must give her, she’s witty, intelligent and definitely not dull._

_May 12, 1819_

_I found myself going to Trafalgar House today in the hope to see Miss Heywood. Alas, she was with G._

_I bumped into her there. She smelled of lavender. She rolled her eyes at me._

_May 15, 1819_

_G has been writing letters to OM. If I find out who helps her..._

_May 16, 1819_

_My nightmares are fewer and less violent. Has been since... never mind._

Almost every post was about her. He started writing ‘Charlotte’ instead of ‘Miss Heywood’ but crossed it out in the beginning until he consequently started using her first name, always writing it in full instead of only the first letter as he did with everyone else except the Parker children.

_May 31, 1819_

_I’m engaged! To Charlotte. I should be outraged, appalled, angry at Lady D for pulling such a scheme. But I’m not. And that confuses me._

__June 2, 1819_ _

__The Heywood family is lovely. I both wish that Charlotte was here with me and happy that she is not. It gives me the opportunity to get to know them as me._ _

__I’m afraid Mr. H and I got a bit carried away with the drinks yesterday._ _

__I really hope he will give us his blessing. I want Charlotte to be happy._ _

__June 3, 1819_ _

__I wonder what Charlotte will think of the wedding dress designed by Anne and Beatrice. I see so much of her in them._ _

__I got the blessing. Or rather Charlotte did. The letter is burning in my pocket._ _

She frowned her forehead, what letter? The next entries were of the reading of the first two bans. Things she had said. How beautiful he found her. Those made her blush.

__June 8_ _

_Would Charlotte have chosen Viscount Capell over me, had she had the choice? I admit the thought makes me jealous. Am I falling in love?_

_She fell asleep against me in the carriage. I can still smell her scent._

_June 20, 1819_

_Third reading of the bann. Surprised that no one protested against Lady D’s scheme. I half expected the old lady to._

_We talked of love. And X. Tossed the letter. Charlotte looked very beautiful. I am falling in love with her._

Charlotte gasped. Their wedding day must be on the next page. If he had written about it. He had.

_June 21, 1819_

_I love her._

Three simple words. He had loved her since their wedding day, why hadn’t he told her?

_June 22, 1819_

_We held hands. I dreamed of the future for the first time in a decade. I hope she will love me too one day. When should I tell?._

_June 29, 1819_

_I’m in trouble. I love her so much. I desire her so much, I don’t trust myself around her. Had to seek relief._

What he meant by ‘relief’, she couldn’t tell. Her best guess was the daily swim. She blushed all the way down to her toes as she read the next logs in his journal. How he was burning for her, going mad with desire, yet still determined to let her set the pace. Oh, if he only knew what his touches and kisses had done to her.

His jealousy over Capell confused her as she reached the London entries. But his plans of telling her he loved her, made her heart swell.

She felt nauseous when she came to the day of the ball.

_July 4, 1819_

_Read the letter. She is waiting for me to make a move. I’ve wasted so much time. No more._

_B and C brought news of X. I feel sorry for her. Have to tell Charlotte. She needs to know I cannot meet X without her by my side. She has to hold my hand. I’m scared of how I will react._

_But no X tonight. Tonight, I tell Charlotte I love her. Tonight, I show her how much._

Her cheeks burned. Did he mean....?

_July 5, 1819_

_I hurt Charlotte. I let X slip through the cracks to young Sidney. He took control. No more. The last string of power has been cut. No more nightmares. No more hurting Charlotte._

_‘Are you sober enough to be gentle?’ Did she mean that she forgave me? Did she mean that she was ready?_

_G got kidnapped. Charlotte was so brave and excellent. She saved G, as she has saved me.  
I have never been so scared. It would kill me to live without Charlotte. _

_Going to find OM and give him a chance of a better life. I want to make Charlotte proud of me._

_I’m so tired but I have to keep my two women safe._

Sidney was trying his best not to pace outside in the garden. It had been more than an hour. He had his eyes fixed on the small path down to the road. What if she left again without saying goodbye?

Charlotte understood him much better now, but not why he had called for Eliza in his sleep. With trembling fingers, she unlocked the cabinet. His order was impeccable, he was so unlike his brother, and it didn’t take her long to find the year where Eliza broke his heart.

First logs were long poetic descriptions of her beauty and how he was the envy of other men.

_May 13, 1808_

_I should have known that E would have wanted me to wear a matching waistcoat. Must do better next time_

_June 3, 1808_

_E said yes! I am the happiest man alive. I will make her so happy._

_June 7, 1808_

_E wants a big wedding. It will be a long engagement then, but I love her._

Her heart broke for him when she read the next.

_July 28, 1808_

_E doesn’t want me. I am not wealthy enough for her. No goodbye. Just a short note._

This was followed by him pining for her. Writing about returned unopened letters. He poured his heart out very dramatically.

Those were followed by a long gap in time. Then the nightmares began.

_November 12, 1808_

It was a very accurate drawing of Eliza depicted with long clawed hands reaching from a black hole. Around the drawing he had written _Eliza, NO. Eliza, NO, Eliza, NO_

The rest of the journal was filled with variations of this drawing, always accompanied with _Eliza, NO!_

1809 was still with drawings of an evil Eliza trying to drag him under water, into a black pit or flames.

There were sad accounts of him traveling to Antigua. The tone turned more hopeful, when he met Mr. Lambe and young Georgiana. But there were also new nightmares of slaves being flogged. He wrote about how he tried to free as many slaves as possible. At some point ‘E’ became ‘X’.

Then in the middle of 1810 there was a surprising entry.

_June 29, 1810_

_I never loved X – as little as she ever loved me. The nightmares of her are the punishment I must bear for thinking that I did. For letting her hold this evil power over me still. I can never marry._

She skimmed through the following years but stopped. It was painful to read about the horrors he had faced as young man, and she was ashamed that she had let Georgiana and Otis cloud her opinion of him when in fact he was the best and fairest of men. To be so young and still decide to take on fighting slavery.

Her fingers kept leafing back to the drawings of Eliza tormenting him. The waves threatening to drown him must have brought the nightmares back. He was not calling _for_ Eliza. He was fighting to get away from her. Oh, how wrong she had been.

When Sidney heard her sobbing loudly, he couldn’t stand it anymore and he went inside. It had almost been three hours.

He knelt before her and looked at the open journals, one of them from 1808. “I see you found my dramatic Shakespearian period.” He chuckled a little, mostly because he was scared to death. His thumb drew circles on the back of her hands. “Charlotte, please say something.”

Her brain was working overtime, trying to process and categorize everything she had just read and how she felt but there was just too much. Therefor her brain grabbed a completely random piece of information from the pile and asked him.

“Why did you start writing ‘X’ instead of ‘E’?” She was hiccupping adorably. Her eyes glistened with tears.

He smiled. Only Charlotte could read his heart’s accounts and come up with that as the first question. “There was a medicine woman in Antigua. I felt she could see right into my soul. One day she came to Ben’s house – she knew nothing of Eliza – and said, ‘If you call the devil be his name, you will summon him. Or her. Stop writing her name.’ After that I changed it to ‘X’. Crowe and Babington had long called her by other less flattering names, they were safe.” His hand cupped her cheek gently and he wiped away a few stray tears with his thumb. “I’m so sorry, Charlotte, that I ever made you think even for a moment that Eliza held a piece of my heart.”

“You mentioned a letter.” She was not ready to go down that road yet.

He smiled, she was still processing. It was a good sign. “You are asking me to break a promise to your father here, but I am willing to do it for you. The letter you gave me to give him. He sealed it and gave it back to me. If I ever needed to understand his daughter, the letter would help me. He foresaw that we would struggle to go from friends to lovers. Who would know first? Who would say it first? I think he expected me to fall in love first and he was right. I did. Ardently and irrevocably. What he didn’t predict was how big an idiot I can be even without trying.”

She laughed between tears. He sighed relieved and kissed her hands.

“Charlotte?” Pressing her hands against his beating heart, he leaned closer.

“Yes?” It was barely audible.

“I love you.” He kissed her fingertips one by one.

“I love you too.” Her voice broke.

“You love me. And I love you more than words will ever do justice. Do you still want the annulment?” He put her hands back on his chest.

She could feel his heart beat even faster. “No,” she whispered.

“Then what do you want? Tell me what to do.” His lips were brushing lightly against hers. He breathed the words.

“Make me your wife.” She gasped and parted her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that my plan worked and that you feel all the unanswered questions have been answered and that you forgive me for the roller coaster ride ❤😉😘
> 
> The idea for the journals came partly from the letters in The One and partly from the beautiful story _The Diary of Sidney Parker_ by swalviswriter https://archiveofourown.org/works/26717614/chapters/65176987  
> If you haven't read it, do! You are in for a treat. 
> 
> Another thing, if you don't like 🔥, sit the next chapter out. 
> 
> Cute animals just in case 🐹🐷🐰🐨🐼🐶🦊  
> Look at that pink snout! 🐽


	28. Make me your wife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or _The delayed wedding night_
> 
> Sidney has been pacing since I ended the last chapter. "What's taking you so bloody long?" he has been muttering repeatedly. There is not a clean handkerchief in the house. 
> 
> Nothing else happens in this chapter, so if it isn't your thing, just sit this one out. 
> 
> Thank you for making it this far. I apologize for any typos, Sidney has been very impatient. 
> 
> ❤ P

_**Saturday, July 12 1819, evening and night**_

The four little words made Sidney’s heart stop beating for what felt like an eternity. Then it exploded in his chest and he looped his arms around her waist and drew her closer. She whimpered as he deepened the kiss and slowly slid his tongue inside her mouth. They had kissed like this before but now it was without restraint, without doubt. She pulled his head closer and let her fingers run through the short curls in the back of his head. 

Breathless he broke the kiss. “Before I lose myself completely, Charlotte. Do you want to go upstairs and change into... your nightgown or something?” He would possibly die if she left his embrace but he also wanted to give her time. 

“Will I need the nightgown?” Charlotte’s brows furrowed confused. She tried to match his question with what Susan had said about the special nightgown. 

He chuckled. Only his wife could ask such a question with complete practical innocence. “To be honest I would prefer you without. I’m just really unsure of how this works. 

His shy honesty was very endearing and it made her feel less nervous and insecure. “Then why don’t we skip it?” Again, she was not being coy just delightfully practical. 

In one swift movement he scooped her up and carried her upstairs. 

Phillip and Emma saw them from the end of the hallway. “Why don’t you and I walk Mrs. Fitz home and go for a long stroll on the beach, Emma?” His wife laughed. “Excellent idea, it is a fine evening. Maybe we should bring a late-night picnic basket?” 

Sidney cleared his throat multiple times as he tried to make his big fingers undo the many small buttons of Charlotte’s dress. His heart was pounding ferociously. 

“Are you not well, Sidney?” Charlotte turned around with a concerned look in her eyes. He had after all been fighting for his life only a few days ago. 

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately. “I have never been better. I’m just very nervous and apart from helping you in London, I have never undressed a woman before. My fingers feel too big and clumsy.” 

“Breathe and take your time.” The smile she sent him as she turned her back to him again was definitely coy. 

Taking deep breaths, he managed to make his fingers cooperate and unveiled the top of Charlotte’s naked back that the petticoat did not cover. She gasped as he let the back of his finger trail down her spine to her stays followed by his soft lips. 

He drew the dress down her shoulders, arms and hips until gravity took over and it landed in a heap around her ankles. He lifted her out of it and carried her to the bed. Sitting with her on his lap he was able to untie and loosen her stays while kissing her. She sighed with relief when the restraining garment was removed. Lips and hands roamed tentatively until she ended up turned around in his lap straddling him with her knees on either side of his legs. 

She gasped. He moaned. 

His hands slid under the thin fabric of the petticoat and traveled up her thighs to her behind and up her back. Her fingers deftly took care of the easier buttons of his waistcoat and pulled it off him. She had undressed him before but this was entirely different. 

His untied cravat joined the growing pile of clothes on the floor. 

“Can I...?” She looked him in the eyes while her hands inched his shirt out of his breaches. 

He nodded. She hoisted it over his head and tossed it on the floor. A tentative finger followed the planes of his chest and stomach. “You feel different now. Warm and soft.” 

Her breasts were visible through the thin petticoat, the nipples perked against the fabric. His hands were drawn to them and cupped them from beneath making her pink nipples harden even more. He bent his head to kiss them, the damp fabric turned transparent and clung to her breasts. She moaned loudly when he carefully nipped one with his teeth. 

“You are exquisite, Charlotte.” His lips returned to hers. She tasted so sweet and he let his tongue greedily explore her mouth. 

Gasping for air, she pulled back a little. “Sidney, may I see you?” 

“You mean...undressed?” He could hardly say the words. 

“Yes.” Her bright eyes met his. “I’ve seen you...undressed... twice. But the first time I was angry and the second time I was terrified of losing you. I would like to see you when I’m none of those, when I’m...happy.” 

Holding her, he stood and slowly let her slide down his body. “I... I won’t look like this now. It will be very obvious that I am... happy too. But yes, you may.” 

He toed off his boots. To his surprise, she rolled down her stockings and took them off. The only thing hiding her beautiful body was her thin petticoat and it did a poor job. 

Taking a deep breath, he unbuttoned the flap of his breaches, reminding himself that she had in fact seen him naked before but being undressed and _getting_ undressed in front of here were not the same thing. 

As if she sensed his sheepish hesitation, she grabbed the hemline of her petticoat and dragged it over her head. It happened so fast he barely registered it before she stood before him like Venus. Being mesmerized by her naked body did not add to his ability to undress. He could see her fight the urge to cross her arms to cover herself. “Charlotte, you are divine.” The words were barely audible. Just a mere hoarse whisper. 

She stepped closer and he finally found the courage to remove his breaches and stockings. Standing in front of each other, naked, they took a few heartbeats to drink in the other’s shape and form. 

“May I touch you?” She reached out lightly brushed her fingers down his chest. He just nodded. When she reached his very erect manhood, she hesitated for a moment but then continued. 

“Fuck,” he groaned as her fingers slid along his length. “Charlotte, you need to stop.” It was a low plead. 

“Am I hurting you?” Startled she pulled her hand away. 

“No, no.” A short chuckle broke some of the sudden tension. “I enjoy it very much. _Too_ much. I don’t want to... I need to... I want...” He tried desperately to find a way to tell her that this delayed wedding night could be over in a few seconds if she kept touching him _there_. 

Her cheeks reddened and her chest rose and fell rapidly. “You want to be inside me?” Her whisper was so pure and innocent he almost dropped to his knee in worship of this ethereal being in front of him. 

“God, yes.” He picked her up and placed her ever so gently on the bed. 

Lying next to her, he drew slow kisses along her jawline and down her neck. She quivered slightly. 

“Tell me what to do.” There was a shy frustration to her voice. 

He smiled. “Nothing. Just relax and trust me. Can you do that, Charlotte? Let me lead you in this.” 

She nodded and looked at him. Those eyes were enough to undo him. 

He continued peppering kisses down to her breast. She arched her back, he could feel her moans. While his tongue wrapped itself around the hard nipple, his hand glided down her stomach to the soft curls between her legs. Instinctively, she spread her legs a little. Her skin burned where his hand or lips had been. 

“Sidney!” She gasped with a sharp intake of breath when his finger slid over her sensitive nub and between her slick folds. 

“You are so wet, Charlotte.” He rasped against her cheek. 

Her body froze. “Oh? Should I go wash myself?” 

He hid his smile against the soft crook of her neck. “No, Charlotte, no. You are wet because you like what we are doing. It means your body is ready for me.” 

“Oh...” She tried to make sense of it but quickly dismissed the task when his finger gently entered her. He kept kissing and licking her skin as his finger slowly moved in and out of her, soon followed by a second. His thumb drew slow circles on her rosebud. He was dying to taste her but thought it best to wait until she was a little more experienced. 

Her breathing turned shallow. She panted his name. It was as if everything in her body had a string linked to where his fingers were touching her, coiling up in the most breathtaking and wonderful way. 

Then they all snapped and her body exploded. He stilled his fingers but kept them inside until she came to, kissing her soft skin and whispering how much he loved her. 

Glowing from pleasure she turned slightly towards him, lost for words. 

“I have never seen anything more beautiful in my life, Charlotte.” A stray tear dropped from the corner of his eye. 

She looped an arm around his neck and drew him close. “I’m ready,” she whispered. He had made her feel so loved, protected and safe in this. He had led her as promised. 

The feeling of his warm skin flush against hers and the comforting weight on top her was a stark contrast to a few days prior where she had been lying on top of him and fought to save his life. He did his best not to crush her but his body was pulled against her like a magnet. 

“It may hurt a little, Charlotte. But hopefully not for too long.” His voice was full of love and tenderness. 

Their eyes locked and she gave him a small nod. 

He took a deep breath and reached down to position himself. Slowly he inched inside her, not once breaking eye contact. “Promise me, you will let me know if you need me to stop.” 

“I promise.” She whispered with so much trust in her voice it nearly made him cry. 

“Am I hurting you?” He was about to pull out when she flinched slightly under him. 

“No, it just burns a little.” Her words were followed by a loud gasp when he was finally in. 

The warm tight sensation around him was too much. He dipped his head to kiss her, keeping completely still. She tugged him even closer by the back of his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist. The movement allowed him to slide in further and they both gasped. 

“Can I move, Charlotte?” He mumbled against her lips after he had composed himself as much as possible. 

“Yes.” 

He moved. The eye contact was broken. They communicated through heated sloppy open-mouthed kisses. Tongues danced. 

He tried. He tried so hard to move slowly and tenderly. Their bodies moved as one, their sweat mixed on their damp skin and their breaths mingled. 

Her hands ran down his back to his behind. A breathy moan escaped her lips when she felt his muscles working under his velvety skin. The burning sensation between her legs was long gone, there was only the exquisite feeling of him being warm, soft and hard at the same time, stretching her in the most delightful way. 

An earlobe was caught within his mouth. His hips were rolling faster now and he was wrestling his desire to just give in. 

Then he stopped. So did the coiling sensation inside Charlotte. 

“Am I doing something wrong?” She kept pushing her pelvis against him. 

“No, I just don’t want this to be over yet. You feel so good and I’m getting too close.” He rested his forehead on hers. “You are perfect, Charlotte.” 

A slow and tender kiss from her was all he needed to push inside her again. Her eyes drifted close as he brought her higher and higher. 

Her soul disconnected from her body and melted with his in a passionate kiss. Despite his weight on top of her she felt weightless and endless. There was only him inside her. The coiling strings entwined with his. Their hearts beat as one. They breathed as one. 

They came as one. 

He somehow managed to roll them over onto their sides. They were connected. Lips on lips. Skin flush against skin. Him still resting between her folds. 

“I love you, Charlotte,” he whispered against her lips. 

“I love you too, Sidney.” She pressed her lips softly against his. 

They fell asleep in the middle of a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were thinking, how is it possible that they didn't have to pee first? It had taken her more than three hours to read the journals after all. And he must have been smelling like a middle-sized farm animal after rowing. 
> 
> They don't stink, they don't have bladders and they don't have bad breath. This is fanfic. If they do, it's because we want them to. Logistics are repealed.
> 
> That is all 🤧


	29. Completely in your power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Darlings
> 
> It's time for the ball but first Sidney finds himself in a bit of a pickle. And he has a surprise for Charlotte but is the balcony the best place to give it?
> 
> Sidney has been humming since the next chapter.  
> I have chosen to give them a little privacy in this one. They are still very _happy_.
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kudos as always. 
> 
> ❤️ P

_**Sunday, July 13 1819**_

Sidney woke up in the middle of a dream. Charlotte was sleeping in his arms, naked. Her skin was still glowing from making love to him. His lips brushed hers gently not to wake her up but he just couldn’t resist kissing her. It was only when she responded his kiss and drowsily whispered his name, he realized this was not a dream. It was his life. 

Something hard pressed against her thigh. “Are you _happy_ , Sidney?” Her breathing was already beginning to change. 

He smiled against her lips as he understood her choice words. “I’m very _happy_ , Mrs. Parker. Are you?” 

She hoisted her leg over his in response. 

They made love repeatedly until the sun rose and Sidney had to capitulate. There was not an inch of her skin he hadn’t kissed. There was not a muscle on him she hadn’t let her fingers slide over. They had explored each other patiently, lovingly, slowly and _thoroughly_. 

Panting he drew her close. “Stay in bed, I will have Emma bring up a tray for you.” 

She froze. “Where are you going?” 

“For a swim. The weather is fine and I could do with a bit cooling off.” He missed the concerned tone in her voice and started trailing kisses down her neck. “I won’t be long.” 

She sat up, her eyes brimming with tears. “If you want to go swimming, I will go with you. What if something happened to you?” 

Now he understood and pulled her close. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. Charlotte, I promise I will not go alone until you are ready.” He held her while she cried. 

“I never cry. I never faint. Yet it’s all I seem to be doing.” She scolded herself against his chest. 

When her sobbing stilled, he kissed the tears away. “Charlotte, you have been through a lot. You have been so strong. Let me spoil you today. I will have a tray brought up to you and have a bath made for you.” 

“And where will you be?” She tightened her grip around him. 

“In the study working. To be honest, you need a break from being _happy_ and since I can barely control myself around you when you are dressed, it will be a frugal quest when you are naked. You’ve read my journal.” He laughed sheepishly. 

She blushed at the thought of his entries about his burning desire for her. “Will you write about this night?” 

He took her hand and kissed every fingertip before pressing it flat against his chest. “What we shared last night and this morning does not belong in a journal. My words would never describe how beautiful it was. But it is forever tattooed in my heart.” 

His hand cradled the back of her head and pulled her in for a kiss that quickly led to more. 

“See! I have no absolutely no control.” He groaned short of breath against her temple. She laughed. 

He grew silent and serious for a moment. “Do you keep a journal, Charlotte?” 

Her brown eyes found his darker ones. They sparkled with amusement. “No. I have too many words in me and I tend to just speak my mind out loud – as you very well know, Sidney. Imagine if I kept a journal, I would be up half the night writing instead of being in bed with you.” 

A soft deep chuckle made his body vibrate underneath her. “True, we wouldn’t want that.” 

She lifted her head higher to be at eye level with him. Her laughter was gone. “Thank you for letting me read your journals. For giving yourself to me like that.” 

His silence returned. She could feel him thinking. His voice was deep and gravelling when he finally spoke. “I don’t want to keep secrets from you, Charlotte. You deserve to know every corner of my life. Even the dark ones I’m not proud of. Just promise me you will stay.” 

“I promise.” She blinked away a tear. 

One breakfast tray was brought up to Charlotte, a second into the study where Sidney threw himself into the correspondence from the past days. Both delighted in the smell of Mrs. Fitz’s freshly-baked rolls and hot coffee. The thought of food had escaped them yesterday for more important activities. But standing before them they realized in each their room how hungry they were. 

Charlotte could not remember ever having been served breakfast in bed and decided to enjoy the experience. She had donned a nightgown and found a book and tried not to feel too spoiled and hoity-toity while Emma and Phillip filled the bathtub. 

By the time the bath was ready she was full and ready to take on the day. Tonight, was the big ball and she looked forward to being there as Sidney’s wife. His _wife_ in every sense. The hot water soothed her sore core and she slid down in the tub until she was almost submerged. The fragrant oils in the water filled her nostrils in the most pleasant way and she let the scented water wash away the strain and the pain of the past week. So much had happened, she struggled to fathom it. In fact, it felt like she and Sidney had lived a full life of ups and downs in the course of less than two months. 

Sidney was doing his best not to let his thoughts wander to his wife naked in the bathtub lathering lavender-scented soap all over her body. Despite the early hour he grabbed a drink to calm his nerves – or to be more specific get his soldier to stand at ease. Making love to her had exceeded his wildest expectations and dreams, and it was after all a subject he had given a lot of thought and spent an embarrassing number of handkerchiefs on. 

Before his mind wandered any further down the alluring and arousing path, Phillip announced Babington and Crowe. 

Crowe cast one look at the tumbler in Sidney’s hand and slapped him without any warning. “Drinking in the morning? You fucking idiot, how hard is to just tell your wife you love her?” Babington stood behind him with rolling eyes and looked like he wanted to place another jab. 

To their surprise Sidney just burst out laughing. “Charlotte knows. I’m not drinking because I’m miserable but because I’m too bloody happy – and she... well, she deserves I write some business letters for a while.” He was blushing all the way down to his toes. This was definitely dangerous oversharing and he would probably never hear the end of it but right now he was too happy to care. 

His two friends looked at him in disbelief until the penny dropped and they joined him laughing. “You devil, Parker.” Babington hugged him. “How the hell did you back stroke from that mess?” 

He could not have left his flanks more open but his mouth spoke before his brain could calculate the risk of such information. “I let her read my journals.” 

Crowe was practically rolling on the floor laughing. Tears ran down his cheeks. He tried to speak but he got lost in laughing and making jokes at the same time. Sidney grabbed him by the lapels and pulled him up straight. “Choose your next words carefully, Crowe, because I am very close to throwing you out of my house!” 

“Hold your horses, Parker. There’s no need to challenge me to a duel. I’m happy for you. I would just never have guessed that it would be your poetic skills that made her come back to you.” He had almost stopped laughing. “Truly I am. I like what Charlotte has done to you.” 

“Me too.” Babington patted him on the back. “It suits you to be happy.” 

Things were getting a little too emotional for the three friends but once again Phillip helped out. Depending of course on how one saw on the matter. “Lady Worchester, Lady Denham and Miss Denham are here, Sir.” 

Babington practically leapt into the drawing room to Esther. Crowe and Sidney had only just entered the room when Phillip announced Georgiana, Mary and Diana too. 

Sidney was sweating. It was clear he found himself standing before judge, jury and executioner in the form of six women clearly waiting for him to explain himself. 

“Where is Charlotte? She didn’t come home last night.” Susan was the first to talk. 

He wasn’t given the chance to answer before Mary added to the accusations. “Tom told me what had happened. Really, Sidney, when even he is appalled, then... I have no words. You looked so happy with her.” 

Emma hurried upstairs to Charlotte who unknowingly of the guests downstairs indulged in the luxury of a long bath. “Mrs. Parker, I think Mr. Parker could do with some reinforcements.” 

Charlotte paled and immediately rose from the tub. “Reinforcements?” 

“Yes, they are all here. Lady Denham, Lady Worchester, his sisters, Miss Lambe and Miss Denham. Lord Babington and Mr. Crowe too.” Emma pulled out a dress from the closet. 

In record time Charlotte was dressed, her damp curls tamed in a simple chignon and her chin lifted determinedly as she walked down the stairs. Sidney was desperately trying to tackle the bombardment of questions; his hair was ruffled and he looked pale and stressed. Babington and Crowe did their best to intervene but the six amazons were relentless in their attack. 

Charlotte entered the room with a soft hello. She felt bad. Had she not involved Susan and Mary in all this, they would not be giving him a hard time now. Everyone silenced and looked in surprise at her as she stood by Sidney’s side and took his hand. 

“Thank you all for looking out for me. Please accept my sincere apology for not sending word yesterday that I was horribly wrong in my assumptions.” She started confidently but as she spoke her voice turned small and remorseful. “Our love for each other made us make mistakes. But we do love each other, so very much. If you want to think badly about Sidney, you will have to think badly about me too. I am more to blame than him.” Her lower lip trembled a little and she squeezed his hand hard. 

The mood in the room changed dramatically. All six women spoke all at once, tears were shed and Charlotte and Sidney were pushed from hug to hug. Except for Lady Denham who just stood looking very pleased. As soon as there was a moment of silence, she exclaimed loudly and proudly, “I am never wrong when it comes to matters of the heart.” 

Georgiana whispered discretely to Sidney. “I’m happy you proved me wrong.” They exchanged an implied look. 

“How are you, Georgiana?” He felt bad for not having called on her – his mind had been so full of getting Charlotte back that he had not had room to consider the needs of his recently kidnapped and rescued ward. 

“All things considered fine. Diana has been visiting me daily. I would like to talk to you about moving in with her and Arthur. But not now. Please, Sidney, keep an open mind when you make your decision. I hate living with the Gorgon.” 

Trays with tea, cakes and scones were brought in from the kitchen. More chairs were collected from the study. The unusual get-together almost turned into a second wedding breakfast. Had it not been for the ball, Sidney and Charlotte would have had a hard time getting rid of their guests again. 

They walked them some of the way to town before turning around to get ready for the ball. 

When they reached _their_ spot on the cliff road, Sidney suddenly stopped and hooked his arm around Charlotte. Lifting her chin up and placing the pad of his thumb in the adorable dip of her dimple, he kissed her most ardently until her legs turned to water and she had to hold on to his lapels to stand straight. “Have I told you today that I love you, Mrs. Parker?” He searched her eyes. 

“You have definitely showed me.” She laughed, rather short breath. 

“I love you. And if we didn’t have time against us, I would carry you back home and show you again just how much.” He lifted her up and kissed her again. 

“Maybe after the ball?” She blushed in the most adorable shade of pink. 

“How quickly do you think we can leave?” The timbre of his dark voice made her pulse race. 

“Since we are the hosts, not until it ends. But we have no planned engagements tomorrow and can start the day slow,” she said shyly. Her cheeks were reddening even more. 

He tilted her head again. “Charlotte, when we have sufficient funding for Mr. Stringer to rebuild the terrace, I am taking you on a honeymoon where no one will disturb us or want something from us. Just you and I. Tell me where you want to go and I will take you there.” 

Her eyes widened with excitement. “Can I think about it?” 

“Yes.” He could already hear her mind working and was very pleased with himself. No matter how big a dent it would make in his fortune, he would fulfill her wishes. 

After a quick and simple but very pleasant lunch, Sidney and Charlotte parted to get ready for the ball. It was his turn to take a much-needed bath and as he sat in the tub, he made a note to order one big enough to fit them both very comfortably. 

Dressed in a dark-green tailcoat with matching waistcoat, he knocked on the door to her dressing room. Her cheeks blushed immediately as she caught his eyes in the looking glass. 

He would always prefer his wife in a simple dress with her hair down and the wind playing with her curls. She sparkled on her own. But this... this image was captivating and he could not speak or move. 

Anne’s wonderful description of Charlotte was accurate and every day he was reminded by the meaning of it. He wondered if he had shared it with Madame Palmyre or if she had just seen the same in Charlotte as Anne did, because every dress she had made for her had a floral theme. The dress for the ball was no exception. If he ever were to describe her scent and had the talent to do so, this would be it. Sprigs of lavender made of silk were spread generously over a simply designed dress but exquisitely made of silk taffeta that changed color from light green to light lavender to light golden champagne when she moved. Dark-green velvet ribbons emphasized her bosom in the most delicate way. Her hair was done with the same ribbon weaving in and out of her chocolate curls holding fresh sprigs of lavender. 

“Do you like it? Will I not do?” She smiled shyly at him, hoping that his dumbfounded silence was a sign of approval. 

“You look beautiful, Mrs. Parker.” His voice broke. Then he remembered why he had come in the first place. Shyly he handed her a rather large jewelry box. “This is for you. It’s not new, I’m afraid. It belonged to my mother.” He opened it and revealed a stunning jewelry suite with small emeralds draping two thin gold chains like garlands. A drop-shaped emerald pendant dangled lightly in the center. 

“Oh, Sidney. It’s beautiful.” She clasped her hands to her mouth. “I am honored to wear something from your mother.” 

Trembling a little he placed the necklace on her. 

“It’s perfect.” She whispered with tears in her eyes. 

“May I?” He took one of the earrings. 

She nodded. 

Leaning in very close, he carefully put the earring through the hole. There was an intimacy to it he had never experienced before. Her earlobe was soft to the touch and the lavender in her hair and the scent of her skin made him dizzy with happiness and love for her. His lips grazed lightly from the spot under her ear down her neck. 

He cleared his throat. “Your smile will always be the brightest diamond.” 

Two gloved hands flung around his neck and a pair of soft lips pressed against his. Willingly he wrapped his arms around her slim waist and claimed her lips and tongue in a passionate kiss that he had to break very abruptly. Leaning his forehead against hers he groaned hoarsely. “If we don’t leave this instant, I’m not sure we will.” 

“Then I better move my hand from your neck to your arm, Mr. Parker.” She was all adorable dimples and happy tears. 

The assembly room was already filling with guests when they arrived. Lady Denham already throned in her chair, ready to assess the guests as they milled through the double doors. Esther and Babington were in deep conversation looking lost to the world but lit up in smiles when Sidney and Charlotte came to greet them. Crowe came tumbling from the refreshment table, trying to balance three glasses of wine. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Parker. How very good to see you!” He quickly scanned Sidney’s cheek to see if his slap had left a mark. “Let me fetch you a glass of wine too. I still have to see to Lady D.” With a cheeky grin he was off again. 

Diana, Arthur, Mary and Tom arrived with Georgiana. Sidney watched his ward chatting comfortably and relaxed with his two younger siblings and decided that if she wanted to live with them, he would let her. The mix of their personalities would do all parties good. With that he looked at Charlotte who was laughing with Crowe and Esther. It was not only him she brought out the best and truest self in, it was everyone who crossed her path. His heart grew in his chest and his eyes brimmed with proud tears that she was his wife. She loved him. 

Susan and Capell arrived fashionably late with a small and exclusive entourage. 

Sidney braced himself. It was his job to welcome everybody and open the ball. The hour was coming horrifyingly close and he wished that Tom had been well enough to act as host. Charlotte’s hand on its place made him stop his musings. He met her eyes and saw what he needed in this moment. She would stand by his side as he did what he hated most; being the very public center of attention. 

Fortified by her support he led her to the middle of the dance floor. The buzzing of chatter silenced and everyone turned their attention to him and Charlotte. 

“It gives my wife and I great pleasure to welcome you to the very first Regatta Ball. Thank you all for coming and joining the sports and festivities here in Sanditon. Since you didn’t come to hear me talk, I will beg the music to bring us all out of our misery. Let the dancing begin!” He grinned widely and charmingly and was rewarded with applause as the first tunes commenced. 

Gallantly he bowed to Charlotte and led her in the first dance. Had he not been lost in her eyes, he would have seen Crowe and Capell bow to Georgiana and Diana, and more surprisingly have seen them accept with a sweet curtsy. 

Balls were definitely not Sidney’s thing. He could endure them if he was drunk or after his marriage with Charlotte in his arms. But tonight, he felt light and happy and was constantly on the dance floor enjoying himself with either Mary, Esther, Diana or Georgiana – only of course when decorum dictated that he couldn’t dance with his wife. 

Georgiana was actually a skilled dancer and very beautiful when she wasn’t sulking or pining for Otis. “Georgiana, I have decided that if you still want to, you can live with Arthur and Diana. But only here in Sanditon. After the kidnapping I will not be comfortable with you being in London unless I’m close by. If you can accept these terms, we have a deal.” He hoped he had done good by her. Finally. 

The hug she gave him on the middle of the dance floor indicated that he may for once have proven himself to her. “Thank you, Sidney. Thank you.” 

Sidney was so happy, he didn’t get jealous when Capell bowed to Charlotte. Well almost not. There would probably never come a day where he saluted the notion of her in another man’s arms. 

“You look happy, Charlotte.” Capell smiled softly. His heart was a little bruised but it had been since he first met her and learned that she was not available. 

“I am. Thank you for being a friend to me, Thomas. I am truly sorry that I burdened you with my misery. It was badly done.” She searched his eyes for regret but found none, only kindness. 

“Charlotte, I only wanted to protect you from the vicious tongue of the ton. It is why I prefer the North. I don’t like the man I am when I’m in London. You are a very dear friend to Susan and I will not lie, you became very dear to me too. I will always be your friend. Meeting you has made me realize that I am suited for marriage, I always thought I was destined to live my life alone. You have given me hope, Charlotte.” 

The dance ended and he bowed, placing a short peck on her gloved hand before returning her to Sidney. The two gentlemen exchanged a look of understanding and mutual respect. 

Sidney had a surprise for Charlotte and glanced now and then to the balcony but it was not the perfect spot, too big a risk of interruptions. In the end he decided to wait until the ball was over. 

The ball did end, like all balls do. Finally. Charlotte was tired and tipsy but terribly happy with the evening. Sidney lifted her up into the barouche, promising himself to sell it and get a carriage suited for a young family. 

The moon was full and bright as the horses trotted along the cliff road in their own leisurely pace. Without the sun it was a bit chilly and he had tucked his jacket around her. She leaned her head against his shoulder, chatting excitedly about the evening. He enjoyed the warmth of her soft body against him, the sound of her voice and smiled at her joy over a well-executed ball. 

At the special spot on the cliff road, he stopped and descended and lifted her down. The water reflected the perfect round moon. Not a wind moved. Not a sound was to be heard. It was just the two of them in the silvery light. 

He took both her hands and pressed them against his chest. “Our marriage. Our arranged and wonderful marriage. I have done my best to give you all the elements of a union formed of love and respect – even before I understood that you had had my heart all along. Your father’s blessing.” He kissed her. “The kiss in the church.” He kissed her again. “The wedding ring.” Another kiss. “The dress.” Another kiss, lingering this time. “The flower crown.” His lips barely left hers. “Carrying you over the threshold to our home.” His tongue slowly traced her lips. “The first time I told you I love you. Though I could have done better with that one.” This kiss was longer and he nearly forgot that he was in the middle of something important. “The wedding night. I have no regrets there. It was perfect.” He sipped another kiss from her sweet lips. “But there is one thing missing and I want to remedy that now. I never proposed to you.” 

His heart was beating as fast as if his future happiness had depended on it. 

“Charlotte, I never wanted to put myself in anyone’s power before. I never wanted to care for anyone more than myself. I had convinced myself that I was destined to remain alone; an outlier. I’d convinced myself I was ill-suited to matrimony. Without hesitating you offered me your partnership. Your friendship. Your future. You changed me. For the first time I saw my life as worth living. And then I fell in love with you.” 

He took a deep breath and kissed away the moonlit teardrops on her cheeks. 

“You are the sunshine on my skin. You are the air I breathe. You are the beat of my heart. Charlotte, you are the love of my life. Will you wake up in my arms for the rest of our lives? Will you always look at me the way you do right now? Will you let me love you for as long as we both shall live?” 

He knelt before her and pulled her down on his bend knee. 

“Will you keep me as your husband even though I am less than perfect?” 

“Yes. Yes, to all of it.” She whispered through her tears and kissed him. His jacket fell off her shoulders but none of them noticed. 

“Sidney!” She breathed as his lips had worked their way down to the swelling of her breasts. 

“Yes?” It was a muffled mumbling against her soft skin. 

“Take me home.” 

In one swift movement he scooped her up and carried her to the barouche and jumped up next to her. 

“Sidney!” She laughed. 

“What?” His growl was impatient, he was not in the least happy about removing his lips from her skin even for the shortest time. 

“I think you should bring your jacket.” She pointed at the green garment lying innocently on the ground. 

Moaning he jumped down again and grabbed it with a huff. 

Phillip was ready to take care of horses and barouche when they arrived at Parker House. Emma was ready to take care of Charlotte. 

“You can retire, Emma. I will help Mrs. Parker myself.” He tried not to sound too impatient or harsh. 

Emma curtsied with a smile and went outside to help her husband. 

Sidney took one look at Charlotte and decided it would be faster if he just carried her upstairs. It only took him twelve long strides to get her into the privacy of their bedroom. 

Sometimes a desperate man is in luck. His fingers were able to unbutton her dress very quickly without ripping off more than one innocent little button. After her dress was out of the way, it didn’t take long to remove the rest of her clothes. 

To his big frustration, his clumsiness returned with full force though as he tried to undress cutting corners and he got tangled up in his shirt and waistcoat. Laughing, a naked Charlotte carefully untangled him. Freed but looking a tad sheepish he got rid of his breaches and boots expertly and wrapped her around him. 

Pressing her flush against him he stood, just enjoying the sensation of her naked skin. “I love you, Charlotte.” 

“I know, I love you too, Sidney.” Her lips followed his strong jawline to his earlobe and bit it lightly. 

He groaned. Five times. They had made love five times and she already understood the small signals of his body. Everything with her felt natural. 

He tumbled them onto the bed. The first five times had been slow. Gentle. Tender. This time had more passion. Heat. Urge. 

She fell asleep splayed on top of him. He could feel her breath against his skin. His fingers drew a lazy pattern on her back until he too drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for the dress:  
> https://image.invaluable.com/housePhotos/sothebys/51/289351/H0046-L17111238.jpg
> 
> The jewelry:  
> https://i.pinimg.com/564x/06/d5/2b/06d52baadfd70622f65a3de94465b410.jpg


	30. Set the cogs in motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little chapter. We have some loose ends that need to be tied up in a nice bow. This is two of them 🎀🎀
> 
> It will not rock your boat in any way or leave you hanging dangerously from a cliff, but you didn't really like that anyway, did you? 😏  
> No, this is boring tidying, sorting and boxing. Charlotte is very proud of me 📦🎁📦📦🎁🎁. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you will enjoy this rather eventless drama-free chapter anyway. I think, I sold that well, don't you?  
> If you think, is that it? Will it be boring cleaning from now on? No! Of course, I have something in store for you 🤐🤐🤐😏
> 
> Oh, and one of my collogues wrote in a work chat yesterday: "Sorry, I had to go 🤧"  
> I have to tell you that I spurt out my tea. I’ve forever ruined that emoji's innocence 😅
> 
> Take care, stay safe, pet something soft 🐶
> 
> ❤ P

_**Monday, July 14 1819**_

“Lady Worchester!” Lady Denham tried to hide her surprise as Susan was shown into the big drawing room. Susan raised an elegant brow at the sight of the red snake. 

“Lady Denham.” Susan gave a nod and a smile. “Let’s discuss business.” 

Lady Denham was not sure if this was an ambush or not and squeezed her eyes tight in suspicion. “Then we should send for Mr. Parker, he is the head of the Sanditon cooperation after all.” 

Susan chuckled. “Not that kind of business. Please, let us sit.” 

It was enough to make the old woman intrigued. “I shall call for tea.” 

“Hmmm, perhaps something a little stronger? It is 10.30 after all.” Susan’s eyes twinkled with amusement. 

Brandy was called for and the two ladies sat with their glasses and sized each other up. Lady Denham was shifting in her seat, eager to learn why the extinguished Lady Worchester was at her house talking business. 

“Why did you force Sidney and Charlotte to marry?” Susan asked calmly and sipped from the glass. 

The question shook Lady Denham visibly and she didn’t answer immediately. 

“I know it wasn’t because you saw two people in love. Were you bored? Ach, we have all played with human lives for entertainment, haven’t we? The best way to control the rumor mill is to control what type of grain it grinds. I’m not proud of doing just that, but the London ton can be such a tedious bunch. But Charlotte most certainly isn’t dull, is she?” Susan put down her glass. 

“Neither is Sidney Parker. The dark outlier.” Lady Denham had shaken the surprise attack off her. 

“No. No, he isn’t. He’s young, wealthy and one hell of a handsome conundrum but he is not your Achille's heel. Charlotte is. Why?” Susan’s voice was elegantly insistent. 

“You don’t need to be drowning in the beau monde for life to be tedious.” Lady Denham rose, clinging to her cane. 

“No, I can fully appreciate that. But you let two innocent people go through with a wedding. It was not just for amusement alone then. You had a different motivation.” Susan stood too. 

Lady Denham looked out one of the big windows and delved into her thoughts of the day of the ultimatum. Boredom had been one reason, but Susan was right, the ulterior motive stuck deeper than that. "I need an heir and I want Miss Heywood. But it would not do if she married a farmer’s boy with manure for brains. Sanditon needs Mr. Parker. Both had to stay. Mr. Tom Parker had to go.” 

Susan had never seen anyone look so alone and lonely before. “I thought as much. Well, fortunately your scheme seems to have ended rather splendidly. Sidney and Charlotte are very much in love. Because of that, I want to invest in Sanditon.” 

Lady Denham turned around. “That you will have to discuss with Mr. Sidney Parker.” 

“Let me rephrase, I want to invest in Charlotte – discretely.” Susan approached Lady Denham, bringing their glasses with her. 

“I have refusal to an inactivated number of shares.” Lady Denham took a sip. 

“Buy them for me and sign them over to Charlotte.” Susan raised her glass in a toast. Smirking the two ladies drank to seal the deal. 

Neither Sidney nor Charlotte were inclined to sleep in, but this was not a normal morning. It was the first morning after a harried week with great hardship and poor sleep. They had no engagements today and intended to make the most of it and each other. 

The sun cast its lazy rays on their naked bodies through the open window. Sidney stirred in his sleep and his hands started roaming slowly on Charlotte’s back. Lips found lips. He found his way inside her. They were making love before they both were fully awake. The tender build-up peak ended in a slow quiet explosion, leaving them both quivering most satisfied for a stretch of time. 

“Goodmorning, wife.” Sidney smiled into her curls. He could get used to this way of waking up. 

“Goodmorning, husband.” Charlotte peppered soft kisses on his neck. 

“We have no plans today.” He moaned slightly. Her lips were so soft and her body molded perfectly against his. 

“No, we don’t.” She moved her lips slowly up his neck to capture his. 

“You better stop kissing me, Mrs. Parker, if you want to get out of this bed today. I will be perfectly fine staying here with you.” His thumb and index finger rolled a sensitive nipple. His voice almost drowned in her mouth. 

She pushed her way up his body to give his mouth access to her breast. “I’m perfectly fine too,” she gasped. 

“You’re killing me,” he mumbled as he rolled them over and entered her. 

Gasping from another peak, Charlotte chuckled. “Perhaps a little walk on the beach would suit us well?” 

They added Mrs. Fitz’s mouthwatering breakfast to the plan and headed down to the beach, talking and laughing. All the tension of assumptions and misunderstandings between them was gone. They felt light and happy. 

Charlotte’s curls were swaying gently in the mild breeze from the sea, brushing against his upper arm – sometimes a stray curl would carry high enough to caress his cheek. A quick walk, he thought as the scent of lavender hit him, then straight back to their bedroom. 

She could feel the itch in him to take a swim as they neared the cove. _His_ cove. “Go, Sidney. But please don’t swim out too far.” She tried not to let the fear reach her voice but it made her stomach twist in knots. The image of him lying unconscious in the sand was still haunting her. 

His kiss was long and loving. “I promise.” 

He undressed quickly and dove into the waves, careful to stay close to the shore and within view of his wife. The familiar burn in his muscles grew as he ploughed through the water. 

She watched him carefully for a while but then decided not to let fear rule her life and pulled off her walking boots and stockings and hoisted her skirt high enough to paddle to just below her knees. The cool water on her legs was refreshing but she wished that she could swim freely like him. With him. 

Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice when he emerged and grabbed her around her waist and lifted her up. The bottom of her skirt was soaked by the time he was done kissing her. He looked very _happy_ and she suggested with a breathless laugh and dark glare that he dressed quickly and took her home. 

The post had been delivered when they arrived at Parker House. Damp, disheveled and desirous. Phillip sent them an apologetic smile. “There is a letter from the magistrate in London, Sir. It’s in the study.” 

In a blink of an eye, they were once again catapulted out of their happiness and back into the harsh reality. 

“Thank you, Phillip.” Sidney led Charlotte into the study, found the letter and sat down in one of the armchairs with Charlotte pulled down onto his lap while he read the letter out loud. They had to go to London to testify against Mr. Beecroft and Mr. Howard. Taking a deep breath, he buried his face in the crook of her neck. “Will it never stop? Will we never have a single moment of peace?” 

Gently she cupped his handsome face. “Sidney, listen to me. I don’t care what fate has in store for us. All that matters is that I have your love and you have mine. We will handle this too, together.” She brushed her nose softly against his. “You must go inform Mr. Crowe and Lord Babington. I will break the news to Georgiana.” 

“No. We go together. I am not letting go of your hand today.” His eyes searched hers. 

“Well, then,” she smiled quietly. 

“Well, then.” He drew her into a tight embrace.


	31. You better not die. You might actually go to hell*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The day of the trial. I have no idea of how these things happened - I did some research, it was not that normal yet to be represented by solicitors - so let's just say this is accurate enough for the story.
> 
> Thank you for being such good sports about the last chapter. I promise this one has more action. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_**Thursday, July 17 1819**_

The courtroom was boiling. The smell was pungent to say the least. It was a mercilessly hot day and there was nothing like a potential hanging to attract a scandal-hungry crowd from all layers of society. The trial had summoned such a turnout that it had come to fighting outside the courthouse to get one of the attractive seats. Constables tried desperately to keep the door closed and it been necessary to call for reinforcements. 

Georgiana, Charlotte, Sidney, Crowe and Babington had wisely been instructed to take the back entrance of the building and were snuck inside by one of Crowe’s acquaintances. Sidney half-carried a nervous and nauseous Georgiana, while Babington had Charlotte on his arm. The atmosphere was tense and silent. They could hear the agitated buzzing already sounding from inside the courtroom. 

Sidney had done his best to negotiate with the magistrate not to demand the presence of his wife and ward, but to no avail. They didn’t have to testify but they had to point out who had threatened them. His heart was in his throat. There were too many threats and the thought of a room full of scoundrels ogling the two women in his care was unbearable. Only comfort was that Babington had acted like a true friend and had provided for carriages and the security of his special footmen. All bearing anonymous uniforms instead of the recognizable Babington livery attire. 

The heat, the noise and the hatred of Mr. Beecroft and Mr. Howard hit them like a wall when they were shown into to the courtroom and seated on one side of the square, where the two accused were centered, chained to the floor. 

Men whistled and shouted obscene offers to Georgiana and Charlotte but were promptly silenced by the magistrate. “A good and fair man” according to Babington. 

“Order, or I will have the courtroom cleared of spectators!” The magistrate gave the room a stern look over the rim of his glasses. 

“Mr. Hannibal Howard and Mr. Christopher Beecroft, you are accused of abducting Miss Georgiana Antoinette Lambe.” The magistrate continued to read the indictment. “Do you understand the allegations made against you?” He looked up from his papers. 

Both men nodded palely. 

The magistrate continued listing the details of the event, casting a glance from time to time at the five witnesses. Quite a few times he had to order the audience to keep quiet. 

Babington was the first to take the stand and did a solemn and accurate account of the evening. Including the attempt of Mrs. Harries to conceal that Georgiana was held captive. The magistrate added that she would be on trial the following day. 

Next was Crowe who seconded Babington’s testimony. 

Charlotte could feel how tense Sidney was. His jaw was clenched to a point where she could hear his teeth grind despite the noise of the room. Discretely she found his hand and gave it a loving squeeze. He gave her half smile as he rose to testify. 

“Mr. Parker, please give your account of the evening truthfully and accurately.” The magistrate adjusted his wig and glasses, sending a warning look at three men sitting across the room of Charlotte and Georgiana. 

Sidney explained detailed how he and Charlotte had followed the trail of leads from Otis to Mrs. Harries’ brothel. He stood firmly on his feet, his voice was confident and clear but as his narrative came to the events in Mr. Beecroft’s office, he shifted on his feet to maintain his balance and there came a tremor to his voice. “My ward, Miss Lambe, was gagged and tied up in a corner. Mr. Howard claimed that he had bought the right to her – as if she was a slave – with the ill intent to take her to Gretna Green and force her into marriage with him and gain access to her fortune.” He took a few deep breaths. “Mr. Howard then pulled out a pistol and pointed it at my wife threatening to shoot her dead. She managed to convince him to put it down and knocked him unconscious with it.” There were quite a few impressed comments from the audience here. Sidney continued. “Lord Babington’s men tied Mr. Beecroft and Mr. Howard up and guarded them until the constables arrived.” 

“Thank you, Mr. Parker. You may sit down.” The magistrate looked kindly at Georgiana. “Miss Lambe, will you please identify the man who tried to force you to marry him?” 

Georgiana stood and pointed her finger at a motionless Mr. Howard. “Him!” 

“Very good, you may sit again.” He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Mrs. Parker, please identify the man who aimed his pistol at you.” 

Charlotte stood, her chin lifted in the brave, defiant way that was so uniquely hers. She pointed. “Mr. Howard.” 

For the first time during the trial Mr. Howard moved. He turned his head and spat in her direction, causing the magistrate to struck his gavel against its block. “Mr. Howard!” 

One could cut through the tension of the room. Sweat dropped from Mr. Howard’s fleshy face down his chins. Mr. Beecroft just sat resigned and stared in front of him. 

“Mr. Beecroft and Mr. Howard. Do you have anything to say for yourselves?” He tucked two fingers under his cravat to loosen it. The air was stifling. Both men shook their heads. “The penalty for abduction is death. You will both hang by the neck...” He leafed through some papers. “This Monday.” 

Mr. Howard stood, pulling the chair he was chained to with him. “The little negro slave has £100.000 - gentlemen, let the hunt begin!” 

It took four constables to drag him out of the courtroom. He kept urging other men to finish what he had started. Babington’s men rushed to escort Georgiana and her entourage out of the building while men were shouting what they would do to her or Charlotte, should they get their hands in either of the feisty women. 

In the narrow back hallway Georgiana fainted – Crowe caught her before she hit the floor and carried her outside and into the waiting carriage. Babington, Charlotte and Sidney scrambled in too and the carriage took off. It was cramped but safe. Crowe took out his flask and dripped some brandy into Georgiana’s mouth. She was leaning against his side looking pale and terrified. 

Sidney laced his fingers with Charlotte’s and squeezed them hard. He had expected the trial to be uncomfortable but not depraved and dangerous like this. 

“I better take you to my house. I can protect you there and we will form a plan. Mr. Howard just put a bounty on Georgiana.” Babington did his best to sound calm. 

The five of them sat in the drawing room of Babington’s townhouse. No one said a word. 

“We need Jarvis.” Babington finally broke the heavy silence. 

“Who?” Sidney was standing by the fireplace, staring into the flames. He felt helpless and hopeless. 

“Jarvis is part of a secret service the Crown offers to certain members of the nobility. He has trained my ‘footmen’. I shall call for him and ask him to assess the threat against Georgiana – and the rest of us for that matter. Mr. Howard cast the attention on Georgiana’s fortune but there could be other threats of retaliation.” Babington left the room to send for Jarvis. 

Crowe and Sidney exchanged looks. Babington was in another league of society but the extend of it was new to both. 

“You look tired, Georgiana. Would you like me to ask for a guest room to be prepared?” Charlotte placed her arm around her friend. 

“No. I would prefer not to be alone.” Georgiana’s voice was strangled and she clutched the fabric of her skirt nervously. 

“Charlotte, could I see you outside for a moment?” Sidney clenched his jaw and looked at his wife. 

She nodded and went with him, sending a look to Crowe to take care of Georgiana. 

Sidney grabbed Charlotte’s hand and led her into Babington’s study where he dumped himself in an armchair and pulled her down onto his lap. She could feel the weight of the world on his shoulders as he held her tight. 

“Forgive me, I needed to hold you. Today was...” He had no words to describe the day, nor to describe how afraid he was of losing her or of any harm being done to Georgiana. 

“I know.” She looped her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his short curls. 

His breathing turned calm and she could feel the tension in him slowly fade. “We should join the others, Sidney.” She rose from his lap and took his hand. “Come.” 

Crowe, Babington and Georgiana were talking quietly when they returned to the drawing room. Something Crowe said made her smile. Sandwiches and tea were served, not that anyone was particularly hungry but they took comfort in being together and silently share the burden of the trial. 

Jarvis arrived late afternoon. A nod from Babington confirmed that Jarvis could speak freely. He was offered a chair and a glass of brandy – which he declined politely and asked for coffee instead. 

“I’ve had my men seek their sources to determine the potential threats you’re facing. It’s very limited and I estimate the interest will soon run dry. Mr. Howard and Mr. Beecroft were powerful but not very popular – in any circle of society. They pose no threat to you. I will however ask you to be extra vigilant while you are here in London, just as a precaution.” His coffee arrived and he took a sip of the hot beverage. “Miss Lambe however... The interest of your fortune will only spiral until you are married. The number of penniless titled men with connections to the darker corners of London are substantial, I’m afraid. I will advise that we make you disappear for an uncertain length of time.” 

He let the words sink in before he continued. “Is there some place where Miss Lambe can stay for six to twelve months? It has to be away from London and preferably in a gossip-safe distance.” 

“Thomas!” Charlotte burst out with an excited voice. 

“Thomas, who?” Sidney whipped his eyes at her. 

“Viscount Capell.” She noticed how jealousy washed over his face but this was not the time nor place to discuss her friendship with Capell. “He has an estate so far up North no one from the London ton has ever been or even heard of it.” 

“That is exactly what we are looking for. Do you think that the viscount would let Miss Lambe stay there?” Jarvis was already making plans in his head. 

“I am sure of it, I shall write immediately.” Charlotte touched Sidney’s arm to calm him down. 

Georgiana had not said a word so far. “If I have to be locked up for protection, can I please ask Diana to come with me and keep me company?” She looked pleadingly at Sidney. 

He nodded. “I will send for her right away and we can ask her.” 

“One more thing. Please do not disclose any plans or specific details in letters.” Jarvis stood and put on his hat. “I will return in the morning.” He looked kindly at Georgiana and took her hand. “It will all be well, Miss Lambe. I promise.” 

Letters were sent. Rooms were prepared. Dinner was served. 

Charlotte stayed with Georgiana in her room while the three gentlemen gathered in Babington’s study. 

“Jarvis is the best in the country, Parker. Georgiana is in very safe hands.” Babington poured them all a drink. 

Sidney just nodded. Georgiana’s safety was not all he had on his mind. He was unable to shake off just how close Charlotte has become with Capell. Maybe she would have married him eventually if the annulment had come through. It was unfair, he knew that. Of course, he did. 

Why Crowe was suddenly able to read his mind lately, Sidney didn’t know – but he ripped the lid off Sidney’s darkest fear. “Capell never intended to stay with Charlotte, Parker. Merely give her a place to lick her wounds in _private_ until the gossip after the annulment, and your rekindling with Mrs. Campion had lost its sting. Don’t judge Charlotte for Capell’s affection for her. She has done nothing wrong. And neither has he.” 

Ashamed of himself, Sidney took a big gulp of his brandy. “I know...” 

It was late before the three of them retired for the night. Sidney half expected Charlotte to stay with Georgiana all night and felt bad for turning in late when he saw her sitting in the bed waiting up for him. He undressed in a hurry and climbed naked under the covers to her. There was nothing he wanted more than to remove that bloody nightgown and make love to her but something in the way she looked at him made him approach her with caution. 

“Thomas is Susan’s godson. Both showed me nothing but kindness and support when I thought I had to leave you to prove my love for you. I will not be ashamed of cherishing such friendships. I am aware that he perhaps was beginning to care deeper for me than just friendship. My heart was always yours, Sidney. And it always will be. Don’t think my love for you is weak because it is new.” Her voice was sad and her eyes glistened with unshed tears. 

“Forgive me. It reminded me of how close I was to losing you. How hard I failed and how much I hurt you.” He wanted to touch her so badly. 

Anger flashed shortly in her eyes but was replaced with sadness. “Sidney, don’t you think that I am reminded too? I almost made the biggest mistake of my life. I hurt you too, though it was the very opposite thing I was trying to do. We cannot keep letting it come between us and overshadow what we have. Thomas is a friend and I will always be grateful for his kindness. But you are my husband and I love you more than I will ever be able to express.” 

“Forgive me,” he said again. He was desperately trying to find the right thing to do or say. His heart was raw and exposed. It was only safe when she was close and he could touch her. 

She sat on her knees. Slowly she drew the nightgown over her head and tossed it at the settee at the foot of the bed. 

Without a word she climbed on top of him. Relieved he kissed her and rolled her over. They made love in silence until pleasure had washed away the pain and made room for sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to 1Strategy_Renee1 for lending out Jarvis. If you haven't read Jinx yet, go!https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899626/chapters/68318932
> 
> *Anne Rice


	32. It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jarvis has a plan. 
> 
> 1Strategy_Renee1 describes Jarvis as a mix of Daniel Craig and Colin Firth in the Kingsman. I had an image of Jason Statham. Whatever the blend, Jarvis is eye candy for sure. 
> 
> Oh, and if you love Crowe? You'll love him even more after this chapter.

_**Friday, July 18 1819**_

Jarvis returned the next morning with a beautiful dark-haired lady – so dark, it was almost black - golden skin and intelligent dark eyes. She must be in her late 40s, Sidney thought. Jarvis’ other companion was a young man, dark skin and curly hair. He was only a little taller than Georgiana, with a slim figure and slender limbs, about 15 or 16 of age. “This is Ms. Bayla and Mr. Bolton, aka Lady Bayla and Miss Lambe.” 

A surprised chuckle released some of the heavy tension in the room. Jarvis took off his hat and accepted the hot cup of coffee with a smile. After a few sips where the room held its breath, he put down the cup and pulled an elegant cape out of his bag and draped it over Mr. Bolton. 

It was a simple but effectful disguise. 

“The fake Miss Lambe will be seen over the next couple of days making arrangements with her ward and his wife to leave for Antigua. She will be seen enter the ship on Monday. Hopefully, that will turn some of the ill-mannered suitors away. Meanwhile, Bayla will accompany the real Miss Lambe to the North.” He looked at Georgiana. “The easiest way to hide you in plain sight, Miss Lambe, is as a maid. We need to downplay your exotic beauty for this to work.” 

Georgiana nodded quietly. “I understand.” 

“One more thing. For it to look natural there need to be a gentleman in the company. A lady and a maid – or even two maids would not travel that distance with several stays on the way unaccompanied.” Jarvis drank some coffee and snatched a biscuit. “I can provide one of my men but...” 

“I’ll go.” Sidney took a step forward as if he was volunteering for a cricket team. He could feel Charlotte take a deep breath next to him. Months apart from her, his heart was slowly breaking, but Georgiana was his responsibility and so far, he had done a poor job. 

“You are the one man who could not go, Mr. Parker. It would hardly support the story of Miss Lambe going to Antigua if you are not seen with your wife. No, you will have to attend balls and dinner parties in London, telling anyone who’ll listen how your ward was homesick and you let her go home – at least for a while.” Jarvis continued. 

“There was an express this morning. Viscount Capell’s estate is at our disposal for as long as we need.” Charlotte could feel Sidney’s eyes on her. They had not had a chance to speak much this morning. 

“Diana will arrive tomorrow. Lady Worchester and the Viscount have offered to take her in their carriage.” Sidney added. 

They exchanged a look and wordlessly promised to share news faster. 

“I will go to the North. I have businesses to attend to anyway. No one will miss me here.” Crowe looked up from his cup. 

The disbelief from his friends made him rise from his chair and run his hand through his unruly hair. “I take, that all I have to do is look like a gentleman and try to stay sober? There will be men ready to take any fight?” He rolled his eyes at his friends and looked at Jarvis. 

“That is correct. Three standard carriages will take you there. One a few miles ahead of you and one a few miles behind you to scout for threats and handle them. Should it come to it, Ms. Bayla can handle quite a few villains on her own. Your presence is for show alone.” Jarvis smiled. 

Crowe spread out his arms in a proud gesture. “A gentleman for show. My whole life has led up to this moment!” There was a relieved laughter. He turned serious and looked at Georgiana. “Unless you would prefer someone else, Georgiana?” 

She shook her head. “No, you have been a good friend and the journey will definitely be more entertaining with you.” 

Jarvis looked pleased. “If Miss Parker is going too, she will also be a maid. We can better protect them both this way.” 

Sidney nodded. It was a lot to take in. Charlotte stepped close to him and found his hand. She knew he would not rest until they had received word that Georgiana and Diana had arrived safely at Capell’s estate. It was the worst thing they could do to him, asking him to stand down and do nothing. Just wait. 

Crowe stood by the buffet refilling his coffee. Sidney joined him. “I don’t know how to thank you, Crowe.” He stopped as if he had more to say. 

He looked Sidney square in the eye. “You don’t have to thank me, Parker. I know you don’t think very highly of me when it comes to... well anything other than carousing and imbibing and rightly so. But if necessary, I will give my life to protect her.” He grinned widely. “What’s more, I will even stay sober to do so.” 

Sidney patted him gratefully on the back. “Thank you. And you better behave too, I don’t think Ms. Bayla is to be trifled with.” 

“Just wait. Five days is a long time, let’s see for how long she can resist the Crowe charm.” He laughed with great confidence. 

“Before she demonstrates her lethal skills on you? I give it two days, tops!” Sidney laughed too. 

Babington came to help himself to more coffee too. Sidney’s amusement turned to concern. 

“How does this work, Babington? How do I pay for this? To whom do I pay for this?” Sidney tried to estimate the sum it would take to keep Charlotte and Georgiana safe for a year. 

“You don’t. It’s a provided service. No questions asked. No charge.” Babington normally open nature closed down. 

Sidney could feel it would be frugal to press any further. “Thank you, dear friend.” 

They were brought back to reality by Jarvis. “Then there is the matter of Mr. and Mrs. Parker. I’m afraid that I underestimated the situation yesterday. Mrs. Parker has _intrigued_ the wrong people. I do have some good news though. I understand that your servant is Phillip? He is one of us and will be able to provide for your safety in Sanditon. In London however I would like to upgrade your security. And you need to stay in town for a while, I’m afraid, to lay out the smokescreen.” He smiled apologetically to Charlotte. 

Sidney returned to her side in a few long strides as if the threat could emerge from the drawing room anytime. “Please promise me that you will let me accompany every time you go out,” he whispered. His fingers dug gently into the small of her back. 

She turned and met his eyes with loving stubbornness. “I promise, _if_ you do the same, Sidney!” 

Jarvis drew more details until all that was left was for Diana, Susan and Capell to arrive and the fake Georgiana to leave for Antigua. 

Confident in Jarvis and his plan, the five of them actually enjoyed the evening. Crowe pulled the weight of the entertainment, describing in details how his leisurely lifestyle had made him the perfect hero. Georgiana cried with laughter and for that alone Sidney was his friend grateful. 

“My slow moves and lack of fighting skills will definitely confuse any scoundrel and have him beg for mercy. Is he moving so fast it looks slow? Is he so lethal he doesn’t even have to try? Is he even a man? You will perfectly safe with me Georgiana. Ms. Bayla can take a cup of tea while I dazzle them with my incompetent version of Machiavelli.” He demonstrated his punch and knocked over his glass and broke his plate to great amusement. 

“We believe you. Please, don’t show off anymore.” Babington laughed. “Enough china has been harmed.” 

After dinner Georgiana gave a rare concert on the piano. Sidney knew she could play but not how well. He didn’t recognize the piece but it was beautiful and pulled the strings of every emotion he had felt the past couple of weeks. His thumb gently drew circles on Charlotte’s wrist. Her big brown eyes were sparkling with tears that slowly dropped from the corner of her eye and meandered down her cheek. Georgiana’s small audience was completely captivated by her performance. Even Crowe had turned silent. Not a hint of amusement was to be found in his eyes. Only admiration of his new friend’s expert skills at the instrument. 

When the last note faded to silence, not a word was said, not a movement was made. Georgiana herself was unnaturally quiet too. 

It was a special moment they shared and for once Crowe didn’t ruin it by breaking the silence. “I hope Capell has a piano.” 

Solemnly they called it a night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *J.R.R. Tolkien


	33. The parting part of the plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My last online meeting was cancelled and we're having hotdogs for dinner. I had the chapter pretty much written in my head. Including the abundance of typos you will no doubt come across. 
> 
> Thank you again for making it this far. I have to say, that I intended the story to end at the ball. But then you made me keep Thomas Capell and you really liked Crowe and the short epilogue just wasn't enough. Where does that leave us? Well, for starters I had to borrow Jarvis and bring in Bayla as well. I'm not sure it's advisable to try and read this story in one take, the story goes in all kinds of directions. What can I say, you made me do it!
> 
> Oh, and I imagine Bayla looking like a mix of Cher and Angelica Houston. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it. The plan is in motion. 
> 
> ❤ P

_**Saturday, July 19 1819**_

The real Miss Lambe was seen with Charlotte and Sidney at Madame Palmyre’s to equip the young lady for her long travel. They had agreed that it was better to say as little as possible instead of having to elaborate a story. Too many details would raise too many questions. Too many questions would lead to mistakes. 

Diana arrived Saturday evening at Bedford Place in the company of Susan and Capell who stayed for dinner. The three of them were let in on the full events and the plan, including Georgiana’s wish to bring Diana. To Sidney’s surprise his sister accepted to root up her life to stand by her new and unlikely friend without blinking an eye or express any reservations. Georgiana had cried some grateful tears. To his other surprise, Sidney had to admit – though somewhat reluctantly – that Capell acted like a true and respectful friend. 

“I have already sent word to my housekeeper that you will be coming. She obviously doesn’t know the details but you can trust her. As well as _all_ of the staff at Alnwick.” The look he sent Sidney informed without words that he too was protected by the special and secret service. 

A viscount was far from the highest title in rank but the Capell’s were one of the wealthiest families in the country and the bloodline and therefor inheritance had pooled at Thomas Capell, who was an only child. There were probably distant relatives who would benefit from the death of him. Especially before he wed and had heirs. 

“I will stay in London and endure the balls and dinner parties like normally – I will return before the season starts. Not even Susan can persuade me to go through that,” he chuckled. 

Another look at Sidney. “There is a cottage nearby. Mr. Crowe will stay there. As will I when I return. Miss Lambe and Miss Parker will have Alnwick to themselves. Though we might impose for dinner occasionally. The cook is exceptional.” 

Georgiana gasped. “I cannot take your home from you. Diana and I can stay at the cottage.” 

Capell gave her a wide beautiful smile. “I’m afraid that would go against my upbringing. It is not up for debate, Miss Lambe. Mr. Crowe and I will be perfectly fine and _safe_ in the cottage.” 

That had been the end of the discussion. It was new to Sidney to see his ward behave so humbly and selflessly. It hard been an unreasonably hard lesson learned for her but perhaps something good would come out of it. 

The plan was coming around expertly. Capell’s involvement had been pivotal and he had gone above and beyond what would have been fair to expect of him. 

Next day deliveries were brought to Bedford Place and trunks were packed. Some were full. Others were filled with supplies for an orphanage in Antigua, Sidney supported to the best of his ability. His trusted friend and business partner, Mr. Morgan. The proud captain of the good ship _Queen Margot_ was quickly informed of the plan and added some quite important improvements. Miss Lambe would be perfectly safe aboard his ship. 

_**Monday, July 21 1819**_

Charlotte was awakened by Sidney’s lips travelling over her naked skin. Her body writhed under his ministrations and she moved trembling after his mouth. 

He took his time. 

It was the first time he gave into his desire to taste her. As his tongue hit its mark, Charlotte practically folded herself around his head panting his name. Never had she experienced something so delightfully soft, and warm, and arousing. He brought her higher than he had done before and she cried out his name as she fell from the stars and back into his arms. 

His lips continued to leave a trail of hot wet kisses on her until her breathing returned to a moderate pace and he entered her. She wrapped herself around him, and they made love. It was tender, intimate and quickly over. “Thank you,” he panted as he rolled them over. 

She stretched on top of him. “For what?” Her voice was husky from the peaks he had just brought her. She drew slow kisses on his damp skin. 

“For loving me. For being my wife. For being so wonderfully you. For sleeping naked in my arms...” He kept listing things and she laughed lovingly. 

“I thank you too, Mr. Parker.” She propped her chin on her hands to meet his eyes. “You can admit it to me, Sidney.” 

He ran his hands gently up and down her back. “Admit what?” 

“That you will miss Georgiana.” She kissed him softly. 

Of course, she knew. He had not slept much, just held her until it was no longer enough and the dawn lazily started pushing the night away. 

He sighed. “I will miss her. It’s odd. If you had told me a few months ago, that I would, I would not have believed you.” 

“A few months ago, you would probably have yelled at me if I had.” She gave him a wry smile. 

He pulled her further up his body and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “Please don’t remind me what a brute I was to you.” 

“I’m not. Not only, anyway,” she smirked “... I’m telling you that a lot have happened in a very short stretch of time. Yet, I feel like I have known you all my life. Our hearts speak volumes of love that surpasses the short time we have had together.” It was true, once she had let herself love him openly, she felt she could read him like an open book. 

He lost himself in her beautiful brown eyes and again inside her. 

Breakfast was served. The clock had just struck 6. The atmosphere was quiet but warm. Benson announced that Mr. Jarvis, Mr. Bolton and Ms. Bayla had arrived through the back door. 

Jarvis ran through the plan with them one more time and then they prepared themselves. Sidney and Charlotte said their teary goodbyes to Diana and Georgiana, wishing them a safe and pleasant journey to the North. 

Sidney and Charlotte walked out the front door with the fake Georgiana to the loaded carriage and drove off. Jarvis acted as their driver and noticed with a smirk an unknown carriage waiting down the street. A pair of green-blue eyes peaked out the window. When Jarvis whipped the reins lightly over the horses’ back, he tapped his cane on the ceiling. 

Diana, Georgiana and Bayla walked out the back door 15 minutes later, dressed like kitchen maids, and walked the short distance to another carriage waiting in another street. It had been loaded discretely yesterday. 

Crowe was already inside and helped them in. Uncharacteristically sober for the early hour. Bayla insisted that he did not descend. She took off her simple brown cape and revealed a stunning dress fit for a lady. Without further ado, the carriage started jolting down the cobbled street with another carriage following in a safe distance behind them – another was already moving in an unsuspicious distance in front of them. 

Getting to the dock and leaving London were the two most dangerous parts of the plan. Everyone in the two carriages were painfully aware of that. They were exposed and unable to drive in a safe speed. 

Charlotte’s heart was beating fast as she watched London flicker outside. The buildings and the clientele roughened as they approached the dock. Sidney tensed next to her and she had no doubt he was scanning the surroundings for possible threats. She hoped that no one had been watching when Georgiana and Diana had left the house. Even with Bayla, being on foot in the streets was a risk. 

Jarvis jumped down and opened the door. Sidney looked around before leaving the carriage and helped Charlotte and Bolton down. The latter moved surprisingly gracefully and placed his gloved hand on Sidney’s arm. Captain Morgan and some of his men came to greet them and helped unload the trunks and carry them up the narrow gangplank. 

Morgan, Sidney and Jarvis looked like they were exchanging polite pleasantries, but in reality, they were repeating the plan and Jarvis informed of the carriage that had followed them. 

Charlotte and Sidney hugged fake Georgiana goodbye and waved as the captain escorted the elegant young lady, dressed in a light-blue cape concealing most of the face, onboard the ship. They watched as she entered her cabin. 

Jarvis saw the carriage from outside Bedford Place approaching and nodded at Sidney and Charlotte. They made sure that whoever was inside saw them look up at the ship one last time before they climbed into the carriage. Jarvis drove around the corner, where they could see without being seen. Adrenaline was pumping. It was obvious from Jarvis’ behavior that the precautions had not been exaggerated. 

A young man descended from the carriage. He greeted Morgan and handed over his ticket. He too was elegantly dressed and if one didn’t know any better, one could mistake him for being a well-behaved gentleman. Sidney and Charlotte recognized him in an instant. “Edward Denham!” Sidney hissed through gritted teeth. Of course, he would be one of the desperate men that Mr. Howard’s evil challenge had triggered. 

The captain was given a sign from Jarvis and gave a small nod in understanding. Edward was led onboard the ship and shown into a cabin two doors away from fake Georgiana. He reemerged and looked at said door with a wolfish grin. It made Sidney’s skin crawl. Charlotte pressed herself against his side. 

Edward was busy scheming and didn’t pay attention to the young black boy who exited the cabin between his and fake Georgiana’s. Whistling, the young man strolled down the gangplank and disappeared into the crowd. 

The ship’s horn sounded and _Queen Margot_ left the dock slowly and majestically. 

“That was one obstacle.” Jarvis said to himself and drove back to Bedford Place. 

Bayla was equally alert as they drove through the streets of London. She only relaxed a little when the urban landscape exchanged for a rural one. The extend of the plan truly dawned on Georgiana as London disappeared behind them. So many people had stepped in to keep her safe. People she didn’t really know. But they had done so out of affection and respect for Sidney. Charlotte was right, she had misjudged her guardian horribly. 

Exhausted from the adrenaline rush and lack of sleep, Diana and Georgiana quickly dozed off. Crowe may be a rake without any real purpose in life but his heart was bigger than his mouth and so was his sense of responsibility. One of his two best friends had entrusted his ward to him. Bayla or not, he was not going to sleep on his watch. 

Bayla was not one to offer much conversation and Crowe decided to not push his luck with her. Yet. Instead, he watched Georgiana sleeping across from him. When Sidney had informed him and Babington of his burden as a guardian, Crowe could only imagine one fate worse; impregnating one of his lovers. But then he had carried Georgiana twice. She had needed him and trusted him. The intense time at Babington’s house had made a fondness for her grow inside of him. She was witty, sharp as a tack and delightfully obstinate. Crowe only had elder siblings and he wasn’t close to any of them. Georgiana was like a brilliant little sister. Spending time in the North with her would not be dull for sure. 

They arrived at the inn late in the evening. The roads had been dry and good but it was a hot day and the horses had needed more water breaks. A few men sat at a table when they entered. Crowe could tell that Bayla knew them and guessed it was the security team ahead of them. 

“Oi!” One of the men called out. “You look mighty fine, Miss.” 

Bayla whipped her head at him. Crowe leaned in over their table. “Manners, gentlemen. Take a round on me but don’t talk to my cousin in that manner.” He stood again and offered Bayla his arm. 

“Well done, Mr. Crowe. It was code. They have seen nothing suspicious.” Bayla smiled at him for the first time and took off her gloves. 

It was hard for Crowe to ignore Diana and Georgiana in a manner that confirmed their status as maids. He nursed his drink carefully and tried to enjoy the hot meal placed in front of him. Once in a while his eyes would meet Georgiana’s and he would give her a small lopsided smile. 

Three rooms were prepared for them. Diana and Georgiana escorted Bayla to her room, pretending to ready her for bed. In reality Bayla ordered them to bed and pulled an armchair in front of the door. There she slept with one eye open, ready to take on anyone who tried to force their way into the room. 

Crowe slept peacefully in his bed a few doors down. He had checked the number of rooms and had a fair notion of who stayed where and what kind of people they were. He nodded at the security detail that arrived half an hour after them before he went to his room. All in all, he felt he had done well by his friend and surrogate sibling. 

Babington dropped by Bedford Place, there was nothing unusual in that. He normally came and went on odd hours. Jarvis was there too but had used the back entrance. They went over the plan again. 

Sidney told his friend about Edward. 

“Good. Esther will be happy to learn that he won’t be here to cause a scene at the wedding.” Babington stared at his drink. 

“What is next?” Charlotte looked at Jarvis. She needed something to do. It would be days before they learned if Georgiana, Diana and Crowe had arrived safely. 

“Word is spreading that Miss Lambe has left England. You and Mr. Parker go out.” Jarvis scratched his stubbled chin. “Confirm Georgiana’s journey. But keep inside as much as possible. You are our primary concern now, Mrs. Parker.” He stood. “I will leave you to it. I expect intel from my men in the morning. Goodnight.” He bowed and left. 

Babington took his leave soon after. 

“Have you thought about where you want to go on our honeymoon?” Sidney sat with Charlotte between his legs in bed. They were still panting after their love-making. It had been an urge to be close and try to forget what was at stake, more than passionate earthshattering sex. 

“I have.” She tilted her head to look at him. “I would like to see the port in Portugal where your ships leave and arrive.” 

He laughed in surprise. “You want to work on our honeymoon?” 

She ran her fingers through his damp curls. He looked boyish and carefree in that moment. “No,” she smiled. “What is the purpose of a honeymoon?” 

“In general, or what I think?” He pulled her onto his lap. 

“What do _you_ want to do on our honeymoon?” Her eyes had turned darker. “Do you want to spend a day exploring the Uffizi in Florence?” She kissed his jawline. “Or sail the canals in Venice?” Her fingers slid lightly down his neck. “Or visit the Notre Dame in Paris?” 

“None of those,” he whispered hoarsely. “I just need you naked in my arms while the rest of the world shoves off.” He grazed his lips over hers. 

“I thought as much,” she gasped as his nimble fingers went to work between her legs. “I want to understand your businesses. Visiting the port will not take long and we can spend the rest of the time doing this.” She shifted in his lap until she could kiss him properly. 

“Portugal it is,” he mumbled against her soft lips.


	34. Confinement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for making it so far. Crowe and his party of ladies are on the road. He does his best to charm Bayla but she's a tough cookie. 
> 
> Sidney and Charlotte are left alone at Bedford Place without much to do, other than... look out for the ❤  
> Skip to 🌸 if it a bit of steam is not your thing. It's pretty innocent though.
> 
> I hope that you can navigate the two storylines. 
> 
> What else? Not much. Crowe has not been sober for this long in years. It turns out his special charm is part of his personality and not from being drunk. I'll leave it up to you to decide if it's a good or bad thing.  
> Capell is a bit disappointed that he's not in this chapter - we'll get back to him. I promise.
> 
> Sidney... our dear boy, Sidney. I haven't seen him in days. I'm guessing he's happy. 
> 
> Thank you for all your fun comments and discussions on Twitter. I love it. It's the best cure for the COVID blues. 
> 
> ❤ P

_**Tuesday, July 20 to Friday, July 23 1819**_

Sidney took Jarvis’s advice of staying inside very seriously. He had almost come to grips that there was nothing he could do for Georgiana and Diana but wait, and decided to make the most of his time locked up with Charlotte at Bedford Place. And locked up they were... in the bedroom. 

Also, the hot temperature had been pushed away by pouring rain – another good reason to stay inside, not that they needed any. 

To his great delight and pleasure, Charlotte was as curious and adventurous when it came to making love as she was in everything else, and she was not ashamed of showing him what she wanted or take initiative. By now she understood the odd reactions, her body made. She recognized the dark look of desire in his eyes whenever they hungrily devoured her curves, and she definitely knew when he was ready for her. 

They talked. About their dreams and the life, they wanted to build together. Anything felt possible, and they silently believed that as long as they stayed in the bedroom, nothing bad could burst their happy bubble. 

There was no need to go out, they had no other engagements than a dinner party at Susan’s on Friday evening and a ball Sunday. Arthur was on top of things in Sanditon and sent daily reports to let them know how Sanditon and Tom was faring. 

For a while the world had shoved off, and Sidney cherished every moment of this makeshift honeymoon with Charlotte. 

Sidney and Charlotte had completely lost track of what time of day it was, or even what day it was. They only slept for a few hours at a time before a hand accidently brushing over a breast or a muscular thigh in their sleep ignited their desire. 

Benson did his best to discretely accommodate the newly-wed's lack of structure and rhythm and simply ordered his staff to stay in the servants’ quarters unless they were rung for. Meals were simply forgone for trays with food that he placed outside the bedroom. It was not his place to have a favorite Parker sibling, but Benson had always had a soft spot for Sidney, and to see him happily married, after all the young man had been through, warmed his old heart. Chuckling to himself over his master’s happiness, he laid down a plan for Friday evening, where the bedroom would be emptied of the honeymooning couple for a few hours, just enough to give it a proper cleaning and change the sheets if they worked with military precision. 

💗 

Charlotte had woken up, lying diagonally in the bed with her head pillowed on Sidney’s stomach. Fascinated she studied the part of him that gave her so much pleasure. She had not really seen it that close before. Her finger trailed softly down the velvety skin and she smiled as it stirred slightly. Slowly she doodled along the length of his manhood down the muscles of his thigh and back again. A quick glance at his face revealed that he was still sleeping, and she continued to play with the enigmatic part of him that seemed to have a life of its own. It was alien from the rest of him. He was breathtakingly handsome in every sense, but this... it was not that she found it ugly, just different. 

Her touches had made him grow to a very erect state. She checked; he was still sleeping. Careful not to wake him, she straddled him and lowered herself slowly down on him. They had sometimes ended in this position during love-making but never started like this. She didn’t move, just enjoyed the feeling of him inside her, and his breathing that slowly quickened. 

Tentatively she started rolling her hips, small movements. He grew even more inside her. His hands slid automatically up her thighs and waist and cupped her breasts. Even in his sleep his thumb and index finger found her nipples and pinched them softly in the most arousing manner. 

He woke up. First convinced that he was dreaming, because his wife was sitting on top him moving in the most pleasurable way. 

“Well then,” he whispered hoarsely and roamed his hands over her to touch as much naked skin as possible. 

“Well then,” she breathed, picking up the pace a little. 

He could not take his eyes off her. She looked so beautiful as she moved on top of him, her damp skin glowed in the soft golden-red light from the embers in the fireplace. He hoisted himself on his elbows and caught a nipple with his mouth. His gentle nibbling and biting drew the most beautiful sounds from her. 

She grabbed the nape of his neck to support herself as she picked up the speed. Normally, he had to focus not to finish first, but this time she had had a head start and she was clearly getting close. He sucked and bit a little harder in the soft silky flesh of her breasts. 

And then she collapsed against him with loud cry. 

He could feel her throbbing around him and he lay down again and held her. The tight pulsating wetness was almost enough to push him over. 

“I love you,” he whispered. 

She mumbled something inaudibly in return. 

His kisses were urgent and greedy. Hers were hazy and full. His big hand pushed her down against him. He was not able to move, merely small pushes inside her. The slow-paced climb to the peak sent him off into a blood-boiling, speed-pulsing, long-lingering free fall. 

🌸 

Day 2 of the never-ending journey, Crowe thought to himself as the carriage jolted on the dirt road with more holes than in the teeth of a sailor. 

Diana and Georgiana had drifted to sleep, more out of boredom than need. 

He turned to Bayla. “Do I detect an accent, Ms. Bayla?” He turned his charm up to full volume. 

“No.” 

Undeterred he continued. “Is Bayla your first name or surname?” 

“No.” 

Determined to thaw her up, he pushed, “is it Mrs. or Miss?” 

“Just Bayla.” 

Her voice showed no emotion at all, not even annoyance. Sighing, he decided to change the topic a little. “Are you and Jarvis...?” He wiggled suggestively with his eyebrows. 

“No.” 

Not even that could shake her. He pondered where to go next, because sitting in silence was not an option. “How did you meet Jarvis?” 

“I saved his life.” She looked out the window. 

Cocky from receiving a full sentence from her, he adjusted himself comfortably in his seat. “It sounds like there is an intriguing story here?” 

“No.” 

He was about to speak again when she turned towards him. “Mr. Crowe. Your tongue is annoying. Keep silent.” 

He rolled his eyes and left her alone. Ages later they arrived at the inn for the night. The security team repeated the ritual from the evening before, “Oi! You look mighty fine, Miss.” 

Crowe smiled and slammed his fist in the table. “Careful, gentlemen. This is the love of my life you are talking to. Care to take this outside?” 

The men did their best to conceal their laughter. “No, Sir. Meant no harm, Sir.” 

Day 3 on this desert island, Crowe mused in his head. “I need a Friday to keep me company,” he muttered. It had come to a point where he would even read a book, had he had one. 

“Ladies!” Crowe’s voice was almost desperate. It was pouring outside and it felt like they were moving backwards. “Let’s sing a song.” 

Diana clapped her hands in excitement, Georgiana looked at him with something akin to suspicious and Bayla remained unimpressed. 

Thick-skinned as he was, he braved on. “It’s a bit bawdy but we are alone and it’s raining. The tune is very simple.” 

He cleared his throat. 

“There was a maid this other day,  
And she would needs go forth to play;  
And as she walked she sithd and said,  
I am afraid to die a mayd. 

With that, behard a lad,  
What talke this maiden had,  
Whereof he was full glad,  
And did not spare  
To say, faire mayd, I pray,  
Whether goe you to play?  
Good sir, then did she say,  
What do you care? 

For I will, without faile,  
Mayden, giue you Watkins ale;  
Watkins ale, good sir, quoth she,  
What is that I pray you tel me?” 

The three women stared at him with disbelief. The self-appointed minstrel continued singing with full force. 

“Tis sweeter farre then suger fine,  
And pleasanter than muskadine;  
And if you please, faire mayd, to stay  
A little while, with me to play, 

I will giue you the same,  
Watkins ale cald by name,--  
Or els I were to blame,  
In truth, faire mayd.  
Good sir, quoth she againe,  
Yf you will take the paine,  
I will it not refraine,  
Nor be dismayd. 

He took this mayden then aside,  
And led her where she was not spyde,  
And told her many a prety tale,  
And gaue her well of Watkins ale.” 

Diana blushed more and more for each verse. Georgiana was laughing so hard, she snorted. Bayla said and did nothing, though Crowe swore that he saw the corners of her mouth curl just a little bit. 

It was with great relief for them all when they finally arrived at the inn. Same little performance. “Oi, looking mighty fine, Miss!” 

Crowe sashayed to the men’s table and slapped his glove at the man’s face. “How dare you, Sir! I am appalled!” Grinning widely, he invited himself to sit down and have a pint. 

Day 4, Crowe’s three Fridays were not up for singing and he told anecdotes instead with very varied success. 

The road was heavy from the downpour the day before. The sun played hide and seek behind a thick layer of grey clouds, but at least it had stopped raining. 

Diana turned paler by each mile until she was whiter than a sheet. Crowe rapped his cane on the ceiling to stop the carriage. He had barely helped Diana out before she emptied her stomach. “Here,” he said softly and handed her his hipflask. “A little brandy helps with the motion sickness and removes the bad taste. Take it from someone who has wretched his gut more than 50 pregnant women combined.” 

His friend’s shy neurotic little sister surprised him with a tinkling laughter. “Thank you, Mr. Crowe.” She took a healthy sip and gasped as the brandy burned down her throat. 

“Please, we don’t have to be so formal, Diana. Use my first name.” He handed her his handkerchief. She was quite pretty when she laughed. 

“Thank you, Francis.” She smiled sweetly and wiped her mouth. 

“No, not that one.” His face twisted in disgust. “The other one.” 

“Oh, I don’t know that one, I’m afraid.” Diana pouted her lips musing. 

“Crowe. My friends call me Crowe.” He chuckled and helped her ascend the carriage again. “Keep the flask, take a sip if you feel nauseous.” 

This time the men were silent when they entered the inn. Georgiana instinctively dug her head a little and stepped behind Bayla. 

A man, who clearly had come by horseback, sat in the corner at a table and studied the newly arrived travel party very intently. 

Instantly, Bayla ushered Diana and Georgiana up to the safety of her room, scolding them for being slow and lazy. A little while later, she returned and ordered a tray to be sent up. “This is not an establishment fit for a lady.” Her head whipped at Crowe, “and I suppose you will be here all night drinking as usual, only to wake us all up when you have grown bored with the company?” 

He understood her meaning. Their security could hardly knock on her door if something was amiss, but he could. “Just one drink, dear.” He gambled and pecked her on the cheek. 

Huffing, she marched upstairs again. 

Crowe examined the lone rider in the corner and nodded at the men. He placed his hand on the back of one of the chairs. “Gentlemen, may I buy you a round? You have seen what I have to endure in the carriage and I could do with some polite company. And you, good sir, would you care to join us?” 

The man said nothing at first but then shrugged his shoulders and dragged his chair to the table. 

A few pints later it was clear that the man’s story was inconsistent. It was however not clear if it had anything to do with Georgiana, so they decided to take the necessary precautions. 

The tail security arrived and placed themselves at another table. 

While all of Jarvis’ men paced themselves to remain vigilant, Crowe’s lifelong training of holding his liquor proved worthy of the task at hand. He got the man, Tupper, good old fashioned drunk and his tongue loosened with the help of one of Jarvis’ men’s shrewd interrogation skills. He was a simple highwayman, scouting the isolated roads for wealthy targets. They decided to let a carriage take him to the nearest constable at the crack of dawn – just to be on the safe side. 

Relieved that they had not been compromised, Crowe and the men took turns in taking naps in their chairs. Tupper had passed out drunk and slept it off, safely gagged and tied up in a back room. 

Day 5. Even Bayla was losing her composure in the carriage. 

“Let’s play game.” She sat opposite Crowe. Diana and Georgiana were ready for just about anything – even Crowe’s singing if it came to that. 

“It is reaction game.” She pressed her palms together. “You slap the other’s hand. If you catch hand, you win.” 

The slapping game kept them occupied until they arrived at the grounds of Alnwick. The backs of Crowe’s hands were burning from the quick whips from Bayla. 

Capell’s steward, Mr. Rogers, rode to meet them. Crowe handed him Capell’s letter and they were welcomed with a warm nod. “You will be perfectly safe here, Miss Lambe.” 

Crowe dropped to his knees and kissed the ground the second the carriage finally was at halt and gained the surprising laughs of Georgiana, Diana and Bayla. 

The housekeeper, Mrs. Doolin quickly arranged for hot baths. Their rooms had already been prepared. “You will stay here tonight, Mr. Crowe. Tomorrow we will take you to the cottage.” 

Mr. Rogers sent a letter to Capell. 

_(…)_

_I am pleased to inform you that Butter has delivered three healthy puppies. Mrs. Doolin has named them Ginger, Daisy and Chauncey._

Sidney had forgotten who was holding the dinner party and right now he couldn’t care less. Nothing inside him wanted to go. They had managed three whole days without interruptions and it had been absolute and perfect bliss. Plus, this morning. Oh, this morning where he had woken up to the sight of Charlotte riding him – the thought alone was enough to make him stir. He leaned back in the tub and tried to focus on something else than his wife naked, panting his name as he gave her pleasure. It was hopeless. Quickly, he grabbed the bar of soap and took the edge of his desire. 

The second she had left his arms to go to her dressing room, he had felt bereft and alone. He had stood for longer than he cared to admit, leaning his forehead against the door – just to be close to her and hear her move around. They would most likely not be seated next to each other and he envied the man who would have her as his table companion – and he felt sorry for the lady who would be seated next to him. 

Impatient to get the evening over and done with, he rose from the tub and dried himself. He knew she was going to wear the yellow dress, and he was pleased that he had a matching waistcoat. With Eliza he had worn matching colors not to evoke her displeasure. Now he did it because he wanted the world to know, Charlotte belonged to him, and he belonged to her. It surprised him how much he cared about it – especially since Charlotte would no doubt take him in whatever waistcoat he was wearing and simply be proud to be at his arm matching color or not. 

Diana had given him all the jewelry suites that was left to her after their mother. It was not a lot but he still had a few pieces Charlotte had not seen yet. Dressed and ready, he opened the safe in his study and collected a small box. 

Charlotte stood in the hallway when he came out, looking like a field full of sunflowers. She wore a pair of simple pearl earrings but no necklace. He could not help himself and drew her close to let his lips graze lightly along her neckline. She moaned and leaned against his lips. With a firm grip on his lapels, she backed them against the wall. 

“I don’t feel like going,” he muttered against her swelling bosom. His misbehaving hands slowly inched up her skirts. 

“Remind me again, who we are dining with?” she panted and captured his lips. 

He pushed himself against her. Her hemline was now just below her knees. “I honestly can’t remember. The only thing on my mind is you.” 

Benson coughed loudly from the hall. “The carriage is ready, Sir.” 

Sidney huffed annoyed and let go of her skirt. They smoothed their clothes and headed for the stairs. 

He stopped. “I nearly forgot.” He took out the box and opened it, she gasped. 

“You spoil me, Sidney!” She ran a gloved finger lightly over the string of pearls adorned with a beautiful cameo. 

“Mrs. Parker, trust me, I’ve not even begun to spoil you. It was also my mother’s. I thought it would go well with your dress?” 

“It’s stunning. Will you assist me?” She sent him a seductive look that almost brought him to his knees. 

“Yes,” he rasped. “The cameo will rest just about here.” He placed a kiss just above her cleavage. “The pearls will follow your beautiful neck to here.” He dropped kisses generously as he spoke. 

Her skin goose bumped as he clasped the necklace shot. 

“Let’s get this over with.” He took her hand and placed it snugly in the nook of his arm. 

The dinner party was a tedious affair but at least the purpose of spreading the news of Georgiana’s voyage to Antigua was more than fulfilled. There were enough penniless titled men who had already picked up the news – Sidney even recognized a few of them from the courtroom. They were no doubt relieved that their debts to Mr. Beecroft had vanished with his hanging. 

Charlotte was not herself. She sat stiffly and conversed politely as ever but Sidney could see that something was off. He knew the man sitting next to her and to the best of his knowledge, he was a decent man. The lady sitting next to himself had quickly given up on striking up a conversation with him. He had talked briefly about Georgiana and the orphanage she wanted to visit. That was it. His eyes were locked on his befuddled wife. 

The parting of ladies and gentlemen after dinner was a mere waste of time to Sidney. He tried hard to focus on the business talk but his mind was with Charlotte in the other room. 

One of the men who had been among the audience in the courtroom approached him. “How long have you been married, Mr. Parker?” 

Something in the other man’s eyes did not sit well with Sidney. “A month,” he answered curtly. 

“She is very beautiful...” The man licked his lips. “I witnessed the trial against Mr. Beecroft and Mr. Howard. Your wife seems very capable and _feisty_.” He winked. 

Sidney stepped close and gritted his teeth, trying to contain his desire to throttle the man. “Careful, Mr. Pratt. This is my wife you are talking about and I am _very_ protective of her.” 

He took half a step back and patted Mr. Pratt coldly on the shoulder. “One more thing. Mr. Beecroft’s ledgers are in, shall we say, safe possession. It would be a shame if it became publicly known who is mentioned in it, wouldn’t it. Mr. Pratt?” He clipped the words. 

Mr. Pratt raised his hands. “My sincere apologies. I meant no harm.” He backed away. 

Charlotte was doing her best to keep up with conversation in the parlor. The hostess... her name would just not stay in her mind, offered her a glass of sherry. “Are you not well, Mrs. Parker? You look a little flustered.” The older woman smiled kindly to her. 

Charlotte forced a smile. “I am well, thank you. A slight headache that is all, I’m not used to drinking wine.” Hopefully that would suffice. 

“Let me call for some tea instead, I could use a cup myself.” She patted her hand motherly and rang for a servant. 

Her kindness made Charlotte feel even worse for not remembering her name. Hopefully, Sidney and the rest of the men would join them soon. She looked at the clock, there was at least an hour before they could leave without raising a brow. 

The double doors opened and there he was. Flashing a wide dazzling smile at her as she caught his eye. Charlotte’s breath hitched, her cheeks burned and she knew she looked flustered. 

Sidney’s heart dropped when he saw his wife. She looked unwell and avoided eye contact with him. He strode to her side and placed his hand comforting on the small of her back. It stung when she winced and moved away from him. Had one of the men insulted her in any way? He scanned the room to find the man who had sat next to her. 

“What is it, Charlotte? And please don’t tell me it’s nothing,” he asked in a low voice. 

She blushed even more. The proximity of his body made her dizzy. Heat radiated from him and his scent was overwhelming. “It is nothing. I’m perfectly fine.” She stubbornly met his eyes but it only made matters worse and she looked away again. 

“Please, tell me. Did someone say or do something to you?” He drew her as close as he possibly could without acting too improper. “You didn’t seem your normal self at the dinner table either.” 

The concern in his voice made her feel guilty. “Nothing is wrong, I just cannot seem to focus on conversation. Everyone has been very kind to me and yet I cannot remember a single name.” 

It only made him worry more about her. “You should sit down. Shall I call for a doctor?” He searched her eyes. 

“Sidney, please!” There was a sharp edge to her voice. “I have not been able to focus on anything because all I can think of is _you_. You consume my every thought, my every breath, my every heartbeat.” 

He chuckled proudly and relieved, which only made her elbow him hard in the ribs. “Don’t mock me, Sidney! I’m not exactly proud to be such a poor guest.” 

“I’m not mocking you. I’m flattered and no better myself. There is nothing I want more than leave.” He brushed a finger lightly down her spine. “Come!” 

He placed her hand on his arm and found their hostess. “Thank you for a wonderful evening. Forgive us for leaving early, my wife isn’t feeling well and I find it best to take her home.” 

Mrs. Whoever was all kindness and understanding and saw them out into the hall herself. “Off to bed with you, Mrs. Parker.” She turned to Sidney. “Make sure to elevate her legs.” 

Sidney had plans to do just that and tried his best not to give them away by laughing. Luckily Charlotte’s mortified red cheeks caught all their hostess’ attention and they were ushered outside with a stream of well-meant advices. 

💗 

No sooner had they entered the carriage before Sidney pulled Charlotte onto his lap and crushed his lips against hers. She whimpered against his kiss and tugged at his cravat to untie it. His hand roamed under her skirts and followed her smooth leg till it reached the junction between her thighs. She was soaking and he groaned. 

Deftly he pushed a finger inside her, then two. His thumb drew circles around her pearl. Charlotte should be ashamed of her wanton behavior but right now propriety was the last thing on her mind. 

“Sidney,” she breathed with impatient frustration. “It’s not enough. I need more, I need you.” 

He groaned and did a quick estimation of when they would be at Bedford Place. Quickly he unbuttoned the flap and turned her around on his lap. Her fingers simultaneously dragged her skirt up. 

She cried out his name as he found his way into her warm wetness. 

“Hush, my love. We have to be quiet and quick.” He muffled her moans with openmouthed sloppy kisses. 

It only took a few strokes before she came and he followed soon after. They only had a few minutes to compose themselves as a familiar dip of the road revealed they were nearly at their destination. He pulled out his handkerchief and wiped her dry before helping her hemline down where it belonged. 

She gave him a sheepish smile. “What must you not think of me?” Again, she avoided his eyes. 

He placed a knuckled under her chin and forced her to face him. “I think that you are the most divine being I have ever met, and I love you most ardently.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The necklace https://i.etsystatic.com/7223026/r/il/2675be/2401868065/il_1588xN.2401868065_csl8.jpg
> 
> Shoutout to 1Strategy_Renee1 and all her dogs. Fictional as well as real 😘😘😘


	35. Staying in the river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll get back to Edward, Crowe, Diana, Georgiana and everyone else, but first Sidney and Charlotte has one final ball. Two kinds of steam. 
> 
> Happy Women’s Day 💪🏻👩🏻🦱
> 
> Thank you for reading ❤
> 
> P

_**Sunday, July 25 1819** _

They could go home soon. Jarvis had confirmed that Georgiana’s truly believed to have left England for Antigua. The fascination of Charlotte, however, was still intact.

The ball is the last event separating them from the freedom and safety of Sanditon. She should be excited to leave, but going home would also rip them out of their cocoon of passion and love. Charlotte wasn’t sure how she felt about it. They had spent yesterday in continuation of the... she blushed at the memory of what had happened in the carriage on the way home from the dinner party.

💗

She was not able to move. Sidney had thrown his leg and arm over her body and held her in a tight grip as if he was afraid, she would float away if he didn’t. Maybe his fear’s not unjustified, she was so deliriously happy she might just do that.

He stirred in his sleep and even before he’s fully awake, his lips were on her skin and his hand roamed her front until it disappeared between her thighs. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered with her earlobe gently caught between his teeth.

“I’ve been in your arms all night,” she moaned, hoisting her leg over his thigh.

“Yes, but I was sleeping. It’s not the same.” He reached down and guided himself inside her from behind.

Making love to him was now as natural and familiar to her as breathing. Yet, he managed to make the experience new. She had no idea that they could be positioned like this. He was able to touch her more. It felt different when he moved inside her.

She turned her head and looped her arm around his neck. It was enough to reach his full lips. His fingers returned to her pleasure point. He was completely wrapped around her; he had absorbed her and she could happily stay like this for an eternity.

His breathing quickened, or maybe it was hers? There was no way of telling where he ended and she started. The room started spinning. Slowly at first, then faster and faster until they were thrown into endlessness rapid like a lightning bolting through the sky and slowly like a rose coming to full bloom at the same time.

This time it must have happened, that they had finally melted together as one organism and it would be impossible to part them again, she felt.

🌸

Sidney’s body was still wrapped around Charlotte. She turned around in his arms to meet his eyes but said nothing. He waited patiently for her to voice whatever was on her mind, because something clearly was.

“Sidney, do you think we would have found out on our own?” She placed her hand softly on his cheek and stroked his cheekbone.

He kissed the tip of her nose. “Found out what, my love?”

She sighed. “Do you think we would have fallen in love, had not Lady Denham’s scheme pushed us together?”

Oh, that was what this was about. He thought for a short while and grinned cheekily. “I’d like to think that my infinite charm and inspiring conversational skills would have worn you down sooner rather than later, and you would have sat me down on a chair and chastened me thoroughly until I dropped to one knee and proposed to you.”

“Don’t mock me, Sidney. I’m being serious.” She pinched his ear lightly in punishment.

The look in his eyes changed. “So am I. Charlotte, you are the love of my life. You’ve read my journal... I was already unknowingly falling for you before Lady Denham placed her ultimatum. I would desperately have done anything in my power to stay close to you. Most likely behaving like a complete fool until your delightful tongue lashings had set me straight. You are my North star, Charlotte. My compass.”

He could feel her relax. “This love between us is too big and beautiful to have been suppressed. I promise you,” he continued.

“Thank you,” she whispered and paused.

“What else? I can tell there is more on your mind.” He pulled her closer though they were already lying flush against each other.

“How do you feel about children?” She bit her lip and it was very distractive.

“You know I love children. And given that we really enjoy what it takes to make them.” He noticed a pink tinge color her cheeks and felt very pleased with himself, “I welcome every new Parker who joins our family.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for 14 children like my parents,” she whispered, insecurity in her voice.

“We’ll find a way to create the size of family that suits us. I promise.” He kissed her tenderly.

“Sidney?” She asked against his lips.

“Uh hum,” he mumbled. Slowly moving a hand down her back.

“Do you think Diana and Georgiana are safe? And Crowe of course.” She pulled back slightly.

He twisted one of her curls around his finger and placed it behind her ear before sitting himself up against the headboard, pulling her onto his lap.

“I’m sure they are. If something had happened along the way, we would have heard by now. Given the distance, Cappell expects an express tomorrow at the earliest. We will stay in London until we hear word of their safe arrival, and then I’m taking you home.” He pressed his lips against her temple. “As for Crowe. He’s the only one I’m worried about. It all comes down to Ms. Bayla’s patience – Georgiana's too, probably.” He chuckled into her hair and felt her body shaking with laughter before the delightful sound reached his ears.

“Sidney?” She was still laughing.

“Yes, love.” He moved his lips back to hers, his hand wandered down her body.

“Thank you,” she panted.

Sidney had not been able to convince Charlotte to commission a new dress for the ball. She had brought her wedding dress without the delicate overdress with the embellished flowers and butterflies. To his surprise the dress still had embroidered flowers spread all over the skirt, but they were simpler. It looked like a completely different dress. Either way, she was a vision in the champagne-colored dress, the matt-shining fat silk moved luxuriously around her curves and his hands ached to roam freely on her body. “My meadow,” he mumbled to himself. He wore his waistcoat with the matching leaves with a matching dark-green jacket.

The evening sun caught the emeralds of his mother’s jewelry bobbing lightly on Charlotte as he let her outside and into the carriage. She had looked proud when he clasped the lock of the necklace and put the earrings on her. He had a feeling that it mattered more to her that it had belonged to his beloved mother than the worth of the stones. Wealth played no role in Charlotte’s values and he loved her the more for it, knowing that he was enough in himself to her.

“This is a ball, Charlotte. Should you be in need of leaving instantly at some point, we are free to do so. I can ask the driver to make the drive long.” His hand slid slowly down her back as he spoke.

She answered by swatting his arm with her long gloves matching his jacket in color. “Stop making fun of me, Sidney! It’s not becoming!”

His dark eyes searched hers. “Trust me, Charlotte, there is _nothing_ I take more seriously – or hold more dearly – than your desire for me.”

Huffing and blushing, but with the corners of her mouth curling in a sweet smile, she pulled on her gloves and clasped her hand on his arm. Her eyes sparkled and she pulled her lower lip between her teeth. He regretted immediately that he had been so cocky. She could take the upper hand from him without even trying.

The ball was less crowded than Mrs. Maudsley’s rout, which suited both Charlotte and Sidney very well. They were approached by Capell who had arrived a short while prior with Susan.

“No news is good news,” he said as he greeted them with a bow. He looked around. “I have only been here a few minutes but Susan was right, never have I met a bigger gathering of gossips. It is the perfect crowd to spread whatever word we want to travel fast.” He chuckled bitterly. “Susan is eager to say hello to you, Charlotte.”

Charlotte and Sidney followed him to an alcove where Susan rose from her chair to hug Charlotte. “All well, my dear?”

Her young friend blushed very adorably. “Almost everything is very well. I’m eager to hear if they have arrived safely.” She looked around to make sure no one listened in on their conversation.

“I’m sure they have. The longer away from London the lesser the risk. And we would have heard by now.” Susan patted Charlotte’s hand comfortingly.

Charlotte smiled. It was the same thing Sidney had said.

Capell pulled Sidney away from the two ladies and said in a low voice, “The scum of English aristocracy and nobility are present here tonight and I’m afraid one of the hottest topics at the card tables is Charlotte. If I were you, I would keep close to her and leave early. I’ll let it be your decision how honest you will be with her.”

Sidney gulped. “With Charlotte, full honesty is the only option. Thank you, Capell”

He doubted he would ever persuade her to attend another ball in London with him with the hopeless track record they had set so far. Not that it was a great loss to him but business required that at least he mingled actively with the London ton. She looked happy though, chatting and laughing with Susan.

“I was wondering, Mrs. Parker, if you would like to dance?” He offered her his arm with a smile best described as shy.

“We were just talking about you, Mr. Parker.” Susan shot him an enigmatic smile that made him feel anything but confident.

“I would love to, Mr. Parker,” Charlotte laughed sweetly and took his arm.

They had taken no more than ten steps towards the dance floor before he felt her tense.

“X,” she gasped under her breath.

Rightly so, Eliza came walking towards them looking very sophisticated in a burgundy dress. She had clearly spotted them and Sidney feared they were her target – he had not managed to express his love for his wife upon their last meeting. He brought Charlotte’s hand to his lips and placed a kiss in her palm. “Promise me that no matter what I say or do, that you will not leave my side.” He was extremely pleased that his waistcoat matched his wife's dress perfectly. 

She squeezed his hand. “I promise.”

Eliza’s face fell a little at the sight of Sidney displaying his affection for his wife so openly but she quickly recovered.

Sidney watched her come closer and expected something to happen inside him. Nothing did. He felt nothing. Not even hate. He was utterly and completely indifferent to her. The spell had been broken. When she was within appropriate distance, he bowed calmly. “Mrs. Campion.”

“Sidney! I don’t think we need to be quite so formal, do you?” She was looking at Charlotte while she spoke.

“I believe we do, Mrs. Campion. I’m afraid I forgot my manners last time and bereaved you of the pleasure of meeting my wife. This is Mrs. Charlotte Parker.” His voice was polite and civil, but nothing more, he smiled when he said Charlotte’s name.

Charlotte bobbed a small curtsy. “Mrs. Campion.”

Eliza smiled stiffly. “Mrs. Parker.”

The three stood for too long, looking awkwardly at each other until Sidney enveloped Charlotte’s hand on his arm with his. “Enjoy your evening, Mrs. Campion. Come, my love, I believe our set is about to begin.”

None of them spoke until she was in his arms and the dance had begun.

“How I wish, this was how I had handled the meeting at Mrs. Maudsley’s rout,” he said sadly.

“Sidney, we’ve both made mistakes. I love you for you. I don’t expect you to be flawless, just to be honest with me.” She leaned her forehead briefly against his chest. “It is not like I am perfect either.”

“You are perfect,” he smiled. His heart was still beating a little faster from her brief caress.

“Now, you are mocking me again.” She gave him a stern look.

“Never. To me you are perfect in every sense.” He pressed her hand against his chest even though it was not part of the dance.

She rolled her eyes but her lips curled happily.

The dance ended and they rejoined Susan and Capell. Susan made sure to introduce them to the loosest tongues in London. Charlotte and Sidney turned their charm to full volume and talked about Georgiana’s great voyage and their own honeymoon plans. They did not, however, talk about Sanditon. For now, it there was no need to shed a light on the little sleepy town by the sea, quite the contrary.

Sidney’s mouth was dry after all the small talk and he could see that the dull company took its toll on Charlotte. He excused them politely and escorted her to the refreshment table. He turned his back shortly at her to fetch a glass of wine and a glass of lemonade. It was time to find a secluded place and fill Charlotte in on Capell's intel. Better still, convince her to leave.

An unfamiliar male voice addressed Charlotte, “Mrs. Parker, may I have this dance?”

Before he could turn around to stop her, she had accepted and was taken to the dance floor, looking over her shoulder to make sure he knew where she had gone. Sidney watched her smile politely at her dance partner at first, then frown and ultimately turn pale. He contemplated desperately how to intervene without causing too much of a scene. Three men standing on the other side of the dance floor followed the couple too, grinning predatorily. His blood turned to ice; something was horribly amiss. The dance finally ended and the man tried to lead Charlotte to the side where the men stood but she curtsied instead and as she faked a smile, she stomped hard on his foot and walked with dignity and her head held high to Sidney.

The man limped off the dance floor. Sidney could see on his back and fisted hands, that he was angry.

“Please, take me home,” she said in a low voice, brushing past him.

They found Capell and Susan and Charlotte quickly explained, without going into too many details, why they had to leave. Sidney was grateful that Jarvis’ men were manning the carriage. Especially when he noticed that the men were following them outside and closing in. He was ready to turn around and fight, but even as a skilled boxer, four men would be a losing task.

Two of Jarvis’ men signaled him to keep walking and jumped down from the carriage. The other two footmen opened the door and swiftly helped Charlotte and Sidney inside and then took off. Sidney caught a glimpse of the man who had danced with Charlotte being hit square on the jaw and drop to the ground like a bag of potatoes. He had to hand it to Jarvis, his men were efficient and skilled.

Charlotte was shaking when they returned to Bedford Place despite having Sidney’s jacket and his arm wrapped around her. The two footmen scanned the street before opening the door.

“Here, let me carry you.” Sidney held out his arms to Charlotte.

“I’m not faint, I’m furious!” She hissed and took his one hand, but then lowered her shoulders. “Please, forgive me. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

He led her into the study and poured them both a drink. She stood by the fireplace and pulled her gloves off in two angry and swift movements.

Everything in him wanted to force her to share what the rake had said to her but he knew it would be better to let her decide the pace. Instead, he just handed her the drink. She finished it in one gulp without choking on the strong liquor.

“Can I hold you?” he asked softly.

Without saying a word, she put her arms around him and buried her face against his chest. The warmth and firmness of his body gave her strength. They stood like this in silence. He rubbed her back gently.

“The things he said, Sidney,” she started. Anger still in her voice. “That someone like me needed a real man to... no, I cannot repeat it. He insulted you. He insulted Georgiana in the worst way possible. I heard two of his toes break when I slammed my heel in. Do you think badly of me for being happy I hurt him?”

Sidney smiled to himself. His little amazon. Of course, she had been more upset over the insults thrown at the ones she loved than the ones aimed at herself.

“No, I don’t. For what it’s worth I think Jarvis’ men made him regret it deeply.” He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. “Do you want me to tuck you in or pour you another drink?”

He could feel her giggle. She tilted her head back. “Another drink, please. And if you could teach me how to place a good punch, I would appreciate it very much.”

“ _One_ more drink, Mrs. Parker, and then I’m taking you to bed. I will teach you how to defend yourself when we get home,” he laughed. “But for the record, I’m intimidated by you already as it is.”


	36. Ohoi, Captain!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A (very) short chapter taking place in the middle of the ocean, just to check in on Edward. Nothing in his gold digger plan could possibly go wrong, could it?
> 
> We return to Sidney and Charlotte in the next chapter - I promise. Sidney is going to teach Charlotte how to box. He's stretching as we speak.  
> But first Edward and his infinite wisdom. 
> 
> Take care.  
> P

_**Wednesday, July 28 1819** _

Edward Denham stumbled out onto the deck. Seasick, hungover and with a substantial dent in his cash balance after another night of drinking and gambling below deck.

He had spent the first few days with a vigilant eye on the door to Georgiana’s cabin – when of course, he hadn’t been preoccupied being sick or elsewhere entertained. He looked around. Nothing but fucking bloody water.

Within seconds he decided that enough was enough and pounded on the poor door to said lady’s cabin. After a while he heard some rummaging and straightened his jacket and hair. Perhaps it would have been wise to shave and wash to support his charm, but it was too late for that now. It was not like he intended to court her, simply... he licked his lips. He had absolutely no idea how long he had been on this God forsaken ship, but he longed to feel a woman writhe underneath him, even if he had to--

The door opened and a tall gentleman filled the frame. Only half-dressed. “O que?” He sounded annoyed.

It was not like Edward was entirely sober, which could explain why he pushed his way past the man. “What have you done to her? She’s mine. MISS LAMBE!!!!” He bellowed her name while he searched the cabin that was quickly overseen.

The man grabbed him by the neck and punched him hard before kicking him outside and slammed the door shut, cursing and yelling in Portuguese as he did.

Something was horribly amiss here. Edward may not be the smartest of men, but he had a faint idea that he had been made a fool of. And yet, he had seen with his own two eyes that the feisty negro with the sharp tongue and large fortune had boarded the ship.

Determined to get to the bottom of this, he dragged himself to the bridge and barged in, demanding to speak with the captain.

Mr. Morgan smiled to himself at the scruffy man. “Sir Denham, to what do I owe this pleasure?”

Edward rolled his eyes and tried to focus. His jaw hurt.

The captain calmly pulled out his pipe and pointed at a chair with it before knocking out the used tobacco. He just waited for his guest to start talking while he stuffed it anew and lit it. Taking some big puffs. The man in front of him shifted agitatedly in his chair.

“Miss Lambe.” Edward began. “Where is she?”

Mr. Morgan took his time leafing through some papers before opening a book. He flipped a few pages and ran his finger down the scribbled lines. “Miss Lambe, Miss Lambe... she offboarded in Portugal.” He leaned back and puffed his pipe.

Edward paled, his mouth agape. “But was she not going to Antigua?”

“Yes, yes,” Mr. Morgan mumbled, his pipe gritted between his molars. “I cannot claim to know Miss Lambe’s plans in details but I do know she will continue her voyage on the next ship, as was the plan all along.” He leaned back and watched as the false information sunk in.

“So, Miss Lambe will be arriving in Antigua eventually?” Edward tried to do some quick math in his head but quickly abandoned the impossible task.

“Eventually yes, to the best of my knowledge. Not that it is any of yours or my business.” Morgan placed the pipe in its holder and leaned forward over the desk. “It is not my business to offer you advice either, Sir Denham. But while my men are excellent sailors, they are not the types I would recommend owing money. And Antigua is not the place to show up emptyhanded.”

Edward swallowed a lump. He was suddenly very thirsty and remembered he had not had a drop of water since he had woken up, sunken in a heap on the floor in his cabin.

“Thank you, Captain.” He rose in a haze. It was not in his nature to be frugal, he had calculated with being married to Georgiana sooner rather than later after he had... forced... was such a strong word, _willed_ his undeniable charms on her. This delay in cashflow was most certainly a setback.

Determined to change strategy and arrive sober and debt free, he ate the undefinable stew served in the small dining room reserved to the captain and his high-end passengers.

He walked up and down the deck to freshen his head and take in the beautiful view of the ocean, but after only a few rounds he was dreadfully bored and formed a new plan. He could easily win back the small fortune he had lost and maybe more even, and arrive in Antigua as a man of means.

Sir Edward Denham was carried off the ship three weeks later, drunk, broke and beaten up. Ripped of anything resembling even the smallest value. He was dropped in an alley on the harbor and left to his own devices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are not too disappointed. I promise to make it up to you in the next chapter.


	37. Never underestimate the kick to the groin*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies, thank you for receiving the Edward chapter so gracefully. 
> 
> Sidney and Charlotte are back in Sanditon. It's time to slip into something comfortable and put on your 🥊🥊
> 
> I hope, you'll enjoy it.   
> Stay safe, read a book, buy some flowers. It's Friday - have a great weekend!
> 
> ❤ P

_**Thursday, July 29 1819**_

Charlotte, Sidney and Babington had eaten dinner at Susan’s townhouse on Monday evening. Capell had, to their great amusement, informed them of the safe arrival of Butter’s litter of puppies. The image of Crowe as a puppy named Chauncy had perhaps caused more laughter than his sacrifice deserved, but it was Crowe after all. A rake extraordinaire. 

Of more critical matters were the delicate nature of the men from the ball. Jarvis had had them in for a “comradely chat” as he had put it. They admitted to have been very intrigued by the beautiful and brave Mrs. Parker and had perhaps taken their admiration a bit too far. The end of it had been that they had solemnly sworn never to approach her ever again and leave immediately should they ever find themselves in the same place as her. Jarvis had promised them hell if they overstepped those boundaries with as much as a broken toe, and they had believed him. 

Relieved that everything was as well as it could be, Charlotte and Sidney had prepared to leave for Sanditon early Wednesday morning. Emma and Phillip had received word to discretely make Parker House ready for them. Sidney was determined to arrive at home without risking a welcome committee of his brother and Lady Denham waiting for them with endless demands. 

It had not only been wonderful to be home again, the air was different and the feeling of being safe took some of the tension weighing on both of them, especially Sidney, who could not shake the feeling of being a failure. Bedford Place was a beautiful house but nothing in London compared to the view of the sea and the space and solitude surrounding their home. 

Early this morning. Before the sun stretched its rays over Sanditon, Sidney gently woke up Charlotte and led her to the cove for a surprise. Giggling they undressed and ran hand in hand into the waves. He had not expected her to be a strong swimmer, let alone know how to swim, but she was. Of course, she was. Mr. Heywood had taught all his children to swim. Not for exercise purposes but to keep them safe when fishing or playing near the river or lake in Willingden. 

There was a stretch of shallow waters behind one of the big boulders, hidden from curious by passers – not that anyone ever ventured to that part of the beach. Sidney carried her there at the end of the swim and made love to her while the rising sun painted the sea in a luscious pink matching the color on Charlotte’s cheeks as she peaked. 

The day passed quietly with the two of them working their way through piles of letters and some documents from Arthur. Sidney did his best to concentrate, he really did. But she was too beautiful and too tempting. His resilience crumbled when he returned from the kitchen carrying a tray with tea and sandwiches, and she stood with her back to the door and the sun outlined her alluring curves with a glowing halo. 

💗 

Without saying a word, he placed the tray on a table and quietly locked the door. Her breath hitched when his lips nibbled the soft skin of her neck while his hands slowly drew up her skirt. 

“Charlotte?” He moaned so deeply and hoarsely that her skin prickled with thousands of delicious goosebumps. 

“Yes,” she breathed. The feeling of his body pressing against hers had already made her legs wobble and her desire pool where his fingers were currently caressing lightly. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” she gasped and stumbled away from him. “These letters took me forever to write and ink is hard to remove from a rug.” Quickly she removed the hazardous items from her desk and returned to her grinning husband. 

“You are always mocking me,” she moaned as he pulled her close and claimed her lips. 

“I’m always _loving_ you and that was so very _you_ ,” he smiled against the kiss. 

Ink and Charlotte’s practical nature even in heated moments were swiftly forgotten and Sidney’s skilled fingers started their teasing stroll up her thighs. She was more than ready for him. 

The desk was not high enough and he made a mental note to have console table installed in just the right height. Instead, he leaned her back onto the desk and hooked his arms under her legs to lift her up. 

He was very ready too and plunged inside her. Both did their best not to be too loud but it was hard. The sight of Charlotte lying there on her desk with her full breasts spilling from her neckline and her eyes locked with his as he moved inside her, was more than enough to push him over fast with a cry, he did his best to muffle by biting his lips. 

With his breaches still dangled inelegantly around his ankles, he brought her the last way with his fingers. She grabbed desperately for something to hold on to and he had to agree at was a wise disposition of her to clear the desk. 

Panting, they started laughing. Their cheeks were blushing from a delightful mix of pleasure and a sudden shyness. It was not the most romantic or tender love-making they had ever done, but the passion more than made up for it. 

He gallantly wiped her clean with his handkerchief and helped her straighten her clothes. 

🌸 

“I don’t think I can ever get enough of you,” he said and pulled her onto his lap in one of the armchairs. 

“Me neither,” she blushed. 

“Care for some sandwich and cold tea?” He chuckled and kissed her. 

“Yes. Cold tea is actually my favorite beverage.” Her laughter tingled most beautifully. 

“Well, it’s quickly becoming my favorite too,” he mumbled against her mouth. Her lips were so soft and tempting. 

She broke the kiss and moved to the other chair, giving him a mock stern look. Their hunger was transferred to Mrs. Fitz’s delicious sandwiches and the plate was soon emptied. Conversation changed from flirting to serious. 

“Phillip has been filled in. Both from Jarvis and myself. I need you to promise me not to go anywhere on your own, Charlotte. Not until we are absolutely certain that you are safe here in Sanditon.” His dark eyes searched hers. He knew, it was simply not in her nature to stand down and that scared him. She nodded. “In return, I promised to teach you how to defend yourself. We start tonight!” 

He took the last slurp of the cold tea with a less than enthusiastic grimace. 

Phillip and Emma walked to town to post letters. Sidney and Charlotte decided to take tea with Mary and Tom tomorrow. They had to visit Lady Denham at some point too, but for now they enjoyed the privacy of no one knowing they were back. 

The need for fresh air and a stretch of legs before dinner was satisfied by a turn in the garden and the small forest that stretched inland behind the rear hedge. 

They conversed on everything and nothing as they followed the narrow path meandering through the trees. With the tree tops shading for the sun, it turned a bit chilly and Sidney wiggled out of his jacket and put it over Charlotte’s shoulders as had become habit of him. 

“My mother dreamed of a gazebo here. Away from the eyes of the world and giving shade to the strong sun – perhaps even shelter for a picnic in the summer rain.” Sidney pointed at a small clearing. 

“That is a wonderful idea. We should build it and name it after her.” Charlotte stood on her toes and kissed him softly. 

“Sophia’s Shade,” he whispered to himself. 

“Sophia’s Shade,” she repeated in a low voice and took his hand. 

“I’ll talk to Mr. Stringer about it. Thank you.” He put her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss in her palm. 

They walked back to the house in content silence to get ready for dinner. Sidney noticed a small bush covered in butterflies and was brought back to their wedding day. “Look!” He pointed. 

She smiled. “It’s a Buddleja. Also known as a Butterfly Bush.” 

“I like it,” he said quietly and missed his mother. 

Sensing that he needed a moment to reminiscence she leaned her head against his chest. They stood and watched a myriad of butterflies flutter around the purple flowers. 

“I’m ready to go inside now.” He gave her a shy smile, she found very endearing. 

Full on Mrs. Fitz’s fish and summer greens, Sidney and Charlotte headed upstairs for the first boxing lesson. “You need to be able to move freely,” where Sidney’s last words before they parted. 

Charlotte was not exactly sure how to translate that instruction into garments but eventually opted for a nightgown with a loosely tied short corset underneath. 

She gasped when she saw Sidney in their bedroom stripped to only his breaches. He looked strong and fit and a bit intimidating to be honest. She had never seen him box but she could well imagine what it would look like. 

He was mildly distracted by her naked form under the thin fabric. The way the corset pushed her breasts up... he took a few sharp intakes of breaths to focus. 

“Now, Charlotte, where would you instinctively hit me if I was attacking you?” He stood with his hands on his hips. 

Swallowing, she stepped towards him and pressed her index finger against his stomach. “There.” 

“Alright, give it your best punch.” He gave her a soft smile. 

Her eyes widened and she stepped back. 

“It’s ok, I can take quite a few blows. You can hit me.” He spread his arms out. His muscles played under his bare skin, glowing in the soft golden light from the fire and candle lights. He was beautiful. 

Hesitantly she stepped forward again, balled her right hand into a fist and punched him. It was like hitting a brick wall, warm from the sun. She gasped. He didn’t even flinch. 

“Whenever you are ready, my dear, you begin,” he teased. 

It was enough to ignite her temper and she punched him harder. He had to take half a step back to balance himself and grabbed her. “You throw a good punch, but it’s not enough.” 

He let go of her again. “Here.” He pointed at his groin. “This is the worst part of a man to be hit. The pain....” He shuddered at the thought and automatically placed his hands protectively over his bulge. “I would prefer if you do not try it for real, but let’s pretend. Knee me here.” He opened his hands and placed them like an umbrella for her to hit. 

She did as instructed, and he fell to his knees pretending to be in pain. “If you had punched me with your knee, the pain would be so excruciating that I would drop to my knees. You have two options now. Either you run or you hit me again. You have me at a better angle now. Again, please don’t do it for real, but if you punch me hard in the nose with your fist, it will most certainly bleed violently. Blood is distractive. And while I’m focusing on the pain in my groin and the blood pouring from my nose, you run away as fast as you can. Seek help if there are people around you, hide if you are alone and can’t escape.” 

“But you knocked that man in Honey Lane out cold?” Charlotte’s brows furrowed in deep thought, she had expected him to teach her how to neutralize an attacker. 

He stood again. “I’m taller and stronger than you, Charlotte. I hate to say it, but that gives me an advantage against someone your size. Your prerogative is not to fight but to buy time to escape.” 

Her temper boiled. Not because he said what he did but because he was right. He could tell she was struggling with the information. “Hit me again, Charlotte. Let it out.” 

Encouraged by the look in his eyes, she gave it her very best and hardest. It was enough to make him stumble and cough from the blow. “For a person as petite as you, you sure have temper in magnitude.” He teased a little short of breath. 

She lifted her chin in her signature defiant way. Her eyes flashed with an arousing mix of anger and passion. “Would you care to come down here and repeat that, Mr. Parker?” 

“Gladly.” He leaned down, smiling. Close enough to brush his nose against hers. He was about to move in for a kiss but Charlotte knuckled his nose with her index and middle finger, twitching it around until he cried out in pain. Suddenly his legs disappeared from under him and he landed with a loud thud on the rug. 

She stood triumphantly over him. “Who’s petite now, Sidney?” 

He literally swept her feet away and she landed on top of him. His eyes had turned into that delightfully dangerous dark color that she now knew so well. He rolled them over and pressed her hands against the floor. “This is why, you want to flee instead of fighting, Charlotte.” He was breathing heavily. Her body felt so soft under his and she wrapped her legs around his waist. 

“You asked me not to kick you in the groin. Otherwise, that would have been my next move,” she groaned hoarsely. It was truly hard to gain the upper hand when one was pinned down by the handsome Mr. Sidney Parker and his eyes filled with dark desire and his full lips parted, looking ready to kiss her. 

“I think we should move the next lesson onto the bed, Mrs. Parker.” He leaned down and pulled her lower lip slowly between his. 

“And what might that lesson be, Mr. Parker?” Her hands were still locked by his. But she could gently bite his lip. 

💗 

He caught the string tied in a bow with his teeth and pulled slowly to open her nightgown. Her breasts swelled under the pressure of the short corset. He nibbled gently in the soft flesh. “Maybe it’s more a demonstration than a lesson.” He drew wet kisses allover her bosom. 

“A demonstration of what?” The weight of him, the warmth of him, the feeling of _him_ was intoxicating. She could barely speak. 

“I intend to show you, Mrs. Parker, just how much I adore, love and desire you.” He moved his mouth to her ear and whispered. “And then more...” 

He rolled up standing, pulling her with him, and carried her to bed. She removed her nightgown along the way and revealed the sight of her short corset. He had yet to see her wear one of them and found it innocent and very alluring at the same time. The blush silk fabric adorned with small forget-me-nots struggled to hold her full breasts that threatened to spill over the top any minute. Her partly covered upper body made her very naked lover body look all the more... well, naked. He had to stop doing what he was doing just to admire her luscious form. 

Agonizingly slowly he kissed and licked his way up her legs. “You, my love, have the most beautiful legs in the world.” He looked up at her and ran the back of his finger up and down full length as he spoke. 

He didn’t touch her between her thighs, merely blew hard into her curls and basked in the gasps he drew from her. 

The tip of his tongue explored the small twirl of her belly button. Next to the dimple in her chin, it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen. 

Charlotte propped on her elbows to follow his movements on her body and the way his muscles worked. There was constantly a bicep or abb that flexed on his handsome form. She longed to see _all_ of him. 

“Sidney,” she whispered. The way he curled his tongue around her nipple made it impossible to speak in a normal voice. 

“Uh hum.” He moved on the other nipple. 

“I want to see you.” She bit her lip and gave him a sheepish look. 

“See me how?” His almost black eyes twinkled mischievously. 

She sighed. “ _You_! Undressed.” 

Grinning at his blushing wife he stood. A sheen of sweat made his bare upper body glow. Standing there in front of her, he turned more self-conscious. He didn’t mind being naked before her, but undressing was still able to make him a bit shy. The obvious solution was to compensate with cockiness. 

“You want me to unbutton my fall?” He ran his fingers along the waistline of his breaches. 

“Yes,” she breathed. 

He did just that and waited until frustration was written all over her face. “Happy now?” 

“No,” she groaned annoyed. 

“Then tell me what to do. I’m entirely at your service, Ma’am.” 

She kicked after him with her foot. “Take them off!” Her cheeks were a crimson red and he could see her flush all the way down to her cute pink toes. 

He made a show out of drawing his breaches down but could feel himself blushing just the same. He had to fight his urge to cover his very ready manhood from her curious and hungry eyes. 

“Are you done ogling me, Charlotte? Can I come back to bed?” He grinned widely and forced his hands to rest casually on his hips. 

She bent her one leg and waved him to her with a finger. 

Instead of crawling on top of her, he grabbed her ankles and flipped her over on her stomach. She gasped loudly and giggled. 

Again, his lips travelled up the soft skin of her strong legs. Her slender muscles twitched under her alabaster skin when his breath or tongue struck a ticklish spot. 

Unable to resist himself he bit her lightly in her butt cheeks. She was shaped like a goddess. He placed wet kisses on the two dimples just above her pert behind before moving up to the corset. 

He lowered his body over her and caught her earlobe between his teeth, biting ever so gently. “Are you comfortable, my love?” 

“Uh hum,” she moaned. 

“Good.” 

He slid down her body again, careful not to crush her. Again, he used his teeth to untie the bow and pulled light blue ribbon out of the tiny holes. She let out a sigh of relief. He covered her with kisses as the stiff garment slowly parted and revealed her silky skin. 

Hovering over her petite frame, he dipped his head. “Roll over please.” 

She did as told. Her big brown eyes, sparkling with small golden specks and desire, absorbed him completely. In them he found guidance, trust and unconditional endless love. 

“You have two choices, my love. I can take my time kissing you all over – or I can take my time... inside you. I’m afraid I don’t have the capacity to do both.” His bright smile was dazzling. 

“Inside me,” she whispered and looped her arms around him. 

“Excellent choice, Ma’am,” he moaned as he slowly entered her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Bas Rutten


End file.
